Title: Memento Mori

Summary: Can Tony keep himself and Gibbs from dying?

Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine. I'm just borrowing the concepts and characters for a little while.

Spoilers: None for the show, but previous chapters? Definitely.

A/N: I'm not really happy with this chapter, but it's needed in a lot of ways. And, I'm still not a medical professional… :D

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Chapter Eleven: Awake More

It was another two days before I am awake more than I am asleep and before the marching band competition playing in my head begins to fade. Gibbs had been released the day before, but it didn't really change anything because nearly every time I woke up Gibbs was there. Jackson was there with Gibbs a lot too and of course they argued over Gibbs not getting enough rest and that he should take better care of himself.

One time, when I was half asleep, I thought I heard Gibbs argue that the best way he knew how to take care of himself was to make sure I was getting better so that I could get back to watching his six ASAP. I didn't really know what to think of that declaration, but I'm confident Gibbs saw the involuntary smile that broke out on my face as I let myself sink into healing sleep.

By the time Wednesday rolled around, I was chomping at the bit to leave and go home. Everyone on the team had been to see me at least once.

Ducky and Palmer were more than happy to explain my injuries to me in plain English, which I really appreciated.

Abby, well I've said it before – she really is the happiest Goth you'll ever meet. And, just her presence alone made me feel at least ten times better.

Jackson told me what happened from his point of view. About how he almost didn't make the calls I'd insisted he make, but that all the good things Gibbs had told him about me in the past convinced him that I wouldn't ask something like that without a damn good reason.

I tried to wheedle out of him the 'good things' Gibbs had said about me, but he just smiled, then laughed and said I'd have to ask Leroy. Like that was ever going to happen.

McGee and Ziva told me their version of the events. Apparently they saw Williams and me shoot each other just after they entered the warehouse. As they finished their account of the events, I realized that I had a big problem.

I do remember what happened at the warehouse, but the things I remember clearly are from my dream and are not what really happened. Because I asked about Gibbs' head wound, everyone just assumes that I remember up to when Gibbs got shot.

The only thing is, I'm not absolutely positive which version of that event I'm recalling, and there's no way to know for certain. Gibbs doesn't recollect anything past when he told me to keep looking into my idea that there was going to be another theft, and the bad guys are all dead so there are no other witnesses to everything that actually happened.

Trying to sort dream from reality has been difficult – and painful. The stress I was putting on myself to figure out what was an actual memory versus a dream event caused me to have the worst headache I've ever had in my life. It was so bad; they had to knock me out in order to get me any sort of relief.

If I thought Gibbs was in protective mode before… I hadn't yet experienced his true definition of 'protective' until that headache from the very deepest pit of hell tried to make me wish I was dead. He kept talking to me though, upon reflection, I have no clue what he said. He could've recited all his rules to me for all I know. But, regardless of what he said, he kept up a steady stream of dialogue in this soothing voice and he helped me breathe through the immense pain until the drugs could take me away from it. I'll always be grateful for what he did that night.

Now, more than a day later, I think I've got it figured out. Based on all of the accounts, where I was found, and my injuries, I really only remember up to the point sometime just after I entered the warehouse with Gibbs. It's only because Gibbs had been shot in both realities, that everyone thinks I'm able to 'remember' up to that event.

Having a clear memory of the nightmare version of what went down in that warehouse meant that if I wasn't careful, I could mention something that wouldn't fit in with what really happened. So, to prevent any missteps, I decided to be as vague as possible when asked to recall what happened once we went through that door. I obviously did things differently based on my prior knowledge, but how do I explain the source of that knowledge?

I get the feeling that Gibbs can tell I'm holding something back, but he hasn't yet asked me about it. And, after the headache incident, Dr. Park provided a way out of my problem by telling me that my not being able to clearly remember events leading up to my head injury was normal and that I might never be able to recall the rest of that day.

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A/N: Next chapter on Sunday…

Thanks for reading!