A/N: So it's pretty insane just how much I enjoyed writing this chapter! :D And sci-fi jargon comes so naturally to me it's a little disturbing.
Chapter 11 - Anger
Despite having eaten all the food, drank all the drink and slept for ten hours, somehow when Rose woke up she still felt tired, hungry and thirsty. She supposed food and rest inside memories didn't apply to her real body.
Could her real body die if she spent too long in his head?
Trying not to think about it too much she got up, had a wash (yet felt no cleaner), got dressed and walked out into the ship. She found the Doctor in the bridge, sitting in the Commander's chair. He looked a little like Jean Luc Picard from Star Trek, she couldn't help but muse.
"Hi," she said.
He looked at her and smiled. "I forgot how much humans sleep," he said, offering the seat beside him. "Okay?"
She nodded, spinning in the chair a little. "What are you doing?"
"There's a Dalek fleet two star systems away, they don't know we're here, " he said. "We're going to take them by surprise."
"Commander," one of the Time Lord soldier said, snapping a salute as he stepped up. "We've fixed coordinates."
"Engage warp drive. Don't get too close though, give us some range," the Doctor said. The Time Lord soldier snapped another salute, turned on his heel and left back to his station. The Doctor looked at her. "Ever been in warp drive before?"
"Don't think so," she admitted.
"You'll want to hold onto something."
She opened her mouth to respond to that, but not before someone cried, "engage!" and suddenly the world around her spun at what felt like a million miles per hour. She cried out in surprise but her mouth didn't seem to want to move as the world spun faster and faster, disappearing in a complete blur of colour to pure, bright white...
A small 'pop!' seemed to sound from in her ears, and almost immediately the world came back to complete normality, and someone was kneeling over her. The Doctor.
She struggled to sit up - she had no idea how she'd got on the floor. To her complete annoyance he was laughing, but he helped her sit up all the same.
"Thanks for laughin'!" she cried, pushing her hair out of her face.
"You did well. First-timers usually throw up," he commented. "Come on."
She got to her feet with his help, dropping back down into the chair. Now he'd mentioned it, she did feel a little sick, and very dizzy. She swallowed down the sick, struggling not to look like she was about to fall off her chair again.
He watched her carefully throughout. When he was clearly satisfied he called out to an officer sat at a bank of technology in front of them.
"Ternult, set the polyguns to auto-lock and spread, incase of pods. Kern," he turned to someone else. "I wanted a complete warp retreat straight after we're sure the Dalek ship has gone down, then cloak. Keep your eye on me. Grota, can you handle the debris? We're going to pounce, fire and warp out. All watch for my command."
He got a series of affirmations back. Rose was a little stunned that she'd managed to understand that - clearly she'd picked a few things up by now. In preparation she gripped the arms of her chair, bracing herself.
"It's in our sights, Commander..."
"Now!" the Doctor yelled, throwing out his arm. Immediately the ship bolted forward and Rose desperately clung on, wishing that she had some sort of seatbelt. The Doctor must have read her mind because suddenly he was over her, pressing something on her chair that made her snap into place.
"Thank you!" she tried to get out but was mostly unsuccessful due to the G-Force. She only let out a whimper instead as the ship suddenly stopped again.
"Fire!" the Doctor shouted.
The ship surged with power, and bright bolts shot out, visible through the large screen. The bolts directly hit a ship in front of them, which exploded on impact, though Rose couldn't hear the explosion.
"Yes!" several Time Lord's cried in delight. Rose glanced at the Doctor. He was tensed, poised…
"No!" the Doctor shouted suddenly. "Retreat!"
Kern hit the button. Once again they warped, and this time Rose kept her eyes snapped shut for the movement. When they re-established their phase she opened her eyes. Was that it?
"It's a decoy mirage, Commander!" one of the Time Lords yelled, furiously punching buttons. "It's a trap, we're surrounded by six Dalek fleets!"
Without a beat, the Doctor was on his feet. "Tardis power, get out!"
"The Daleks have taken out our time capabilities, Commander!"
"Then take it to the surface! We can't beat them all in firepower!"
"Yessir!"
The ship tilted and once again Rose found herself gripping on as the ship bolted through space. She could see the futuristic scanners in front of her - they were one tiny blue dot in a mass of red ones, right on their tail…
"We're getting a transmission!" one of the Time Lords shouted as the ship continued to hurtle down to a looming planet.
"Put it through!" the Doctor ordered.
"SURRENDER, ONCOMING STORM, SURRENDER OR YOU SHALL BE EXTERMINATED!" a golden Dalek screeched down a camera, its voice almost deafening Rose.
"Catch us first!" the Doctor shouted back. "Terminate communications!" The Dalek disappeared as the Doctor threw out his arm. "Go to the core and set weapons to explode! Shield to maximum!"
Rose could only sit there, unable to keep track of events as the Time Lords run around pressing buttons and the Doctor yelled orders. They were now in the planet's atmosphere heading down to the ground with no signs of stopping.
"We're gonna stop, right!?" Rose cried. "Doctor, we're gonna stop!?"
He ignored her as he hit a button. "Assuming manual control!" he said, grabbing the controls. They continued to hurtle down and down and down as the ground came up to meet them…
Rose screamed and braced herself for impact. But they didn't impact. The ship went straight through, seemingly completely losing its mass as they flew molten rocks with expert precision from the Doctor's handling of the ship. They flew further and further…
"Shield!" the Doctor cried. "Fire!"
The ship shook, Rose closed her eyes anticipating the worst, before suddenly she found herself in complete silence. There was a brief pause.
"They've been destroyed!" a Time Lady cried. "All six Dalek fleets!"
There was an uproarious cheer, but for some reason Rose didn't join in. She could only see debris flying out from their ship, and beyond that the gaping abyss of space. Hadn't they been inside a planet?
With a sick feeling, she realised what had happened. The Doctor had made the planet explode to take out the Dalek fleets. He'd succeeded, but...
Her eyes connected with his. He was grinning as everyone patted him and congratulated him. "Like the show?" he asked, beaming.
"... What planet was that?" she asked, feeling a bit numb.
"Hey Zargra, what planet was that?" the Doctor directed at the cheering Time Lady. She quickly checked.
"Prena Minor, Commander," she informed him. "No allegiance."
"What's the population?" Rose asked, tense.
"Why?" the Doctor asked, confused.
"Just curious," she said, offering a smile.
"Zargra, population?" he asked the Time Lady.
"Seven billion, Commander," she replied.
Rose's jaw dropped. Seven billion. Seven billion people had just died - their planet exploded out of existence, and nobody seemed to have noticed.
"Can you get me out of this seat?" Rose asked quickly, looking at the Doctor. He nodded and undid her belt for her. She got up, offered him a smile to act like everything was okay and made a gesture. "Toilet," she said. He nodded, and turned back to join the celebrations of his comrades.
She left at quite a pace into the corridor, before finding a small, unoccupied room and shutting the door, sitting on a box, shaking. She couldn't help it. She started to cry. This was a memory of the Doctor's. Something he'd done. He'd killed seven billion innocent people, yet he wouldn't mourn them for a while to come. Right now to him they were just collateral. Seven billion people - the population of Earth - gone in a split second.
She understood his pain and suffering then. Why he was so disturbed by the Time War. Why he didn't want to talk about it. Why he didn't expect forgiveness. Why it had changed him so dramatically.
There and then she mourned those seven billion people, partly for her, but mostly for him.
The days passed, and still Rose was stuck inside his Time War memory. She watched, standing by his side as he blasted his way through the Universe. She had to give it to him, he was an exceptional Commander and definitely earned his rank. He tore through the Dalek fleets so easily, using so much intelligence in his technique. He was exceptionally good at anticipating, reacting and acting. She could tell already he had an exceptionally high kill count for the Daleks, and that was all that mattered in this War. Not the amount of innocents, but he was probably number one ranking on that too.
She just wanted to find an object and leave, but she felt guilty at the thought. She was only experiencing this for a short while - her Doctor had to live with this every day of his life. She had only been here for a few days. There were years and years of this, and she knew it only got worse.
"... I'm nothing but a murderer. I'm… I'm nothing but a Dalek."
"No," Rose interrupted. "You're not a Dalek."
"But I am."
"You're nothing like a Dalek. Maybe for a bit you were, but not now. You're sweet and kind and Earth would be dead a thousand times over if you weren't here. I forgive you."
"You can't forgive me."
"I just did," she said firmly.
"You can't."
"Okay, I love you, then. Can I do that?" she asked softly.
He didn't answer that. He just cried.
Her argument back in the Botanical Gardens now sounded so pathetic to her. Back then she hadn't in the least bit understood why he had cried. At the time she'd been a bit annoyed he hadn't seemed to listen to her but now she understood. She hadn't been able to forgive him. Until now she hadn't even seen what she was supposed to be forgiving. Was this even forgivable?
She knew this was a different version of him - a version who had renounced being the Doctor for being the Warrior - but those eyes betrayed his renounced identity. It was still him. She could still see her Doctor in him. And that was terrifying. Same man, but this one was a mass murderer, there was no doubt about that.
She got to know his crew and ship, though. All Time Lords and Time Ladies - the Doctor was the commander, Zargra was on navigation, Ternult was the weapons master, Kern was tactical controller, Grota was second pilot and communications and the last, Harka, Rose didn't see much of as she was Chief Engineer and spent most of her time down in the engines. They also had lots of other people who kept up the maintenance and repair. The Doctor had also explained that they were in a Battle TARDIS, which had assumed the form of a spaceship like on Star Wars at the Doctor's behest.
They were just doing a routine fuel stop in a mining belt when Grota got a transmission on communications.
"It's the Panopticon," she said.
"Ugh, what do they what?" the Doctor moaned. "Put it through."
A small beep, and an important-looking man appeared on screen.
"Commander, I'm afraid it may be bad news."
"What?"
"Outpost Sera has ceased communications…"
The Doctor leaned forward, alert. "Yes, sir, I'll go and have a look."
"Thank you, Commander. I await your good news."
The screen switched off.
"Outpost Sera?" Ternult echoed questioningly. "That's…"
"Jelpax," the Doctor confirmed. Rose looked at him. He looked back at her, wincing. "Old friend," he said, and issued the command to get them there.
The six main Officers prepared their weapons. He'd given her a weapon, but she wasn't planning to use it. She just held it to keep him happy.
They disembarked ten minutes later onto the surface of a war-ravaged planet, Rose closely following behind the Doctor. There was smoke spiralling into the sky in the distance, but otherwise it seemed calm.
Immediately the Doctor started forward, his bow in hand, leading them straight to a small, metal building half in ruins.
"Jelpax!" he called as they reached the entrance. "It's me! Theta!"
There was no response.
They all stepped inside, weapons primed and raised in case of stray Daleks. But there was no one. There were some unfinished meals on the table in an eating area, and most of the place was destroyed - burnt with laser fire.
"Jelpax!" the Doctor called again, and again there was no response.
"It smells like regeneration," Grota muttered. "Loads of regenerations…"
Rose experimentally sniffed the air. Whatever Grota was getting she wasn't, but the others agreed with her. All except the Doctor, who had stopped dead, just staring up. Rose followed his gaze, and froze in complete horror.
Hanging from the ceiling by their necks were a line of dead Time Lords and Time Ladies, all stripped of their robes and lashed with fierce, deep, horrific lacerations and huge dark bruises from toe to head. Some had limbs missing. Some had hands and feet missing. Some had their skulls smashed in so hard their brains were coming out.
She threw up, but the Doctor didn't notice. He was staring at one of the bodies in particular - a young-looking brown-haired man, covered in blood. "Jelpax," he muttered.
"They were hung and beaten and hacked away at," Harka breathed, "through every single regeneration until they had none left."
"This is… This is sick," Ternult said, shaking.
"This wasn't the Daleks," Kern said quietly. "This isn't what Daleks do. Commander?"
Everyone looked at the Doctor, Rose included. He finally stopped looking at Jelpax and looked at them instead.
He looked like he was about to kill someone.
"Send a message back to the Panopticon," he said in a voice far too distant to be sane. "Outpost Sera has been eliminated with no survivors but we have secured the area and are dealing with the native threat, who have allied with the Daleks."
"Yes, Commander," Grota confirmed, taking out her communications device.
"What are we doing?" Kern croaked.
"This planet is strategically important, we can't destroy it," the Doctor explained, checking his weapon. "There's only one native city here so we eliminate that."
"Wait, what?" Rose asked quickly.
"Shoot to kill all alien lifeforms," the Doctor informed her and his group, holding up his pistol to signal he was ready. Outwardly he seemed so calm, but she could see the fire inside him. Ready to kill.
She couldn't allow this. Not this time.
"You can't," she said quickly. "Who said it was the natives? And it wasn't all of 'em, was it?"
"Either you're with me or you aren't," he said shortly.
"No, don't do this," she almost begged him. "You'd be killin' loads of innocent-"
"I don't care!" he screamed in her face, his eyes on fire. "Jelpax is dead!"
"Please, think about this!" she begged him, daring to rest a hand on his shoulder. "You don't wanna do this, just let them go, just this once…"
Suddenly he rounded on her, pointing his gun straight at her chest. "We're going to kill all of them, it doesn't matter what you think! Population 30,000, by the way!"
Rose quickly held her hands up in surrender, though she was still holding her gun in one hand which sort of took away from her surrender. Not that he seemed to notice.
"You're not like this," she stressed. "This isn't you. Please stop. I'm beggin' you!"
"Who are you to judge me!?" the Doctor screamed, and pulled the trigger.
It came as such a surprise that he'd actually pulled the trigger so quickly that it took a moment for her to register it. Then suddenly she was pulled backwards like being on a bungee, out of that memory which scattered into a million pieces before her as she fell back...
Then blackness. The blackness of nothing.
No, she thought desperately. It can't end now. I'm nearly done. I'm nearly done!
The blackness continued. It didn't care.
Please, Doctor, please let me save you!
Nothing but silence and the feeling of falling - down, down, down…
This was it. It was over.
I'm sorry I didn't make it.