Starving for Truth
Authors' Notes: Greetings and salutations. As Katiecakes is still snoozing at this hour, I suppose I'll go ahead and get this up, and she can throw anything she wants in later. For the moment, this is Taylor speaking. Firstly, I'd like to thank you guys majorly for all the reviews. When we posted this, we had no idea how popular it would be, and your reviews have really been the bright patches in our days. Please keep it up! Nextly, there WILL be a sequel to this fic. We've already started writing it, in fact. Prepare for even more emotions flying, kittens, angry redheads, frightened boyfriends, and all means of other crazy things.
In the mean time, I thought up a fabulous idea to give you a little peek into how my and Katie's minds work. In your reviews, please put in a vote for a chapter you'd like us to sit down and MST. What's MST, you ask? It's a show that used to be on Sci-fi, where these three guys (well. one guy, two robots, actually) would sit down and throw in comments while watching movies. This will be the bonus chapter for this fic.
In the sequel, there will be more review-based contests and polls like this one, so don't forget to keep reviewing! And now, without futher ado, I present the final chapter to Starving for Truth!
"I won't lie, James. You've got me very confused." Lily began, turning a random hall and wandering down it. She, in all honesty, didn't know where they were going either. "Just when I've gotten you figured out, you do something to make my world spin again. And frankly, I've never liked being dizzy." she was remarkably calm, though her mind was going wild.
"You're driving me up a wall, and yet you're like some flame that keeps drawing me in. I keep burning myself one way or another, and yet I can't keep away. I'm going mad." Another turn, a small stairwell, another corridor. Her voice was growing gradually more passionate. "And I don't know why I can't stay away from you, no matter how much I want to. I don't have any control over myself, James. Not ever since you pulled me into that horrible closet and kissed me and..." she paused; face getting a red tinge in mild anger. "And I hate you but I don't all at the same time and I can't stand it but I want it to never end all at once and it's entirely your fault! I want to throttle you but I can't because I'm too preoccupied with your bloody eyes!"
The words that Lily spoke made James' heart swell, they gave him hope.
"So why are you trying to fight it?" James asked sincerely, he didn't understand what she had to lose being with him. If the two of them were together, things would be so much simpler, things would make sense.
She gave a weak smile, like one gives to a child who doesn't understand something important. "Because, James," she said looking down and shaking her head. "I want it too much." As if that explained everything going through her mind at once. "Because I want it too much, and because every logical voice in my head is screaming no. Because it's all too simple to possibly work." She let out a pained, ironic little laugh. "That's why."
"Some things don't have to be logical Lily. Some things just are. Take the sky for example…" James said as he now pushed open a door which led to the grounds. He gestured up at the sky before going on, "It's blue. It could be any other color, but it's blue. Not green, not yellow, and not purple. But blue. It just is." James said, hoping this would somehow make sense to Lily.
"If you feel something, then you shouldn't have to hide it. Would us being together make you happy?" He asked.
"The sky is blue because of molecules and light refraction." she countered, leaning against the nearest wall and folding her arms over her chest. His words hit her slowly. Being together. Happy. Merlin. They were sort of an item, weren't they?! She certainly never thought she'd be dealing with this. She couldn't lie, but she didn't want to just say 'yes' either. Well, actually she did, but she had self restraint.
"Maybe. I don't know. A lot of kids think eating an entire Halloween haul of candy will make them happy until they're still sick from it two days later." Well. That sidestepped the question rather well, she thought.
That last comment struck James quite hard, being compared to something as un-important as Halloween candy. He sighed, and glanced at the sky. Molecules and light reflection, of course Lily had something to say to make everything he said completely wrong.
"Lily…I'm tired of fighting you on this. Maybe we should just have it your way." He spoke the words softly and slowly. Saying this pained him, but he couldn't go on with this back and forth game forever.
An alarmed look came onto her face and she quickly got to full height. "What way is that?" she demanded, before perching her hands on her hips. "Really James, this is a side of you I've never seen and don't think I find terribly attractive. Since when has James Potter ever given up on anything, most especially when it concerns me? Mr. 'I-think-it's-a-BRILLIANT-idea-to-stalk-that-redhead-over-there-until-she-agrees-to-date-me'." She crossed her arms over her chest again.
"You're probably doing this on purpose," she thought aloud, looking him up and down with a look that said 'I can't believe this'. "Just to rile me up."
"Lily, I can't keep playing this game where you act like you like me one minute, and the next you hate me. I can't take it anymore. I don't know if you realize this, but I care about you a lot more than you think, and it bloody hurts me to sit around and wait forever just to hear you say that it's not logical!"
There. He had said it; maybe Lily would take something from it.
"So if you're going to just turn me down again, think about it long and hard and make sure it's your final answer. Because I can't wait around forever Lily."
James finished, leaning up against the wall and sighing. He didn't want Lily to take what he had said to offense, he wanted her to realize that she needed him.
"There is no act to it, James." she said coldly, looking injured. "I do like you, and I hate you too. You've liked me the whole time. I, on the other hand, have loathed you since age eleven. It's extremely hard to just go back all of the sudden and say 'oh, never mind what's considered a vital, engrained part of who I am. He's a nice boy!' Maybe this is all black and white for you, James, but it's completely gray for me." she fixed him with a serious gaze.
"And I'm sorry I'm hurting you, I really am, but this is hurting me too, and you don't seem to realize that!" She looked somewhere near tears. Lily went and leaned against the wall, a comfortable foot or two away, and looked at him. "I don't want to keep doing this James. I just... I don't know." she too heaved a sigh. "Just... don't leave. Please."
James stared at her, her eyes looked less sparkly, they made James want to make her laugh, so he could see them shine.
"I'm not going anywhere Lily." James said quietly. He than sat down, back leaning against the wall, as if this would prove his point. He gazed at her soft red hair, perfect nose, and amazing lips. 'Yes this may be hurting her,' James thought, 'but it's killing me.'
He would wait until she felt like speaking; he would sit patiently and wait. When she did speak, he would listen, and accept whatever she said, no matter if it was hurtful or otherwise. In the back of his mind, James made a note that if she turned him down again, he would stop pursuing her altogether, and simply give up.
Lily sat down next to him and soaked in the quiet, glad that he'd at least stay put. She thought for at least five minutes. Five excruciatingly long minutes. She considered most every scenario she could, every outcome, compared the situation to anything she could think of, before she reached her conclusion. She glanced at James, before leaning over and laying her head on his shoulder.
"I think... that I want to at least try. You miss all of the shots you don't take." she said it very quietly, staring at the stones of the wall straight in front of her, but enjoying a soft glow that lit itself in her chest.
James wasn't prepared for this, but he didn't object to it in the slightest. He let her rest her head on his shoulder for a moment, soaking it all in. He then placed his arm around her and held her close to him, never wanting to let her go.
"I'm all for trying." James said softly, giving Lily a gentle squeeze.
He had felt frozen for so long, but now, at this very moment, he began to thaw. All because this girl had rested her head on his shoulder, giving her will to try. He let a grin slip, that grin turned into a smile, a huge smile. Good thing Lily couldn't see, or else she would have thought he was crazy.
One delicate hand wandered for a few moments, before she found his free hand and laced her fingers with his. A very genuine smile crossed her own features, and shifting until she was comfortable, she closed her eyes and sighed happily. Oh yes. Good choice.
"Thanks for putting up with me, James." she muttered.
"Thanks for putting up with me." James replied. Glancing at her hand held in his, he felt his heart swell even more; surely it would burst any moment now. Deep inside he was scared that Lily could change her mind at any minute, causing him to go through heartache all over again. But right now, he was completely content. There was no place in the world he would rather be, than sitting against a wall with her held in his arms.