Apologies for the lateness. I got far more caught up in Dark Souls 3 than I thought I would.
My sleep was eventless, not even a single dream, but I awoke to a world of pain. A concerned sigh escaped my lips as my hands felt over my form, feeling the bruises that still covered me. Despite my initial fear, I quickly remembered the cause of the wounds, and calmed.
Soul gems could work miracles, but with our limited ability and magic, they couldn't cover up everything in a few hours. And of course I had been awoken by Germana's shouts. I vaguely understood what to do, and quickly got down from the bed.
The others were already rushing out, and I was only a couple steps behind Aurelia. She was of course less hindered by the wounds, but I figured she had some experience with taking a beating. Fear started to grow in my heart as we assembled in our lines. I knew Germana wouldn't miss the bruises on our faces. She was standing only a few feet away, but seemed to not notice.
Still, I stood at attention, ready to accept the punishment if it would come. The moment we finished, Germana started her usual scan. I knew that she was just playing with Aurelia and I to see what we would do. My muscles tensed up as her gaze fell on me.
Nothing happened. Until a second later when she finished looking at everyone. "Vergiana, Aurelia," She began. I almost cried out in fear, but what came was less humiliating than I thought. Then she raised her arm and pointed to the side, off at a small building. "That is what serves as my office, come see me at breakfast."
From there, it was the usual morning exercises. The bruises screamed in pain, but I was in position to complain. I could only wait until the time of judgment came.
"What do you think she'll do?" I wondered shakily as Aurelia and I made our way to our destination. My stomach growled, but I didn't dare eat something at the same time.
"Why are you so scared?" Aurelia replied. "She'll scold us and send us on our way. There's no point in doing anything more. Do you seriously think she'll kick us out or something?" We arrived at the door, and I raised my fingers to knock.
Come in, the voice in my head told me. I took a deep breath, before Aurelia opened the door and pushed me inside. It was indeed a small room. A large wooden desk sat in the center, with some cabinets behind it. Germana sat in the tall wooden chair behind that desk, arms crossed.
Aurelia and I moved directly in front of the desk and stood ramrod straight. Germana's piercing eyes flecked from me to Aurelia, back and forth. I can't say how long this went on, but by the end I was about ready to break down. "Would either of you wish to explain what occurred?"
I had already made up my mind. My voice barked out. "I started the fight, sir! I wished to speak with Aurelia, and attempt to improve our relations. I lost my temper and threw the first blow." Germana nodded.
Then she looked at Aurelia. "And you decided to keep going?"
"Vergiana is lying, sir!" Aurelia said, "I started the fight. Vergiana is merely attempting to protect me. She wished to speak with me, and I was the one who attacked her. She was only defending herself."
The sergeant cracked a humorous grin at this, though I could see the disappointment beneath. "And you two believe that it's alright to lie to your superior like this?" She asked. Both of us were silent.
"I am not lying," I insisted. "Aurelia is. I started the fight. I should be held responsible." Aurelia let out a short sigh.
She stated, "Vergiana may have thrown the first blow, but I was goading her on, and I continued after she struck me. This is not her fault, it is mine."
I was about to speak, then Germana held up a hand. Calmly, she said, "Now why are you two protecting one another if you got into a fight last night?"
I hesitated to reply, but Aurelia seemed to have a better grasp on her emotions. "That fight brought us closer. It made us realize that there is truly nothing splitting us apart but our own stubbornness." She took a deep breath, "While I am hesitant to do so, Vergiana was correct in believing relations should be improved."
Germana spoke, "So, do you understand what you have done, both of you?" We nodded. "Good. So do you think you can understand me when I say that I cannot punish you for this?"
Our jaws both dropped in shock. "W-why?" I stammered with disbelief. "We-we-"
"Got into a fight, beat each other to near death, and then became better friends because of it, that's right." Germana finished for me. "I can't punish people who just did what I wanted them to. Perhaps I was hoping it would be more peaceful, but the job has been done."
She waved her hand towards the door. "I really don't care what people do to one another here as long as no one takes an issue with it. We're magical girls, you can do that a million times over and as long as your gem has sufficient magic, you'll live." Germana shrugged. "Now go on, get something to eat. You both deserve it."
Unable to properly formulate words, I just followed Aurelia as she walked out. The chestnut-haired girl seemed to return to her usual distant demeanor as we stepped out of the door. "What was that for?" She asked, not turning her head. I stepped up alongside her.
"I just wanted to try and…protect you…" I shrugged, "I didn't want you to take the blame when I threw the first punch. Why'd you do the same for me?"
"Because it was my fault." Aurelia said, "Most bad things that occur around me are my fault in some way or another. This isn't different." It hurt a little to hear that she didn't do because she cared about me, but then again, I didn't do it because I cared about her either. More like a desire for the truth to be known.
There was still plenty of time left to sit down and eat. Aurelia and I sat at the same table not because of any agreement or desire, but because the other one wasn't walking away. It would have taken only one move to send us scurrying off in opposite directions.
But we sat down together, and what I realized would be an awkward situation began. I wasn't sure how to start anything, and I didn't think Aurelia would either. A glance around the room caused me to find Mariana's cold eyes, which I didn't dare meet.
I was surprised to hear Aurelia speak. "Vergiana, why are you so…" She searched for the right word, "immature, I suppose." Incredibly blunt of her to say that, and I could hear the undertones of insult. Last night, and the pain I still felt, told me to not retaliate.
"Immature?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows.
Aurelia sighed, knowing the word had been the wrong one. "Just…the way you react is like someone who hasn't seen anything of the world." Her tone wasn't different from that of previous days, but something about her was different. Aurelia's expression wasn't as cold and unforgiving, but not yet warm.
It felt strange, the idea of admitting to her that I really hadn't seen anything. But because of precisely that, I was no liar. Embarrassed, I said meekly, "Well, I spent most of my life in one of two places. I didn't see anyone but my family." A part of me wanted to go further.
"I apologize," Aurelia sounded ashamed. "It's my fault." I swore I caught a glimmer of something in her eye as she promptly stood up.
"Aurelia," I said quickly, not understanding. "What's the problem?" The girl shut her eyes, and took a deep breath.
"It's nothing, Vergiana. I apologize for saying what I did." I had no idea what was going with her anymore. That desire to know is what made my tone harsh.
"Aurelia, why must I tell you things, but you can't tell me anything? I know you regret things, but what do you regret?" I stood up as well, pleading her desperately. Aurelia stared at me, and our eyes locked for several long seconds.
She sighed a long sigh. "I don't want to talk about it," Aurelia mumbled. She sat back down. I followed her.
"Fine, but don't expect anything more from me. I thought you agreed in trying to 'improve relations' between us?" I asked.
She shook her head. "All last night meant…" I wondered if that pause was because she was just looking for the words, or if she really didn't want to say what she said. "Is that I'll try. It doesn't mean that I don't like you any less." Aurelia explained calmly.
The table fell into silence as I considered what she said, and Aurelia ignored my eyes. I wasn't sure what was going on. Maybe if I'd talked to another person in my life, I'd have known that she was denying something to herself. Of course, naïve as I was, I figured it was just Aurelia's personality. Well, it was just her personality, but not quite the personality I thought.
"Alright," I said softly, staring in a daze at the table. "But you still need to try. Don't just think you can run away from this." I had no idea what I was saying.
I heard the sound of Aurelia standing up, and I immediately looked to her. Solemnity on her face, the girl walked away. I didn't say a word not because I was afraid to, or because I had nothing to say. On her face, I felt like I saw deeper into her than ever before.
So all I could do was sit there and contemplate what I just saw. I was I over my head. Not really in relation to the actual training, or the job of being a knight. I felt I could handle that, at least at the moment. But I didn't know how to talk to Aurelia. If she avoided me, I couldn't do anything but confront her. Despite what I had achieved the night before, the fact that she could have killed me still weighed heavily on my mind.
Luckily or unluckily, I was ripped from those thoughts as a cold voice beside me asked a favor. "Could you come outside with me?" It was Mariana. Arms at her sides yet hands balled into fists, face not betraying an emotion, the girl made it clear it was a command.
Not speaking in reply, I got to my feet. There were still a few minutes left. A glance around the room revealed that Priscilla wasn't present. Too wrapped up in my dealings with Aurelia to notice them move. Something told me that this was a bad idea, but I wasn't going to just walk away from Mariana.
She led me out. The morning was chilly, but I was somewhat used to it, having spent plenty of time in the mountains. Mariana was a few steps ahead, and turned a corner. We were not far from everyone else, still inside of course.
As I turned the corner, I discovered that distance did not stop Mariana from punching me in the gut, twisting my arm behind my back and slamming me against the wall. Although we were out of sight, it wouldn't be hard for this to be discovered.
Straining my eyes, I saw Priscilla out of the corner of them, with a worried expression on her face. "I don't care who started what," Mariana growled in my ear, "I do not want a person of such violence around Priscilla. Pull something like this again, and I'll make sure you remember not to."
"Mariana…" Priscilla complained, uneasily tapping her fingers together. "This isn't necessary, not to this extent."
Mariana turned her head to stare at her companion. A second passed before anything was said. "Priscilla, this girl's an idiot who has no idea how to function in reality, and most likely violent. I do not want such a person near you." She gasped, striking me in the head and sending me to the ground.
From what I saw, she spun to face the sound of footsteps. "You seem more violent than she is," Aurelia commented. The girl was facing Mariana down, not moving a muscle.
I couldn't see her face, but I felt like I could feel a smirk in her voice. "True, but I'm at least violent for the sake of something important, not just a petty squabble between a couple of stupid teenagers." She spoke as though she weren't one.
It was expectation that Mariana would make the first swing, but neither did. Instead, Aurelia jabbed, "The person you want to 'protect' doesn't seem pleased with this course of action."
"I am ensuring that no harm comes to her in the future. Given Vergiana's lack of will, I'm certain that this is more than enough to resolve the problem." Without anything more, Mariana promptly turned on her heel and strode away. She gently took Priscilla's hand, and the two walked away together. I saw Priscilla sadly glance at me, but then turned away.
Pushing myself upwards, I looked at Aurelia. "Should I be thanking you?" I asked, "Or was that for some other purpose?"
Aurelia shook her head. "I wished to ensure that my partner is not injured." Her back was all I saw as she stated clearly, "Nothing more." With that, I watched her go off. A heavy sigh came from me as I was left alone. Not long now until the break was over. The sun was making its presence known, but in the already cold air there was little it could do to break the chill.
I had noticed that my soul gem was growing steadily darker, and only increased with the wounds suffered the night before. Fear was in the back of my head, but it wasn't so small because of any strength of my own. Rather, it was the belief that Germana would do something rather than let us die.
In line once again, I could only hope that she'd at least give some reassuring mention. But given the rigorousness of the training so far, I honestly had some doubt that Germana would do anything but wait for the absolute last second before making some kind of intervention.
There wasn't anything else in my head as she started talking to us. It was a rarity that I could actually focus without some other fear or concern occupying my mind, but I could trust this girl with my life. I doubted she'd let my lose it.
"Good morning, everyone." Germana started, "I trust you are all feeling ready for the day. You might find it good that things are going to change, or maybe you won't like it. Either way, things will be changing." She started her usual pacing back and forth in front of us. "But first, there is another matter."
The sergeant reached up to her chest. There was a brief flash of light, and her soul gem was in her hand. "You may observe that my gem is almost perfectly clear. If you'd take a look at your own gems…" She trailed off into a pause. The implication for us quickly understood, we all produced our own gems.
"They are not as bright." I was not the only one with a darkened sphere. "Your soul gem's brightness represents the amount of magic left. By merely existing, you require energy, as some does bleed off into the air around you. It is possible to restore the energy in these gems, by removing the darkness from them with these." Germana reached into her pocket. A handful of small dark cubes was in her palm and displayed to all of us. "Here." She deftly tossed one to each of us.
"It takes several to fully heal a gem, but you all won't be needing that." Germana waited as we all applied the cubes to the gems. "These are obtained by slaying creatures known as wraiths. Related to the daemons of the warp, they are born from humanity's grief." I watched the darkness in the gem reduce by a little bit, before the cube started emanating a murky darkness.
"Now you must dispose of them. If you allow them to remain in that state, they will eventually become wraiths once more." Germana gestured to the side, where there was nothing. "But disposing of them is not hard."
Almost certainly on cue, a small white creature slipped out from around the corner and scampered to Germana's position. Tail waving back and forth, eyes staring motionless, the Incubator explained, "Give your cubes. We are capable of disposing of them. The energy gained from the process only furthers Her Holy Majesty's Resurrection."
I tossed the small piece of darkness, and nineteen others joined it. The Incubator's back opened up like a small compartment and caught all the cubes. I frowned at the strangeness of the action, but I knew the Incubators to be servants of the Goddess, so there wasn't reason for concern.
With that done, the Incubator ran to the other side of the building, turned the corner, and disappeared again. I faced Germana again, now not at all concerned. If it was this simple to remove the darkness, then there wouldn't be any trouble at all.
I didn't hear of anything like this in those books I read. I realized, finding that strange. But perhaps it was just censored out. That was the most likely reason. I doubted anyone would leave out such a major aspect.
But even with that in mind, this was all far less scary than it was on the first day. I could call Aurelia something close to a friend, and I knew that for the time being I was safe here. The only reason close to concern is Mariana's hatred of me and Aurelia, but Priscilla's sympathy probably means it won't last long. I thought with confidence. I couldn't help but conclude that everything really was alright.
Germana started again, after the initial burst of conversation from the event died down. In that time, I'd been too wrapped up in my happiness to think of saying anything, and it made sense that Aurelia wouldn't speak a word. Of course, even were I paying attention to the outside world, I too wouldn't have spoken to her at all.
"You won't have to worry about your magic because you won't be using for a while. There are still about three-hundred and sixty days left before we really start going into magic." We all frowned. We were mage knights. Magical girls. Wasn't magic the entire point of our existence, the entire reason for our power?
Suppressing a chuckle at our reaction, Germana spoke nostalgically. "I think I reacted the same way back when I was first told about that. By the Goddess how long ago was that. One hundred and twenty-one years." She looked a bit down for a moment, before restoring her normal self. Unlike everything else she said, this seemed like a legitimate glance at her personality, rather than a calculated move.
"Well, anyways. You see, magic is important, but it's not everything. Magic can take anything and make it better. But if there's no foundation to work on, magic can only do so much." Germana got a proud smile on her face as she explained, "By the time this year is over, you will be able to at least disable a grown human without the slightest bit of magic, not even any enhancement at all."
My jaw dropped in amazement, and I couldn't believe that such a thing was really possible. Germana just watched us react for a few second, before continuing, "And only then will you truly start to learn how to control your abilities. After all that, you will be more powerful than almost anything else in the galaxy, save for other knights, and perhaps the more powerful warriors of the xenos."
"You are instruments of the Goddess's will, it is only proper that you all fit the part in terms of your strength." The sergeant took a deep breath. "So of course I began with testing your physical strength and endurance. It was not to try and weed out the week, or something foolish like that. None of you can leave at this point. It was to build up the strength and determination needed. Really, our days won't consist of merely exercising. It turns out that magic can make your muscles as strong as those of a Titan, or make your reflexes enough to dodge a bullet already fired."
"But what it cannot do is make your mind stronger, or give you all the skill and understanding needed to fight. Over the next year, you all will be training your mental ability to catch up with the physical ability your magic will grant you." Germana took another deep breath, letting her words sink into all of us. It was a bit different from what I expected, but I wasn't sad or disappointed. I won't say that the future didn't bring my anxiety, but it seemed clearer than ever.
All the talk of the future of course brought the specter of the third year's end and my emergence as a proper knight over my mind, but that was something I tried my hardest to disregard it. "Well then, you've already experienced sparring with your comrades. Now, let's learn what this is really all about."
There was still the problem of Aurelia, but hopefully we could put our issues aside. As I glanced at her, she didn't seem to notice. I know the answer now as to whether or not she was pretending, but back then, I couldn't be certain of anything with her.
Lunchtime came at a time when I could barely think. Merely exercising was one thing, but actually doing something not mindless yet still physically tiring was an entirely new experience. I can't say it was an enjoying time, but at least I could feel that I was truly learning things.
Aurelia and I made it clear to each other through body language that we wanted, though needed is truthful, time apart. So I sat in the same spot I'd sat in the past when we'd been split. Luckily I would find myself alone. A familiar stood across from me, asking permission to take a seat.
I nodded, and Catarina sat herself down opposite me. "So, I see you and Aurelia…did something." She couldn't help but grin. "Things got better, I presume?"
"Yes, you could say that. We aren't friends, but things are getting better." I looked around the room to find her, and located her across from Alliana. "You and Alliana aren't any better?" I asked.
Catarina sighed, "Unfortunately, that is the case. A debate that could be considered serious or silly, the problem is that neither of us will let it go." She tapped her foot on the ground, taking a bit of the bread.
"Have you considered just forgetting about it, trying to move on?" I wondered, not quite seeing the larger issue.
"Have you considered the same with Aurelia, just forgetting what she did?" Catarina turned the question around, and I sort of understood what she meant.
"We just can't let our differences go," I realized. "Well, I guess we have, we just need to actually get to know one another." Catarina agreed with that.
"The problem is that Catarina and I don't dislike each other on a personal level. We merely disagree about theology, something that's far above our heads. It's getting tired, and I'm honestly trying to end it."
I tossed an idea around in my head for a few seconds, but enough second-guessing prevented me from speaking a word. A part of me did understand that Catarina was trying to lead me to say something, and not just sit back and wait, but I honestly wasn't sure what to do.
Things turning awkward quickly, she showed her greater initiative. "Vergiana, perhaps you can shed some light on the matter."
"I'm no expert in the field, and I'd rather stay out of it," I said shakily. With hesitation, I did concede, "But…tell me what the problem is, and we'll see."
"Well, the problem comes from the nature of Her Holy Majesty. Alliana believes that she is a true god, while I see her as more of an ascended magical girl. Of course, the issue branches out from there with comparisons of her and the Chaos gods, as well as the truthfulness of the reports of other xenos 'gods'." Catarina explained. "We're both rather well-versed in the subject, but perhaps a third opinion could do some good."
I shrugged. Eventually finding something to say, I ended up tripping over every word. "Well I…I suppose I-I've always thought of H-Her as a true…god." The answer ended up coming out so that I couldn't help but blush in embarrassment.
Catarina waved her hand. "It's fine, I know you're probably interesting in topics less conductive of things like…" She spoke the word in a low whisper, "Heresy." Unless I'm a fool, that word was a bit hard to say, was the first thing that came to my mind, but I didn't dare question her about why it might be so hard to say.
Rather, I just looked aside and did my best to hide the bright redness of my cheeks. Catarina took a few seconds to say anything more. "Well, it's fine that you can't do anything. You're right when you say I ought to just let it go." She took a deep breath. "Perhaps I could ask someone else." She looked around, before turning back to me.
Now looking at her was less uncomfortable than staring away, so I turned my head back to her. "Do you know anyone else?"
I debated about the answer to give. "Mariana and Priscilla." I said with a hint of regret. Catarina nodded in understanding.
"Not the most pleasant of people, right? Mariana at least." Catarina understood what I was talking about. "Otherwise, I don't really know anyone else." She said that herself, and I had to concur. "Have any idea why Mariana's so protective. There's the obvious fact that they're in a relationship, if not lovers yet."
I shook my head. "I asked Priscilla about her past once, and she seemed reluctant, and Mariana drove me away. It obviously has to do with that, but I can't say anything more."
For a few moments, I thought about that girl. What ties them together so strongly? It wasn't only the nature of the bond, it was how they formed it in the first place. If only I could be that close to someone, I thought dreamily for a second. I had never really thought about such a relationship before, but seeing the two of them had been an eye-opener.
"More serious topics aside, I guess we haven't spoken very personally, have we?" Catarina questioned. I nodded in reply. I wasn't sure I felt entirely comfortable talking to her about such things, but I wouldn't straight up reject any offers. We were to be in this for at least three years, and who knew how we'd be assigned after that part.
Once more, my heart was heavy with the weight of the future. That only drove me to seek conversation with Catarina even more. "Well, I suppose we could speak about that a little."
"Just a little?" Catarina grinned humorously, but I didn't take in such a light manner at first. The atmosphere grew stale quickly as she saw me not laughing, and decided to continue on. "I'm from Ioannina. Where are you from?"
A simple question, and something I wasn't afraid to answer. "Heraklion," I replied, "But I spent plenty of time out in the mountains too."
Catarina pursed her lips. I guessed that she was trying to figure out what to say, as she could tell I wasn't thrilled, but breaking off the conversation now would be even more awkward. "How'd you spend your time? Reading, learning?"
I sighed, "Reading, really. My older sister joined the knights when I was young, and I haven't seen too much of her. So I dedicated my time to reading. A lot of different things." I spoke in reply to the inevitable 'about what?'.
And it was just then when I realized that I had forgotten something. I didn't mention my love for drawing because of a desire to keep secrets, but because I had straight up forgotten about it. It had dropped entirely from my mind. I almost gasped in shock at the fact, but as it was my jaw still dropped. "Vergiana?" came the concerned question from Catarina.
I shook my head, "Nothing, just a…a memory. G-Go on," I insisted.
Catarina stared at me with concern for a few seconds, before going onto herself. I could tell that she was hesitating due to my previous action, but she seemed capable of letting it go, "I've always been engrossed with the sciences. Strange that that somehow led to the area of theology and philosophy. I started becoming bored with science after a while, maybe because the universe seemed to consist of so much more than could be explained with reason and logic."
It was a sentiment I could agree with. I was more interested in the arts, but sometimes I'd tried to delve into the realm of science and reasoning. It'd never struck me as something interesting, especially when it couldn't provide an explanation as to why an Incubator could grant one the power of the Goddess.
"I always thought a similar way," I agreed. Then I wondered, "So where's Alliana coming from? Same interests?"
Catarina nodded. "Perhaps were are merely too similar." She shrugged, slouching over and resting on her elbow. "There's plenty of reasons."
I found a rather profound question going unanswered. Why choose her as a partner if this argument has been going since you started talking? I wondered. The question was a bit awkwardly forced out after a few seconds of hesitation, and Catarina just chuckled.
"Ah, that's because we wanted to continue the conversation." She shook her head in something that seemed to be a mix of regret and pleasure. To tell the truth, from my point of view Catarina didn't seem to particularly mind being stuck in this argument.
Of course, I guessed that there may be more to things than that. I wasn't the only one who wouldn't want to tell everything about myself. This whole experience so far seemed to have been a series of lies being told to each other, till eventually our real selves would come out.
Nevertheless, at least I could speak normally with Catarina. While it was just a start, it was better than nothing at all.
Night was steadily advancing through the sky as the sun dipped down. The characteristic cold of the dark was something I could barely feel. Hours and hours of training had made my body hot enough so that I felt I could have stood in a snowstorm and still have been warm.
The pleasantness of the earlier conversation with Aurelia wasn't lost on me, and I think it's that emotion that kept me driven steady throughout the rest of the day. Even as we went on that nightly run up and down the hill I couldn't help but be positive.
I noticed that I was slowly but surely getting better at running that. Stumbling less, making it back faster. I wasn't outpacing any but the slowest still, but I was making progress. Of course, others were progressing as well.
Germana let us get some early sleep, so we were all returning to our beds. A cold voice stopped me. "Vergiana, may we have a word?" The 'we' referred to the fact that Priscilla was still glued to her side.
I narrowed my eyes at them, but a voice in my head gave me some comfort. Go, I'll stick around outside. Tell me if you need help. Aurelia seemed strangely kind, but given her tone I betted it was more about getting back at Mariana than actually helping me.
Alright, I begrudgingly said, before following along with the two. There were quite a few buildings within the compound, and we turned a few corners before ending up a ways away from our building. I made sure to stay to the side of Mariana, and as we stopped, I asked, "What do you want?" My sharp tone didn't disturb either of them one bit.
"I have an apology to make." Mariana did not waver in her stare, but a slight difference in tone made me feel like it was more a request from her companion. I waited in silence for her to speak it. "I am sorry for attacking you earlier, and making the assumption that you are violent. In addition, I extend an apology to Aurelia, for my aggressiveness against her was also uncalled for."
My eyes flicked back and forth between the two. Given Mariana's dominant nature and Priscilla's frightfulness, I figured that the former would be calling the shots. But given what I saw there, it seemed that Priscilla was the one ordering the other.
"Thank you," I nodded, doing my best to look grateful. A beat. "Is that all?"
Mariana shook her head. Priscilla took a step forwards, only for Mariana to edge her way in between her and me. Close enough, the move said to both Priscilla and I, though her glare at me ensured that I received the brunt of the threat.
Grasping tight onto Mariana's hand, Priscilla spoke softly and gently. I could compare her to a doll. "Vergiana, I apologize for Mariana's actions. She can be too protective of me at times. She is merely trying her hardest to ensure my safety. I thank her for that, but I must try to…try to get out in the wider world."
Priscilla looked saddened. Mariana seemed to be trembling, like she wanted to turn around, grab Priscilla in her arms and run away. I couldn't help but be cowed by the force of her emotion. "Unfortunately, I cannot stay as a bird in a cage forever. While it may be safe, it will ultimately hurt me. Therefore, I would like to extend a hand of friendship to you, Vergiana."
She reached out her left hand for me to shake. I stared at it, my choice already made, at least in terms of myself. However, Mariana had to be considered. Tenderly, I reached out my left hand and shook Priscilla's. Her sweet smile was matched by my own.
In the sky above, the clouds cleared to reveal the sliver of a moon that sat amidst the starry night. We were all tired from the long day. At least that was the explanation Mariana gave when she scooped Priscilla into her arms and almost ran off.
She seemed scared of me. Not because of who I was specifically, but because I was just a different person. I almost wanted to cry out and stop them, to talk to them, but I didn't want to delay Mariana any longer.
I walked slowly back. I was cold enough now so that the night air was felt on my skin. As I walked by a corner, footsteps started to mark someone beside me. "How did it go?" Aurelia asked coldly.
"Mariana cares about Priscilla. Priscilla wants to be my friend," I explained, as though that covered everything about the conversation.
Aurelia nodded. "That girl, Mariana, she truly has her priorities straight. There is no doubt in her mind, not anywhere. I envy her at times." She was strangely open, even in the way she walked alongside me.
"Priscilla compared herself to a bird in a cage." We reached the building, but we stood a few feet from the door as we talked. I continued, "Almost like she's been cooped and locked away from the world. Not that she disliked it."
"Mariana's protecting her from everything, because she thinks anything might hurt her." Aurelia nodded. "That means something terrible happened to Priscilla. Maybe Mariana feels responsible, or perhaps she is just a better person than all of us combined." The girl looked up into the dark sky as she talked.
For what might have been the first time in the past few days, I spoke without hesitation, "Do you feel responsible for something?" I asked Aurelia.
She tensed up at that. Then she turned to face me. Deep into my eyes she stared, enough to make me want to turn and run away. "Yes," She whispered almost inaudibly. I could feel hints of pain coursing through her voice.
I reached out for her hand. "Aurelia…" I said quietly. But she shook her head.
"Even if that's the case, I don't want your sympathy." She turned and walked for the door.
"Aurelia." I said firmly. That made the girl stop. For a moment, I feared a strike that she might throw. But I told myself that I'd still hold my ground.
It was surprise that she stared at me with. She narrowed her eyes at me, perhaps questioning if I was really me. "Are you running away from that responsibility?" I asked.
Aurelia shut her eyes, and turned away from me. I could see her mouth moving just a little. I couldn't hear it, and I'm no reader of lips. "Aurelia." I repeated, desperately this time.
"Not now," Aurelia stated, opening the door. I went after her as she stormed inside. I couldn't catch her before she got onto the bed. Beside her I stood, staring down as she sat on the edge. Head hung low, I could feel the shame. "Just go to sleep," Aurelia quietly begged.
Conversations continued all around us, and maybe a couple stopped to look. But we were just two more voices amidst the others. Priscilla and Mariana weren't inside, and I couldn't blame them for that. I stood futilely in front of Aurelia for a few seconds more.
Then I conceded to her and climbed up to my own bunk. I removed my heels as I always did and crawled under the covers. Sleep didn't come for a long time. I didn't know what I was feeling, but it was something that told me I wouldn't let Aurelia suffer.
Even if I had no idea what I was doing. Even if I was a socially incompetent, bumbling fool. I'd still try. If nothing else, focusing on the present made the future look a lot less scary.
End of Chapter 8 of Record