I don't know who you are 'Guest' but this is for you. The hardest thing is to keep going when you lose motivation. I gave up on myself and my writing and felt no one would 'care' if I just didn't continue with this story. To have you say what you said got me thinking. I realised that I couldn't give up; not until this story is told. This chapter is a bit rough and misplaced but I hope you like it.❤️

Starting at the back of his throat Jude tries to swallow down the lump forming. Parallel to this his eyes start filling with a liquid that stings slightly and makes him blink. His breath hitches and releases via a shaky exhale. Bringing his lips together he runs his tongue over the bottom one then clamps his mouth shut so no noise can escape. From here a tremor begins somewhere beneath his sternum and crawls up his throat demanding to be let free. Jude then takes in a deep breath whilst his eyes scrunch up. Next come the short sharp panting like sobs that lead to much more melancholy and violent whines. Stretching one hand the distance of both eyes he tries shielding his face despite nobody being there to see him. Jude soon finds himself squatting down his eye sockets filled by his knees. His arms wrapped round them to keep them in place. For a moment all his mind can do is concentrate on the sensation of crying, yet eventually actual coherent lines of words enter his consciousness. It's mostly just ramblings about feeling betrayed. Mostly…amongst the expected anger, humiliation and hurt is another thought independently storming his brain. He'd lost Connor. Rebuffing this thought he decided to focus on the fact the others were going to kill him. It wasn't the same situation as Blake though. They couldn't be that mad. Connor had saved him. Right? The mental effort to figure everything else was too much for Jude so using the back of his hand to wipe his nose and his knees to wipe his eyes, he stood up and made a run for the others.

By the time he reached the new 'home' his eyes were swollen; he had dry snot caking his nose; he could hardly breathe let alone talk and to top everything off he was collapsed on the ground looking like a tragic reck. Brandon who had been shifting cans up and down the ladder and working up a sweat was standing there wide eyed and desperately calling for Callie, Marianna or anybody, which he specified in that order. Had Jude not been in the middle of a mental breakdown he would have heard Callie telling Brandon to shove off and the shrill reply that was Brandon begging her to attend to Jude. After a quick fiery conversation Callie was up the ladder and there by his side. Pulling his head to her chest she sunk down and tried shushing him. Although mostly to comfort him, it was also tactical, no need to attract rotters.

"Jude, Jude what's wrong buddy? Hey, hey, hey, don't cry. It's okay. Everything's okay." She recited the maternal spiel meant to soothe her little brother. It wasn't helping.

"It's." Jude inhaled through sobs. "Not." Sucking up through his nose he attempted to retrieve some of the snot freshly flowing down over his lips, toward his chin. "Okay!" The last word was more of a painful yelp than a coherent word. Callie quickly went back to hushing him. Brandon was watching helplessly making sure to keep an eye out for Rotters. In his left hand a can of long expired soup was clutched, his knuckles a brilliant white.

"Jude…" He then said cautiously. "Where's Connor?" There was a voice break amongst the angst filled question which caused Callie to stop mid rock. Pulling Jude away from her she looked toward Brandon and shook her head, fearing she already knew the answer. He must be dead.

"Jude, Jude listen to me. You have to talk to me bud: tell me what happened. Just take a deep breath and let it all out." She reasoned lightly to Jude who complied after a few more seconds. Once he'd gathered his composure he sat upright.

"He's gone." He whispered. Sympathetically Callie raised her arm and drew circles on his back.

"Jude, I…How did it happen?" Putting it in the simplest and kindest form she knew she was going to have to be very delicate. Even though it was a reasonably warm day for Autumn, Jude was visibly shaking. She feared he might go into shock and she didn't blame him. Callie could only imagine the horrors of watching one of your friends get torn apart or worse.

"They…got him." Jude's voice was losing emotion and he was becoming rigid. Brandon was in the process of yelling at Marianna to grab a blanket and pass it up but Jude didn't seem to notice. "I tried to stop him but he wanted to stay. He broke my trust. The dick just had to be the hero. He had to try and save me! Why did he do that? Why did he have to be such a fucking jerk!?" Callie let go of her brother as he became more aggressive. Whatever had happened it had evidently gotten to him and she decided it was best to leave it for now. His temper was leaving him sizzling with angry pain and she could see the insanity burning in his eyes.

"Okay, okay. Look Jude we're going to go back into the bunker now. I think you need to get some rest and we'll talk about this in the morning." Ultimately, Jude recognised that his sister was right, he was overwhelmed and getting this worked up wouldn't help Connor. He wanted to tell her everything, wanted to get them to go after him. The problem was he didn't know how he could convince them without lying. Connor had abandoned them for those other guys. That was the basic truth and Jude's view on his friend's motivation was hardly going to sway the others to risk their lives for him. No, for now it was just as well that he say no more. Better yet, say nothing at all.

Carrying that philosophy with him he resigned to mutism. The group assumed it was as a result of his traumatic experience and to a degree they were right. Daria took it worst of all, screaming and crying a hyperbolic tantrum of denial then sorrow. Jude could've explained that Connor wasn't physically dead but after a day of heavy thinking he decided Connor was as good as dead to him. How dare he choose those three maniacs over them. No, it was best they all just move on.

For another three months they continued to survive. The bunker had been cleaned and cleared. Jesus and Wyatt had been back to the complex but it was over run with curious creepers. That day Marianna had been complaining about cramps although none but Emma acknowledged her moans. Jude was in the process of trying to patch a hole in a pair of jeans when he heard the screams. Upon reflex he snatched up a knife from the side and hurried up the ladder rungs despite the pins and needles surging through the length of his leg. Bursting open the hatch he expected to see hordes of rotters so was understandably taken aback by Marianna laying on the ground her legs parted her trousers forgotten. His vow of silence meant Jude could only look desperately towards her. It wasn't till he became aware of a cauliflower covered purple head poking out between the Latina's legs did he react. Scampering back down into the dingy hole he whipped up a blanket and took it straight to Marianna. She was panting heavily with beads of sweat glistening on her brow, nose, neck…everywhere. Jude had no clue what to do other than hold the blanket near the gunky looking thing crawling its way out of her.

"Where's" panted out Marianna through strained pushes "Wyatt?" Jude shrugged helplessly. No one was around: everyone had gone out. Emma had taken Daria and Taylor out to go look for some supplies so it was just the two of them. Crap! Jude didn't want to have to speak but he figured there was little choice. Marianna was scared and in pain. The least he could do was offer her some comfort.

"You…you're doing great." Jude's voice was raspy and cracked at every other word but he could see the visual relief wash over Marianna's face.

"I don't. I don't want to do this. I can't." Tears were streaming down her face. She had given herself a double chin as she hunched over trying to squeeze out the wretched thing from her. Had Jude not seen Rotters at various degrees of purification he would have fainted or at least thrown up.

"Marianna you have got this! You're helping save the human race here! You're doing brilliant okay!" Swallowing his nerves Jude got to his knees . Marianna's legs were hanging in the air so he placed them on his shoulders for support. Despite the situation Jude couldn't help but notice this was the first time he'd seen a real life vagina and he was not enjoying being this close. Shaking the thought from his head he felt a sick tinge of disgust and was thankful that Marianna could not read his thoughts. "Right. I can see the head…I think you're supposed to like, you know, push or something…"

"What do you think I'm doing here!" Marianna whined as she screwed her eyes up with the effort. If it was possible the muscle seemed to widen further and the babies head slotted fully out. Jude decided to help Marianna a little bit by grabbing the tiny shoulders that were trying to push through and pulled them. There was a grotesque squelching slobbering sound as the little creature slid out. It was an ugly looking thing that began crying loudly. Jude tried wrapping it in a blanket but noticed something that looked like Marianna's intestine.

"Oh my god." Jude breathed. Marianna who had began sighing and tearing up with happy relief rather than pain lowered her legs off of Jude's shoulders and sat up.

"What? What is it? Is the baby okay? It's crying it's got to be fine!"

"There's…there's something attached to it…Marianna I think it's pulled out your intestine!" The panic that plastered over Jude's face was priceless. Despite everything Marianna found herself laughing.

"Don't worry about that. Pass me the baby, I need you to go and get me a knife." Jude gave her a worried look but obliged. Handing the small bundle gently to the girl he watched as the motherly instinct took over and she began to shush the tiny thing softly. Remembering that he'd already brought a knife up with him he picked it up off of the ground then handed it to her. Parting the blanket she put the blade towards the baby. Jude watched in astonishment as she sliced it across.

"Oh my god! Marianna what are you…" Trailing off he noticed her smiling. "Oh…"

"Jude I need you to take her now."

"Her?" He gaped not sure how she could tell that that little alien was a girl.

"Yes, her. I still haven't finished." Deciding better than to ask questions he awkwardly took back the baby who although still crying had hushed slightly. Marianna put the blade to one side then began screwing her face up as she pushed her abdominal muscles.

"What are you…" Bewildered Jude watched. Perhaps she was having twins and she just didn't tell anyone…then again how would she know? A dark rubbery pool of bloody stuff leaked from her and she gave a satisfied moan of content. Ew, was all Jude could think. "That's disgusting."

"Thanks." Marianna huffed as she slumped back. Immediately Jude shuffled to her head, lifting it up and allowing her to rest it on his crossed legs. He then placed the baby into her arms using his left hand to help support the small body. There were a thousand thoughts rushing through his head. The main ones: holy crap it's freezing; that was the nastiest thing he'd seen in a while; damn lucky thing that no rotters showed up.

"What are you gunna call her?"

"I'm not sure." There was a long stretch of silence. Well it would have been silent if there were no baby wails. "It's nice to hear you speak again." It was more a thought she was feeling than one she had meant to say aloud. Jude said nothing. He was about to ask if she'd be okay to move when he heard a low groaning. Ahead of them was a greyish looking Rotter. Half its skin was sagging off of its bone with large gashes showing the yellow-green contents within. It wore little but a scrap of loin cloth and was limping slowly towards them. Before Jude could do anything a loud crack sounded and the Rotter's head exploded.

"Honey I'm home!" Wyatt called from behind the collapsed Rotter. Jesus was laughing a little way off next to Callie and Brandon. They all seemed in good spirit but stopped short when they noticed the scene before them. "Oh my god." At once everyone was running towards them, Wyatt falling down to kiss Marianna and the baby. Brandon was congratulating them whilst Callie cooed at the thing. Jesus stood back cheering and laughing.

"How long…" Callie began to ask bEgan to ask.

"Not long." Jude replied from his position at Marianna's head. All the others excluding Marianna and Wyatt gasped. He was almost certain his sister had started crying.

"Jude." Was all she managed before she was next to him on the icy ground, her arms draped over him. As he was still being used as a pillow he couldn't easily return the hug but it didn't matter. Right now everything was okay.

"We should get you inside, it's freezing out here." Brandon announced. After everyone agreed there was much shuffling and lifting until everyone was up then whilst they tried to get a weak Marianna into the bunker the others showed up. Emma was first to ask.

"Oh god Marianna, I'm so sorry. I was supposed to be with you!" Emma was aspiring to be a midwife so everyone had come to the consensus that she would help Marianna with the birthing. "How?"

"Jude. He was amazing, I couldn't have done it without him." Blushing Jude gave a shy smile as everyone looked at him with admiration. Soon the conversations started to flow and everyone chattered away to each other. It was the happiest they'd been in months. The baby who Marianna and Wyatt had named 'Isabella' was being passed from person to person. No doubt the baby would be spoilt in weeks to come. Jude was just relieved everything was alright. He had secretly been wondering about the baby, if it would be infected or something. Thankfully it wasn't. It was all getting very hot in the bunker from the excitement so Jude decided to get some air. After exiting the hatch, making sure to bring a bat with him, he sat on the ground. A numbing sensation ebbed in his brain as he sat thinking. Eventually the hatch opened and Taylor crawled out.

"Hey Jude." Out of habit he waved at her rather than giving the customary vocal greeting. She wandered over to him. "Is it okay if I sit?" He nodded. It was these little things he liked about Taylor. She respected what he thought and was always cautious of how she approached things. "So you're now Marianna's new hero."

"Yeah…I honestly didn't do that much, it was mostly her. I just kind of held a blanket." Jude said modestly. Taylor smiled not just because of what he'd said but the fact he'd said anything. Ever since Connor, he'd been so shut off. She sighed. The way he'd reacted had been making her wonder. The others said it was because of the traumatic experience and she got that she did. But Jude had seen worse surely. He hadn't stopped talking from those. The two were close, she understood that. What she wanted to know was how close.

"Jude?" The light was fading and the area was becoming much more foreboding.

"Yeah?"

"You and Connor…" Jude looked up. No one had used his name in the last 3 months. He'd thought about the traitorous bastard often but it was still a shock to openly acknowledge him. He swallowed but allowed her to continue "How close were you?" He cocked his head to the side, not sure what she meant "It's just I have been thinking, if it were me, if it had been me, would you have stopped talking."

"Taylor. Are you…are you asking if, if I'm…" Shaking her head she looked at her hands. Breathing in Jude built up the courage to place his palms on hers. "Taylor?" She looked up into his eyes. "If it had been you, I would have stopped talking too." They held the look. Jude had both answered her question and confused her more. Whilst she felt like he liked her on a level that exceeded platonic he hadn't denied that he may like Connor on a level that surpassed that status. Then again it could have been the other way round. That he regarded her as a best friend, as he had done Connor. Even so. Jude was also confused. He'd just helped Marianna bring life into this world. He hadn't enjoyed it much yet it was an experience. He liked the idea of experiencing new and all sorts of things. Just because the world sucked didn't mean he had to embrace it.

"Jude?"

"I'm going to kiss you now okay?"

"Okay." He whispered back. Taylor leant in her eyelids shutting softly. The frosty chill of the winter night nipped at Them both. The kiss was chapped and slow but it felt nice enough. There were no 'fireworks' or anything like that but it didn't feel wrong. They spent most of the night out there in the cold. At one point Jude climbed back down into the bunker to get some blankets. None of the others bothered to ask him where he was going they just left him to it. When he rejoined Taylor they huddled together for warmth. They could go back inside but then they wouldn't be alone. Jude couldn't remember who had started it but come light Jude's virginity was some what hindered. Although he and Taylor hadn't gone all the way they'd embarked on a journey of lust that was an entirely new concept to them both. Whilst Taylor thought of it as a romantic and sexual gesture, Jude saw it as a sodden confirmation. He couldn't deny that part of himself. He wasn't attracted to Taylor like that. Moreover he feared any girl for that matter. His worst fears may have been realised.