A/N I truly truly apologise for not updating in ages. August was a kinda difficult/busy month for me and irl stuff got in the way. Hopefully updates will be a bit better as I will get my own pc soon. I do truly thank you readers for waiting this long and I fully appreciate your patience. This chapter is kinda short because the original chapter length was getting ridiculously long again and had I feel too many thing happening at one go so I broke things up a bit. Anyways I hope you like this chapter! Enjoy~
She's back there again, in the darkest spot in her mind, the palace of hollow white, numbers and letters scribbled on the walls and Diana stands there, tight lipped and eyes burning death to the person in front of her. It was herself, the reflection of porcelain skin, of hollow black eyes and pale sickly dead hair, black smoke, and fog curling at its feet. It was the person she fears and hates, the person who haunts her every day, the one she chains away. "What did you do to Akko?" She snarls and it laughs back sickly and poisonous childish laughter.
"I did nothing," it grins and the sight sends chills to Diana's spine as her eyes closed and she tries not to believe it despite how true it is. "You would know if I did something." Her hand lifts and points to the wall, like the separation of a sea the words clear away and people, are projected on the clear canvas. Diana looks to the side, her heart aching as the familiar faces tear her cold expression apart to agony and regret. "I mean," it giggles as the faces fill the entire screen, Hannah's face, Barbara's face and Amanda's face flicker from colour to grey scale, happy faces glitching to their faces of suffering. "You always knew when I was amplified."
"Why are you doing this?" Diana asks, her face turned away from the screen as black words cover the faces and consume them all. "Why do you intend to hurt other people? My friends!?" She needs to know, even though she will never understand. Her heart was heavy and her legs are trembling from the weight it carries, she had an inkling that she did this to her friends but now she knows it's the truth. She curses her existence. "Tell me!" She yells, head snapping to the monster inside her, bitter tears running down her cheeks as she stares at it.
There's a silence, one that Diana has no time for as the reflection tilts her head confused. "Isn't that a question you should ask yourself, Diana?"
Diana steps back, eyes blinking back from the response she didn't expect. What did it mean? It... the black words are the cause of all of this... right? "I'm sorry?" she asked as things around her started to dissipate in a rush.
It looked at her, colour returning to appearance, a reflected image of Diana as a bittersweet smile curled on its face. "I'm only a-" Diana doesn't hear the rest, her eyes opening to the worried faces of Hannah and Barbara, a breath of light relief shared between them.
"Diana!" Barbara calls, reaching out to hug her before Hannah pulls her back.
"Barbara wait! We need to give her some space." Barbara looks at Hannah before nodding, moving back to give her space before moves the light of her wand to the lamp on Diana's bed stand.
"Hannah? Barbara?" Diana said before stopping, the sound of her voice broken and cracking wakes her up more quickly than any other alarm would. She sits up, clearing her throat as she opens her arms wide, she knows they need her hugs for assurance that she was fine after whatever they saw. Hannah and Barbara didn't hesitate to wrap their arms around her, hugging her tight to the point where Diana struggles to breathe. "Girls…" she repeats again with a strangled voice causing them to pull out from the hug.
"Sorry Diana," Hannah apologised, "We were really worried about you, especially what happened last night." Diana nodded her head in understanding, she remembers clearly what happened when she said goodbye to Akko in that hallway. She remembers the cold expression she bore, how in the mirror she looked as broken as her emotions swirling inside her. How to her surprise, both Hannah and Barbara stayed up for her and how she ignored them despite their calls of concerns.
Guilt swarmed inside her as Diana bows her head to both of them. "I'm sorry about my actions last night, it was very rude of me to ignore you like that when you were trying to help." She hates making them worry, it should be her worrying about them not the other way round, she's supposed to be dependable after all.
"No it's okay Diana, we understand that you just needed to be alone," Barbara interjected as she held her hand. She took a gulp as she casts a glance to Hannah for support before she looks back at Diana. "The big question is, are you okay Diana? Especially after last night and what just happened."
Diana lifted her head in a panic, what did she do? Did she reveal anything like the colour of her words, did she mention anything about Akko and how she hurt her in her sleep, how she saw the person who hit her? What did she do?"What did I do that caused you two to wake me?" She internally winces at the panic in her voice, so much for trying not to worry them again.
"Diana…," Barbara said, squeezing her hands gently in reassurance as she looks to Hannah for help.
"You were crying Diana," Hannah finished as Diana stared at them, her face frozen with shock. "You were crying really badly and you kept stirring in your sleep, you looked like you were having a really bad nightmare Diana so we had to wake you up."
There was a somber silence as Diana looked at her nightgown as she took in this information. "I see…" she breathes, she could even see the faint tear lines that stain her dress, the wrinkles that tell stories of harsh movement, she can feel the cold air that nips at her cheek due to the tears that cover it. She was a mess, everything about her was a mess.
"Do you," Barbara whispers before she clears her throat, snapping Diana out of her thoughts. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Her mind is in a spiralling chaos, they're so many things she should say, so many things she needs to let out but she can't speak a single one of them. The nightmare she faced was just the reality of the life she lived, she could hurt people right now with her words amplified, she already hurt them! If they found out about her words, the colour of her words they might hate her forever and she can't lose them. She can't tell them about Akko as well, whatever bridge that connected them before would cease to exist and whilst Diana is angry at Akko she doesn't want things to go back to the past before everything happened. It just can't, the past was cruel and lonely and-
"Diana!" Hannah shouted as she shook Diana literally out of her reverie. Diana looked at them, the pure worry in their eyes as Hannah lets go of her hands on her shoulders to let her speak. Diana opens her mouth, then closes it no longer trusting her voice to not waver and falter in front of them. She then closes her head in partially shame and regret as she shakes her head prompting Hannah to say her name once more time.
"Diana! Please," Hannah begged as she leans closer to her. "Please tell us, we know something is bothering you, we've known for years something is wrong but we've always waited for you to tell us but after everything that happened this week it's hurting you more than ever."
"Hannah, Barbara I assure you-"
"We know you collapsed after we got attacked," Barbara said cutting her off as she looked at her with concerned and determined eyes. Whatever Diana was about to say was gone there and then, Barbara wasn't usually someone to cut her off, most of the time it was Hannah who did it.
"We know how over the years you become more distant and how estranged your family became to you, we know how you stay silent every time something bad happens to any of us, how you apologise for everything when it's not your fault. Don't just think we are blind to your problems just because you think we are. We've always been looking and being worried but we always stupidly thought everything will be fine over time and because we know you're a strong person but now we know that being strong is never enough because everyone has a breaking point! So please tell us what's wrong so that we can support you when it's so hard to be strong Diana!"
Diana could only stare with wide eyes at Barbara, the quiet, slightly passive girl she known for so many years shouts and scream at her at god knows what hour in the day. She hurls every single emotion she wants Diana to hear, her eyes and brows scrunched up and furrowed with such passion and care as they open with with a fiery gaze and heavy breaths from fatigue. Diana sends a glance to Hannah who was right next to her, not surprised to see the smile of pride and hazel eyes of adoration be on her face before she takes Barbara by her hand and hugs her, a kiss on a cheek and a whisper in her ear of what Diana assumes praise among other possible things.
Hannah turns to her, letting Barbara rest on her shoulder, her arms wrapped around the body for protection. "Diana something is wrong and we understand you don't want to tell us but I assure you, we assure you, nothing will change between us no matter how big or controversial this topic is," she assured with a smile and caring voice that makes Diana want to believe in her but she doesn't. She isn't ready, they aren't ready for what this sudden plot twist to their life: The prestigious Diana Cavendish has the words of a monster.
"I saw the person who hit me," Diana confided in a small mumble. She knows that they know this isn't the full thing, the full problem… Yet it's one that she is willing to share because she knows that they won't stop pestering and worrying her if she doesn't say anything. She looks at her stomach where the scar resides as she pulls her knees to her chest, she just hopes they don't take this the wrong way straight away. "I saw her being with Akko and talking with her about something and… and Akko took her side."
Her head snapped up as Hannah jumped off the bed followed by Barbara who got her wand back. "Girls wait!" Diana called as she clambered off her bed as well and to the door. She grasps them with the back of her arms and pulls them in as they step out of the door before firmly shutting it. "Let me finish," she sighs as she barricades the door with her body. She knew this would happen which is why she would prefer not to tell them but it seemed like luck, as always, was not on her side.
"She hurt you, Diana!" Hannah accused as she stared at her long time friend as Diana turned on the light. Barbara looked at Hannah and at Diana before her eyes find solace on a nightfall book scattered about and her mind falls into deep thought.
"She did no such thing," Diana lied as she turned away from them to lock the door, it would be easy for them to tell she was lying if she faced them. She is angry with Akko. She is infuriated with her. She was hurt by her in so many levels but she knows what happens when Hannah is angry and wants to act revenge, she is aware of what she can be like and no matter how angry she is at Akko, she doesn't deserve what ever Hannah is going to give her.
"We saw how you acted last night Diana, you don't act like that if nothing was bruised." Diana bit the insides of her cheeks before she relaxed and turned to them, back leaning against the door.
"This is something I can deal with, however," Diana assured as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "What we don't need now is some argument between us and the other teams, especially when people are getting hurt for whatever reason. We need to be peaceful with each other."
"Diana," Hannah repeated again. "She hurt you, emotion goes over logic in this. I trusted that she wouldn't hurt you but here we are."
"Hannah," Diana begins, staring at Hannah dead in her eyes. "I can deal with this. I've been hurt before by far worst things, compared to those things. Akko is trivial." Those things were of her own fault but they don't need to know that. She stepped forward, each word pronounced is equivalent to her closing the distance to Hannah. "Compared to them Akko is trivial."
"A trivial thing is still something!"
"Guys!" Barbara stepped in between them, her hands pushing them away from each other. "Please stop fighting." Both Hannah and Diana backed away, surprise mirrored each other's faces as Barbara looked at both of them.
"Diana," she started, "Hannah is right that something needs to be done so that Akko knows that she was in the wrong for not even considering your feelings and hurting you." Diana was about to open her mouth to argue but Barbara's eyes narrowed in a fierce aggression. "Even if it doesn't matter that much, you were hurt, no matter how big or small it was, you were still hurt."
Barbara takes a deep breath before her head turns to the left and to Hannah. The fierce look in her eyes soften and melts as she smiled gently at her soulmate. "Hannah, please try not to worry too much, it's not like Akko to do something like that without a reason and if she did do it for a stupid reason then you can get angry. I know you're concerned but Diana knows what she is doing."
Barbara takes a step back from them, her calm attitude mellowed the atmosphere in the room as Hannah and Diana looked at her then at each other, a sight of guilt and shame on both of their faces. "We've been tense and a lot of bad stuff has happened to us and it's getting to our heads, we need to calm down a bit before we say anything else that's stupid."
The silence returns again, a strange drift between tension and relaxation, of awkwardness and calmness. The strange mix of differing intensities was like friction between the dark clouds in the sky and depending on what happened next, the clouds that the blue team is in will either be a storm of violent lightning and rain or just simple turbulence that will be easily forgotten.
Hazel eyes still are locked with crystalline blue with teal eyes switching between the two when Diana sighs, dropping her rigid stance as her eyes closed. Barbara was right, things have been hard on them, on all of them and it's corrupting the bond between them, even more, when they are nearing the end of Heart's week. When people start to become more desperate when Diana's words are going to hit her the hardest. She needed to prepare for when the weekend hits and she can't do that with a bad night or a lack of sleep.
When her eyes open, Hannah looks at her, one hand outstretched, the other firmly intertwined with Barbara's. "I'm going to tell Akko what happened to you when you came back to the dorm, what she did to hurt you. I won't do anything else, everything else is up to you." Diana nods in understanding, she appreciates how much Hannah is holding back from hurting Akko. She can see it with the slight quiver of her lips, the way her hand tightens a bit more against Barbara's when her eyes flash with a protective anger Diana seen before in the past. Diana could only assume that behind those flashes of anger, the image of her broken burns and rises from the flames.
"I appreciate that Hannah," Diana said before she takes the hand and pulls her in for a hug. "And I thank you so much for caring about me." She isn't usually the one to initiate hugs, mainly because she was never taught how but she needs to show that she understands why Hannah is so angry for if they were in opposite shoes, Diana isn't quite sure if she would be convinced to hold back.
After the seconds of surprise, Hannah sinks into her Diana's embrace, snuggling even more to the hug when Diana can feel an extra body against her back. Diana smiles as Hannah and Barbara hug her once more, a tight long embrace that relaxes them all from the little argument between them. "I don't know what time it is but it's best that we try to get some sleep if we can."
The lovers nod their head as they hug Diana one last time before departing off to their beds and Diana finds slight comfort that they both moved to the same bed. It was a soothing thought that her friends found comfort and love through each other and that they will have each other to get through the dark times. She closes the light of the room and heads off to her own separate chambers, ignoring how her mind taunts her that she may never find that sort of comfort. That the only comfort her words will give is the hollow chills of a hug from dead or a living corpse.
It wasn't a pleasant thought but then again, it was better than thinking of long brown hair and a smile that burnt her way through her mind. Maybe because from that image she doesn't know if the fire burning in her along with the chills on her arms came from anger or something else entirely.
"What do you think?" Barbara asked as she stepped out of the changing room, adorning this beautiful silver grey empire dress with a blue tint and a row gleaming gems on the collar of her dress. She walks to the mirrors that hang on the wall, admiring her dress with a small twirl before she catches the eyes of her teammates behind her.
"You look amazing Barbara!" Hannah smiles, her eyes wide with awe and admiration and the way Barbara blushes from her lover's gaze makes Diana's smile curl to a short chuckle as Hannah fawns more over Barbara as Barbara twirls her new dress around. After the late at night or early morning talk that set them arguing it was an easy decision to have a group day out, to relax and have fun like before.
Hannah and Barbara decided that Diana has been cooped up in Luna Nova for too long and that it would ruin her mood, even more when Diana's calm posture became rigid when she heard Akko's voice ahead of them, she only had a breath of time before Hannah marched over to them. Diana could only hear a fraction of what she was saying by the time Barbara took her arm and walked away to a different route.
This leads them to be in a clothing shop an hour later, with a bag or two already on their feet. Hannah was already wearing a dress, a yellow sun dress with amber patterns of flames curling on the edges and standing next to Barbara as she gushed and rambled on about how good she looked. In fact, to Diana they're outfits reminded her of a solar eclipse or at least the sun and moon respectively. It was a pleasant sight.
This outing was something they both deserved after everything…. she did to them. Even though it wasn't much of a surprise since she already had an inkling that it was her fault, she was still grief stricken with the fact she caused them to be injured or at least guided them to this point one way or another. These two were her best friends and they don't deserve being hurt.
"Diana, come here," Barbara laughed as Hannah moved behind Diana, the sounds of hangers be pushed aside along a clothing rack screeched behind her. "You need to wear something too!" she laughed as she dragged Diana was still trying to understand what was happening, the duo caught her off guard once again when she was lost in her all thoughts. When Barbara pushed her into a new changing room she finally understood what was happening.
She was about to open her mouth to retaliate on why she doesn't need to wear a dress, but Hannah beat her to it, shoving a dress to her hands with a smile. "No buts Diana Cavendish, you're going to have some fun too." Against both of their happy faces and determined eyes, Diana could only sigh and give them a glimpse of a small smile before closing the curtain and trying the dress.
The dress wasn't too bad. It was a white flowy dress that reached above her knees. Her shoulders were covered with swirls and small flowers of gold laces that matched the design on the edges of the dress. It was a simple but beautiful design and it seemed that both Hannah and Barbara agreed when she finally stepped out of the room. A gasp of admiration filling up the room as she looked at them with a smile, a real genuine and happy smile.
"You have good taste Hannah," Diana noted as she looked at the mirror as she hears a squeak of happiness behind her.
"Great," Hannah beamed as she looked at Barbara who smiled just as happily. "Diana when you're ready, let's go buy them."
Diana stopped admiring herself in the mirror and turned to face them, "Why are we buying them? I thought this was just a simple dress up?"
"For the party of course! Amanda is having it to be a casual costume theme party where you wear something that was inspired from your original idea. For example, Barbara and I are going as the sun and the moon or as a solar eclipse!" Hannah explained.
Diana looks at them, her eyes in confusion for she doesn't know what to say to them. It seems with the past things that have happened recently she seemed to forget all about the party. "Hannah, Barbara…" she said with a small frown, she didn't know how to break the truth that she doesn't intend to join them, especially if Akko was there. "I don't fully intend to join the party later on today."
Their reactions were nothing less to what Diana expected, both Hannah and Barbara gasped in surprise and automatically Diana found her hand being held by someone. "Why not Diana?" Barbara asked, "This is a time for us to relax, a time for you to relax." Diana looked away from Barbara's eyes, she didn't want to see their hurt eyes anymore, not when she knows she caused it for not joining into the festivities. "At least tell us why you can't join us, is it because of Akko cause it is-"
"It's not about Akko I promise," Diana interjected, turning her head to Barbara. In reality, it kinda was about Akko, she didn't know how to feel around her anymore, she was angry with her but some part of her found this emotion illogical. In fact from a bystander point of view, she found all of her to be an illogical mess. A part of her hated Akko, another part wanted to forgive her, another part was nervous or scared at the prospects of meeting her yet another part of her longed for her and wanted to be with her. Whatever overall emotion this was, it was an ugly mess and it confused Diana so much.
"I can't do it because I got a prefect duty later on and I can't leave it." Diana lied, she tried to get a role today but the headmistress stopped her early on in the week. "Besides parties are not my thing, you both know that very well."
"Oh screw the nightly routes, you've been working so hard Diana and you need a break." Hannah said, "I'm going to go talk to Holbrook about this if they are so adamant on having your work whilst everyone is at the party."
Diana's eyes widened as she shook her head. "Oh no you don't really need to that," She assured, if she confronted the headmistress then she might possibly go to the party in her orders.
"If you aren't coming to Diana because of that reason then I have to do it," Hannah argued making Diana sigh under her breath.
"Think about it this way Diana, you'll be safer at the party then you would be alone," Barbara reasoned the moment Diana opened her mouth to reason with the two of them. "Faeries will be there, a few teachers as well and even then there would be several students who Amanda trusts who can keep an eye out for anyone suspicious," Barbara continued as she counted the reasons with her fingers. "If you were attacked help would come quickly and even if you didn't you would have a fun time!"
"Please Diana, just think about this."
Diana didn't answer, her eyes didn't meet her teammates. Instead her eyes, her mind focused on the mirror, she focused on her eyes, how the colours of blue look so broken and lost. How her face, the neutral expression she bore was just barely holding it together. She hates to admit but they're right, she was needed a break. She needed time to get away from everything, to relax and fully compose herself. Ever since she came back from her cousin's wedding that seemed ages ago, she never had a proper break. So many things happened and all so quickly that the days seemed long and the nights were so short.
Still, there was a raging voice in her to tell her not to go despite everything she realised this very second and Diana still wanted to trust that voice. She knows that voice too well, in fact, when she was younger she feared that voice. Actually, it wasn't even a voice. It was just this hollow chill like death was floating through her, it was the racing of her heart and it was running for all the bad reasons. It was everything she ever feared, rolled into one emotion.
But despite the feelings, Diana took a deep breath and nodded once. She turned to Hannah and Barbara with a small smile, "Alright, I'll come to the party." Screams of joy erupted from Hannah and Barbara but Diana made no attention to them, she was too busy trying to ignore the roars of mockery and the threats coursing in her head that she will regret going to the party.