Sorry I took such a long break in updating. Finals week is drawing near and I need to study more. I've been reading all of your reviews and trust me when I say that they really motivate me. I'm really happy to be a part of this fandom. The next two chapters will be pretty long, so sorry about that in advance. I think I will officially be making a sequel for this, but I'm not sure how long it'll be. Anyway, on with the story!

Also, the excerpt of the poem is very depressing and morbid, but in no way correlates with the story, so rest easy. I never intended the story to go down that route.

*Same warnings as always

P.S: I changed some formatting and re-uploaded this, lol.

Chapter 11. "My murderer is this girl named Ana,
She starved me to my grave,
My heart finally stopped beating,
I couldn't continue being brave."

"It was pretty boring for like, the first ten or fifteen minutes, but after that she had me talk with other patients."

"Oh? And how was that? Did you make any friends?" He placed two pieces of chicken on the side of his plate and pretended to look away, already knowing that the boy next to him was sneaking the pieces and popping them into his mouth. He waited patiently for his response.

"Hmm… It was nice I guess. They were pretty cool. I only really talked to like, three of them, so yeah… I guess I did make some friends. Two of them have what I have and one has bulimia. Did you know that the nickname for it is mia?" Lovino said, obviously trying to chew.

Antonio smiled and took a bite of his own food. "That's great! I'm proud of you, Lovi. But no, I didn't know that. I'm glad you made some friends though." His eyes wandered down to his body. It's been almost three days since Lovino's been released from the hospital. Today was his first therapy appointment and tomorrow will be his first meeting with a nutritionist. Antonio chewed thoughtfully as he contemplated the past few days. Thankfully, Lovino's grandfather was letting them spend time with each other, so Antonio was able to feed Lovino. He's been taking small portions of his food and sliding them towards Lovino, who would actually eat them. He repeated this almost six times a day, so technically it's been coming up to almost an entire meal each day.

Lovino paused and frowned once he noticed Antonio smiling fondly at him. "What do you look so happy about?" He growled.

"Hm? Oh, nothing really. I was just admiring how beautiful you are." Antonio said happily.

That action elicited a blush from Lovino, who quickly turned away. "Y-you're such a sap..." He grumbled.

Antonio slid his hand to rest atop Lovino's. "Only for you, my love."

"Is the married couple going to take a break and help me?" Feliciano giggled as he walked into the room. They were currently curled up on Lovino's bed and Feliciano was standing in the doorway carrying what looked to be two heavy sleeping bags.

"W-we…! We're not-!" Lovino began.

"Oh, sorry Feli. I suppose marriage can wait for another time, huh?" Antonio smiled and wriggled out from Lovino's hold.

"Marriage!? What the f-"

"The blushing bride shouldn't be so vulgar, what will you do on the actual wedding day?" Feliciano cut in, smirking as he teased his brother.

Lovino grabbed two pillows from his bed and flung it in their direction. "Shut the fuck up!" He snarled, crossing his arms in a pout.

Once Antonio took the sleeping bags from Feliciano, the younger Italian approached his brother and cautiously reached out to him. "Um...We were only joking, Lovi." He explained nervously.

Lovino swatted his hand away and grimaced. "I'm not an idiot. I know what you two were doing. I'm probably not going to live long for a wedding anyway..."

The atmosphere suddenly became much more grim, and Feliciano looked to Antonio with worried eyes. Antonio sighed and placed the sleeping bags on the foot of Lovino's bed before sitting beside him. "Don't talk like that. You are going to recover and you will live a long, happy life." He told Lovino, reaching out and taking his hand.

"…With Antonio…." Feliciano murmured.

Lovino heaved a sigh. "If you say so…And I swear to god Feli I will punch you in the throat."

Frightened, Feliciano quickly exited the room and left the two of them alone once again. Antonio chuckled softly and leaned in to kiss Lovino's cheek.

"You sound so confident." Lovino suddenly said, looking down to his lap.

Antonio nodded. "Of course. Why wouldn't I?" He asked and attempted to kiss Lovino on the lips.

Lovino turned away and sighed. "You did hear what the doctor said, right? That apparently, I may have Os...Osteo..."

"Osteoporosis." Antonio finished for him. "And yes, I did hear." He said calmly.

"And do you know what that even is!?" Lovino grumbled with agitation.

Antonio gently took a hold of Lovino's chin so he could kiss him better. "Yes Lovi, I do. Your bones are getting weak and more likely to break, even if you do so much as cough. That doesn't mean you can't live a long and happy life with me." He smiled warmly at him and took his hand.

Lovino blushed bright red and avoided eye contact. "Y-yeah...well...We don't even know if that was the only thing...w-wrong with me."

"Hm. Well, remember that he was surprised that you maintained a relationship with someone while having anorexia. He said it's uncommon to the point of being almost unheard of."

At this Lovino narrowed his eyes suspiciously at Antonio. "...Sometimes it doesn't seem like you're very inconvenienced as much...even though you really should be." He said with a frown.

Antonio chuckled softly. "Really, I'm not. Or at least, not as much as you would think. Even if I was, it wouldn't matter to me, as long as you're okay."

Lovino opened his mouth to respond, but a knock towards the door interrupted him. They both turned to see Romulus standing in the doorway with a small smile gracing his features. "He's right, y'know. Everyone cares about you, so a little inconvenience here or there really doesn't matter." His gaze traveled to the two sleeping bags still at the foot of his grandson's bed. "Camping trip this weekend?" He asked the two.

"Yeah. Don't worry Feli and I are sleeping together. Not me and this moron." Lovino answered, scooting away from Antonio shyly.

Romulus laughed. "I wouldn't expect it any other way. Oh? Are you finished with lunch?" He noticed the finished plate that was sitting on Lovino's bedside and walked over to pick it up. He gave Antonio a questioning look, silently asking if Lovino had eaten at least a little. Antonio grinned and nodded excitedly. Relieved, Romulus turned to leave. "Well, you have a free afternoon together. You might as well make the most of it." He said as he left the room.

Lovino scrunched up his nose. "Make the most of it?" He asked.

"Hm… Want to watch a movie Lovi?"

"…Sure."

"And cuddle~?"

"…...S-sure..."

~oO0Oo~

In the middle of their movie Antonio's phone sounded and he pulled it out of his pocket to check it. Lovino could see on the screen that it was a call from his dad. He gave Antonio a questioning look.

"Hmm...He probably wants me to work." Antonio said with a frown. "I don't want to go, but I've put it off for too long. I'm sorry Lovi. We should be spending time together." He sighed and answered it.

Lovino silently listened to Antonio and his dad converse over the phone and couldn't help but feel upset. He was wrapped in a blanket and in Antonio's arms, he didn't want their evening to end so suddenly.

Antonio ended the call and reluctantly got up from the bed. "….H-hey, would you mind coming with me? You don't have to work, I just think it'll be nice to spend time together anyway." He asked as he slipped his shoes on.

"What kind of work will you be doing? And won't it look strange to see you working and me watching you?" Lovino questioned with a frown.

Antonio laughed and shook his head. "Just a little gardening. And no, not at all! I don't want you to work."

Lovino snuggled into the blankets more. "Good because I'm sleepy." He mumbled.

Antonio looked out the window. They had about three or four more hours of sunlight. Smiling, he turned to Lovino again. "You can nap there, if you want. I do it all the time."

So Lovino unraveled himself from his blankets and grabbed his shoes. "Alright, fine." He sighed and Antonio jumped up to grab his own shoes with delight.

~oO0Oo~

Instead of going inside the house, Antonio took Lovino to the backyard. Lovino had to say that he was pretty impressed. A small patio was just beyond screen doors and after that there was a nice, green yard filled with grass. In a corner of the yard sat different plants and Lovino followed Antonio to inspect them.

Antonio bent down and gently touched one of the leaves. "Huh...they're not doing so hot. I kinda figured." He turned to Lovino and smiled. "My dad leaves my brother and I in charge of this garden. There's a man that buys the vegetables across town and an older woman a few blocks down."

Lovino kneeled down beside Antonio to read one of the labels in front of some of the plants. "Tomatoes..." He murmured, noticing how poorly the tomatoes were actually doing.

"Haha, yeah. My favorite, actually. I could eat a tomato like someone would an apple." Antonio sighed happily.

Lovino let out a soft chuckle. "That makes two of us."

Antonio's eyes widened and he suddenly grasped Lovino's hand. "You too!? Oh my god you are perfect!" He beamed.

"W-wha- You...you idiot..." Lovino stammered as he blushed deeply. "It's really not all that special. A lot of people like to eat tomatoes too."

Antonio laughed and rested his head on Lovino's shoulder. "Ahh, I suppose you're right."

A sudden kiss on his cheek made Lovino fall backward and onto his butt. He scowled as Antonio continued giggling over him. "You-! Don't do that so suddenly!" He growled as a blush spread across his face.

"Sorry, I just like kissing you." Antonio replied cheerfully.

Lovino wiped at his cheek, despite the action being completely unnecessary. It was quiet between the two, Antonio simply examined the plants in the small garden while Lovino sat back and watched him. When he hummed his approval and began grabbing different tools from a small shed a few feet away, Lovino decided to speak. "…..Do you really think I can get better?"

Antonio paused just as he was carrying a bucket full of different tools. He looked surprised by Lovino's sudden question. Nevertheless, he smiled and put the bucket down. "Of course. I've always believed that. If you truly want to get better, then I'm sure you can do it!" Antonio said encouragingly.

Lovino brought his knees up to his chest and frowned. "It always feels too hard. I come close to eating something and immediately after my mind screams at me. The way things look, I don't see how I can change the way my mind works..."

"Hmm..." Antonio hummed as he began taking the tools out of the bucket. "It sounds hard...always having someone yelling at you constantly….Lovi, I have to ask you a serious question and I want you to answer honestly." He suddenly said, gently touching Lovino's knee.

Lovino tensed and nodded. Antonio continued, "If you could go to inpatient treatment...would you?"

Lovino's eyes widened and he furrowed his brows in confusion. "Why would I have to? Don't I have you? Or are you getting tired of me too?" He said bitterly, and Antonio rushed to explain.

"No, no! Of course not! I was just wondering because...because I want what's best for you. I read up on it and I think it'll totally be helpful for you. Family can visit and you aren't a prisoner, you are allowed on outings and such." Antonio said with a hopeful smile.

"...D-doesn't that...cost money?" Lovino asked.

"There are ways, Lovi. If it's something you think you might want to try, then your grandfather is already there to support it." Antonio replied.

Lovino was silent for a while, staring at his knees and frowning. Antonio was growing increasingly worried until Lovino sighed and laid back on the grass. "...And you'll visit how often?" He asked skeptically.

Antonio smiled warmly at Lovino and reached for his hand. "As often as possible."

With his eyes fluttering shut, Lovino gave a small smile. "Good… Though, I'm not sure what help that'll be."

"What do you mean?" Antonio asked curiously.

A frustrated sigh told Antonio that he should have his listening ears ready. He scooted closer to Lovino, silently urging him to explain. "...It's just… There's going to be triggering things all the damn time. I don't see how it's possible to get better. I sometimes think that I can't do it." Lovino murmured, turning away from the boy sitting beside him. He could feel his eyes on him and he shifted uncomfortably. "I always stare into the mirror too long and end up seeing all of my imperfections or I'm tempted to weigh myself or see if I can still wrap my hands around my waist or legs and I just-" Tears welled up, threatening to spill over. "...It seems too hard. I know that you, Feli and grandpa are trying, I really do...but none of you really get it. It feels like this illness is the only thing I have."

"I'm going to stop you right there, Lovi." Antonio cut in, making Lovino finally turn to face him. He was surprised to see the look of discomfort on Antonio's face. "You're definitely right. No one will be able to understand it like you do, except for people who have the same thing. And you will run into triggers every day of your life. But I think you're strong. I think you can fight. Yes, people have imperfections….nobody's perfect. But I love you just the way you are."

Lovino scoffed, turning away. "I just can't believe it. You love someone who is basically dying, someone who is so negative and has nothing to offer."

Antonio shook his head and leaned down to kiss Lovino on the cheek. "I don't think so. I can see that you're more than the illness. And people die slowly everyday, Lovi. It's nothing new. Though, to put it such a way sounds so morbid..." He laughed and felt his heart swell when Lovino let out a small snicker. "And you have plenty to offer! You make my days brighter, despite what you might think."

At that Lovino shifted to gaze into Antonio's eyes. "…H-how?" He asked, confused.

"Well...Seeing you always makes me happy. Like, my day can be just another day until I see you and suddenly it's much better. More often than not I don't want the day to end. Like now, for example." Antonio grinned and brushed Lovino's bangs to the side.

A bright red blush slowly made itself known on the Italian's cheeks and he slapped Antonio's hand away in embarrassment. "Idiot..." He growled, only to watch as Antonio grabbed his wrist and began peppering light kisses down his arm.

"So beautiful." Antonio murmured against his skin.

Lovino yanked his arm away and sat up to scoot away from the Spaniard, who was now grinning from ear-to-ear. "D-don't do that!" He cried, rubbing his arm.

"Do what?" Antonio asked cluelessly.

Lovino growled in frustration and pointed at Antonio accusingly. "You know what! D-don't do cheesy shit like that!"

Antonio smirked knowingly and laid down on the grass. "I like it when you're flustered. It's adorable." He sighed happily.

"Well, I don't like it!" Lovino barked back, unsure of whether it was okay to return to Antonio's side or not.

"….I get worried that I'm not as strong as I should be if I want to be able to support and take care of you." Antonio suddenly said. The change of topic made Lovino uneasy and he gave Antonio a confused look. "I mean...I do actually plan on marrying you, as crazy as that may seem." Antonio clarified, chuckling when Lovino gaped and blushed. "But despite what you might think...I'm actually not as good-natured as I might appear."

"...I-I don't understand..." Lovino murmured, deciding it was safe and crawling back to the Spaniards side.

"I just feel helpless sometimes. I get angry at the fact that I can't do more and I even think of hurting every single person who has ever made you feel like you had to change yourself." Antonio explained, staring aimlessly at the sky.

Lovino had to admit that he was speechless. He thought back to all the times he's been with Antonio and realized that he's never heard Antonio talk about what he thinks. Surely, he had to have his own doubts and negative thoughts. Antonio knew so much about him and his situation, but he never thought to ask Antonio about his. This was the first time Antonio was voicing his doubt and insecurities to Lovino and it made his heart swell.

He reached over and clasped his hand in Antonio's. "Don't feel helpless. You definitely help. I'd probably be dead without you, Antonio. And… I really don't care that you want to hurt them. I shouldn't feel that way, but I'm angry too….. That doesn't mean I'm giving you names!" Lovino interjected when Antonio opened his mouth to speak. His features softened and he rubbed his thumb on the back of Antonio's hand. "But I'm happy. You should share more things with me. It feels good to hear what you feel and think from time to time."

Antonio stared wide-eyed at Lovino, who was still averting his gaze shyly. "If that's what you want, my love. Actually, right now I'm feeling utterly, blissfully in love. And I think your lips should be on mine immediately." He laughed.

Lovino gave a soft sigh and turned to face Antonio when he was pulled into a kiss. The world seemed to fall around them and it felt like he could overcome any obstacle thrown at him. In that instant, he was okay. The voices that told him he wasn't good enough were silenced, leaving only him and Antonio. It was a good feeling and Lovino's body warmed up to it. If recovery was even close to the feelings he was having right now, then he wanted it more than ever.

When they pulled away, Antonio smiled and whispered, "I love you" in Lovino's ear.

"...I love you too..." Lovino murmured embarrassedly.

A sudden ruffle of his hair brought him back to earth and he frowned. "You look tired. Get some rest while I do this." Antonio told him as he indicated the neglected garden.

Lovino didn't object. He did feel tired. He nodded and rested on the grass. "Don't do anything while I'm asleep. Pervert." He growled half-heartedly.

Antonio simply waved him off, stretching and cracking his back. "I wouldn't dream of it. Well, I would, but that's not the point." He joked, earning him a slap on the arm.

"I mean it." Lovino mumbled as his eyes fluttered shut.

Antonio nodded despite the fact that Lovino couldn't see. He gently ran his fingers through the small Italian's hair until he heard soft snoring coming from him.

Antonio was always surprised at how quickly Lovino could fall asleep. He checked to make sure that the Italian really was, before grinning to himself and grabbing the tools and getting to work.

~oO0Oo~

Lovino awoke to the sound of clattering and sat upright. He yawned and frowned when he saw how dark it had become. A jacket had been draped over him and the voice that called out to him indicated as to who had put it there. "Oh, are you awake? I was just about to wake you. Did you sleep okay?" Antonio asked happily, kneeling beside the Italian.

"Considering it was on the ground, yeah...I did." He mumbled, handing the jacket back to Antonio. Then he noticed the man's clothes. His pants were covered in dirt and he had clumps of mud on his knees. His shirt was also dirtied and it looked as if he had wiped his hands on the fabric. His hair was disheveled, with his bangs clinging to his sweaty forehead. "...You worked hard." He commented, patting Antonio's shoulders to get rid of the dirt residing there.

Antonio blinked and laughed, rubbing his nose as he stood up. "I sure did. Which was surprising because I had a cute boyfriend just a few feet away the entire time." He said jokingly, helping Lovino onto his feet.

Lovino rolled his eyes and dusted himself off. "What time is it?" He asked, looking up to the darkened sky.

"8:30." Antonio answered him easily. He popped his back and sighed in relief. "Let me get cleaned up and I'll take you back, okay?" He said with a smile. The two entered the house and Lovino waited in Antonio's bedroom as the Spaniard washed himself off in the shower.

He had to admit, it felt strange to be sitting alone in Antonio's room. A movie was put on to entertain him and Antonio told him to feel free to look around and to feel at home. Seeing as he had quickly lost interest in the movie, Lovino slid off the bed and began walking around the room. Antonio had a bookshelf in the corner that had an entire row filled with books. This caught Lovino's eye, but he wanted to explore more before examining what kinds of books Antonio had.

On the shelf below the books, Antonio had video games. Lovino wasn't too interested in those. The rest of the shelves had random knick-knacks, so Lovino didn't bother with those either. He walked over to Antonio's dresser, which had small pictures wedged into the tiny mirror. It mainly featured his family, like his mother and older brother, but rarely his father. In fact, Lovino only found one picture featuring Antonio's father, but his face was partially out of the frame.

The other pictures showed Antonio with his two friends, Gilbert and Francis, and Lovino couldn't help but roll his eyes at the pictures with them making funny faces. He walked swiftly away from the mirror, not giving himself a chance to observe and point out every flaw. Instead, he went back to the bookshelf, taking books out and reading the back covers. He didn't take Antonio for a sci-fi kinda guy and he smiled warmly at a particular book that still had a bookmark wedged between its pages.

"Sorry if I took a while." Antonio's voice made him jump and drop the book in shock.

"Jesus fucking- you scared me!" Lovino snapped, bending down to pick the book up. He glared at Antonio, who now sported a plain black T-shirt and gray shorts. A towel was draped over his neck and his hair surprisingly curled in all directions, despite being wet.

Antonio laughed and walked briskly over to Lovino, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. "Oh, that book. I still haven't finished it yet. It's good though." He murmured, nuzzling into the Italian's neck.

Lovino blushed and fought the urge to return Antonio's embrace. He could smell the fresh scent of shampoo and he shivered when Antonio's still wet hair came into contact with his skin. "It sounds pretty good." He mumbled, just so he had something to say.

"...So I was in the shower, thinking about us..." Antonio began, only to be elbowed in the stomach. "Ow! T-that hurt!" He cried, releasing the Italian and rubbing the painful spot.

Lovino glared and held the book close to his chest. "Pervert..." He grumbled.

As realization sunk in as to what his words had implied, Antonio laughed stiffly. "Ah, no, I didn't mean that." He explained. "I meant that...just...we have never actually gone out on a proper date."

Lovino eyed him carefully, deciding that Antonio really had been oblivious to his earlier statement. His shoulders became less tensed and he turned to put the book back in its place on the bookshelf. "I thought we have. The time at the river came pretty close to one." He grumbled.

Antonio chuckled softly and shook his head. "Well, yeah, but I mean a real date. Like, going to the movies or an amusement park or something."

Lovino was silent for a while, making Antonio wonder if he was considering either one of the two. "...You don't mind...not being able to go to a restaurant? Or the fact that I'll probably not be having any popcorn at the movies…?" He asked, his voice dripping with guilt.

"Not at all! Restaurant dates are boring anyway. I'll be happy as long as I'm spending time with you." Antonio insisted, reaching out to take a hold of the Italian's hand.

Lovino blushed and mulled over his options. It was true. He and Antonio didn't really have a chance to go on a proper date and it seemed to make Antonio really excited to think about it. "...There is one movie I've been wanting to see..." He started.

Antonio squealed with excitement and threw his arms around Lovino. "Yay! Let's go!"

"After the camping trip?" Lovino asked as he complied and returned the embrace.

"After the camping trip." Antonio confirmed.