I Remember Love
A Becoming Jane-story
By: jakeline
Summary: The story begins after the opera, the year is 1814, Jane and Tom have met again. They begin questioning their actions and choices in the past (i.e. from the time they met in 1795 and forward).This is what could have happened if the movie had not ended.
Disclaimer: I do not own Jane Austen, Tom Lefroy or any other character in this story. Facts are taken from the Becoming Jane Fansite.
Author's note: A warm thank you for all your kind words. It is what makes me continue writing!
Part 11: In which they find that old feelings die hard
June, 1814
Tom Lefroy stood by the window facing the front garden as the carriage coming up the road and turning in on the pebbled drive. His stomach fluttered and he drew a deep breath. He did not know what to expect. He did not know what Miss Austen was expecting. Her reply to his wife's invitation had been very kind and amiable. She was a good natured woman that cared for others before herself. Miss Austen and Mary were much alike in that sense.
He could see her bonnet covered head in the open carriage. He wondered how the other children would take to her. Jane was beside herself with excitement to meet her again. Though she had been hesitant at the first thought of her mother's suggestion. Not only was she a avid admirer of her writing, but also longed to discuss literature with Miss Austen. She had also uttered a want to personally apologise for the letter with inquiries regarding his and Miss Austen's past. His wife seemed to hang on a sheer thread of life just to be able to meet Miss Austen. He was amazed by his wife's selflessness again.
The carriage stopped and Jones helped Miss Austen out of the carriage. She glanced around, taking in the gardens and houses. She suddenly looked up at him, as if she had felt his gazes. Their gazes locked. Tom's heart skipped a beat. She looked very well indeed. A bit flushed maybe. He left the window and hurried down stairs to greet her.
-xxx-
Jane Austen exhaled. She was finally there. And in one piece. The manor looked very well kept and the gardens lovely. She looked up at the house and meet Tom's eyes through a window. A small smile played on his lips. She wondered what he thought of her for coming rushing on a dying woman's whim. When she looked back up again he had disappeared from the window just as he had at done at Lady Gresham's ball. She realised she was going to meet all of his children and not only Miss Lefroy. She suddenly wondered what she had been thinking, coming here.
"Miss Austen!" Jane Lefroy came running out of the front door with a greeting smile on her face. Her father came behind her, still smiling. He looked truly happy to see her much to Jane's surprise. She would have thought she would be more timid after her bold actions. Miss Lefroy took her hands and dragged her inside. "Mamma is longing to meet you, Miss Austen!"
"Jane, please let Miss Austen settle in before you whisk her away to see Mary," Tom said. "Ring the bell for tea, Jane." Jane Austen smiled thankfully at Tom. She felt like she could sleep for a whole day straight. Though she felt like she was no more than twenty she had to admit that she was not.
"Will you come and meet mamma now, Miss Austen?" Jane Lefroy asked after the tea was had. She was obviously very eager for her to meet Mrs Lefroy.
"Come, Jane, Miss Austen must be taken to her room first and left to unpack," Tom said.
"But, papa!" his daughter cried.
"Tomorrow, Jane, there is a day tomorrow you know. Miss Austen is exhausted." Indeed she was. Jane felt as if she could fall asleep right there, sitting upright. "Please follow Miss Austen to her room, Jane."
"Fine, papa," his daughter answered sulkily. "Miss Austen, if you please." Miss Lefroy left the room and Jane followed.
"It is a lovely house," Jane said as they went up the staircase.
"Yes, it is," Miss Lefroy answered lightly. She suddenly turned. "I am so sorry for writing you that awful letter! I cannot begin to think what you must think of me! You have been nothing but nice to me!" Her cheeks were burning hot.
"Miss Lefroy, it is fine," Jane replied, smiling encouragingly. "Do not worry yourself about that. No harm was done."
"Papa says he does not recognise me anymore. Perhaps I have read too many novels."
"I am sure you have not. You are a sensible girl, perhaps a bit curious for your own good. But you have a good heart and I am sure you mean well. Now, Miss Lefroy, show me to my room." She took Miss Lefroy under the arm.
"I also want to thank you for Mansfield Park, Miss Austen. A most delightful novel!"
"You are too kind."
"Well, here we are then," Miss Lefroy said and stopped outside a door. She opened it and Jane found herself in a small but lovely room. "Your windows face the back garden. Papa thought you would like it." By the windows stood a small table and chair to sit at while gazing out at the horizon. Jane smiled, an excellent place for her to sit and write.
"It is lovely indeed."
"I will leave you to it then, Miss Austen. If there is anything you need do not hesitate to ring for Millie." Miss Lefroy left Jane to unpack.
-xxx-
The fact that Jane Austen was in his house made Tom Lefroy sleep very ill indeed. He was still surprised that she had agreed to come. His wife could be rather persuasive when she had put her mind to something. He wondered if Jane knew why his wife had asked her to come. His wife had not entirely told him what she had written in the letter other than she wanted to meet the famous authoress.
Tom had not slept more than an hour when the rays of the June sun hit his face trough the curtains. He decided to take a walk in the fine weather, enjoy the silence while it lasted. The morning air was crisp and the green grass was covered in dew. He breathed in the cool fresh air and turned his face to the sun and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth on his face. It was mornings like these when he felt invincible. It had been a very long time since he had felt this serene. It felt like a problems faded away and that everything was going to be fine. He felt complete happiness at that moment.
-xxx-
Jane Austen was surprised to find Tom up and about when she rose early the next morning. The sun was just up and she stood by her windows gazing out at the gardens when she saw his figure walking down the lawn. Suddenly he stopped and turned his face to the sun and just stood there. He looked very peaceful as he stood there. She dressed quickly to join him. She wanted to speak with him alone before facing his wife.
-xxx-
The sound of a branch creaking under a shoe behind him brought him back to the present. Startled he swung around and found Miss Jane Austen making her way towards him. He went to meet her.
"You are up very early, Mr Lefroy," she remarked and took the arm he offered.
"I might say the same about you, Miss Austen," he replied with a smile.
"Ah, yes, well I could not let this beautiful morning go to waste now, could I?"
"Of course." They continued their stroll in silence for a while, enjoying the fine morning and each other's company.
"There was a time when I thought you did not care for walks, Mr Lefroy," Jane said with a small smile on her lips. He looked over at her. Beautiful in the morning sun, with hair barely kissed with grey.
"True," said he. He remembered the time she was referring to. "Ah well, this is not the Selborne Wood, but it will have to do. It is not as celebrated." He gestured towards a gathering of trees ahead. She laughed softly.
"So, do I get to meet Mrs Lefroy today?" she asked.
"I believe you will have no choice. She has been looking forward to meet you, hardly spoken of little else." The remark made her blush slightly.
"She is a remarkable woman, Mr Lefroy."
"Oh come, we are well enough acquainted to be calling each other by our Christian names, are we not?"
"Not as well as we used to, my friend," she answered quietly. He realised he had missed her company, missed the banter from the old days. That was something he and Mary never had. She always took his side in matters. Seldom spoke against him. She liked everything he liked. Most of the time anyway. She was not as passionate as Miss Austen, or at least not as passionate as Miss Austen had been when she was young.
The continued their walk amongst the trees. Tom felt rejuvenated. The dark thoughts that had been occupying his head lately had gone away, at least for now. Miss Austen had a soothing air around her, like balm for his soul.
-xxx-
Jane Lefroy was astounded to see her father and Jane Austen strolling in the park and at that hour. Her father rarely rose before eight when he was home. It must be the weather. It was truly delightful. They looked deep in conversation, and she wondered what they were talking about. They had been very close once; maybe they could find that again. Jane was still half undecided on the matter of her father marrying again. But if he was to marry again she would like it to Miss Austen. Miss Austen was really one of her favourite people in the world. She could not think of anyone else better suited to marry her father. He liked novels and she was a novelist.
Jane thought of joining them on their walk but decided against it. She did not want to impose on their private conversation.
-xxx-
"Did you know your wife sent me the letter?" Jane suddenly asked.
"Mary told me after she had sent the letter," he replied, sounding amazed by his wife's conduct.
"Do you know what she asks of me?" She looked at him intensely. Tom looked away not wanting to meet her queering eyes. Not sure if he could hide the feelings that was rummaging through his body. He had realised that he still loved her. Had always loved her, never stopped loving her in a way.
"Yes," he finally replied. "Jane, I…"
"Tom, do not…" Jane cut in. Her face was flushed, she looked away. "I…" She could not find the words to say anything. She did not what to say anymore. She wished that everything was as they used to. Before he married, before they grew old and before she left him at the inn that May-day all those years ago. They had to be sensible now, even though his wife had stated that she wanted Jane to take care of her husband when she was gone. Jane let go of Tom's arm and left him. Hurriedly she walked up to the house again, her vision blurred with tears. Her body betrayed her.
-TBC-
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