Well here it is, the moment you've waited for, the reveal! Whether it's kept you guessing or if you guessed anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Thanks to my usual, lovely reviewers! I hope you've forgiven me for the epic fail of the first draft of the previous chapter. Please don't kill me! :) xxxx
"You tricked me!"
"I had no choice! You were refusing to come out. You were right in front of me the whole time! I can't believe this. Hey wait, wait!"
She'd got up in anger, stumbled slightly, and ran off, the letter still clenched in her fist. Sam wasn't far behind. The younger woman forced her way through the fence and she followed.
"Stop! Wait a minute!"
"Just leave me alone, Sam! Which part of that did you not understand in those letters?"
"I can't leave this alone; you know that as well as I do! I can't believe it's you! How could you...why did you do it? Hey WAIT!"
She'd run up a flight of stone stairs. Sam, now out of breath slightly, reached the top, rested for a moment and caught her arm.
"STOP! Wait. Just tell me – why?"
"But I don't 'just' have to tell you, though, do I Sam? I'll have to tell them all! Then Gina, then Adam, then..."
"I'll look after you! You won't get into trouble!"
"You're a liar! You just want your case solved!
"No! No, you're wrong! It's not like that! I just want to help you!"
"I don't believe you!"
"It's the truth!"
"I don't want your help!" she said, her face twisted in an ugly expression of hate as she turned away.
"Please, don't run away from this!"
"I've spent seven years running away from this; I think I can manage it for a bit longer!"
"You know you can't do that!"
"Oh yeah? Just watch me!"
She turned away again and gasped as Sam caught hold of her arm tightly, a beseeching look within her eyes.
"Please. I promise you! Listen, have I ever lied to you? To anyone?"
"A bit different this, isn't it Sam? When was the last time a colleague of yours buried a baby in a park? Just get off me! Leave me alone!"
There was a short struggle before the younger woman pushed Sam away from her with a strength she didn't know she possessed. The force sent her flying backwards: her eyes widened with shock and she attempted to grab onto her arm to no avail, managing only to scratch it. The younger woman watched, hands over her mouth and unable to move as she disappeared as she fell down the long flight of stone stairs. There was silence for a moment before she cautiously ventured to the top and peered down. She could make out Sam's body under the light of a lamppost. She was lying in a crumpled heap, a pool of blood surrounding her head.
"Oh my God!"
She ran down the stairs, nearly slipped and fell and steadied herself at the bottom. She approached Sam with caution, worried she'd wake up. She stood above her for a moment. Sam didn't move, so she dropped down beside her.
"Sam? Sam?"
She raised a shaky hand and tentatively put it to her neck. She felt a pulse and pulled her hand away extremely quickly. Horrified at what she'd done, she shook Sam's shoulder hard.
"Sam? Sam? Wake up, please! Sam!"
The DS didn't respond. She knew she had to get an ambulance but she couldn't wait, no way! She couldn't risk being found here. Making sure her hood was firmly pulled up, she got up and ran as far and as fast as she dared until she reached a phone box. She called 999 and reported the incident, one hand over her mouth to muffle and disguise the sound of her voice. When the operator asked for her name though, she hung up right away and keep her head down and shoulders hunched as she left. Trying to keep to shadows, she headed back to the crime scene. She got there as an ambulance screeched into sight and watched, unseen, as an ambulance screeched into sight. Turning, she ran and didn't stop until she got home.
In the light of her bedroom, she saw her light-coloured hoodie was covered in blood. Tearing it off, she stuffed it under her bed. She'd have to get rid of it later. Making sure her bedroom door was locked, she slid to the floor and stared at the envelope, still clutched in her hand before opening it.
"Kerry? Kerry? Open up. Open the door!"
Kerry sat up with a jump and looked around. She was lying on her bed, nude, the covers kicked off her. Cameron hammered at the door again, frantic.
"KERRY!"
"Yeah, yeah, all right! Keep your hair on!"
She got up, and pulled on a dressing gown. Yawning, went to the door, tripping over a discarded hoodie which she kicked aside, into the mound of clothes on her bedroom door. She turned the key and opened the door.
"What?"
"What on earth are you locking yourself in for?"
"I thought I heard something," she said, looking over his shoulder to the door. "Last night. I didn't want to go up and check."
"So why didn't you call me?"
"And say what? 'Oh Cameron! I hear something outside! Come and check!' Come on, you know what I'm like; it was probably a cat or something. Anyway, what are you doing here?"
"I just came by to check on the mother of my child. And to tell you – Sam's in a coma."
"Sam?"
"Yeah! We think she might have found the baby's Mum."
"What? How?"
"We're not really sure, but we think she might have set a trap of her own, last night. She left something there, at the grave, and the mother went. She followed. We don't know, there was some kind of confrontation. Anyway, she – the Mum – made a 999 call and the ambulance get there to find Sam lying in a pool of blood at the bottom of the stairs!"
"You think she pushed her?"
"We know she did, we have the CCTV!"
Kerry's face paled. "Oh. So...you have an e-fit? You see her face?"
He scowled. "No. She wore big baggy clothes and hid her face with a hood. She calls the ambulance and disappears into the night. Not hide or hair of her can be found on CCTV."
"Was it...deliberate?"
"No, we think it was an accident. She probably freaked out when Sam found her; she must've known the net was closing in."
"So where do they want to go from here? Are they issuing a warrant?"
"To arrest her. Yeah."
"But you said it was an accident!"
"I know, but they're getting desperate. They think she's unhinged. Face it, whoever she is, she needs real professional help. They want everyone available working at the station today."
"Yeah, yeah, all right, I get the hint! Just let me get dressed! Why don't you go through and get yourself a coffee or something?"
She shut the bedroom door again and picked up the pile of dirty clothes, stuffing them into the washing basket. She looked at the hoodie and grimaced. That was that one ruined. She pulled on some underwear and in the middle of pulling on a t-shirt, grimaced and gripped at her shoulder. That really hurt! She rubbed it and craned her neck to look at it before pulling on a pair of jeans and tied her hair in a messy bun before joining Cameron. He took her hand and together, they left.
Maura woke up with a pounding headache. Pushing her long hair out of her eyes, she got out of bed, stumbled over her own clothes and opened the bedroom door. Her watch told her it was ten o'clock. Maura was surprised. Normally, she was an early riser, waking up bang on eight, even if she wasn't working. Wearing the pyjamas she had borrowed from Lexi, she went downstairs where she could hear music coming from the kitchen. That was enough to tell her that it was Lexi. Her friend was in the sitting room, laying the table for breakfast and singing softly to the music. She smiled brightly when Maura came in and poured her a glass of orange juice.
"Morning."
"Morning," Maura said, taking a sip of the juice.
"Feeling better?" Lexi said sympathetically.
"Yeah. Just – just dreading seeing Tom."
"Come on. It'll be all right, I'll bet Sonny's given him a right talking to."
"Oh, I don't doubt it. Where's Vincent?"
"Oh, he's gone off for an interview. And I don't suppose you would have heard – it was breaking news this morning."
"Heard what?"
"Someone you work with...Sam someone or other?"
"Sam Nixon?"
"Yeah."
"What about her?"
"She was taken to hospital last night, seriously injured."
"She was? What happened?"
"Your lot think she might have sprung a trap of her own – unofficial – for the mother of the baby and they think she caught up with her. Though, it didn't go quite her way. She was pushed down the stairs. The girl calls an ambulance and disappears."
"How bad is she? Sam?"
Lexi shrugged. "I really don't know, serious but stable they said, for now at least. But they've...issued a warrant for arrest."
"They have?"
"Yeah. They're getting desperate and I think she must be too. Well...you know."
"Yeah. I do. Anyway, are you going to stand there, or feed your very hungry best friend?"
"Oh, but I'm just going to stand here of course! Nothing better than to see you suffer!"
Maura put on her best puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeeeeeeease?" she said.
"All right, all right, as if I'd really let you starve! I got...cereal...fruit...nuts...toast...rice cakes..."
"Oh, chuck me a few rice cakes with honey! If you've got it!"
Lexi wrinkled her nose. She said; "what a question, of course we have honey, Vincent lives off the stuff!" She smothered three rice cakes in honey and put it down in front of Maura along with an orange. "Do me a favour and have one, they're on their way out!"
"Sweet," Maura said, biting into the rice cake. "Oh, that's good!"
Lexi got her own breakfast and sat down beside Maura. She considered what she was going to say before eating a mouthful of cereal. She said; "Maura?"
"What?"
"You can tell me to shut up if you want, but...you don't seem very...well...enthusiastic."
"What, about going home to a brother who thinks I'm a liar?"
"No. About...about the baby."
There. She'd said it. Immediately, Lexi looked down. Maura didn't say anything and she tentatively looked back at her friend. Maura was looking at her unblinkingly, and it wasn't an expression of anger or annoyance. She looked guilty and upset. Still though, she didn't say anything and took another bite of the rice cake. It tasted like cardboard.
"How could you tell?"
"I just remember – the way you were always so excited about having a baby of your own one day with Sonny. And now you've got it...well, almost...it just seems like...you wish you didn't."
"It's just...this baby...I'm nervous Lexi. I'm only twenty-two. What if I make a rubbish mother?"
"You'd be a great Mum. You were always great with Brad."
"It's not the same though, is it? I could always look after him for a few hours then hand him back to Connor at the end of the day. It's not the same as looking after your own baby full time."
Lexi gazed in wonder. Where, she wondered, did this lack of self-confidence come from? Well the obvious answer, she thought, berating herself for being so stupid, dated back to her eating disorder troubles. The psychiatrist had talked about her lack of confidence, but before all the 'trouble' as it was referred to, if it was ever referred to at all, she'd had bags of confidence, then gradually, it all disappeared.
"You...you do want your baby?"
"Of course I do. I mean, there's a lot to look forward to; decorating, buying little baby clothes, giving him or her a name." She laughed and said; "the other day, Sonny and I were talking about names. It was hilarious."
Lexi smiled. She said; "what did you come up with?"
"I...I like Dominique."
"That's a nice name."
"Yeah. Trouble is, there's a dozen other nice names; Melissa, Abigail, Isabella, Amy, Jessica, Emma, Kimberley."
Lexi laughed out loud and said; "so you're expecting a girl, are you?"
"Well, Sonny likes to think so, growing up in a family of boys and all."
"And you?"
"Me? I really don't mind, I don't mind at all."
"What boy's names did you come up with?
"Max, Jacob, Oliver, Benjamin, Gabriel, Buster."
"Buster?" Lexi said, laughing so hard, she spat out her tea.
"Sonny's bright idea."
"Priceless," Lexi said, chortling. "Don't worry so much Maura. You're going to be the best mother ever."
"I don't know about that," Maura said. "But thanks."
As the two women finished their breakfast, the doorbell rang. Lexi got up to answer it; Sonny stood on the threshold and she greeted him with a hug, something she daren't do if Vincent were around.
He asked; "how's my baby today?"
"Which one?"
"Well, let's start with my very first baby."
"She's OK. She slept all right, but then again – what would Vincent and I know, we could sleep our way through a world war."
"Please, Lex, you don't need to remind me, his snoring used to give me nightmares, and I wasn't even the one sharing a room with him."
"Now I know how Tom felt."
"Is he all right?"
"Well he wasn't snoring as usual last night, which gives me the impression that he lay awake crying."
"Was he really upset?"
"Yeah. He felt terrible." Sonny looked over his shoulder at the open kitchen door and said; "did she eat breakfast?"
"Yeah. Gobbled it down like there was no tomorrow." Lexi hadn't been asked the question in ages and looked at Sonny suspiciously. She said; "why?"
"While Tom and I were clearing up last night, we found...we found rotting food. Under the bed."
Lexi looked dumbfounded and said; "you don't actually think...she'd...that she'd go into it again."
"Well I wouldn't like to think so, but...having a baby is a stressful time. Who knows what could..."
He broke off straight away and pasted a big smile on his face as Maura came out of the sitting room. She looked suspiciously at the pair and said, "who knows what could what?"
"Um, who knows what could happen now Sam's been hurt," Lexi said quickly. "I was just telling Sonny what happened last night. About how the baby's Mum pushed her down the stairs."
"Bit stupid that they want to arrest her if you ask me," Sonny said, going along. "They want to arrest her, yet they don't know her name, age, ethnicity or even where she lives!"
"They'll do it, especially with Maura here on the case."
Maura smiled tightly and Sonny put an arm around her. He said; "are you ready to go baby?"
"Yeah, I'm ready."
"Good. Lex, we'll get out of your hair. Come on Maura."
He took her hand and led her outside. The land rover was parked outside and like the gentleman he was, he opened the passenger door for her. He climbed in the other side and smiled widely at her. Even though she knew his answer would be 'no,' she felt she had to ask.
"You don't think I'm lying, do you?"
"No," he said. "Of course I don't. I know you'd never lie to me."
"I shouldn't have kept them," Maura said. "It was stupid."
"Tom knows he was wrong, Maura, he's really, really sorry. He's been beating himself up all night for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Anyway, let's say no more about it," he said, taking one hand off the wheel to stroke her tummy. "I don't want my girls upset."
The pain in her shoulder worsening, Kerry stood at the back of the room, growing steadily more irritated as she listened to the same words she'd been listening to all week. The only new piece of information was what happened the previous night and for all the good it did to the case too. She closed her eyes, rocked back and forth, resisting the urge to tell Adam Okaro to shut the hell up.
Cameron nudged her gently and whispered; "are you all right?"
"My shoulder hurts," she said, trying not to sound snappy, but failing.
"Want me to take you to the FME after this?"
"No, I'm fine!"
"When you've finished your own private conversation at the back, Kerry and Cameron!" Adam said, looking over at them. "You might like to know your placements for today!"
"Sorry," they said in unison.
"You two can patrol the area where Sam was found talk to any potential witnesses, I want this girl found and I want her found fast before she can cause anymore damage. Those of you who were listening already know your placements. You can go."
Embarrassed, Kerry stood up quickly and gasped. Everything spun. Cameron grabbed onto her arm to steady her as she staggered slightly.
"Kerry, what's wrong?"
"Dizzy spell is all," she said, pulling from his hold. "Stop fussing, all right Cameron? I'm fine! Are we going out or what?"
She stomped out and he followed in her wake, grabbing both of their forgotten stab vests as he went.
Tom had stood pacing the sitting room, waiting for Sonny and Maura to come home. He was supposed to be writing a further article on the case, but just couldn't concentrate. When he heard the front door open, he spun around so fast, he nearly fell over. They came in together, Sonny's hand loosely wrapped around hers. She looked at him and he looked back uncertainly.
"Hi," he said.
In answer, she pulled her hand from Sonny's and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door with a snap. Sonny looked pityingly at his brother.
"You'd best to stay out of her way. She'll come around." He waited until he heard the taps running and shower radio blaring before saying; "she ate breakfast at Lexi's, she said she gobbled it down."
"Isn't that how it started though? She'd eat in front of us, but once nobody was around – or there were loud music and taps running..."
The brothers looked to the door and Sonny shook his head. He said; "no way. Not my Maura. She'd never put us, and herself, through all of that, not again."
"So the food magically appeared there, did it?"
"Well...maybe she just took something to eat in her room and it fell in the floor."
"What, and she didn't bother to clean it up?"
Sonny could tell he was making a terrible argument and he shrugged. He said, "Well what should I do, ask her? What happens if we're wrong? She's just going to get upset again."
"But if there's a chance, even the slightest chance, that she's going that way again...you have to address it."
Sonny sighed regretfully and looked at the bathroom door. In the bath Maura tried to relax underwater. She squirted body wash on to the buffer and scrubbed at her skin, grimacing as it stung the scratches on her arm.
Kerry rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, feeling the urge to sit down on the stone stairs. She didn't though, on the fear that Gina or Adam would come along and have yet another go at her. Gripping her stomach, she doubled over. She saw Cameron look at her out of the corner of her eye. He didn't say anything, but the mere glance still made her grit her teeth. He'd asked her if she was all right so many times, she'd threatened to push him down the stone stairs if he asked her again.
Ow, ow, ow!
This time it was excruciating. She gave a sharp yelp of pain and collapsed onto the floor. Cameron was talking to a couple who often took walks in the graveyard. They were in the midst of telling him about a figure they'd often seen in the graveyard, hanging around the same area of the baby's grave. They couldn't tell him if it was a man or a woman, but the description they gave matched the one Anna O'Connell had given last time she'd seen her, right down to the long scarf. He turned to share this with Kerry when she collapsed to the floor. He dropped the notebook and rushed to her side as she vomited, gripping onto her stomach.
"My baby!"
"It's all right, it's OK, I'll call for help!" he said, pulling his radio to his mouth with a shaking hand.
The waiting room was silent; it was airy and spacious. Andrea was chewing on her nails nervously. Smithy pulled her hand away and squeezed it lightly. He smiled. She smiled back, a genuine smile. He'd taken the morning off to come with her and she knew he was going out of his way to support her; she appreciated it greatly. She gripped his hand tightly. He looked at her again. She still looked as if she'd been beaten up; he'd tried to get her to get checked properly at the hospital, but he'd been wasting his breath. A kind looking woman with long brown hair in a thin ponytail came into the waiting room. She smiled.
"Are you Andrea?"
Privately, Andrea didn't know why she needed to ask since she and Smithy were the only people in the waiting room. She smiled though, and said; "yes."
"Come on through. Would you like your...boyfriend to come with you?"
Smithy opened his mouth to tell her that she'd got it wrong; Andrea cut across him saying; "would you?"
"Of course," he said, getting up.
There was a large leather sofa in the counsellor's room. Andrea hunched in the corner of it, he sat down next to her. The counsellor took a seat on the sofa opposite them and pushed her glasses up her nose.
"Now then. My name's Sophie. You're Dale Smith I take it? You booked the appointment."
"Yeah."
"He says you've been having some trouble dealing with losing your previous partner. Do you want to tell me about it?"
"I really loved him."
"I'm sure you did. Tell me about him. What was his name?"
"Steven. He...he was Welsh. I met him when I went on holiday with my family. We...uh...we were staying at the same resort in Portugal. He was older than me, just a bit. I was eighteen and he was twenty. I can't say my parents really approved. We were middle class like, it wasn't that they were snobby or anything, but their dream guy for me would be an architect or surgeon, not a man doing business studies."
"But they liked him?"
"Well...yeah. They said if I was happy, so were they. They weren't best pleased though, when he asked me to marry him. He moved quickly through the ranks and he got a job, a good one in America. Lower Manhattan. They call it Ground Zero now."
"Ground Zero? Oh. Ah!" Sophie said, her eyes lighting up in understanding.
"Yeah. He got a job in the north tower. I was in the office, his office, waiting for him. He was in a conference somewhere near the top. I was below the point. It came so quickly and it was such a large explosion, it knocked some of us off our feet. All I can remember is hearing this fire alarm blaring, going on and on and on. I couldn't bear it. His colleagues had to drag me out of there in the end, because I wanted to wait for Steven. He never got out of there alive."
"I'm very sorry to hear that."
"I found out I was pregnant not long after, but I was just so...so depressed that I couldn't drag myself out of that...darkness and be a mother to her. I gave her away."
"And you feel bad about that?"
"Of course I do. I wish I hadn't. I just feel like...such a failure. I loved him so much. And now..." she sneaked a sideways glance at Smithy, "I like someone else."
"And you don't think Steven would approve?"
"I don't know. He was my first boyfriend. In his last message...the one he left while he was trapped...he told me to move on."
"So why don't you think you should? Is it because you feel guilty?"
"Yeah. I know plenty of other people felt that way; I wasn't the only one who lost someone I loved that day, far from it. But... it's just like... I can't move on, even though I want to, it's like having barbed wire, tying me to the scene. It's like being stuck there, living the same day. It's like Groundhog Day. It's just...I don't think I know how to move forwards."
"Tell me about Steven, Andrea."
"He was lovely; sweet, funny – a little bit of a dope. He was the kind of person who'd get his shirt sleeves in his cereal then just go about his business without noticing. He always called me his angel."
"I've had lots of people just like you who come and talk to me. And I can help you, like I helped them, if you want me to."
"Can you? How?"
"The first step is to accept it. Accept that he's gone."
"How?"
"There are multiple ways. Viewing the body, though it's a bit late for that."
"It was never found anyway."
"Attending the funeral...memorial, I suppose in this case. Did you?"
"Yes."
"Visiting the site. Have you been back to America since?"
"No. We were so happy there but I couldn't face going back."
"Talking about it helps too. Far be it for me to presume I know after half an hour into one session, but I guess you don't talk much about Steven?"
"No. Sorry, what's the gain in all of this?"
"It helps you grieve with the physical finality of losing Steven, and the knowledge that you'll never see him again."
"But that's the hardest part."
"Darling, I know it is. I know, but it has to be done. The easiest thing would be not to grieve, to push it away to the back of your mind. Avoiding it only pushes you towards depression and I think you've been through enough of that already – don't you?"
"Yeah."
"The third step is: take the emotional energy you'd have spent Steven and reinvest it in another relationship or relationships."
"But it feels like..."
"It feels as if you're being unfaithful? Many people feel disloyal or unfaithful if they withdraw emotionally from their deceased loved one and form new attachments. Moving on doesn't mean you forget. I'm sure Dale doesn't expect you to forget."
"Of course I don't," he said. "He was really important to you. I understand that."
"He wouldn't want me to be unhappy though. He'd want me to be happy."
"Sure he would," Sophie said. "It'd be pretty selfish of him not to, and you haven't described a selfish man."
"No."
"You can be happy again Andrea. You don't have to live in the past."
"I want to move on. And I want all the painful memories to stop."
"It's not going to be an easy process, but if you're prepared to meet me halfway, I can help you. So, can I book you another session?"
"Yeah. Yes."
"Good," she said, writing something down on a piece of paper on the pad. She tore off the sheet and handed it to Andrea. "Give this to the receptionist, OK?"
"Thank you," she said, getting to her feet.
Smithy took her hand and led her out of the room. She handed the paper to the receptionist, who said she'd call with the time and date of her next appointment. As they walked out together, she rested her head on his shoulder. He put an arm around her. He'd seemed to have got over her making a move on him and acted perfectly normal.
"You did well in there. Better than I would have done."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. So, why won't we do lunch?"
"Don't you have to get back?"
"Well I told Gina I'd be in about one. We've got an hour and a half. Enough time to grab a pizza?"
"Yeah. OK. Can we go to 36? It does the best garlic bread."
"Sure we can. Oh," he said, raising an arched eyebrow as his phone rang. "Let's hope this isn't my roll call." Looking at his phone, he added; "it's Gina."
"Don't worry if you have to get back."
"It's all right, I'm a good liar," he said, pressing the answer button. "Hello, Gina?"
His arm slid slowly off her shoulders. She looked up at him as he went silent and listened. Instinctively, she knew something was wrong. He looked incredibly upset and he put the phone down. For a moment, he stared in shock, tears filling his green eyes. She shook his shoulder frantically.
"Smithy, Smithy? What is it?" She shook his arm harder, more frantically, when he raised a shaking hand to his mouth. "Smithy, what is it? What's happened? Tell me? You're scaring me!"
"It's Kerry."
"Kerry? Why? What's happened?"
"She...she's dead."
Tom was sorting through washing. Sonny was out, having gone for a late shift at work. It was just him and Maura in the house, and she had kept to her bedroom. He kicked himself again. Maura wasn't the sort to hold a grudge, but it looked as if she'd take a very long time to forgive him. He pulled out the sheets from yesterday and dumped them on the colour washing pile. Lots of his bright, tight t-shirts went onto the pile. He pulled out Maura's red hoodie and paused. He had to take a closer look before he was sure. It was blood, on the left sleeve. Maura had been wearing it when she came in that day, so it should have been on the top of the washing, but she'd shoved it at the bottom. Shrugging, he supposed she must have been embarrassed or something. The food he and Sonny had found was still bothering him. He kept seeing her at seventeen, lying near death in a hospital bed. He couldn't bear to see her like that again. Sighing, he took the clothes to the washing machine. He'd promised Sonny he wasn't going to confront her and he would stick to that. He set it on to wash, made himself a tea and went to sit down.
Maura's bag was still on the table and he remembered seeing a diary in there. Without thinking, he lurched forwards and dug through the bag. The diary was the first thing his hand closed around. There were no mentions of food, he thought, as the thumbed through the diary, skimming the pages. He stopped on an entry that'd been smudged by tears and written clumsily with her left hand. It was a new entry. He read the words five times before being convinced he was really reading the right words. His blood boiled. Getting up, the stormed towards Maura's room and flung the door open so hard, it hit the wall. She jumped.
"Tom, what're you playing at!"
"I can't believe you, you lying little bitch!"
She looked taken aback and said; "what? What are you talking about?"
"I've found the written confession Maura!" he said, brandishing the diary in her face. "It says it here in black and white!"
"What the hell is with you, going through my things Tom? Do I have no privacy in my own home?"
"You did lie to Sonny!"
"No!"
"Well that's what it says here!" He glared down at the entry and read aloud; "I feel so bad, lying to Sonny about not being able to have kids! I must be the world's worst wife!"
"Tom, give me that!"
"You lied to him! Didn't you?"
"Tom..."
"DIDN'T YOU?"
He shouted the last words in her face and she jumped back, stinging tears starting in her eyes. Tom was looking at her as if he'd never seen her before and she felt hurt at the look of utter disgust on his face.
"Tom...I didn't want to lie to him, I didn't! He...he was so excited about us having a baby and I thought that if I told him that I wasn't ready...he'd just keep on asking why."
He snorted. "Of course he damn well would, Maura, he's your husband! You broke his heart when you told him you couldn't have a baby, and here you are, pregnant, with perfectly working ovaries! How could you lie to him about that? I can't believe what a selfish bitch you are!"
His harsh words started the tears and she reached out for him. He jerked his arm away, an expression of hatred on his face.
"Tom I can explain. I promise. I know lying to you, to Sonny, to everyone was wrong, but I was scared. I didn't know what else to do!"
"Oh and how about telling him the truth? Everyone gets first-time mother nerves Maura, but I seriously doubt all wives lie like this to their husbands!"
"That's just it though. It wouldn't have been...this wouldn't be...isn't my first baby."
Tom's expression froze in an attitude of stunned disbelief. All he could manage to gasp out was a shocked; "what?"
"I tried so hard, all these years to put it behind me. To move on from it, but I couldn't. I can't."
"I can't believe you, Maura; do you actually expect me to believe any of this? You expect me to believe you had a baby, and what, nor Sonny or I know anything about it?"
A tear rolled down her face and she said; "nobody did."
"How stupid do you think I am?" he scoffed.
"It's the truth. It was seven years ago. I was only seventeen, Tom, I was a child! I was scared! Didn't you ever wonder why I had that...that breakdown? Why my own father had to section me? Why," she said, yanking up her top to reveal the scar on her stomach, "why I had to be force-fed through that bloody tube?"
She watched his face change; his eyes darkened and darted around. She could see him putting two and two together as only Tom could. He said; "seventeen. You ran away from home for a few days. Nobody knew where."
She nodded. "Dad was so angry with me when I went home. It was the one and only time he was ever so angry, he hit me."
"He hit you?"
"I didn't care though. Because it was nothing...nothing to giving birth to my baby all alone."
"So, what happened to the baby?"
"She died Tom." Maura looked up at him with streaming eyes. "I didn't do anything to her, I swear! She was stillborn. I was a kid and I was all alone. I didn't know what else to do! I knew that if I went back and told everyone the truth, they'd ask lots of questions and it would all get so messy...so I buried her. In the park."
"In the..." Tom looked out of the window and in the direction of the park. "No...No way!"
"I buried that baby. She was mine."
Tom sank down next to Maura, running his hands through his hair. "I don't...Maura...I can't believe you never told anyone!"
"I couldn't! Because of all the questions, everyone would ask who the father was, how I could be such a stupid little girl."
"But Sonny...isn't he the father?"
She shook her head. "We'd only slept together once. And we used protection."
"Then you cheated on him?"
The cold disappointment was back in his voice and she shook her head frantically. "No! No! I didn't! I didn't want it, Tom...he made me. He forced me."
"Who?" Tom said, gripping her arms tightly. "Maura, tell me. Who?"
"I can't!"
"Maura. Tell me!"
"He'll kill me! He threatened me! My throat!" she said, rubbing it where it still ached.
"Who? Maura, tell me who! Who did this?"
"I could never tell anyone because of the trouble it would cause! For the lives it would tear apart!"
"Why on earth would you care about tearing apart the life of someone who raped you?"
"Not him! You! Sonny!"
His tight grip relaxed and he stared at her. "Maura, I don't understand."
"Please don't make me! I can't tell you!"
"Tell me now Maura or I'm going straight down to that station to report you!"
"Tom, no, you can't, please!"
"Then tell me!"
"Tom..."
"TELL ME!"
"It was your brother! It was Vincent!"