We brought him home two weeks later. And by we, I mean the insurance company and I. The insurance company forced me too but I thought he needed to stay longer. I asked if I could pay out of my pocket but the two-thousand a night fee only made me more embarrassed to say no.
Joshua was weak when Nathan and I went to see him last week, his blood levels were low, and enough to slip into a coma especially since the drugs in his body are strong. He is still pretty weak but he gained some weight and now can sit up on his own.
I couldn't take it in the beginning of our daily visits throughout the week, sometimes I would cry, which would happen a lot. I tended to yell at the nurses too, shouting at them when they weren't fast enough or they fumbled a needle. Last Wednesday a new nurse rammed her big fat cart into Joshua's bed. I think I popped a blood vessel when I screamed for breaking the bed frame that held my baby. Well it didn't crack but I was very much on edge last week.
I paced back and forth, darting my eyes on a bored Nathan, who sat lazily on a stiff hospital chair, and a sleepy Joshua, who complied with a nurse wrapping gauze around his thick stiches. His cuts weren't healing fast enough since he kept removing the stich at night. They had to give him heavy drugs for him to stop leaving him in a very sleepy state, but you would think he was in a coma.
His head bobbed down, letting some drool fall out on his pj shirt. He looked so little in his pajamas, innocent in his sleep, heavy drugs pumping his thin veins; I only felt worthless.
The nurse left the room, leaving only the flimsy wheelchair for his exit. I picked up his frail body and gently putting it on the chair, wrapping him up with three fleece blankets and put on his winter boots and think mittens over his pail white hands. His long hair was cut by the hospital hairdresser since it got in the way making him look like a sick kid, making me cry. He resembled a ghostly skeleton, his skin was translucent enough to see his bones and veins but he no longer had sunken in cheeks.
Nathan collected all of Joshua's toys, various cards, and medications shoving it in Joshua's bag, and tried to catch up to me as the same nurse who wrapped his stitches with gauze approached me from another room. She placed her hand on the wheelchair, stopping us in our tracks.
"Sir, hospital policy states that a nurse or medical professional must escort all discharged patients, you cannot," she said firmly, arms crossed. An attitude that smeared across me like shit.
"I'm his father, you can't tell me what I can and cannot do with my son." I said, my hands still gripped to his wheelchair.
"Sir Hospital policy doesn't allow you to escort him out. Now please, let me handle your son and guide him to your car." She said forcing her hands on his wheelchair, ripping my grip from it. I tripped back a little, disgust was on my face, but I trudged toward the front desk. I scribbled out the release forms in agony, feeling that my mentally sick son shouldn't go to school. My shaking hand tripped up my signature and the secretary snatched up the forms, glanced upon them and waved me off.
The elevator ride was less than glorious, the fact that the same bitchy nurse was still here didn't help, I stood there disheveled trying to get my littlest son to give up some of the things in his hand, feeling helpless and alone.
When we finally left the hospital doors, the cold wind of the March morning breezed through us as we trudged toward my Honda. The nurse only made it to the front door, felt the cold minus 15 air and deserted my sons and I, my head screaming "Fucking bitch!" First she throws a fit and now due to a little cold won't even help me put my son in the car.
The car was quite far, found it sitting in parking lot Q. The hospital valet was no help, since they actually forgot where my car is. My sons and I walked and wheeled around looking for my damn car, the frostbites creeping up quickly on our faces, pinching our noses. I think it took about 25 minutes to locate it and during those agonizing minutes I heard endless cries from Nathan, juggling all of Joshua medications, and trying to warm up Joshua in his blankets, but I finally found my damn car at the end of the lot.
Running to the car, we didn't fear the ice threatening my balance, only welcoming the warmth. Nathan piled in first and I picked up Joshua and rested himself on the soft back seat and seatbelt pillow, layering to blankets to keep him warm. I jumped in the driver's side, throwing every thing I have in the passenger seat. I go to adjust my mirrors, catching the sweet moment of Nathan holding Joshua's frail hand.
Those boys make my life happy and I couldn't think of a time without them when I was happier.
I revered and sped out of the lot and wait in the stop sign waiting line.
I don't follow much after that. Blaine never returned back, making me think that our marriage is done. Well I don't think so but I did the deed so he will plant the seed of our impending future. I still go to therapy but I don't do it for us I only do it formed. Without it I probably would become the alcoholic my Aunt was after her divorce.
As we sit in the traffic, the cars barely bumping by in line, you probably know I am an impatient fellow. I don't like to wait, I need to know now. The urge of my impatience is smoking, god I wish I had one now. Well I have them, I feel the box in my pocket but my kids are with me and Nathan already has a little asthma problems as it is.
After twenty fucking minutes of waiting, I finally get on the main road I want, speeding away.
" Daddy why are you speeding real fast?" asked Nathan in the back. My foot let off a little lead, returning it to the minimum speed.
" Just wanted to get out of there Nat." I replied, gripping the wheel. Eyes were dead center on direction.
The trip back home was a long one, almost 40 minutes, making it the closest hospital to my house. I hate how far we live in Ohio, which is still Lima but almost no one lives there still. I am one of the few teachers left in McKinley and there are only about 250 students left in school. The teachers either leave or get laid off and I am one of the last there. I don't know how long I have left.
Blaine will probably leave me, without alimony, and the children will most likely be in his hands for obvious reasons.
I pulled into the driveway or at least tried since some asshole parked in my driveway.
" Who's car is that Daddy?" asked Nathan, rubbing his tired eyes. I'm wondering the very same.
" Probably some jerk visitor in the neighborhood," I told him, as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
I padded to the Jaguar, my eye heavy over the body. It was new most defiantly, very shiny forest green and the model was looking like it was a F-Type convertible and looked very recent. The Jaguar screamed single especially since it was a two door. The license plate read, "NOSTRNGSATCHD", very much the car of a single guy.
I sneered and walked back to my car, I grabbed Joshua as Nathan unlocked the door. We shuffled in the warm house, my eyes inspecting the place. Not a single dust bunny in sight.
Wow Quinn did an excellent job, I thought, for free too.
Nathan deserted to the main floor bathroom, rushing to relive himself.
I went upstairs with Joshua, his limp body didn't weigh down my arms. The doctor advised me that I better not let Joshua be alone for a while and it's best if I make him sleep in my bedroom until they do a follow up on the situation. Quinn told me she put new sheets and even bought us new sheets. I could see not a speck of dust in our hallways and the vacuum cleaner lines were still on the carpet and the air mixed together a fresh scent of Febreze and Windex.
I kissed his forehead and smiled but it fell quickly.
It was Blaine before my eyes but it wasn't just Blaine.
I saw Blaine furiously grinding and fucking some dude on my squeaking bed, his balls slapping against some firm ass that wasn't mine. None of this was mine.
" OHHHH FUCK BlAINE!" the guy bellowed, slutty noises evacuated his mouth as he was pumped up and down on Blaine.
Anger on my eyes, I ran out of the doorway, still holding a sleeping Joshua I heard foot steps.
"Daddy what is that noise?" I heard Nathan say. Snapping out of my gaze, I bounced out of there, the carpet muting my stomping feet, my son still in my arms, almost dropping him. Who the hell fucks in my bed? I paid for this goddamn house! Why are they fucking in my bed?
I want to leave. Yes, I need to leave…but where? I have no money after I paid off the rest of the hospital bill and Blaine took off with the money and knowing him probably gave it to his father who is notorious for putting his money and his sons money in Swiss banks. Rachel isn't here, she and Finn went somewhere, I don't really know.
I should go to my father's, I thought as lay Joshua on the sofa and tell Nathan to shush and stay on the couch. I run around the house in a panic, looking for clothes. Radically racing around , I went downstairs only to see baskets of neatly folded clean laundry but I ripped of the note that read , SORRY I DIDN'T PUT IT AWAY! DON'T KNOW YOUR WAYS LOL!-QUINN, but I wanted to scream thank you. The only things going through my mind was to get the hell out of there.
I jumped under the crawl space fast and grabbed a couple of my many old Jenny Craig gym bags I keep getting as a yearly gift, and sprinted out without even hitting my head on the ceiling. From then I began unzipping the bags in the laundry and threw all the clothes in the bags. I ran up the basement stairs, stopping to throw a second glance to check if I missed anything. Nathan's school uniform, pressed and ready to wear, on the ironing board caught my eye. I raced down, snatched it and I bolted up the stairs again. Upon getting back to the first floor, my laptop was the first thing I grabbed when I reached the first floor, as well as the chargers and its case. Frantic nerves in my body upon hearing the excessive moaning begin to vibrate through the ceiling in the living room. I ran to the front hall and Nathan and Joshua were still there, patiently waiting for me.
" Honey I need you to go to the car, ok," I said to Nathan, soft spoken, trying to spread positivity like therapist said I should try.
He nodded, getting up and opening the door, I felt the cold air rush through the house. I walked away for a second but I could still feel it. I walked right to the front door only seeing Nat's habit of leaving the door open come to reality. He does that a lot and I don't understand why he does, nobody else in my family does that.
" Hey babe," I heard a voice that sounded very deep and totally not Lima. That guy Blaine fucked is prancing around and I heard a babe from him. Are they serious? I asked myself.
" Yeah," Blaine said, sounding too pleased. I heard a giggle and some rustling of the sheets, than some moans. I cringed just hearing that noise.
In the kitchen, I grabbed the emergency medical kit and all of Joshua's medication as well as my pills. I raced to the living room again and with a little room left in the bags I grabbed a couple of the blankets and pillows that adorned the sofas and shoved them in.
" Okay,okay babe I need to put the heat on cause I feel so cold." Said Blaine's thing from upstairs. I tiptoed, inching closer to the front door until a leather square caught my eye. I need money, something Blaine will always have thanks to his money bags father.
I opened it and I saw Blaine's ID, a pic of Nat and Joshua, and what looked like Blaine in front of the CN Tower. I cant remember the city but I knew Blaine must have went to Canada at some point. I pulled the money flap open, my shaking fingers pondering if I should or shouldn't.
" The fucking heat is on Alexis," Blaine said with a giggle following his lover's mouth. Footsteps again but this time they were louder. I panicked and I knew they were coming close. Quickly shutting the wallet and quietly ran up to the front hall, pausing every few seconds. I heard Blaine and his "Alexis" giggle and I waited until I heard the footsteps stop.
" Blaine is the door open?"
" No… I don't think so…is it?"
" Well it could explain it."
I heard footsteps again and I rushed out with all the bags looped on my arms. I picked up a sleepy Joshua carefully slipping on my boots. I look up the stairs but no one yet. As a final act, closing the door behind us. Not a peep erupted from it.
My staircase is quite long so by the time I shoved Joshua in the car, I ran to the front seat pushing all the bags in the front seat, revered out of the driveway, I sped down the lane.
My nerves were shot, I couldn't believe the fucking mission impossible I had to go through just to get some fucking bare necessities. I drove into a convenience store parking lot sliding the car into the first spot I see. I race out, grabbing all the bags on the front seat and plopping them in the trunk. Opening the door to Joshua's side I fixed him up in his seat belt, wrapping his neck in that u-shaped pillow. I covered him up in the blankets and I kissed his forehead.
I look over to Nathan and all he did was stare out of the window, like what we just did in our house was perfectly fucking normal. I was going crazy trying to appear normal and Nathan was pulling it off effortlessly.
The sun was setting fast and I knew the night could dip below zero. I closed the car door to Joshua's side and I began to pace back and forth on the pavement. I went to the trunk, and just looking at it, knowing that my sons and I possibly could be spending a couple nights in my car with my kids only made me angry. Blaine didn't want anything to do with us, if he did he wouldn't be fucking some guy named Alexis on my bed.
Blaine, that fucking douchebag. I want to hate him, oh I want to hate him, but I love him more than anything.
Just hearing that voice made me want to die. I almost wanted to interrupt Blaine fucking that guy but I couldn't, I'm weak.
I hit the car trunk a couple times, throwing my fist against it, repeatedly, Nathan turning to see me then putting his head forward. I punched it like Blaine punched me, feeling power over the single act of throwing a fist full of fingers. I want to scream, I just want to kick everything, but my only fist savagely attacked the trunk. The car bounced back every time I did but I only came back harder. My sore knuckles bled a little, cracking from the cold winds. I stopped, my arms shaking.
I pulled out a cigarette, lighting it between my shaking fingers. I did a deep suck of smoke and let it flow through my tattered nerves. Blowing the smoke back, with my head tilted forward, my chin retiring on my chest. The pain went away but I will see him again.