Your Choice: Chapter 11

It was dark on their way home from the hospital. Bucky was being extremely careful while driving since he had only driven a handful of times. It was an ocean of headlights and taillights. Sarah had her bandaged feet propped up on the dash, trying to stay awake. She had her arms crossed over her chest and stared out of the passenger window.

"Hey, Buck?' she said rolling her head to her left to look at him.

"What?" he quipped, trying to stay focused.

"What's your favorite color?..." she muttered. Bucky was silent. He was caught off guard by her question. What was his favorite color?

"I haven't given it much thought…. Why?" he said gruffly. She turned to look out of the window, "I was just curious… But give it some thought and then tell me when you get it." He looked over to her as they stopped at a red light. Despite the dark circles under her eyes, she smiled. A warm smile. Just like the old Sarah. Bucky returned it.

When they got home, Bucky carried her to the master bedroom. He let Sam go home and thanked him for keeping James. Home. Bucky called it home because that's what it felt like now. He'd noticed the small things that made him feel that way. The sigh of relief he breathed when he walked through the front door. Knowing it was time to wake up when he heard Sarah moving in the kitchen making breakfast. Changing James' diapers when needed and Sarah didn't ask him to. It was home now.

He figured Sarah would have no problem falling asleep tonight. He bounced James in his arms, padding down the hall towards the nursey. James was two months old now and was the spitting image of Steve Rogers already. James loved Bucky's metal arm. He was constantly grabbing onto his cold fingers and staring at them in fascination. Bucky smiled and muttered, "I don't get why you think this is so cool…" he waved his fingers in front of James. James beamed at the metal hand in from of him and reached out for it. "Uh uh buddy, you gotta go to sleep…" Bucky laid him down in his crib gently.

Bucky shut the door behind himself. He stepped out of one boot, left it lying in the hallway, and then stepped out of the other. He slowly shed his heavy leather jacket and let it fall to the floor. He was making his way to the couch until he remembered the video Sarah had mentioned. He swerved away from the couch and sat at the desk where the computer was. He jiggled the mouse around to wake the screen up. The video was still pulled up, just like Sarah had left it. He started it from the beginning. It was Steve… Bucky watched the recording of his best friend sitting there awkwardly, obviously tongue tied. He licked his lips anxiously, still fighting for words. He laced his fingers together and put his hands in his lap and finally began to speak.

"Sarah… I…I don't even know where to start…" Steve looked at the camera. "I do know where to start…I just don't know how I'm ever going to be able to say enough to make it right again. And the cold, hard truth is that I'm not. I never want you….I never want you to think I left because of something you did. I didn't. You and Bucky both know I hate bullies…. And right now…the universe is standing toe to toe with one. You know how I told you how scared I was of holding James for the first time? Right now, I'm even more scared. But Captain America can't say that…. But I can say it to you. I love you. I love James. I never wanted to leave. But I had to…to protect you. Robert Frost said 'in three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on.' That's all I want for you, Sarah… You didn't do anything to make me leave or scare me away. All I want is to keep both of you safe. Plain and simple…. When you're ready, sign the papers, okay? Find someone new. Fall in love, okay? You want me to be happy? YOU be happy. I will always love you and James…no matter what." Steve reached up to the camera and the screen went dark.

Bucky sat there in the silence of the apartment, not knowing what to think… He noticed the letter stuffed up under the edge of the laptop. He pulled it out and saw that Sarah had signed the divorce papers….. Bucky dropped the papers onto the keyboard. He was trying to figure out whether Steve's video hurt or helped Sarah… He pushed the chair back from the desk and stood. Making his way towards the couch, he grabbed a pillow from the armchair and tossed it onto the armrest. He didn't want to think about that anymore. The divorce was as good as finalized. Bucky was just happy to be home. Home… Bucky smiled slightly to himself as he flopped onto the couch. He had no trouble finding sleep.

He dreamed a pleasant memory this time. It was a welcomed change. He was dreaming about when Sarah and Steve told him they were expecting a baby boy.

"What's his name gonna be?" Bucky remembers asking. Steve and Sarah both exchanged warm smiles before Sarah looked at him. "James Buchanan Rogers…" she laughed.

Bucky woke up the next morning to the sound of Sarah limping down the hall. He rolled his eyes. She was never one to listen to a doctor. He sat up slowly and rubbed the sleep from his eyes with his flesh hand. He looked to Sarah who was now standing at the hallway entrance. She looked up at him and let out a yelp and covered her mouth. Bucky's eyes grew wide and he looked around trying to find the danger.

"Y-you're a-arm…" she breathed, pointing at the metal stub on his left shoulder. Bucky looked down. Shit. He had forgotten he had taken off his metal arm the night before. He always did before going to sleep. Sarah had apparently never seen him do it. He turned around and grabbed it off the floor by the couch, "It's alright… it's supposed to pop off, see?" He slid it back on and flexed it. She moved her fingers away from her mouth and cracked a crooked smile when he wiggled his fingers.

"No big deal. I take it off all the time," Bucky turned to stand up. Sarah snorted a giggle that soon turned into a deep laughter. She clutched her sides, "I thought your arm fell off…" Her laughter warmed Bucky's insides. He hadn't heard it in so long…. He smiled at her and crossed his arms. After she collected herself, she wiped a tear away, "That was hilarious. Sorry… you probably don't think it's all that funny…" Bucky smiled and shook his head.

"Why are you walking? You have restrictions…" Bucky muttered, tightening his arms over his chest. Sarah's smile faded, "I-I wanted to cook…." She sounded almost childlike. "You can't cook on your feet…" Bucky said flatly, walking over to her. "C'mere, "he grunted as he leaned down to pick her up. He was taking her to the couch. He sat her down and sat himself on the coffee table to inspect the bottom of her feet. With her walking around, she made them start to bleed again.

"You're hard-headed…" Bucky said gruffly, standing up again. He stepped over to the kitchen counter and snatched the first aid kit off the counter. He was going to have to clean the gashes on her feet. He hadn't done anything like this…. He tossed the kit of the coffee table before he sat down again.

"Foot," he quipped and Sarah propped her foot on his knee.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked in a small voice. He shook his head. He guessed he was being a little cold and that probably gave her the impression he was mad. He started to bandage her feet. They were both quiet for a long time.

"Red…." He muttered under his breath.

"What?" Sarah asked, leaning forward slightly.

"You asked what my favorite color is earlier. I guess its red…" he clarified. He glanced at her, only for a split second. She was beaming at him.