October 12, 2008
Today was the trial. And wow what a mix of emotions. I've only gotten myself into more trouble...
I sat at my table next to Phil, since he acted as my attorney. My hands were cuffed together, with a special set of cuffs S.H.I.E.L.D., had in front of me, but they had allowed me to dress in normal clothes, so I wore a simple blue dress. I stayed quiet while Phil and the other attorney argued it out:
"She cannot account for her own actions! She doesn't even remember doing the deed," Phil argued with a sassy hand on his hip.
"How convenient that she doesn't remember! That thing is not human and is a danger to society! She claims to be the spawn of a mischievous god, but for all we know she could be insane and gifted with mutant powers! We all know how dangerous these mutants can be!" The other argued back.
What he said had obviously made Phil quite angry, but he had to bottle it up just as I did at the same time. But I couldn't sit by and let him say that. Before I knew it words spewed from my lips:
"You don't know anything about me! I know who my father is! I'm not a monster!" As I choked out the last words, the judge banged his gavel and ordered I sit down and shut up. Phil helped me relax and soon I was able to shoot the other an icy glare.
Then, Phil continued:
"We've run the tests. Her DNA does not match that of a mutant in any way, accept those that derive from the human genes. And she has told us of an incident that she recalls of meeting her father when she was young and can share that information with us today!"
They then told me to step up to the the witness stand, and I did so. I sat and held my hands in my lap.
"Please state the interaction you have had with 'Loki', also claimed as your father." The Judge said.
I took a deep breath and began, "I was about four or five when I was made to go see a doctor by the name of . His last name started with an R, but I forgot. He said I was special, that I was from the same place he was. And so was my father. When the doctor left the room, leaving me alone, he appeared. He wore green and stated who he was and how he was my father. But when I asked if I could go home with him, he said 'No. Your blood is impure, and a disgrace. I've seen what you will be. And you will be so very weak.' I was so little I didn't understand and when I had begun to cry, he scoffed and pushed me away when I drew near. He then disappeared and I have not seen or heard of him since." I said it all flat and without any emotion. It doesn't bother me to talk about it, surprisingly.
"And of this doctor?" The opposing attorney asked, stepping towards me with his hands folded behind his back.
"He showed me that I had powers. It was just little things with snowflakes at first. But then he stopped practicing with me that day when he saw something rather odd happen to my eyes. He refused to let me come back for another session. I haven't seen or heard from him since either." I said in a confident tone. Though, no one in the room seemed to believe me.
They had me step down from the stand, and I seated myself back next to Phil. The Court Clerk then pulled out enlarged photos of the crime scene and displayed them. I immediately felt sick to the core, my stomach twisted into knots and I noticed my eyes begin to water. When my breathing became sharp and discomfort was obvious to everyone, the judge looked to Phil:
"Is there a problem?"
"Wha- Yes, your honor. The images bring back nightmares and bring a large amount of discomfort to the defendant." Phil answered, trying to calm me down whilst talking by rubbing my back and shoulder.
"So..." the other attorney started, "The monster doesn't like seeing her own work?"
"I object!" Phil stood, hands slapping in the table.
The judge looked to the other attorney with distaste, "You're out of line, Grimmer!"
" My apologies, your honor." The attorney gave me a smirk as he noticed the tears streaming down my face. "As you can see from the photos, the defendant had clearly pounded this young boy's face in completely. The skull was completely shattered, and brain flatted to a pancake. I would like to ask the Jury to take note of such a gruesome scene. Would a normal person be able to do this with their bare hands? Upon further analysis, the victims neck had been broken, as well as wrists, forearms, and shoulders all shattered. Evidence suggests that her first move was to break both arms as so, break the neck, and even after the boy was already dead, proceeded to demolish his face."
The entire time the man spoke, I shook in my seat. Phil paid attention but still held me close to him to offer comfort.
"I would like to call a witness to the stand. Jeffery Daniels, would you please come up?" He called out, looking toward a young boy whose face was rather familiar. He was the boy who began to undress me in the alley. I felt my heart jump and fear spill into me when he threw me a nervous glance before taking the stand. They made him go through the whole truth speech before the boy sat.
"Please state your name and relation to the defendant," said the attorney, one hand leaning on the wooden bar of the witness stand while the other was tucked into his pocket.
"I'm Jeffery Daniels, and I go to school with Lilith. We have second period together." The boy answered nervously, chewing his lip for a short moment.
"Please state what happened on the date of September 29, 2008." The attorney continued, keeping his stance.
"Well I uh…" Jeffrey swallowed nervously, looking down at possibly sweaty palms, "Me and my three friends, including my friend Mark," He gestured at the crime scene photos, "were just walking home from school when Lilith just came out of nowhere and attacked him!" He rushed through his words as he spoke.
He was lying and it made me so infuriated. I jumped up from my seat and screamed out with tears running down my cheeks again, "You liar! You tried to rape me!" His eyes went wide and I could see the sudden panic within him spark.
The judge banged his gavel once again, " ! Get the defendant under control before I hold her for contempt of court!"
Phil listened and pulled me back down to my seat and told me to calm down. I could feel my own body heating up and my nerves spark as Jeffrey continued with his story and lies. He went on to talk about what he 'saw' me do and what I had looked like while doing it. The sad part is...I almost believe him about how I had looked: big black eyes that had virtually no light, and a sadistic smile on my face. I let out a small shudder at the thought, keeping my comments to myself.
The other two boys that were there at the scene coincidently couldn't make it to the court case today, so instead they called me back up to talk about what I remember happening to go against what Jeffrey had said. It was Phil's turn to question me.
"Can you please restate the entire event from how you remember it?" Phil asked, looking to me.
I nodded and began telling my truthful side of the story. I made sure to mention how Jeffrey was the first to remove any of my clothing as well. I told them about what I remembered and how I tried my hardest to heal the boy but just couldn't. I didn't fail to mention the stab wounds, either.
"Why is it that you can't recollect doing anything to the victim?" Phil asked.
I replied, "I don't know. A part of me wishes I could remember so that I can give you my side of that event transpiring, but another part of me is glad I don't remember. It's hard enough coping with the fact I have killed someone, let alone detailed images in my head."
"Why would you openly admit to killing someone when your main goal here is to prove your innocence?" Phil questioned again.
I took a deep breath, "I swore to tell nothing but the truth and so I did and still will. That, and I technically cannot lie at all. At least, not without it being obvious."
"Can you please explain what you mean by that?"
"My entire life, and also being told from the doctor I met at age five, which I must apologize for failing to mention this earlier, that I am cursed to not be able to lie. If I do lie, It's obvious, and the person whom I told the lie to automatically knows of my lie. Although, I am gifted with the ability to tell if someone else is lying, no matter what the circumstances."
"Right. Can you please explain how and why you tried to heal or 'take back' what had happened to the victim?"
"I felt awful and was in complete shock. I had been self practicing a new gift I had found within myself, which is the gift of healing. I focus my energy to my hands and-" I held up my hands that now were aglow until the light slowly faded away while the 'Oohs' and 'ahhs' continued, "-they begin to glow as I had just shown. My body heats to an extreme temperature during this as tests at S.H.I.E.L.D. have shown. But I don't want to kill anyone. I just want to help people, and it's...it's just such a struggle to do that when everyone views you as a monster because you've made a few mistakes that weren't in your control." I noticed myself tear up and I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand.
Phil had nodded and said "That is all I have to ask" before taking a seat. The other attorney stepped up to question me now.
"It's awful funny how suddenly you mention Jeffrey Daniels after he is a witness on the stand, when you hadn't mentioned him at all before." The attorney mocked with raised brows.
"That's because I didn't know his name before! And once he came up to the stand, I had recognized his face." I protested.
"But did he not state that you both have had a class together since the beginning of the school year?"
"Yes, but I don't make a habit of learning everyone's name, and we've never interacted with one another prior to the event. I only recognized him from that class until just today when he mentioned it."
"Next question: have you ever interacted with Mark Donovan prior to this event that might provoke you to attack him?"
I hear Phil yell an "I object!" but the Judge ignored it and responds "Overruled".
I then continue, "Not exactly… he and some of his friends would say rude things to me at lunch about me having powers or being a freak, or things of the nature. But as I have stated, I would never want to hurt anyone-"
The attorney interjected, "I find that hard to believe considering two years ago, your previous foster parent, Hugh Darren, fell out of your bedroom attic window while you remained inside, did he not?"
"Yes, but I didn't push him, he was drunk-"
He interjected yet again, "Exactly! There was a report found in S.H.I.E.L.D. records that a friend of mine got a hold of for me when I requested it! It stated that Hugh and your foster mother Marie both were abusive drunks! This is clearly a motive to take the initiative to cause an accidental death while one was drunk!" He then stormed closer and waved a finger in my face, "You killed Hugh to stop the abuse, just as you killed Mark to stop the bullying being done at school!" He yelled at me, hands fixed on the wooden railing that separated us.
I flung up from my seat and slammed my hands onto the railing while I exclaimed, "THAT'S NOT TRUE!" As I had slammed my hands, a wave of energy exploded from them, sending the attorney flying backwards and the jury into a rush as they, as well as everyone in the courtroom, were hit with it too. I began to feel dizzy and nauseated as I slowly sank down and fell once my knees gave out from beneath me. Phil had rushed to my side and hoisted me up. The last thing I heard before I fainted was him exclaiming "Get her some water!"
I had only just woke up in my bed back at S.H.I.E.L.D. when I began to write this. I've paused my writing a few times to hear Phil explain what's happened or going to happen. Apparently, that attorney received a concussion after my energy burst sent his head banging against the hard floors. The only reason I'm not being held in contempt of court is because Director Fury and Phil explained that bringing me back to S.H.I.E.L.D. would be a much safer environment for everyone.
I feel awful about this whole thing. I just want all this to end, but now I have to go back to court for a second run of the trial. I can't do this. I murdered someone and I can't take it back. It wasn't my fault...I'm not a monster…
But… that's the thing, isn't it? I've been telling myself a lie all this time and been convinced it's the truth. Ignoring my gut feeling. I am a monster. Because I've killed someone. And there is nothing that can change that.