Chapter Eleven: This Song And Dance
"So why are we both in here?" asked Leigh. Ryan looked up as her younger, taller, thinner sister walked in, wet hair draped down her back, her slight frame wrapped in a small white towel.
"What?"
"Here, in this room. What's up with that?" she asked.
"This is a Manhattan apartment, Leigh. We don't exactly have a surplus of bedrooms," she said.
"You would, if you would just move in to his room," said Leigh pointedly.
"What?"
"Come on, you can't deny it anymore. You've obviously had sex," said Leigh. Ryan fell backward onto her bed and sighed.
"Quite a few times, actually," said Ryan.
"Why not now? He deficient?" she asked curiously.
"God, no. He's quite sufficient. Things just don't work between us," said Ryan.
"Why? Because he loves you and you love him, you have a kid together, you live together, you have incredible sexual tension..."
"Shut up, you sound like Brooke. And he doesn't love me. Never has," said Ryan, her voice gradually decreasing in volume as she spoke.
"Must be nice where you are. Ever miss the real world?" she asked.
"Have you ever really lived in it?" demanded Ryan angrily. Her eyes widened as Jamie appeared at the door, thumb in her mouth, looking in innocent surprise at her mother.
Ryan walked toward her hurriedly and lifted her in to her arms. Leigh watched in surprise. She'd come to help. In more ways than one. It didn't look as though she was helping any yet.
Jake noticed in surprise that Ryan looked livid as she entered the kitchen. She put Jamie back on the ground, who scampered over to her father with a squeal. Jake reflected uneasily that he shouldn't be any sort of novelty.
"Hey."
"Hey. Brooke called this morning. She wanted to know if you want to stay with her at her house next weekend, to help her with the kids. Lucas is going away," said Jake. Ryan nodded. "How long is your sister staying?"
Ryan eyed him suspiciously.
"As long as she wants. She's family, Jake," she snapped.
"No problem," he asked, looking at her in surprise.
"Good."
Jake watched her as she exited the kitchen, her long blonde hair flowing behind her. He didn't understand. He still felt ten steps behind her all the time. She knew more, she loved more, she'd been loved more. For years he'd felt older, now her felt younger. It was as if they were doomed to never be in the same place.
The more logical, less sentimental part of him, couldn't even understand why he missed her. Peyton had been out of his life for years. He didn't love her anymore. It was the cold, hard truth, but he didn't. He could understand mourning her as an old friend, but giving up on everything that was dear to him made no sense. Not even to himself.
He wished he could step back into his old life. Casually wrap his arms around Ryan, spend hours doing nothing with Jamie. He couldn't. For some reason, stepping back into old habits was impossible.
He remembered his other life. For some reason that he didn't quite understand, his life was split into two periods: Before Ryan and After Ryan. Not Before Peyton and After Peyton. Not Before Breakup and After Breakup, not Before That Summer and After That Summer, as Haley's was.
His life was all about Ryan, much as it pained him to admit it.
It wasn't the first time he'd done this. He was the guy who befriended girls, made them trust him unto infinity, and never manged to take it further.
A loud, resounding bang blasted him out of his brooding. He looked in surprise in the direction of the bathroom, where Ryan was knocking loudly on the bathroom door.
"Ryan?" he asked in surprise.
"She's been in there for ever, and she just took a shower! LEIGH!" she called. Jake frowned. He hadn't seen this side of Ryan before.
"Was this what you were like when you were teenagers?" he asked, his voice something vaguely akin to amusement. She scowled at him.
"No. When we were teenagers, we never had to share a bathroom. LEIGH!" she said again.
Leigh Scott poked her head out the door.
"What?" she asked in annoyance.
"You know there are other rooms," she said.
"Why are you guys living here, anyway? You shouldn't have to live in a place with one bathroom," said Leigh.
"Remind me not to let you visit anymore," said Ryan, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, I'm visiting? And here I thought I was just imposing," said Leigh.
"You're such a brat," said Ryan in distaste. Sensing ugliness, Jake hurried over and put his hands on Ryan's shoulders to gently pull her away. She resisted slightly, but gave in and let him pull her away as Leigh slammed the door shut again.
Ryan abruptly turned around and flung her arms about his neck, startling them both. It had been so long, he reflected, since he'd held her slim body in his arms.
"I hate what she does to me," whispered Ryan into his shoulder.
"You love your sister," said Jake inadequately. Ryan laughed.
"Doesn't mean I have to like her," said Ryan.
"Come on. We've gotten through everything together. We'll get through this," he said. She leaned her head back and looked at him in the eye.
"Not quite everything."
Jake held her closer, wishing she was wrong.
He remembered the last time he'd held her so close. That night. That long, long, endless night, the night that he'd never wanted to end. The death of Peyton, and the start of something new. At the time, he'd thought it was a new relationship: them being real, for the first time. As it had turned out, it was them being fake for the very first.