The Turk was true to his word. He and the backpack made another appearance the following day. Soon we found ourselves seated in one of the quieter nooks of the cafeteria.
I was more restrained this time, still enduring the after-effects of yesterday's lunch in the form of a rather distended belly. Nonetheless, the heap of fried chicken, mashed potatoes and peas on my plate was generous by any standards.
Well, "chicken". I wasn't sure they even had chickens on this world, but that was what it tasted like, seasoned with a spicy rub that made my tongue tingle.
The contents of our trays disappeared at a steady pace while we – mostly he – chatted. The topics were lighthearted, humorous ones, but they couldn't disperse the shadow in the back of my mind. The elusive nature of Reno's motives bothered me, almost as much as being dependent on his charity.
"Hang on, you climb mountains?" he asked, with a bit too much skepticism for my liking.
It was a fact I had just revealed in an offhand remark, after the man had mentioned the existence of mountains south of Midgar.
"I used to enjoy it quite a bit, yes. Is that so hard to believe?"
"Just a surprise, is all."
I looked down at my fingers, flexing them. How weak and useless they felt now, after so many months of little use. The shadow deepened.
"I doubt I'd be up for it now," I muttered.
"Who'd ya climb with?" Reno made a face and continued before I had a chance to answer. "Not James, was it? Don't tell me it was some kinda lovey-dovey 'couple activity'."
I snorted at the idea of dragging James into the wild. I hadn't been able to lure the man out for a small hike, much less for scaling giant rocks.
"No, not... him. My sister."
My chest felt tight, making me regret the slip of personal information. I hadn't expected Reno to be so fascinated by an old hobby, nor that his enquiries would stir so many unwanted feelings.
"Huh," he said, raising his eyebrows. "Didn't know you have a sister."
My jaw tightened, but I forced a small smile.
"You never asked."
"Yeah, well, figured you were sick of my questions. Didn't wanna upset ya."
His voice was nonchalant. His eyes, perhaps less so; but I was unable to identify the sentiment that flitted across them.
"Upset me?" I scoffed, eager to steer the conversation away from more sensitive matters. "You've been driving me crazy most of the time."
Reno shrugged.
"It was the only way I could get ya to look at me."
While a moment ago they had seemed detached, now his eyes gained a candid quality that perturbed me. Suddenly very aware of the fact that I had been looking into them for almost a minute straight, I snapped my gaze downward.
"Hey," he called, a split-second before something bounced off the top of my head. "Stop that."
I glanced up just as a second projectile struck my forehead, then proceeded to land on and roll across the table. Peas, this time. He must have run out of paperclips.
The red-haired pest toyed with a third one in his fingers, an eyebrow raised in challenge.
"Stop it," I spat, glaring.
Reno grinned and popped the pea in his mouth.
"That's more like it, Doc."
He reeked of self-satisfaction. I huffed and threw up my hands.
"What's that supposed to mean? You want me to be angry with you?"
He tilted his head to the side and observed me for a few moments, then shrugged again.
"Eh, dunno. I guess. This tame, spineless bullcrap don't suit ya. Back when we first met, there was goddamn fire in those pretty eyes of yours. That's what I wanna see."
I stared at him, stunned, then shook my head in disbelief.
"I would've thought you'd be proud of your work."
Still annoyed by his barrage of peas, I had lashed out before thinking. A stillness came over the man. The smile stayed on his face, but it changed.
"You really wanna go down that road right now?"
It was a rhetorical question; a warning. I averted my eyes and instead took in the people around us, having their lunch just like every other day. Transitory prisoners of the Shinra tower by the obligations of their contracts, but once their work was done for the day, they could leave and go about their lives. Do whatever they enjoyed doing. See their families and friends.
My fingers curled up into fists in my lap as I scanned the room again. Every smiling, carefree face seemed to mock me.
Thirteen months, Amanda had told me when I asked the other day. A whole year of my life, completely wasted by staring at the walls in a psych ward, all because of Shinra's baseless assumptions and fears. Because of the Turk in front of me, now acting the benevolent master of my strings, expecting me to smile and dance at his command.
"Why do you keep doing this?"
"Ease up, sweetheart. Let's just enjoy the food, yeah?"
He kept his voice light, but I noticed the wariness in the tilt of his head, in his eyes. The fact that I could pick up on it made me suspect it was intentional. Another warning.
It only irked me more. I had never made a very good puppet.
"I don't understand why you're doing any of this, why you're being nice to me. What do you want from me?"
His eyes narrowed in a frown; a more explicit sign of danger.
"Honey, I don't need to explain myself to ya."
While it had never been wise to throw such a remark in my face, in a former life I would have been able to counter it with cool dignity. Once upon a time, before the horrors of Shinra had been foisted on me, I had been perfectly able to control my temper. In my current frame of mind, though, Reno's arrogant dismissal was all it took to make me see red.
"Oh, I'm exactly the one you need to explain yourself to," I hissed. "Or is this some twisted mind game? Keep me guessing? Trying to ingratiate yourself and get me to spill some secret about 'avalanche' or whatever it is you think I am these days, is that it? Will the knife come out again when you finally decide I'm giving you the wrong fucking answers?"
"Shut up. Right now."
The words meant nothing. It was the glacial glare that made me snap my mouth shut. For a terrible second it sent me back to the interrogation room, strapped to the chair and at his mercy. My breath caught in my throat, my lungs frozen in temporary paralysis.
With a strangled gasp, I tore my eyes from his. My gaze fled to the plate before me, my nostrils flaring as I tried to do my agitated breathing through my nose.
"You're drawin' attention to us. We don't want that. Have a drink of water."
Automatically I obeyed, lifting the glass and choking down a sip. Not the easiest task, considering my heart had jumped into my throat.
Reno's voice softened as he continued the steady stream of instructions.
"For fuck's sake, quit actin' like I'm gonna punch ya in the face or somethin'. That ain't gonna happen. I just need ya to keep your voice down. Be chill, all right? This ain't the time or place to lose your head."
The man was right about the last part; rationally, I was aware of that. It was harder to convince my pounding heart to slow down. Perhaps Reno knew it too, because he kept speaking in a calm, quiet tone that was completely at odds with his flamboyant nature.
"Breathe, Fitz, nice and easy. Shit, I didn't mean to scare ya like this. It's okay, no one's gonna hurt ya. I ain't used to watchin' my mouth for the sake of bein' nice, is all."
The breathing was easier now. My fists loosened and I raised my gaze from the table to somewhere around his chest. It was the best I could manage.
"Look," Reno sighed, "I know you don't trust me and I don't blame ya one bit, but I ain't playin' games with ya. Sure, I wanted to see how you'd react to somethin' normal like havin' lunch in a cafeteria, but that ain't so bad, is it?"
So, he did have an ulterior motive, again. Being proven right didn't feel as good as I might have expected.
"Oh, I'm just your personal lab rat now. Well, that's all right, then."
"C'mon, babe, don't be like that. We both had a good time yesterday, right?"
It had been a good time, I couldn't deny that. If only everything else wasn't so bloody complicated.
"I'm just curious, all right?" he continued. "You're one helluva mystery, y'know. I dunno where you come from, but it ain't AVALANCHE, old or new. It sure ain't Midgar either. I do know your DNA is human, which is frickin' weird if what you say is true."
Such a straightforward answer after the constant dodging? A worryingly paranoid part of me whispered that the man was only telling me what I wanted and expected to hear, but I hushed that inner voice. I already had too many uncertainties to contend with and that level of unchecked doubt would only lead to a quick descent into madness.
"That's the part I have the most trouble with myself," I mumbled. "So, you know about that."
"I read your file."
There was a file now? A sense of foreboding made my stomach flutter with unease. I suspected I wouldn't like what was in that file, but I had to ask.
"And what else did you learn from this file?"
I heard Reno release a slow exhale. I could imagine how his eyes, half-lidded to disguise the sharpness that missed nothing, would narrow as he pondered how much to reveal to me.
"Pretty much just what I already told ya. I guess Hojo lost interest after the tests said you're as human as the rest of us."
I stiffened. Hojo's test results. If that was in the file, it was more than likely that there were also protocols of what had been done to me. The whole degrading experience typed out in an impersonal, uncaring report for anyone to see.
"The pics were corrupted in some freak glitch, by the way. They're all gone."
The pictures. Oh god, I had forgotten about the pictures. I felt the blood drain from my face and my arms shifted in my lap to wrap around my waist. It was bad enough to have it recorded in words. The thought of anyone seeing those photos made me sick.
Then the rest of Reno's comment sank in. I sent a timid glance his way as I caught wind of the hidden meaning.
"This glitch... Did it happen while you were reading the file?"
The Turk smirked and leaned back in his seat, clasping his hands behind his head.
"Y'know, that's exactly how it went down. Computers, eh? You'd think they'd have ironed out the kinks by now, yo."
It was a relief, I supposed, but it didn't erase the fact that they had been taken in the first place. I swallowed hard, hugging myself tighter.
"If it helps, the logs say only Hojo and a couple of his assistants had accessed that file. They're the only ones who saw 'em."
"And you," I whispered.
He was silent for a while before answering.
"Yeah. And me."
His voice was carefully neutral. I appreciated the effort, but I still felt humiliated.
My brow furrowed as another thought occurred to me.
"If there are logs, won't you get into trouble?"
"Doc, please," he scoffed. "I'm a pro. I don't leave trails like that."
The Turk's words exuded cocky confidence, but when he next spoke, it had disappeared.
"Look, I don't usually bother to apologize for the dumb shit I say or do, but I'm real fuckin' sorry I said you were anythin' like Hojo. I hadn't seen the file yet. I didn't know you'd been handed over to that sick fuck."
Now there was a word I would never have thought I would hear from his mouth. How odd to receive a heartfelt apology from the man, after countless occasions of teasing and deliberate aggravation. Stranger still was the reaction it evoked in me; some of the weight lifted from my shoulders while a warm sensation spread in my chest, allaying the hurt.
Regardless of our history, the man deserved some measure of forgiveness; for the offering of remorse, for deleting the photos. Hell, for breathing some life into my resigned spirit, whatever his reasons were. Gathering my courage, I pushed my gaze higher. His eyes brightened as mine met them for longer than just a fleeting peek.
"I guess it brought back the fire," I said, summoning up a ghost of a smile.
Reno returned the gesture with a lopsided tug of his lips.
"Yeah. That it did." He scratched behind his ear and the smile widened to a silly grin. "Uh, hey, want some chocolate? I hear that's what you're s'posed to give girls when you wanna cheer 'em up?"
The adorable lack of tact broke through my discomfort. I snorted softly and lifted a hand to cover my mouth, nodding as I tried to stifle the sudden bout of giggles.
"One chocolate bar, comin' right up," Reno announced, unfolding his body from the chair with careless grace. "Won't be a sec."
I let my hands fall down to rest in my lap as I awaited the man's return. The intense emotions were already fading, leaving me drained and vulnerable. For better and worse, Reno's company was never a lukewarm experience.
I lifted my gaze to the foliage above, seeking solace in the life of its lush greenery. It still amazed me that a tree could grow with such vibrancy in these unnatural conditions. The view instilled in me a sense of hope I had feared was long gone. Yet another experience owed to the lanky Turk.
Movement in the corner of my eye made me lower my face to discover a woman dressed in a chic outfit consisting of a teal skirt and matching fitted jacket. She crossed her arms over her chest and shifted her weight onto one leg, tapping on the floor with the other foot.
Remembering Reno's instructions, I didn't speak, but gave her a steady, although quizzical look.
"So, he's found a new plaything, has he? The shifty jerk doesn't waste time."
I blinked. The lunch had already taken a turn toward unpredictable and, judging by this stranger's choice of introduction, was now careening toward the absurd.
"Excuse me?"
In the background, I saw the Turk turn away from the café's serving counter and do a double take as he spotted the woman by our table. The look on his face came close to launching me into another giggling fit, but fortunately I was able to control myself this time. I doubted this woman would have taken it well.
The woman looked me over with a sour expression twisting her delicate features. She did not seem impressed.
"I hope you haven't fallen for the bastard," she sneered with false pity. "Reno's only after one thing."
Oh boy. This was bound to get awkward. Deeply unwilling to get dragged into this mess, I shifted my incredulous gaze over to the man in question, who had returned with more urgency than usual in his swagger. He lifted his eyebrows in a quick apology, then plastered on a charming grin and turned his attention to whom I could only assume was a woman scorned.
"Hey there, darlin'. Met ya at the Yuletide party, right?"
The Turk's greeting didn't impress her either.
"You said you'd call," she accused.
"I did? Sorry, babe, must've been real drunk. I don't usually make bullshit promises like that, yo."
Ouch. I knew Reno was far from a gentleman, but I hadn't expected him to be that much of an asshole. The woman shot daggers at the man, who responded with a nonchalant smile.
"Do you even remember Mr. Samson's office?" she questioned, her voice going up a notch.
"'Course I do! Uh, kinda. What's the big deal, anyway? It was just a bit of fun, that's all."
I winced internally and leaned my temple on my fingertips, tilting my head away from the heated exchange in the hopes of hiding my face from all the curious ones now peering at us from around the cafeteria.
"I bet you forgot my name too, huh? Babe."
"C'mon, sweetie, don't be like that."
Oh my, if looks could kill. I couldn't say if he used the endearment to rile her up on purpose or if he was just clueless. Reno couldn't be happy about the scene this woman was causing, though, so it was probably the former.
The fuming woman snapped her eyes to me, making me inch backwards. I didn't want to get any more involved in this fiasco than I already was.
"I wouldn't bother, if I were you," she said with poorly hidden spite. "He's nowhere as good as they say."
After one last, venomous glare at the man, she turned on her heel and marched off. Reno dropped down in his chair and blew unruly strands out of his eyes with a loud, extended exhale.
"One of those adoring secretaries of yours?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
"Not anymore, looks like," he sighed with a sheepish chuckle and slid a chocolate bar across the table.
"You can be quite a dick at times, you know."
"'Course I know. Made a fuckin' career of it, didn't I?" He glanced over toward the door the irate woman had fled through. "I ain't usually this bad, tho'. Had to make a show for the crowd, y'know? People love gossip 'bout the sticky fallout from the office Yuletide parties, so that oughta keep 'em from payin' too much attention to my hot date."
That gave me pause. Until now it had been kind of exciting, hiding out in the open like this, but getting someone else hurt in the process didn't sit right with me. My eyes rested on the colorful wrapping of the candy in front of me as I voiced my opinion.
"I'm not thrilled about being the reason you hurt her feelings."
Reno had been scanning our surroundings, leaning back with one arm folded up over the back of the chair, but now he returned his gaze to me. His half-lidded eyes held mild disbelief.
"Oh no, hold it right there," he said, raising the fingers of his free hand for emphasis. "She's the one who started it and was dumb enough to do so in front of an audience. The bitch was itchin' to stir up some drama. Probably hoped you'd throw your drink in my face or somethin'. Ain't my fault her lil' show didn't go the way she'd hoped."
I picked up the chocolate and twirled it around in my fingers a few times, considering his words. I wasn't convinced they were entirely correct – I was sure she would have said it was very much his fault – but there was a grain of truth to his reasoning.
"Just for the record, I was drunk," Reno added after a few moments. "Wasn't exactly bringin' my A game, yo."
Perplexed by the statement, I reviewed the exchange in my head. Was this in reference to the woman's "friendly" advice, or was he just offering an explanation for the whole sorry affair?
"Uh huh," I said as I unwrapped the treat, then took a bite.
I went still and closed my eyes, slowing down my chewing as the sweet flavor of nutty chocolate flooded my taste buds. This was almost better than the first taste of Midgar coffee. I had to stifle a soft moan of appreciation.
Meanwhile, Reno continued his defense. His masculine pride must have been dented by the woman's parting words.
"Real fuckin' plastered. The docs took me off the meds just in time for the party, so I made the most of it, y'know?"
"Mm. Not the best way to start a sweet, sweet love affair."
He responded to my feigned sympathy with a snort of disdain while I took the chance to enjoy a second mouthful of the chocolate.
"C'mon, Doc, I just wanted to get laid." A small crease appeared between his eyebrows and he seemed to be mumbling mostly to himself when he continued after a short pause. "I guess? Can't even remember pickin' her up."
Having gone through my fair share of wild parties in my early student years, I was no stranger to that particular brand of confusion in the morning. Still, hypocritical or not, I couldn't resist the opportunity to needle the man. All those paperclips were not forgotten, nor forgiven.
"You sure know how to make a girl feel special, Reno."
The redhead responded with an exaggerated roll of his eyes.
"So I'd rather fuck women than sit and talk to 'em all night. That ain't a crime, is it?"
His unapologetic honesty was refreshing, I had to give him that. It was also reassuring. While I had dismissed the suspicion that the Turk might have romantic intentions toward me almost as soon as the thought had popped into my head – as the man himself might have phrased it, there were easier ways to get laid – it was still a relief to have it confirmed. That scenario would have gotten really uncomfortable, really fast.
"Hey, I'm not judging, though I think you could make less of a mess of it. But, I'm curious. Following that logic... What does that make me?"
A look of surprise passed over Reno's features, although it was soon replaced by a sardonic smile.
"Well, babe, I guess you can count yourself 'special'."
It was my turn to roll my eyes.
While the Turk resumed his subtle inspection of our neighbors, I relished the last of my chocolate bar. It wasn't an awkward silence. It was a thoughtful one, a shared quietude.
Of course, with Reno being Reno, it didn't last very long. With a low snicker, the man shook his head.
"Man, what a clusterfuck this turned out to be. Ain't exactly what I had in mind, yo."
"I do believe it's the most disastrous lunch date I've ever been on," I said with a crooked smile. "Congratulations."
His eyes glittered when they locked with mine.
"Let's do it again sometime, yeah?"
That gleeful enthusiasm for trouble was infectious, dangerously so. In my mind's eye, I saw the flash of a wicked grin beneath a pair of dark brown eyes much like my own. My sister had been a troublemaker, too. Always getting us both into dicey situations, while I did my best to get us out of them.
I missed her. So damned much.
Would it be so foolish to allow myself to rely on Reno's goodwill for a while? Even if I didn't trust the man, what did I have left to lose?
I thought back on the rollercoaster of emotions I had gone through in less than an hour. I recalled the complete lack of them during the months I had done little more than sit on my behind. I couldn't let myself drown in that hospital-green sea of ennui again. I wouldn't.
My smile morphed into a toothy grin.
"Absolutely."