Tuesday July 26, 2005

Justin's POV

In contrast to what Brian later told our children, I didn't punch an orderly, but, after Brian's first treatment, I did argue with quite a few people about staying over. I wanted to be granted all the rights and privileges a heterosexual spouse is accorded, including being allowed to sleep over with Brian on a cot next to his hospital bed. They would allow me to be with Brian during his treatments, but the homophobic assholes refused to let me stay over, so I did sneak in with the help of Daphne and Hunter. Brian was suffering from serious fatigue, but he was determined that we have a decent wedding night, so I gave him a blowjob and, later, rode him. Then we spent the rest of the night holding each other and talking. Brian was in and out most of the night, falling asleep for 30-45 minutes at a time and then waking up, sometimes finishing sentences he'd begun before falling asleep, as though there had been no interruption.

As I discovered when I returned (for Brian's second day of treatment), Brian awoke (he went to sleep after I left at dawn) with a serious case of the hiccups.

He was hiccupping once every three seconds or so, and I would have laughed (I never imagined I'd see the Stud of Liberty Avenue, a vain man bordering on narcissism, a man who always needs to be in control of everything, especially himself, but even those around him, hiccupping uncontrollably). I would have laughed (the sight was a bit comical), until I saw the look in his eyes. At first, he tried to fix me with an icy glare, daring me to laugh, but, then, he hiccupped again, and all I could see in his eyes was vulnerability. I just wanted to pull him into my arms and run my fingers through his hair. Course, that would have made things worse, so I approached him as I would have done any other time, smiled, and purred, "Hey."

That actually brought a soft smile to his lips. Until he hiccupped again. Apparently, severe hiccupping is a fairly common side effect of the cisplatin-etoposide treatment he'd received the day before. The nurse offered him baclofen (a muscle relaxer and anti-spasmodic), but warned that he'd be 'fuzzy' afterward. I could tell that he was torn. He was clearly desperate for the hiccups to go away, but, for Brian, being 'fuzzy' would just be another loss of control. The drug would cure the symptom, but not the underlying problem. Suddenly, I had an idea. "Don't take anything yet. I'll be right back!" Then I ran down to the cafeteria. I returned with a handful of sugar packets. That elicited a raised eyebrow. I smiled and handed him two. He looked doubtful, but took them and poured the sugar into his mouth pixie-stick style. Then we waited.

One Mississippi

Two Mississippi

Three Mississippi

No hiccup.

Four Mississippi

Five Mississippi

Six Mississippi

No hiccup.

Brian smiled and pulled me into his lap. He held me tight and whispered into my ear, "What would I do without you?"

I nuzzled his neck and replied huskily (yes, I know. I'm an insatiable freak, but, even when Brian's wearing a hospital gown and sitting in a wheelchair, being close to him, being in his arms, always has an effect on me), "You'll never have to find out."

Then Brian's nurse shooed me away so that she could get the IV started. I slipped the remaining sugar packets into my pocket and resolved to keep a supply handy for the next few months.

A few hours after Brian's treatment, he started shivering. I'd been sitting in a chair beside his bed holding his hand, our fingers threaded together, when it started. Without even thinking, when I noticed that his entire body was shaking, I climbed into bed with him and wrapped my arms around him. I held him tight and rubbed his arms and back. He didn't resist at all, which was kind of unusual. He might be more 'into' cuddling these days, but he was a little sensitive to what he considered coddling. It was at that point, when he didn't resist at all, but nestled into my embrace, that I started worrying. After a full five minutes, Brian was still shivering, so I called a nurse. She said that chills and shivering are common after receiving bleomycin and that they usually herald a fever spike. She took his temperature (it was 101◦), gave him something to bring his temperature down, and then departed. I climbed back into bed with Brian and held him for about an hour (again he didn't resist), until I heard the nurse heading back toward Brian's room. By then, Brian had stopped shaking (all told, the shaking had lasted about fifteen minutes). The nurse took his temperature again. This time, it was normal. Then she told me I had to leave (visiting hours were over).

The bitch (yes, I said it; she's damn lucky I don't use the c-word) wouldn't give us a moment alone to say goodbye, so, after sending a cold stare in her direction, I grabbed Brian by the neck (though gently) and planted a super-passionate kiss on him. Seriously. We were making out for a solid two or three minutes. When I broke our kiss, Brian was breathing heavy and flushed (me, too). I smiled when I saw that the nurse had turned red, though from anger or embarrassment (or both), I don't know. Brian was quite amused by the whole scene.

On the way home, I stopped at the pharmacy and bought a digital thermometer and some ibuprofen and then hit the grocery store to buy a box of sugar packets, but the store didn't stock sugar packets, so I hit a McDonald's, bought a coffee, and then stuffed a bunch of sugar packets they had set out with the condiments in my pocket. I got a few disapproving glances from some elderly people, but I was unperturbed. I just glared back.

A few hours after I'd left the hospital, I laid down in our bed, which now seemed way, way, too big. Though I usually slept naked, a habit I picked up from Brian, on this night, I was wrapped up in a long-sleeved shirt Brian had worn a few days ago that hadn't been washed since he'd worn it. I'd wanted to sneak back into the hospital again that night, but I knew Brian would insist that we fuck, and he was way too fatigued. Unfortunately, I'd quickly grown accustomed to sleeping with Brian every night again, and I was especially disturbed because I was worried about him. Had his fever returned? Was he feeling nauseous? With such questions on my mind, I tossed and turned for an hour.

Then the phone rang. It was Brian.

As soon as I picked up the phone (I hadn't even said hello), Brian drawled, "Sunshine."

I immediately jumped into freaky mother mode. "Brian! What are you doing up? Shouldn't you be resting?"

Brian sighed. "I've been 'resting' all fucking evening. I'm bored. Up for some phone sex?"

Brian sounded tired, but the haziness of his voice made it lower, sexier. As worried as I was, I was turned on, too, and I didn't want Brian to think I considered him somehow lesser because he was in the hospital. So I purred, "With you, always."

"What are you wearing?"

"One of your shirts. A black silk button down."

Brian seemed thrown by this information. His voice was a strange mixture of lightness and tension, as though he were aiming for, but not quite achieving, equanimity. "Do you miss me that much already?"

I stated firmly, "Yes." Then I continued, a little huskily, "Being wrapped up in something you recently wore, something that still smells like you, makes the bed feel a little smaller, a little less empty."

Even over the phone, I could hear Brian swallow hard. Then he said, his voice nearly a whisper, "Close your eyes, Sunshine."

"Done."

"I'm there with you. You look hot in my shirt. The dark color makes a beautiful contrast with your creamy white skin. Unbutton it for me. I want to see all of you."

"One button undone. Two. Three..."

"Now trace circles around your nipples lightly with a finger."

The combination of Brian's voice and the slightly tickling sensation I experienced, especially when I touched the little peaks caused me to moan softly. I could hear Brian's breathing grow ragged.

"Are you hard, Sunshine?"

I whispered huskily, "Yes."

"Slide one hand down your chest, slowly, tracing a line to your cock with your fingers while also pulling on your nipple ring with the other hand, like I would."

A delicious shiver passed through me as I complied. I made a little exhaling sound, "Oh…" which Brian seemed to like very much, as he moaned softly.

"Grab lube from one of the end table drawers. Squeeze some into your hand and then rub your hands together to warm it up."

"Okay…done."

"Now send one hand to the tip of your cock, rolling your hand over it slowly, while you pump your shaft with the other."

I grunted and then moaned softly. Having both hands on my cock, warm and wet, felt very like Brian taking my entire length into his mouth, the tip of my cock into his throat.

"Arch your back. You look so fucking hot. What I wouldn't give to flip you over, push your chest flat onto the bed, thread the fingers of both of my hands into your silky blond hair, and then rip your head back as I pound your tight little ass. I would fuck you so deep and so hard that you'd feel me inside you for a week."

I started panting and then whisper-moaned, "Oh Brian…"

"Squeeze the tip of your cock, hard, and start pumping your shaft faster."

Waves of heat rolled outward from my groin, and electricity began prickling through me. I mewled, and my entire body tensed. "I'm so fucking close, Brian. Ohhhh….Brian…."

I shut my eyes tight and arched my back even more, now thrusting into my hand even as I pumped my shaft. Then I shouted, "Oh fuck!" and exploded. Brian let out a deep body moan a second later, presumably as his orgasm tore through him. I fell back onto the bed, my chest heaving.

Brian breathed, "That was hot!"

I smiled brightly. I couldn't believe how turned on imagining me touch myself and the noises I made got Brian. When I heard Brian yawn, I smiled even more brightly. "Thanks, Brian. I was tossing and turning before you called, but, now, I'm so sleepy."

"Okay (another yawn). I'll let you go then. See you in the morning."

"Yeah. Oh wait."

I could tell Brian had his eyes closed and was half asleep already by his answer, a barely audible, "Mmm…"

"I love you, Brian."

"Love you, too, Sunshine."

I hung up the phone, wiped the cum off of my thighs and hands, refastened the buttons on Brian's shirt, and then snuggled up to Brian's pillow (holding it against my chest). I fell asleep with Brian's voice in my ears, happily enveloped in his scent and the smell of sex.