Chapter 11
I knew it…
I fucking knew it...
He had this terrible unrelenting gnawing feeling in his gut when he had seen them together, like there was something going on between them…and now…he could smell it all the way from the other side of Forbidden Fruit.
The first time he had smelled Shepard, she had smelt like the warrior he knew she was. Armor laced with the subtle scent of heat sinks and calm resolve, unwavering tenacity…his father's slight lingering trace. The dark musky aroma mixed with leather, a scent marking upon her skin.
He had been so angry at his father then. Tracking him down to butt into his life, along with a woman he was seeing in tow. Commander Shepard of all people. A women who walked with legends, not assassins. A human paragon for her species, an angel of wrath and vengeance, turned personal savior to them both.
Of course, that was before he knew what she tasted like. At least her tongue. Sweet exotic wine and vanilla, her lavender body wash and perfection…but now…that bastard had cum inside her and her smell was mixed with that fucker's spiced aroma. Why didn't he pick up on them sooner? He didn't think they were seeing one another. Perhaps just a fuck? Gods know you've been around the Wards once or twice.
Kolyat's mind wandered to Thane as he approached them. How it would have been easier if he wanted her when his father was still alive. How he could have just asked to be included if he really wanted to be. He doubted his father would have refused him if he pushed the subject. He had seemed so desperate to reconcile, and he was so sure Shepard would have done anything to appease Thane. Even take him to her bed, although she might have done it reluctantly, if at all.
Kolyat sighed as he thought about that scenario. It would have been a shitty way to go about it, and he honestly wasn't even in the slightest bit attracted to humans at that time. He barely was even now, although he was starting to become more aware of them and the exotic beauty that some of them exhibited. Truthfully, even thinking about it now made him realize that the bonds between father and son were not strong enough for that opportunity, if it was presented. That kind of relationship would have been started for the wrong reasons. For Drells, that form of intimacy would have been an honor, but for them…it would have been nothing but a disaster. Would I have been able to be intimate with the both of them at that time?
Kolyat fought back the taste of bitterness in his throat as he realized what he was starting to really want with her, like no one before. He was not being clear about what he was starting to feel for Shepard and his hesitation and uncertainty was confusing even to him. If he didn't care he would have just tried to fuck her and be done with it, and he sensed that it was what she might be thinking too. She said his reputation didn't bother her, but he had a feeling it was all she was starting to see. How do you actually show a woman you care, when you have used every single one before her?
Gods how he hoped it had only been a fuck with Feron and nothing more. Honestly, he had nothing against the other drell. He actually liked him, and they had hit it off pretty well since being introduced, sharing a few messages and calls; joking; talking; they had even planned on hanging out tomorrow night. Truthfully he shouldn't even be angry. He had never actually asked Shepard if she was seeing anyone or interested in someone, he had just automatically assumed…
Son of a bitch!
No…there was no way they were actually seeing each other, right?
Feron noticed him first, catching his gaze, most likely recognizing his pissed off scent as he approached them. The colorful drell adjusted nervously in his chair, humming to him in greeting when he neared. The sound alerting Shepard who turned her eyes on him and smiled thinly.
"Hey!" Feron spoke up first smiling, although his expression was not as vibrant as all the other times they had spoken or seen one another in the video chats.
Yeah...you know what you did asshole. I can smell it.
Kolyat kept his till silent and nodded in greeting, making sure his face gave nothing away as he sat down across from them. His hand smoothing down the front of his leathers, his subtle movement catching Shepard's gaze. Her vibrant green eyes lingering on the motion of his hands.
"So, I take it that's your new favorite jacket?" Shepard grinned brightly eyeing his black leathers approvingly. Her eyes roaming over him as her expression softened, resting her chin upon her hand. Kolyat could only feel anger well up in his chest from the intensity of her gaze as she watched him.
Don't look at me like that. If you cared, you wouldn't have fucked him.
Kolyat looked away from them, his mind and chest racing with too many emotions that left him confused and annoyed. He was having trouble wrapping his head around how he should act towards them in this moment. Jealousy was never on his plate before, he had never cared about anyone enough for that emotion to shine through. Even Zahria's bullshit actions and the hell she had put him through didn't make him this upset.
His eyes roamed through the café, trying to focus on something else, trying to find anything to grab his attention. His gaze falling upon two serving girls he knew who waved to him in excitement already making their way over to the table. He smiled genuinely, thankful for the moment of distraction to get his mind off the scents before him. He could smell Shepard all over Feron too and that thought alone made him want to leap across the table and strangle the other drell, contemplating the different ways to avoid his hyoid bone and slam his face against the hard wooden surface.
"Hey Kolyat!" The taller of the two women said first, a chocolate skinned human with a long oval face and dark brown eyes that looked almost black. She smiled warmly running a hand through the short bob jet black hair that fell in front of her eyes placing a small tray upon the table.
"Sorry for the wait. When we saw Kolyat join you we went back to get him his tea too." The shorter female said towards Shepard and Feron who wore matching expressions of curiosity. Kolyat didn't give a shit what they thought.
"Ebony, Nina, how are you ladies doing?" He asked grinning, making a show of it. Leaning back comfortably against the seat. Ebony placed the drinks down in front of them and smiled as her name was called and her attention was brought to another patron. She waved and held up a finger before looking back at him.
"I've been better. I'll catch up with you later though Kol, I might need your help with something."
"You have my contact info." He said seriously hoping whatever it was, wasn't too severe. He already knew that it had nothing to do with finding a date or a party she sometimes invited him to by the look on her face. Ebony nodded and lowered her voice before leaving.
"Nina can fill you in a little. I'll call you later." She said quickly leaving the smaller blond as she made her way over to another table to take their order.
"She's not in trouble is she?" Shepard asked softly leaning in for semi privacy towards Nina who shook her head. The tight golden ringlets of hair bouncing as she made a sound of denial.
"No way, nothing like that." She protested, her bright blue eyes moving around the café before she moved in closer.
"It's this guy actually. He's a regular who only ever comes when she's on shift. He hangs around and constantly asks her out, lately he's been getting a little aggressive."
"Nothing worse than a male who can't take the hint." Feron chimed in.
What the fuck? Was that comment directed at him? Kolyat growled in annoyance knowing that Feron would be the only one who could hear him, his sound of anger catching the other drells interest who quirked an eyeridge at him in concern.
"Well…the last time he was here he caused a really big scene. Emily is looking up the laws that prohibit clientele from entering an establishment. It's hard with the anti-discrimination laws in effect."
"He's not human?" Shepard asked in interest.
"Turian…and a politician." Nina frowned deeply.
"Please tell me his name isn't Tallid?"
"Are you serious right now?" Kolyat sucked his teeth in anger but Shepard only grinned at him cheekily.
"I was just curious." She shrugged nonchalantly picking up her coffee and taking a sip blinking at him innocently.
So full of shit, that wasn't even funny.
"I don't know his name, sorry." Nina answered.
"How often does he come in and cause a disturbance?" Feron asked bringing the conversation back.
"Maybe two or three times a week. Emily wants to file a restraining order but she think she might have a hard time because of his political ties. I think she's also going to change around Ebony's shift and see if that helps."
"Is Emily here? I would like to speak to her so I can help. I need as much information on the guy as possible to speed up the process, a name would help." Kolyat murmured as he glanced around looking for the petite human owner.
"I can run a back ground check on the guy if she knows his name." Feron tilled in eagerness towards him willingly. Kolyat stayed silent unsure if he wanted to accept his help or tell him to go fuck himself. Feron being an information trader would allow him to find more on the guy then C-Sec could ever hope to dig up. Maybe he should let him help. This was for Ebony's wellbeing and Emily had always been kind to him. They could even be considered friends. It was time for him to return the favor. After a moment he returned a hum of reluctant acceptance which left a smile on Feron's lips but a frown on his own.
Why are you smiling? You're still not off the hook yet asshole.
"Emily should be here soon." Nina started to speak again. "She has a wedding order that needs to be completed before the weekend. She and Vanessa are going to do an overnight to get it done."
"Tell Emily to contact me when you next see her. She has my info. I'll do whatever I can to help."
Kolyat caught a small smile on Shepard's lips as she stared at him quietly. Her watchful eyes making him suddenly uncomfortable and confused. What is she thinking about? Before he had a chance to dwell, Nina nodded and handed out small laminated cards to each of them before grabbing a pad and pen from her apron.
"Do you want to order anything to eat? Emily is starting to incorporate small lunch specials. Salads and light sandwiches. There's a seaweed salad that she put on the menu for our drell clients and she also has Hashi tea now in case you want that for the future."
Kolyat smiled, pleased at how Emily was trying to accommodate her growing clientele. She was always considerate and easily adaptable. One more thing to admire about her.
"I am good right now. The tea is fine. I will try the salad when I come in tomorrow." Nina nodded and looked at Feron and Shepard expectantly.
"I'm not really hungry." Feron said softly glancing at Shepard who nodded in agreement.
"We're good with the coffee and tea. Thank you."
"Not a problem. If you need a refill I'll be by the counter. I'll keep a look out." She smiled genuinely taking the cards from them and walking away leaving Shepard to turn her gaze back on him and grin playfully.
"So…Kol…I take it you come here often?"
Kolyat frowned sitting further back against his chair as he took his tea and sipped it making sure to keep a neutral disposition. He wasn't entirely sure he liked how his nickname sounded on her lips right now.
"The owner is an acquaintance of mine and yes. I come here on most of my lunch breaks. I didn't know you we're familiar with it though."
"Are you kidding me?" She asked in disbelief. Her green eyes widening in overly dramatic shock.
"Have you tried their chocolates? So freaking good. They have this little champagne truffle in the shape of a seashell. Holy hell…it's like an orgasm in your mouth."
Feron grinned at her and tilted his head to the side, quirking an eyeridge in mirth as he regarded her statement. Kolyat wanted to say a thousand nasty rude comments but opted to push the subject aside. He blinked at her slowly and let out a heavy breath doing his best to keep his expression devoid of any reaction. He didn't want her to know what was on his mind…at least not in front of the other drell.
"I never tried it." He murmured glancing away.
"Drells don't normally like sweet things." Feron added in, finally taking a sip of his own tea, his expression turning thoughtful as he tasted the flavor, sipping a second time more deeply before meeting his awaiting gaze. Kolyat knew that Emily had a unique mix for her teas and was curious to what the other drell thought of the drink he ordered.
"We talking about food or women?" Shepard chiming in snickering, bringing Feron's attention back towards her as he grinned widely.
"I wonder…"
"I'm actually surprised because Thane was addicted to Ra'shak and Dra'fu tarts. Every time we went to the Citadel he would disappear and come back with a box of them."
"Really?" Kolyat asked doubtfully hearing a till of agreement from Feron.
"I didn't take Thane for a pastry or candy eater." The colorful drell said thoughtfully, sitting back in his chair glancing at Kolyat who nodded in agreement. Kolyat wasn't sure if she was serious or not as she laughed softly at the looks of skepticism on their faces.
"I'm not saying he ate them all the time. It was just something he enjoyed every now and then. Our trips to the Citadel we're few and far between, so we stocked up when we could. When we got more familiar I would catch him sneaking into my cabin, trying to steal my chocolates and-"
"If Thane really wanted to steal something, I doubt he would have let you catch him. You know that right?" Feron smiled gently as they both watched her glance down at the table, most likely thinking back on a moment in her mind.
"I know…There was one night he snuck into my quarters and…you know what, never mind." She laughed nervously looking away from the both of them. Kolyat knew it was an intimate memory. One he would remember to ask her about at a later time. More questions to accompany everything he wanted to know pertaining to his father and her.
"I take it that was an occasion he gave you something to do with your hands?" The other Drell grinned flirtingly causing Shepard to snicker and slap his arm playfully. Kolyat just wanted to punch him in the mouth.
"Anyway Kolyat…" She started, knowing she was looking for any excuse to change the subject. "I hope Bailey didn't keep you too long doing paperwork. Did he at least let you up for air?"
"I'm used to it and I know you don't really care." He replied curtly. His harsh response causing her to frown, expression quickly sobering from his hostility. Feron scowled and narrow his eyes, tilling in disapproval.
Fuck them both right now. They we're the ones who asked me here.
"What is it you called me for? Do you have something for me, or did you perhaps need to use me again? If you need another bodyguard, I'm sure Feron can handle it for you now."
Shit…your being a total dick…and that sounded too much like jealousy. Shepard crossed her arms in front of her chest and sat back in her chair, eyes hardening as she assessed him solemnly.
"What is your problem this morning? Someone piss in your cheerios?"
They glared at each other for several heartbeats, both of them unwilling to back down from the other. Both of them suddenly ignoring the other drell who swallowed thickly and took another sip of his tea, abruptly finding something to catch his full attention on the opposite side of the café, pretending they weren't trying to burn holes through one another.
Eventually Kolyat was the one to look away first, sucking his teeth in aggravation as he pulled in a deep breath to calm himself. Why was he even acting like this? Like some lover scorned. He really needed a moment away from them to collect his thoughts. This really wasn't what he expected when he received her message to meet her here.
He expected warm smiles and genuine happiness to see him again. He expected flirting jokes and the opportunity to perhaps touch her hair or maybe her skin again. A tiny caress, a brush of his hand, the smell of her lavender body wash and the euphoric aroma of everything that was her. He didn't expect this other drell to blatantly cum inside her. Fuck…I have to stop thinking about that. Kolyat froze when he heard an emotional apologetic till erupt from Feron's throat, followed by a sound that indicated misunderstanding, making him only shake his head and sigh.
What misunderstanding? She slipped and fell on your dick?
Kolyat eyed the other male skeptically and sent back a till of indifference. She wasn't his, it shouldn't matter who she fucked...but it make him think. If she was with Feron…why did she kiss him that night at the C-sec ball...or was that the real reason she pushed him away at the safe house? Was he the one who was in the wrong? Why wasn't Feron being aggressive towards him if he was the encroaching male?
He didn't smell a claim on her so technically she was still fair game, and if Feron was serious about her, then he would have given him an aggressive subharmonic back when he slipped up and indicated his possession over Shepard. Which you technically had no right to do yourself. Fuck this was getting complicated.
"Are you guys doing a subharmonic?" Shepard finally spoke again, blinking slowly as she glanced between the two of them.
"We're trying to reestablish our bromance." Feron smirked staring at Kolyat who just shook his head trying to find it in himself to hate the other male. He secretly wished he could slap him. However, he felt the urge harder to hold on to as he thought more about the whole situation. Eventually he sighed and looked back at the rainbow hued drell who smiled in hopeful uncertainty, his hazel eyes full of expectations.
"I hate you right now." He admitted gently but feeling the air between them begin to lighten. Feron nodded in agreement and gave another till of misunderstanding. He was really trying hard to convince him that it wasn't what he thought. This fucking guy.
"I know, but I'll make it up to you, promise." Feron purred eagerly until he finally gave in.
"The drinks better be fucking strong...and expensive." Kolyat snapped with a low irritated growl.
"With little umbrellas."
"You know…if I'm interrupting something here..." Shepard grinned, trailing off into playful coyness.
"You would like that wouldn't you?" Feron purred wickedly, allowing her to shrug indifferently and click her tongue in reflection.
"I don't know. It might be hot…along with crazy inappropriate for me to watch. Which I guess would make it even more worthwhile."
Kolyat rose his eyeridge's at her in surprise as Feron hummed in delight. There was no way she was serious, was she?
"And here I thought I was the perverted one. You hear that Kol? I think she would like watching the two of us together. Think we could arrange that for her?"
Kolyat swallowed roughly his mind spinning with the possibilities until he quickly scoffed and looked away from the two of them heatedly. She was bullshitting and would not fall into the trap of Feron's teasing.
"You know that's all I think about…ever." She said dryly crossing her arms over her chest leaning back further against her chair. "If we're done screwing around maybe you can give Kolyat what he needs."
"You were the one who started it." Feron chided reaching into his jacket to produce a small glass case with three data chips, before sliding it across the table towards him. "For your friends…a fresh start. I still owe you one more though."
"The whole family is already registered at the colony. The shuttle leaves in a few days."
"Just make sure they are really ready for this. Once those chips are installed, who they were will completely cease to be."
Kolyat swallowed roughly and nodded as he took the chips and processed Feron and Shepard's words before placing it in his pocket, giving Feron an emotional till of thanks, truly grateful. He smiled vibrantly and tilled in genuine happiness.
"Seriously man, no problem. I'll give you the other one when Ryan is released…and…"
Feron's voice trailed off as his gaze turned distant and serious. Kolyat watched in curiosity as his attention slowly turned towards the doorway of the coffee shop. His hazel eyes brightening in interest as he scanned the café, sniffing the air. He looked confused but alert as if he was searching and trying to pinpoint something of importance.
"Everything okay?" Shepard asked cautiously picking up on the way Feron's body stiffened in awareness. His eyes moving around more quickly as they narrowed in deeper confusion. It took him a moment before he was able to snap his attention back to Shepard after she touched his arm softly in budding concern. His throat ribbing suddenly swelling and vibrating a sound of embarrassment as he glanced down at the table unsure.
"Yeah...sorry. I smelled something." He mumbled as he tried to hide the fact that he was still trying to glance around again, his inner eyelids blinking rapidly in unease.
"Something weird or something good?"
"Good...a little too good." He admitted, red hues erupted beneath his throat as he coughed into his hand and stood up fluidly.
"Was it a female?" Shepard grinned cheekily resting her chin on the palm of her hand as she stared up at him. Her response interesting Kolyat more than Feron's behavior. She wasn't jealous? So it wasn't serious between them?
"What did it smell like?" Kolyat asked in curiosity wondering if his reaction meant that he had smelled a compatible female nearby. He sniffed the air trying to pick something up but was unable to focus on anything other than Shepard and the exotic aromas on her skin. Nothing else seemed to grab at him and not even Feron's smell on her was going to deter him for long without a claim in her system. Fuck him, she was still fair game. Feron pulled in a deep breath and straightened his jacket, titling his head to the side thoughtfully.
"A female Drell…I think. Like rain...and the sea after a storm…a subtle scent of sand and oceans. It's very…enticing."
Rain...and oceans? Was it Emily? Kolyat tried to smell the air again but he didn't pick up her scent. Maybe he was mistaken? Emily wasn't a Drell.
"Are you jealous?" Feron smirked at Shepard, snapping out of whatever biological hold that had suddenly come over him.
"Of course Feron." She answered in mock horror. Her tone turning overly dramatic and embellished. "I can't go through the day without you, don't you know that?"
"I know it." He chuckled deeply, his voice rumbling in delight. "But right now I have some business to take care of…So for now, I'll catch up with the two of you later."
He eyed both of them and grinned. Nodding towards Shepard who waved lazily in goodbye as he tilled his farewell and good intentions toward Kolyat before giving one last glance around the café, leaving them alone.
Kolyat gave it a few moments. The both of them sitting in silence taking sips of their drinks. The air growing heavier and heavier with unspoken words between them. He studied her face, the pale perfect skin and light pink hues of her cheeks. The slender curve of her neck and all that vibrant silky red hair just waiting to be bunched upon someone's palms. Did Feron bury his nose in it like he had hoped for a chance to do?
"Are you two seeing each other?" He suddenly blurted out. His mind running rampant of thoughts of the two of them together.
"What?" She asked in alarm blinking slowly. Taking another sip of her coffee she glanced away. Was she trying to bide her time?
"Why would you ask something like that?" You're fucking joking right? Kolyat frowned as he glared at her in disapproval. She was most likely going to shoot him again.
"Because you reek of him. I can smell him all over you. I can smell that he was inside you."
"What the fuck? God, you're direct. Are you seriously saying that to me? It's really none of your business what happens between Feron and me."
"No? I am just curious because of the time we've been spending together. Not to mention that you kissed me back…twice I might add. I just want to know how serious you are about him if you allowed me to taste your mouth."
"Jesus Kolyat…Do I ask about all the women you fuck…or kiss?" She groaned running a hand over her face before tangling it through her hair.
"I try not to kiss them. I prefer not to even put my mouth on them unless I have too." He snapped. He knew she was familiar with many drell practices. She should already know that they considered a kiss to be extremely intimate. Fitting since they could always pull back the memory of another's tongue and taste in a single moment. Kissing was usually only done with serious intent.
"You know, I don't even care. It doesn't matter to me if you do or not. I already know you're never serious about any of them. You have no right to ask about what I do behind closed doors."
Her comment made him hesitate. She was right…he was never serious with any of those females, it was true…but with her…he had no right to ask. But he had to tell her what he was thinking, even if he was about to regret it.
"Sarah…When you were with my father-"
"Are you about to accuse me of finding a replacement or are you angry Feron got to me first?"
Her bold statement caught him off guard. Did she already know how much he was starting to want her? Did Feron perhaps say something to her? Of course he did, you fucked up and let it slip. Kolyat sighed knowing it was time to finally be truthful with her, no matter how badly this was probably about to end.
"Sarah-"
"I'm not your father Kolyat…That blame game is not going to work on me." He knew what she meant clearly. When he had first learned about her he had accused his father of not mourning his mother properly and finding a replacement. He had been rude and vocal, cruel and uncaring, but that was before he had learned the full truth of his father's absence.
"I did not say that…and I have already meant and apologized for what I did say to you when we met. As for my father…you said it yourself…I was a different person, and I was. At that time I didn't understand his actions, I just wanted him to hurt. Using anything I could find to throw at him, and fuel his guilt. That included you. I know it was petty, but it was all I had at the time. I didn't know you. You were just ammunition. Just some woman with his scent, nothing more."
"Kolyat-" He held up his hand to silence her.
"Let me finish. I will not accuse you of finding a replacement. I know you will never stop loving my father. Just like he never stopped loving my mother. It is not easy, but it is possible to love more than once in a lifetime…but I don't think Feron is the one you are meant to move on for."
Fuck…why did I just say that?
"Who then? Who should I move on for?" She whispered, her gaze burning into his with unending intensity. He tried his hardest not to misinterpret her earnest gaze as hope on his part. He swallowed roughly and spoke. His voice matching hers just above a whisper. There's no way…you can't admit that…
"You'll figure it out."
"I don't like games." She frowned, green eyes darkening in rising ire.
"Neither do I."
She made a sound of disgust and clicked her tongue in annoyance. Glaring at him as different emotions swirled over her features until she settled on indifference, grabbing her coffee once again to bring it to her lips.
"What makes you believe I even care about what you think?"
Kolyat shook his head and grimaced in disgust, sneering at her response. She was so full of shit. He didn't care how much she was pretending, he still wanted her. He didn't care how many times that male had tried to taint her smell. It would go away in time and he would still not want her any less. He was tired of pretending he didn't, tired of subtle approaches and taking his time. Impatient about her trying to figure it out herself. He knew she wanted him too, he could sense it, and he was irritated that it was taking her this long. She was fighting it for reasons he couldn't comprehend. The only thing he couldn't recognize, was weather it was just sex or something more? He liked her…a lot. More than any woman before. He was tired of being silent about it and he was about to make damn well sure she knew exactly what he saw.
Please be something more…
"I see the way you look at me…" He started, keeping his gaze steady on hers. His hands flat against the table as if he was trying to keep himself from sinking into the floor.
"Like you can't figure out if you want to shoot me again, or…" Kolyat leaned in close and kept his voice low, making sure his vocals were only loud enough for her to hear.
"If you want to feel me so deep inside you, it leaves you begging me for claim."
She sucked in a harsh breath from his straight forward response. Her scent changing to arousal laced with rage. Eyes brightening as a pink flush erupted over her skin. He loved that smell, could taste that intoxicating subtle sweetness like a caress of liquid heaven against his skin. He loved the blush over her skin, an indication that he had caught her off guard.
"You would like that wouldn't you? Feeling me inside you. If you want I can replace his scent with mine. Fill you so completely with my seed you only know what it means to be consumed in pleasure."
"Jesus Kolyat…what are you saying? You don't know-"
"Yes I do." He cut her off roughly. "I know exactly what I'm saying and I know for a fact if I didn't fuck up and say what I said to you that first night, my scent would be on you instead, and you wouldn't reek of him."
"Can you please stop saying reek? That word is freaking me out."
"Good. Does it make you want to jump in a shower and get his stench off you?"
"I showered before I came here. I know I don't smell. You're just being an asshole."
"That's a matter of opinion…let me take his scent away. I want to know how amazing your fragrance will be after I've been inside you. Let me show you how perfect it will be."
She looked down at the table biting her lip, her heavy breaths labored as she struggled for control, her throat constricting as she swallowed heavily. Her eyes searching the wooden grains of the surface deep in thought. Her scent turning wild.
"You need to stop."
"Do you really want that?" He whispered in doubt. She glanced up at him in uncertainty with eyes like a raging storm.
"You shouldn't talk to me like that."
"You don't dislike it."
"Yes…I do."
He wasn't at all convinced.
"Then why do your cheeks redden when I do? Why do I smell your arousal? Your eyes dilate in lust? I'm sure I'll be ten times better then Feron if you allow me to show you."
"Maybe I screamed out Thane's name when he made me cum. Maybe I'll do the same thing to you. Maybe that's the real reason I fucked him. To be reminded of what a Drell feels like inside of me. It didn't matter what Drell it was. Maybe I used him. Maybe I'll use you too." Her voice bit out harshly now. Her gaze turning to anger and disdain. So much pain, so much force in trying to convince him.
Kolyat looked away in alarm. He hadn't thought about that. Maybe she had only slept with Feron because she missed his father. Perhaps she was speaking the truth and she had used him. Perhaps that was the real reason she was pushing him away, because he really did remind her of his father. No…He felt how she had reacted to him. How her scent changed whenever he got near her. The body does not lie.
She has to be lying…
"You are not that cruel."
"You don't know me Kolyat. You don't know what I'm capable of. The things I've done." Her voice was empty and hollow now. The tone of Commander Shepard shining through. The domineering angel of wrath. There was more to her than that. Commander Shepard was not everything that existed within her.
"No…but I would like to. I want to know you. I want to know all of you."
Sadness flashed across her face at the sincerity in his voice. His till of truthful intent rumbled low for her to hear clearly. He wanted her to know how serious he was about this.
"Trust me, you won't like what you see…besides…you're his son, and Thane-"
"In Drell society-"
"I'm not Drell! I'm human! And you don't understand all the things that make this wrong for me. The consequences…"
"Sarah, please-"
"No…" She cut him off again roughly, voice thick to the point of budding anguish. Kolyat could feel a weight starting to push down on his chest staring at her forsaken expression just as she began to whisper.
"There's a darkness inside of me...an emptiness…Thane…he…" Her voice trailed off as her gaze grew distant before she shook her head to push off the memory she almost lost herself in. Kolyat swallowed heavily ready to say her name again but held his tongue as she continued.
"You can never understand. Just forget about me in that way."
No…
"I can't…can't you see that?" He didn't care if his voice came out almost pleadingly. He knew it was starting to break as he lost his composure. Emotion starting to drown his resolve.
"Let me show you how much I want you. What I'm willing to do. I will understand, I know I will. Give me a chance to show you that I can be-"
"I don't want you! Can't you get that through your head?" She yelled towards him viciously. Kolyat didn't need to look around to know that people were staring at them as he looked down at the table in dejection.
'I don't want you.'
No one ever wanted him.
That simple truth.
After his mother was killed and even before, he felt as if he was nothing more than a burden to everyone around him. His father barely interacted with him as a child and then disappeared completely after her funeral. He had soon become someone else's problem to be dumped and pushed aside. He had been left in the care of an aunt and uncle on Irikah's side, but even then they had tiptoed around him. Never sure how to interact with a child that wasn't their own. He was regarded as there, nothing more, nothing less. Nothing important.
By the time Thane's brother had been reached and was able to intervene on his behalf and take him as his own, he had already been too lost to care. Torin had tried, Gods know he did. He had done everything to console Kolyat in every way, but the damage had already been done, and he was too lost at any attempt for change. The only woman he had ever seriously dated and started to care for had used him and discarded him when she was done. He was nothing more than an unwanted fuck up…He thought for the first time that perhaps there was someone actually enjoying his company. That perhaps Shepard cared about him too.
"Sarah-"
"I don't want to hear it. Just go find one of your floozies to fuck. I'm not interested."
He narrowed his eyes at her in regret and budding discontent. He thought that perhaps she was different. That she was actually taking the time to know him. No one else had spoken to him the way she did before when they were at the safe house. When they were alone in her office, when he had helped console her in her moment of weakness. Was it all a lie?
That's all I'm good for, right? An exotic lay, nothing more. That's all you see…That's all anyone sees…
The pain that hit Kolyats chest felt like a sucker punch to the gut. Unable to find his voice he looked down at the table trying to grasp at anything to say so she could understand how he was starting to feel about her. How much he hated himself in that moment. How much he wished he could turn himself into anything that she wanted…even his father.
"I think it would be better for the both of us, if we don't see each other again." Her voice was low and empty as she started to rise from the table. No…he couldn't let that happen. If nothing else was true, he knew he had to see her again. He blinked at her in alarm.
"Shepard…" He started, staring up at her in distress, rising to grab her wrist quickly without thinking. She sighed and stared back at him impatiently, green eyes darkening with their own regret. Her gaze moving to his hand around her wrist in anger, until he released her tilling in apology.
"My Detective Exam is tomorrow. We are having a party at Neon Rain two days after at 1600 to celebrate. I would like it if you could be there." He knew he was grasping at anything he could think of, but he couldn't let it end like this. If he could see her again, maybe he could turn things around. Maybe he could try a different approach, maybe…
"I don't think that's a good idea Kolyat. I'm sorry." He let out a heavy breath of disbelief as her tone held no room for argument, and it didn't matter. In that moment he could think of nothing else that would tie her to him. Feron was going to take care of the last ID and she didn't need him for another event. She had already helped him with Claire and given him the safe house. What else was there? Nothing…fucking nothing. As he watched her walk away and leave the café he had a feeling she knew it too. But what else could he say?
He sat down dejectedly, bunching his fists upon the wooden surface, suddenly feeling restless, as if he couldn't sit still. He didn't know what to do with his hands. He rubbed his face, the back of his neck, wiped his thighs frantically while looking up at the ceiling to take in a deep breath. Doing his best to clear his mind. His thoughts were too wild now.
Eventually, he got up from the table and glanced around, noticing how workers and patrons avoided his stare, until he saw Emily standing close by, a sad sorrowful look on her face. Honey eyes shining in unshed tears but hesitant to approach him. She had probably already figured out that Sarah was the girl that he was interested in, and she had just gotten a front row seat to his dramatic rejection.
'Don't rush it. If you do, you'll regret it and it will be that much more painful.' He should have listened to her. He got carried away, and now…now he didn't know what to do with himself.
Opening his omnitool he sent Emily a message that he had to get out of there and to put everything on his tab. He watched her look down at her omnitool and slowly back up at him nodding silently. He could tell she wanted to come to him but knew now was not the right time. He would speak to her another day. He just needed some time to himself.
He needed…
He didn't know what he needed or wanted anymore…
He felt sluggish and tired. His body weak. His brain still left in utter chaos. He hadn't slept, the thoughts of what Shepard had said to him and his emotions running wild through the night prevented him from drifting off to rest. Several times Feron had called him and every time he had just stared at his omnitool waiting for the contact transmission to end until he eventually just turned it off wishing not to be disturbed. What could he have possibly wanted to say to him? He didn't even care enough to know.
He knew he was going to regret what he did. Taking things a little too far. Being honest with what he wanted to do to her. What was he thinking? It was one of the few times in his life that he knew he should have just held his tongue. Should have thought things through a little more. Should have waited it out, let things progress naturally…if they were even going to at all. What did he hope to accomplish? She would never see him as anything else.
He spent the whole night sitting on the floor, his back against his bed, knees up with his hands clasped lightly upon them as he stared unseeing into the darkness of his apartment. Silently watching the time periodically, until it was the moment he had to leave for his exam.
The route was taken on instinct and routine, his mind not really with him as he went mechanically toward C-Sec headquarters and travelled to the lower levels where the exam was taking place. He glanced around when he entered the orientation room where a small speech was given as a pep talk and moral boost for inspirational motivation.
The words were lost on him.
Slowly the group of cadets were ushered into another room, split into three groups of twenty eight by last name and asked to line up. Once they were in order he heard his name being called from behind, the enthusiastic tone catching his attention and making him turn to glance towards the back of the line. Keston beamed at him with a toothy wide grin, rumpled brown hair and dark circles under his eyes. He looked terrible and he had a feeling that the human male probably slept as much as he did. Smiling softly with a nod of greeting Keston gave him an ecstatic thumbs up just as his name was next called from the list. Taking a deep breath he turned and approached the counter where two officers sat for processing.
"Can I have your full name and identification number?" The Human male asked waiting to link the test to his account.
"Kolyat Krios, KR-79885-018"
The man nodded and tapped a few keys on his keyboard, while the Asari next to him turned the keypad over and waited for him to punch in his security code.
"C-sec Officer exam, right?" The male confirmed linking the program to his omnitool.
"Yes sir...I also need the Detective entrance exam."
Kolyat watched the male raise an eyebrow in interest as the murmurs and whispers grew louder behind him. He didn't give a shit what anyone thought about him in this moment and just pretended he couldn't hear them.
"What the fuck, he's applying for Detective?"
"You can do that?"
"That's Bailey's pet for you."
"Seriously? What a suck up."
"Hey, shut the fuck up. Krios works harder than half you losers." Kolyat blinked slowly hearing Keston voice his disapproval. At least one person had his back. Ignoring the rest of the mumbles, the C-Sec officer frowned at those behind him before he turned his gaze back on him tapping quickly on his keyboard again.
"Just to confirm, you are requesting the C-Sec Officer Exam and Detective Placement Exam. You are aware that if you fail the Detective Exam will be put back in cadet status and will not be able to reapply for fifteen months. If you fail the Officer Exam you will be put back on probation for six months. The Detective Exam is also accompanied by a Psychological Exam and an Oral Cross Examination afterwards. If you fail either the psychological or oral, you will not be able to reapply for twenty-four months. If you fail three times you will be disqualified from reapplying for the rest of your career. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Sir." Kolyat answered, swallowing down his rising nervousness. The asari and human both nodded and waited for him to sign off on the test registration as it linked to one of the computer module's.
"Officer Krios, desk twelve. Good luck." The asari said as the test finished loading. He bowed respectively before linking his omnitool to accept the test registration and headed for the door beside them. Glancing back at Keston he gave a curt nod of thanks who returned it and grinned back, a silent confirmation of good intentions.
Doing his best to clear his mind he sat down at his designated seat and punched in his identification and security clearance. After pulling up the first page and filling out his basic registration and completing the fingerprint scan he steadied his nerves and opened the first page of the psychological, skimming over some of the questions.
Do you like to smell flowers?
Have you ever thought about killing yourself?
Have you ever tried to commit suicide?
Would you prefer to be alone?
Do you get along with others?
Would you consider being a mechanic?
Do you sometimes wish you were the opposite sex?
Do voices tell you to kill yourself?
Is rape worse than murder?
Just answer honestly and do your best. That's all you can believe in right now.
Taking one more deep breath, he did a quick prayer to Arashu before answering the first question honestly, hoping that it would allow his life to change for the better. He had to focus on his dream. In this moment it became the only thing that mattered.
Kolyat sat on his bed, exhausted but still not willing to sleep. The exam was long and grueling the oral cross examination even more so. The human female had analyzed and asked him clarification on some of his answers to the psychological which turned out to be over two hundred questions. Most in which were same questions asked over and over with different wording in hopes of trying to trip people up. Any inconsistency was caught right away and multiple questions were asked.
In Kolyat's case though everything was consistent but some of his answers, although the same, were still drilled at him for confirmation. They were also combined with questions on how he viewed certain aspects of crimes and individual scenarios which were also presented. He had a feeling the woman was also doing a personality assessment on him as well when she asked simple questions like what he did in his spare time to unwind, or if he liked to read and what?
I really need a drink…
Sighing heavily he pushed back everything that happened in the last two days to the back of his mind. He could literally feel that his whole body was tense and uncomfortable as the stress from everything was starting to get to him. What if he didn't pass? What if he fucked up and said something on the Oral Exam which screwed his chances for the next two years? He needed to calm himself down. He needed someone to talk to.
Rubbing the back of his neck roughly he opened his omnitool and called the one person who knew him the best. It only took two rings before the screen came on and he was greeted by Taran's smooth smile and calm gaze. Kolyat could already feel a smile spreading across his own lips.
"I was hoping you would call. I wasn't sure when you would finish. How did the test go?"
"I think I did pretty well."
"So is congratulations in order?"
"Not yet, the results will be posted in a few days."
"Modesty does not suit you when it is not needed. I have no doubt you passed." Taran grinned widely and gave him a till of belief and happiness. Kolyat swallowed roughly and tilled back his thanks but changed it to a sound of sadness and distress indicating that he really needed to talk to him about something. Taran gave him a searching look of worry already knowing something was up but blinked it away as something caught his gaze.
"Is that Kolyat?" He heard a female voice call out as Taran looked to the side and grinned again softly, a female Drell joining him on the couch. She slid in gracefully, her shimmering silver dress flowing around her while she moved fluidly in beside him, wrapping her arm around the crook of his elbow beaming brightly at him upon the screen.
Mira Amani was beautiful and exquisitely elegant by his species standards. Tall and lean with the softest shimmer to her scales that started as a pale lavender upon her face and blended towards the deepest purple he had ever seen. She was smart and kind, a firecracker of energy and intelligence.
"Hey Mira." He smiled affectionately emitting a till of greeting and deep friendship.
"Hey Kolyat! So, are you a full-fledged officer now?" She asked in excitement, her lavender eyes sparkling in glee, the lighter lavender irises shining in hope.
"I will know in a few days. I went by the shop after my exam but Taran wasn't there. I was calling to see if you would let him come out and play tonight." Mira smirked as Taran chuckled but shook his head.
"You know we're trying to have a baby right?" Mira clicked her tongue coyly crossing one leg over the other to smooth her dress demurely.
"I think I remember Taran mentioning that to me." He smiled warmly already seeing where this conversation was headed.
"I know you probably want to celebrate, but not tonight…or tomorrow." She looked away a little shyly her frills darkening in embarrassment. Kolyat just grinned. She's in heat.
"Say no more. I understand. I take it you're both not going to work tomorrow or perhaps the day after?" Kolyat asked and both of them nodded in confirmation.
"Your results are in a few days right? We'll celebrate then, when its official." Taran said as Mira wrapped her arm around him tighter smiling widely humming in agreement.
"We love you Kolyat. We have no doubt that you made it, and we look forward to seeing you in a few days."
"I wish you both the best. Mira is counting on you Taran, don't let her down." Kolyat tilled jokingly making the silver Drell chuckle deeply.
"Well it won't be for a lack of trying, I assure you." Mira hit him playfully and sucked her teeth as Taran whispered to her and she nodded in understanding. Waving her goodbye she got up and walked away leaving the two of them alone. Once she was out of ear shot Taran lowered his voice and stared at him solemnly.
"You okay? What's wrong?" Kolyat looked away and sighed as Taran gave a sound of comfort. However, Kolyat did not want to become a burden on their plans and made a low tremor not to worry.
"Is it that human female? The one you protected at the Unveiling? Did something happen?"
"Don't worry about it right now. We can talk another time. Go give your woman a baby and make me its Ka'dan so I can spoil the shit out of it, and give it a stupid name."
Taran chuckled deeply, his rumbled vocals full of delight and happiness.
"What makes you think I would make you the baby's Ka'dan?"
"Because I'm better looking than your brother and clearly the better choice."
"You're clearly full of shit, but we have to have a baby first before we can choose Ka'dan's."
"Then you better get to it. You have a long night ahead of you." Kolyat snickered as he watched Tarans eyes brighten and his ribbing darken as he grinned.
"Fine…but when we next see each other, you better tell me everything I want to know."
"I'm not telling you shit unless you give your woman a baby." He growled with good intention. Both of them sharing one final snicker before saying their goodbyes.
Kolyat did a quick prayer to Arashu, asking the Goddess to bless his friends with a child knowing that a baby born from them would experience nothing but love and happiness. He sighed when he was done trying to think of who else he would want to hang out with. Clicking on his omnitool he placed a call to Keston.
"Krios. What's going on man?"
"About to head to Purgatory, you want in?"
"Usually I'm all for that but I'm beat. I crammed like a fucking black hole and now my head is killing me. I was about to head to bed. I got a shift in the morning."
"That's what you get for waiting until the last minute to study." Kolyat grinned at the other male.
"Yeah well, go fuck yourself. I'm too tired for a better come back. I think it worked though. Hey…what did you answer for the hostage question? Did you try to shoot the driver or did you let him go and called for backup?"
"I let him go. If you shoot, its reckless endangerment to the hostage, not to mention if your aim is off you can endanger any nearby pedestrians. Also if you shoot the driver and he's on manual the car can crash causing more harm."
"Fuuuuccck! I knew I shouldn't have answered the way I did." Keston groaned in aggravation ruffling his hair and pulling on it until it spiked up haphazardly.
"Fuck this test. I just needed to pass, not ace it."
"I'm sure you passed." Kolyat said reassuringly trying to encourage the human male.
"Thanks man. Yo, I didn't know you were interested in Detective. You could have told me, I wouldn't have said anything. I hope you get it. You kill yourself for this job more than half these dickheads. You deserve it." Kolyat swallowed roughly and glanced away in appreciation from Keston's support.
"Thanks. I'll let you go. You going to Neon Rain the day after tomorrow?"
"Hell fucking yeah, I need to get me some ass after I sleep off this headache. I'll see you there?"
"Yeah, I'll be there."
I guess tonight's a solo act. Kolyat sighed after he hung up with Keston not really willing to call anyone else. His mind shifted to the colorful Drell that still owed him a drink but he figured he would be busy with Shepard. Probably fucking her again.
He rubbed his eyes and groaned in aggravation, throwing his arms up to flop back against his bed to stare at the white ceiling, doing everything in his power not to think of the beautiful red head and how fucked up he made everything between them now.
Truthfully he didn't even want to go to the club but old habits died hard and he really felt like he needed a drink. The worst kind of defense mechanism. Getting up he grabbed his jacket and made his way out of the apartment and to the bar.
Purgatory was the same as any of the other clubs used to lose yourself for the night. The pulse grinding music that vibrated through the floors into your soul was enough to shake any person to their core. It was all the same to him. The grinding bodies, the cheap women, the watered down drinks. Glancing around he smelled the air, nothing but sex and sweat and the possibilities of pretending you were someone else for just a few hours.
Flagging down the bartender he ordered his first drink, downing it in three heavy gulps before ordering one more. Turning he rested against the edge of the bar waiting for the drink he just downed to work its way into his system as he nursed his second, a group of women catching his attention upon the dance floor.
He watched as they smiled at him three asari's and two human females, one which had a long mane of dark red hair that traveled to her waist. He wondered if it was as soft as Shepard's. He realized he stared too long when the human female tilted her head and indicated for him to join her upon the dance floor. Frowning deeply he glanced away and turned back to face the bar finishing his second drink in one last heavy gulp before signaling for another.
"You might want to slow down on those." He heard a female voice beside him say a dark grey asari with lighter grey freckled spots across her cheeks and neck. Her dark blue eyes staring at him in worry.
"You might need to mind your business." He snapped at her grabbing his third drink and taking another deep gulp before staring down into the dark liquid.
"Hard day?" She asked gently making Kolyat scoff and laugh bitterly.
"That's an understatement."
"Need someone to talk to?"
"No offense…but go fuck yourself. I'm not interested."
"Wow you're an asshole. I was trying to be nice."
"No one is ever nice. Everyone always wants something." The female looked at him thoughtfully and nodded in agreement as she reflected on what he said.
"Yeah…you're probably right." She answered sliding in closer to him. One of her fingers sliding over the sleeve of his leather jacket and up his arm. Kolyat glared at her and fought back the urge to hiss in anger.
"You're an asshole but you still look sexy as sin. I'm sure your one hell of a ride. Want to get out of here…so maybe I don't have to go fuck myself?"
Kolyat licked his lips and shook his head in anger. What the fuck was with these women? You're an exotic lay, nothing more, remember? He blinked at the asari slowly, trying his best to swallow down the rocks in his throat.
'I don't want you! Can't you get that through your head?'
"Yeah…fine…let's get out of here. Whatever you want."
"Great." She smiled brightly waiting until he gulped down the rest of his drink to follow closely behind her. Fuck Shepard and giving him a glimpse at something more. This was probably all he was good for, right?
Two hours later he was cupping his hands full of water to gargle and spit into the hotel bathroom sink. Wishing he was home brushing his teeth and scrubbing the taste of that woman's skin off his tongue. He had licked her without thinking and all he could focus on now was whether he should shower now or wait until he got home. The thought of scrubbing his body clean of her was nagging at him as he washed his face, rubbing his eyes wearily.
I have to stop doing this.
When he first started going home with women he was genuinely having fun. Partying hard, drinking hard, fucking even harder and after almost two years of it, he felt like it was starting to get old.
Because nothing can compare to her now.
Kolyat sighed heavily and leaned on the counter and closed his eyes. This is fucking ridiculous. Why was it her that he had to fall for? Ever since he had kissed Shepard he couldn't stop thinking about her. Being with her at the party had changed his whole perspective of her. Even what she said to him didn't make him want her any less. Even the thought of that other drell touching her, kissing her, bringing her to orgasm only made him want to beat the shit out of Feron but still want her. He just had this unrelenting feeling that it should be him instead of Feron.
Who the hell are you to think that with a woman you fucked lying several feet away? Fucking hypocrite.
He laughed bitterly pinching the bridge of his nose. He was a hypocrite. It was none of his business who she fucked and vise versa. One thing was sure though, Kolyat couldn't do this anymore. He had to stop going home with random strangers and start focusing on things that really matter. His detective exam was over and he knew he would qualify. He knew that exam book in and out, studied his ass off at every opportunity to make sure he would get the position. Although he didn't know what level he would qualify for. It didn't matter…this was what he truly wanted to do with his life. Protect others, and be something other than a fuck up.
No more random strangers. No more fucking around. This was the last time.
Kolyat heard the door behind him, the soft footsteps of the woman approaching. He sighed again deeply. This was it. This really was the last time. The last awkward after meeting. He would get dressed, go home, have one more drink and scrub himself until his scales were raw. After…he was going to permanently put a stop to the bed hopping. It just wasn't doing something for him anymore. None of these woman were making him feel anything but disgust for himself…and he was done with it.
"Just give me another moment. I'll head out soon."
Kolyat murmured in aggravation righting himself as he shut off the water glancing at the asari's face in the mirror as she approached closely behind him. Something suddenly seeming off. His whole body abruptly tensed up, his instincts flaring in warning, something dark flashing in her eyes. He turned around rapidly to push her away but froze as he felt the metal of a gun barrel press against his chest.
"Don't worry…this will only take a moment." The Asari licked her lips and grinned maliciously. The click of a loading sink, the only sound in the silence.