Season 1 Episode 12.

Story 12: Hidden

Chapter 11: Waking Up

Merlin didn't know what happened next, but suddenly he was waking up in Gaius's chambers. Gwen was holding his hand and was fast asleep, her head resting against his side. Her hand was so warm. Merlin slowly became aware of how sore he felt. He didn't know why he hurt so badly at first. He couldn't remember what had happened, but when his memories returned they rushed over him in waves. Arthur. Merlin needed to make sure Arthur had survived.

Merlin tried to move without waking Gwen, but he found that impossible as he involuntarily winced in pain. Gwen's eyes flew open when she felt Merlin move. "Merlin!" She said loudly.

She put her hand over her mouth guiltily, but it was too late. She woke up Gaius. He had only just gotten to sleep. The poor man had had his work cut out for him over the last few days. There had been so much need for him.

All thoughts of Arthur flew out of Merlin's head as he looked at Gwen. Her eyes were red and swollen as if she had spent several hours crying. There were dark bags under her eyes and Merlin wondered when she had last gotten real sleep. He felt a pang of guilt. He had done that to her, it was his fault.

Gaius got out of bed and began checking Merlin. He ignored Merlin's protests that he was fine. While Gaius examined him, he told him that Arthur was alive. No matter how much Merlin asked, Gaius refused to say more. Merlin knew something bad must have happened, but Gaius just kept saying Arthur would tell him in time. Merlin groaned. He hated waiting. Gwen stroked Merlin's hand soothingly as Gaius poked and prodded Merlin's broken bones and bruises. His wounds had been far more extensive than anyone had first realized. Gwen could still remember how Gaius had said it was a miracle Merlin was still alive.

"You are healing well m'boy," Gaius said with a small smile. It would be a long time before he was comfortable doing anything, but he would heal. He would live. "I'm glad you are awake."

Merlin smiled at Gaius then looked at Gwen. He needed to talk to her. There was much she needed to know. So much he needed to apologize for. Gwen deserved the whole truth and Merlin was going to give it to her. But he also needed to check on Arthur. If Gaius was dodging his questions about Arthur, Merlin knew there was something wrong. He didn't know who he should talk to first. Fortunately, Gwen made the decision for him.

"Um Gaius," Gwen said softly. "Do you think you could go fetch Arthur?"

"Of course," Gaius said. "I'm sure the king will want to see him."

Merlin looked at Gwen confused after Gaius left. "Why would Uther want to see me?" Merlin asked her uncertainly. Suddenly feelings of dread coursed through him. There was only one reason that Uther would want to see him. "He doesn't know does he?" Merlin couldn't help how panicky he sounded. He had made it so long, survived so much without the king discovering his magic. It seemed cruel that Uther found out after everything that had happened. But Merlin wondered why he was still alive if Uther found out. Merlin suspected that may be Arthur and Morgana's doing. He would have to remember to thank them for delaying Uther until he woke up. At least now he would be able to escape.

"I'll let Arthur explain when he gets here," Gwen told Merlin. Her face darkened and she bit her lip. So much had happened. "I think he should be the one to explain it to you. And you'll be able to help him more than any of us could."

Merlin tried to ignore his confusion. Suddenly he got a panicked look on his face. "Are you safe here? If Uther is coming, he'll have you arrested," he told her worriedly. "Quick, hide in my chambers. They won't think to look there and I'm sure Arthur would pretend not to see you if Uther ordered him to search my chambers."

Gwen shook her head, an amused smile on her face. It had been too long since she had listened to Merlin ramble. "I'm perfectly safe," she promised him.

Merlin groaned as he sat up. He ached everywhere. Gwen watched him anxiously. She could only imagine the pain he must be in. "Comfortable?" She asked him.

Merlin shrugged. "As comfortable as I can be," he told her honestly.

Gwen nodded. "I was so scared that I was going to lose you," Gwen told him quietly.

"Gwen, I'm–" Merlin began to say. He owed her a huge apology.

"No Merlin. I don't want to hear that you are sorry. I was going to wait to say this, but I can't anymore. You're going to listen to me," Gwen said angrily. She could feel her eyes tearing up, but she couldn't hold it in. "You can't do this to me. You can't run off into danger and not tell me, not tell anyone. You can't get yourself hurt and then not tell me because you're afraid I'll be angry. Because now I'm furious. I love you Merlin and I trust you with all my heart, but I need you to do the same. I need you to trust me. And I need to know now if you're willing to do that. Because this can't continue if you don't. It isn't fair for me."

Merlin watched Gwen for a moment. He had a decision to make. But it wasn't really a decision. He had known the answer before he had known the question. He loved Gwen more than anything. He would rather rip out his heart than let her go.

Merlin felt worse than he ever had before. "I'm sorry Gwen," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have kept it from you. I should have told you when I got stabbed with a dagger and I should have told you when Nimueh nearly killed me. You mean more to me than anything in this world. I won't keep any more secrets from you. I only kept these things from you because I didn't want to worry you."

Merlin lifted his arm to cup her face. Even that small movement caused immense pain in his arm. Merlin could still remember how Morgause had drugged him so he couldn't use magic. Then the pain started. A physical pain and a mental pain that Merlin had never experienced before. "If you have any questions, I will answer them honestly. I promise."

"When did Nimueh nearly kill you?" Gwen asked angrily. Another secret, another lie.

"Morgana didn't tell you?" Merlin asked her surprised. He had figured while he had been captured and unconscious Gwen had been told everything.

"No. What didn't Morgana tell me?" Gwen asked.

"I will tell you," Merlin promised her. "I will tell you everything. Every little detail. But there is something I want to do first."

"What do you need to do?" Gwen asked him confused.

Merlin leaned towards Gwen and lightly brushed his lips against hers. Gwen wrapped her arms around Merlin melting into his kiss, her anger forgotten. Merlin flinched but refused to let Gwen pull back. It had been too long since he had held her and felt her warmth.

"Should I come back later?" a voice asked from the door. Merlin didn't need to look up to know it was Arthur.

Merlin had been about to say yes, but then he saw Arthur's face. "No," he said, unable to form any sort of witty comment. "Come in." He watched Arthur carefully. He knew something was wrong, but he didn't know what it was. Arthur face was blank, but the kind of blank that told you he was drowning on the inside.

"I'll leave you two to talk," Gwen said quietly. Gwen practically ran out of the room. Merlin watched her go with a perplexed expression on his face.

Merlin turned to Arthur. "What's wrong?" He asked.

Arthur opened and closed his mouth several times before he shook his head. "How are you Merlin?" Arthur asked.

"I'm fine," Merlin said. "Gaius said my wounds are healing quickly."

"Good," Arthur said. "I'm glad to hear it."

"And you? Last thing I remember is that Morgause had stabbed you," Merlin told him.

Arthur nodded. "Morgana and Gwen got us back here quickly and Gaius patched me up. I woke the day after we returned. Just in time for everything to happen," Arthur said, his face darkening. "We've all been worried about you. Gaius wasn't sure you would ever wake up. He feared you had an internal injury he would not be able to heal."

Merlin stared at Arthur. He had been out for more than a day? "How long have I been out for? And what happened while I was unconscious?" Merlin asked.

"Five days," Arthur told him. "You've been out for five days."

"Five days? And what has happened in those five days?" Merlin asked him suspiciously.

"A lot," Arthur told him.

Merlin sat patiently. When Arthur was ready, he would tell him. Merlin stared at the floor, and the wall, and Gaius's work bench. He felt restless, but he didn't want Arthur to see that. Arthur needed his help and he didn't want him to worry about something else.

Sure enough, after half an hour had passed, Arthur spoke. "My father is dead," Arthur whispered. His voice sounded like he was choking on his own words. "He's gone."