This chapter was finished a looooot faster than I was planning. lol

Warning: past trauma, PTSD, and mentions of death.

Chapter 11

They find Bucky back at the safe house hours later.

Steve is barely able to hold back his sigh of relief at seeing Bucky curled into a corner of the living room with his arms wrapped around his legs and forehead resting on his knees. He walks into the room, with Sam shutting the door behind them, and kneels in front of Bucky, making sure to keep his distance.

"Bucky?" Steve asks cautiously, his tone barely above a whisper so he doesn't startle him and accidentally trigger a violent reaction.

Bucky slowly lifts his head from his knees, looking haunted but defiantly himself. "I . . . killed so many people," he says, voice sounding hollow. "I remember—there was a senator, who was feeding information to our enemies. I was sent in to dispose of him with no witnesses and no indication that I was there. It was supposed to be simple. I broke into his house and completed the mission flawlessly. But, as I turned to leave . . . I saw his family in the foyer and I—"

Bucky cuts himself off with a sharp gasp and Steve understands he's trying to say. Steve glances at Sam, who is wearing a neutral expression (though Steve can the grimness in his eyes and he doesn't doubt that Bucky can too). He turns back to his friend, who is looking increasingly troubled from what he just revealed.

"I'm a monster. I've killed people—innocent people; people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I could kill you—both of you in more ways than you could ever imagine. How could you possibly want to keep me around?"

"I need you," Steve says earnestly as the barest hint of a smile crosses his lips.

Bucky stares at him in silent shock, his posture loose and mouth hanging slightly open as if he's unable to comprehend someone having so much faith in him. "You're an idiot, Rogers," he blurts out after a few moments of silence have passed.

"Your idiot," Steve says fondly, not caring about how his words could be taken. While Steve isn't trying to be Bucky's boyfriend, he still loves him and will do anything in his power to help him as long as he's wanted.

It's worth whatever happens later due to his unplanned confession because somehow, Bucky manages to crack a smile.

Steve eventually coaxes Bucky into sleeping a few hours after Sam turns in for the night. He helps Bucky into a standing position (he's been sitting in that corner of the room for hours now) and leads him down the hallway. Steve drops Bucky off at his room before deciding to take a shower. Once clean, he towels off, and changes into his pajamas, which consist of a pair of American flag boxer shorts that Natasha bought him for his birthday (she also bought him matching sweatpants, a t-shirt, and a sweater but Steve has no idea where they could possibly be).

He smiles and shakes his head as he exits the bathroom. He goes to his bedroom and pauses in the doorway when he sees Bucky lying in his bed. His expression is slightly pinched, but at least he's more relaxed than he was earlier. Steve smiles widely and moves further into the room, making sure to shut the door behind him. He sets his uniform on the dresser and walks over to the bed, carefully crawling up the length of the mattress since the bed is pressed against the wall and he doesn't want to jostle Bucky too much in case he is really asleep.

As soon as Steve is settled underneath of the covers, Bucky rolls over and sprawls halfway on top of him, his right arm over Steve's torso and right leg thrown over both of his. Bucky rests his head on the pillow next to Steve's, warm breaths tickling against the side of his neck and quiet snores filling his ears.

Steve is both pleased and surprised at this development, figuring that Bucky would have wanted to be alone after the day he's had. Deciding not to question the affection, Steve simply wraps an arm around his back and falls asleep, much quicker than he normally would have.

Steve wakes up the next morning feeling warm and content, unsurprised to find that he and Bucky shifted at some point during the night so they're lying on their sides with their arms wrapped around each other. Steve's hip is sore due to him sleeping directly on top of Bucky's metal arm, but it's completely worth it once he realizes that Bucky didn't have a single nightmare that night.

He smiles and is still smiling when Bucky wakes up five minutes later, yawning and stretching within Steve's arms. The movement accidentally causes their pelvises to brush together and Steve has to bite back a hiss at the unexpected contact. He can't even being to describe how incredible it feels and it's been so long since he's been touched intimately by Bucky that he can't help himself from reacting.

"Steve?" Bucky mumbles sleepily as he rubs his eyes with his flesh hand. "What time is it?"

When Bucky rolls over to look at the alarm clock resting on the nightstand next to the bed, Steve sits up and takes the opportunity to clear his head. He yawns and stretches his arms above his head, sighing when his bones pop. Steve lowers his limbs and turns his head towards Bucky only to find him gazing at Steve appreciatively, eyes roaming across Steve's bare torso with his lips curled into a smirk. Normally, Steve doesn't like being stared at as if he's a piece of meat that's ready to be devoured, but this is Bucky after all.

"Like what you see?" Steve teases, words falling from his lips faster than his brain can tell him to think about what he's saying.

Bucky hums approvingly as he moves to sit up properly. He places his flesh hand on Steve's face, letting it slide down to cup his neck and Steve can't help but lean into the touch.

"You're so different, yet the same and I—" Bucky says as if he's in a daze. He licks his lips and Steve unconsciously follows the motion. "I liked you when you were small and I never got used to you being big and—"

He cuts himself off and furrows his brow in thought. "Did we . . .?" Bucky trails off and shakes his head as if he can't find the right words. "Were we ever . . . before?"

Steve slowly nods his head, knowing exactly what Bucky is trying to say. He suspected their past relationship was going to be brought up at some point, but he didn't think it would be happening this soon.

"Yeah, we were," Steve confirms, voice coming out huskier than he was hoping. "You remember?"

Bucky nods his head. "Some. I remember touching you—and kissing you. You were everything to me and we . . . we promised that we would be together til the end of the line . . . right?"

"Yeah," Steve says, his voice wavering slightly. "End of the line."

Bucky lets out a quiet breath, his full lips slightly parting with the motion.

Steve wants to kiss him—so bad that it hurts and he has to curl his left hand into a fist as a way to ground himself so he doesn't do anything rash. He takes a shaky breath and Bucky takes that as an incentive to shift even closer. He moves his right hand, trailing it down Steve's chest and Steve has to suppress a shiver at the feather light touch. Bucky gazes at Steve, eyes shining with arousal and looking as though he wants to lean forward and—

"Yes! I knew I had an extra box of pop tarts in here somewhere!"

The pair flinches at hearing Sam's shout. Once the recover and notice their poison, give each other a sheepish expression. Bucky removes his hand from Steve's stomach and places it back at his side while Steve clears his throat and tries to get his breathing under control.

"So, do you wanna . . .?" Steve begins, gesturing to the front door with a jerk of his head after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence.

Bucky nods his head. "Yeah. We should hurry though before Sam eats them all."

"Uh, I think that's more of a you thing," Steve teases, his breath catching when Bucky's amused grin lights up his entire face. He nudges Bucky in the side, encouraging him to get out of bed and following him out of the room once he does.

Steve is so distracted by what could have happened in the bedroom that he doesn't realize until much later on, that Bucky didn't pull any of his weapons at Sam's loud exclamation.