I drove by your house today guess it's a little out of my way
I saw you and him laughing and carrying on what could i do but just drive on
I couldn't help but stare right in my rear view
We used to be that way girl me and you
"Brooke!" Rachel stormed into her best friend's room.
"What?" Brooke looked at her confused as she put away her clothes.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" she slammed the bedroom door, making the brunette jump.
"Well other then my best friend acting like a crazy bitch nothing," she spun around placing her hands on her hips. "What the hell is bothering you?"
"I don't know Brooke maybe it's because I'm hungry or tired or annoyed I'm not on the beach with my boyfriend or maybe, just maybe it's because my best friend who I take the side of over everyone kissed her ex last night!" she snapped, watching Brooke's eyes widen.
"Rachel wait I-"
"Do you know how many times I have took your side? How many times when Lucas would be whiney I would tell him to get over it, he messed up and needed to move on? God do you know how many times I have told him that since we have been here? Tons!" she threw her hands up still not able to process yesterday. "Hell how was I supposed to know you were off giving him false hope!"
"I'm not doing that!" She yelled. "God we didn't….we didn't kiss ok?" she told her, bringing back to a calmer tone.
"You sure because it looked pretty damn close to a kiss," Rachel crossed her arms and leaning back.
"Of course I'm sure! I was there wasn't I?" Brooke questioned, hating that moment ever happened.
"Yeah so was I and from where I was sitting it was a full on Brooke and Lucas moment that would make someone blush," she argued, Brooke shaking her head no. "Yes it was Brooke! You think I missed where his mouth was located or the look you gave him? The look everyone knows what means when you give it to him or how your body was all against his and his hands were running places that only one person should run, a person who isn't Lucas Scott anymore!"
"I know that ok!" Brooke yelled dropping down on her bed, letting out an exhausted sigh. "It…it was just caught up in a moment, a moment that was confusing and scary and I didn't mean to ok?"
"Not meaning to isn't a good excuse Brooke," Rachel dropped down beside her. "You love him."
"No, no I don't, I don't love him I-"
"Love him?" Rachel questioned and Brooke let out a shaky breath.
"I…" she spoke and just chose to shut her mouth, not say anything else.
"Brooke just…just say what you are feeling?"
"I don't know ok?" she stood up, running her hand through her hair. "I love Adam I know without a doubt I love him."
"And Lucas?"
"He is Lucas," her voice cracks and eyes tear up. "No matter what he is always there," she grumbled tightening her fist. "If he isn't physically there he is in my damn mind. Whether it's a damn song I hear or a joke, a comment or god something and he crosses my mind and I don't know how to turn it off!"
"Brooke you can't," she sighed, resting on the bed. "You can't just turn it all off. If it's there it's there and if you care you care."
"God it would be so much easier if I just hated him," she dropped back on the bed, running her hands over her face. "God why can't I just hate him? My life would be so less complicated."
"I've heard that one before," Rachel let out a dry laugh leaning back on the bed.
Is it really over now?
Tell me is this the way it all works out?
Is this the day I never dreamed would ever come?
Tell me is this the final straw? Did our love really matter at all?
I guess I should find a way to get over you some how.
Is it really over now?
"Brooke you ok?" Rachel walked into her friend's room, finding her moving around way too much.
"Fine," Brooke held back the crack in her voice as she put all of Lucas's stuff in a box, needing to get rid of it.
"I don't think I believe you. You aren't as Cheery as normal," she explained dropping on the bed.
"Please…" a small crack. "Please don't call me that," it broke out as her throat grew tight.
"Brooke…" Rachel jumped off the bed moving over to her friend on the verge of a break down.
"I can't cry," she shook it off walking over and rewinding her iPod and the verse she has listened to about a million times. "If I cry I won't stop and I can't."
"And listening to this over and over is helping?" she pointed to the song as Brooke sniffled, going through her CD's.
"Yes," she nodded dropping a CD in the box and moving towards her closet.
"Brooke…" Rachel shook her head going to turn off the song.
"No!" Brooke slapped her hand to stop her. "I like this part," she turned it up.
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go
"Brooke you rocking out to a country teenbot isn't healthy, nor is how this song has a relation to anything," she said a little confused.
"Her music makes sense," Brooke argued dropping a picture in the box. "I mean yes I agree I use not to agree but when your heart is broken its perfect and this song…it's perfect."
"Why because you were born in a time where outfits were dreadful?" she raised a brow and Brooke groaned.
"No Rachel!" she threw a book in the box. "Because I love him and don't want him to leave me and because your boyfriend is an over protective dick who won't let him near me!"
"Oh gotcha," she nodded that making a little more sense. "You talk to him?" she asked and Brooke shook her head no.
"It makes it harder," she frowned looking at a photo of them, stroking her thumb over his smiling face. "I know he loves me," she spun around to her friend. "Cam may not but I do," a tear slipped out of her eyes. "And I don't care if you don't believe it or he doesn't but he does. I saw a Lucas none of ya'll saw and I fell in love with that Lucas."
"Then why not tell Cam to shove it?" Rachel asked confused. "If you are so sure why not be with him? I mean I love Cam with everything in me but you can't have him tell you who not to be with. If you think Lucas has changed and believe he loves you then go for it."
"Cam is making it so hard Rach," Brooke swallowed the hate she had for her brother and the way he has been acting since he found out about her and Lucas. Though she didn't think he would be kind she never thought he would be like this. "God why do I love him? Things would just be so much easier if I didn't love him."
"And like that time I don't know Brooke," Rachel rubbed her back feeling guilty she didn't have a better answer.
"I just need him to not be around me so much," she stood up, fixing her shirt. "Adam has been crazy with school and ball that he hasn't been around but I need to make myself be around him. I don't need to spend every second with Lucas; I need to be around Adam more."
"Brooke I don't think-"
"It will work," she moved to her dresser, grabbing her light jacket. "Its not even like I love him like that anymore and when he wasn't here I was fine," she lied a little. "So I just need to be away from him."
"Brooke no, honey look…"
"No!" Brooke threw her hand up to stop her. "It will work….I promise I just…I need Adam."
Guess I should throw them all away,
Every memory that you and I ever made
Like that summer down in Mexico I can't believe how far we let ourselvesgo.
We made love that night on a bed of sand
We watched the sun come up baby hand in hand
"Cam!" the dark headed boy's head lifted to catch a flying ball. "Talking here," he caught it to throw it back. "She did that?"
"Yes and I don't…" he got cut off when the ball flies back towards them. "Jay!" he grabbed the ball annoyed. "You can keep up the game in like a minute but for now chase a bird or something," he slammed the ball back, Jason catching it and laughing as he goes over to talk to Quinn and Clay. "And I don't know what to do."
"Well she did stop you," Matt said as he stood there.
"Yes because I told her too," Lucas repeated for about the millionth time. He didn't care what anyone said if he didn't say 'Stop me Brooke' she would have kissed him. "And the look guys…I saw the look."
"That look could be a million things," Matt tried to say, hoping his friend didn't get his hopes up.
"No it doesn't!" Lucas sounded annoyed. "God Brooke…Brooke doesn't have that look for a million things, it said she cares, it...it meant something."
"Luke…" Cam sighed; annoyed with the game his sister was playing. "I don't want you to get your hopes up over a look that might or might not have meant something."
"It does Cam," Lucas growled that no one would believe him. He knew there was something and he knew that she could deny it all she wanted but she wasn't over things. "I just don't know what I'm supposed to do about it."
"Nothing," Matt spoke what he was sure his friend was thinking. "Luke she might care, she might still love you but it doesn't change the fact that Adam is still here, she has moved on," he told him, not ever wanting to hurt his friend's feelings but it being true.
"You say this like I don't know it already," Lucas sent over a glare that made both the guys get an uncomfortable chill. "I know he is around but it doesn't change that it's true, she loves me still and she can really only fight those feelings for so long," he walked away feeling like he was the only one who believed in them anymore.
Is it really over now?
Tell me is this the way it all works out?
Is this the day I never dreamed would ever come?
Tell me is this the final straw? Did our love really matter at all?
I guess I should find a way to get over you some how.
Is it really over now?
"Hey," Cam walked into the kitchen to find his girlfriend, the guys following behind.
"Oh umm," Rachel looked at the opposite kitchen cut out and back at them. "Hey."
"You ok?" Cam gave her a questionable look as she fidgeted on the counter.
"Fine," she answered a little too quickly. "I just assumed ya'll would be back you know later," she again tossed a glance over before looking back at them.
"Rach why are you acting so weird?" Matt questioned opening the fridge and grabbing a water for him and his friends.
"Yeah you are all jumpy," Jason waved his hand up and down her body making her roll her eyes.
"I'm not jumpy," she leaned her head against the cabinet behind her head. "I'm just tired, I didn't sleep well last night," she lied knowing she slept like a baby last night. She normally slept like a baby when she was with Cam.
"Well baby do you feel ok?" Cam grew concerned, walking over and touching her head.
"I'm fine," she gave a small smile at his concern. "I promise just tired," she lied again, secretly praying that the guys would leave the apartment, well at least one of them. "But Luke," she looked over her boyfriend's shoulder.
"Yeah?" the blonde leaning against the counter lifted his head.
"I have something in the car that I forgot to get out will you help me?" she jumped down, fixing her shirt, searching her mind for something in the car.
"Sure," Lucas spun the lid back on his water.
"I'll go with you," Cam offered, not getting why she wouldn't just ask him.
"No it's ok, I like ordering Lucas around," she teased and he rolled his eyes.
"Come on Crazy Girl," Lucas lifted his arm and Rachel looped it through. "What is it that you forgot?"
"Oh I-" she goes to answer but the thing she was trying to avoid walks into the kitchen, all in his boxer covered glory.
"Oh…" Adam scratched the back of his head completely uncomfortable. "I uhh…hello," he awkwardly smiled, tossing a glance over his shoulder.
"Hey," all the guys answered in the same dead tone, tossing a glance over at the tense blonde.
"I was…I was just…" he trailed off not at all wanting to admit he was coming into the kitchen to get his wallet. The wallet that held an extra condom since he and Brooke ran out of the box in her bedroom. He couldn't really admit that in front of her brother and ex.
"Adam…" Brooke giggled, spinning towards the kitchen. "What are you-shit!" she jumped behind her boyfriend when she noticed the kitchen full of people. "What are ya'll doing here? I thought you were going to be out late," she tugged Adam's shirt tighter around her body as she stood behind him.
"We came back early," Matt told her, keeping a glance between her and Lucas knowing what he had discussed at the beach was quickly vanishing from his mind.
"A few hours early," Rachel mumbled, slipping her hand down to Lucas's and stroking the back of his hand trying to calm him.
"I didn't umm…" Brooke tossed a glance over at Lucas to see him staring hard at her, seeing all the different emotions that flickered through him.
"Let's go get what you needed Rachel," Lucas tightened the grip on her hand and spun around out of the kitchen.
"I'm going to get dressed," Brooke laced her fingers through her boyfriend's, her whole plan being ruined, her whole mood being ruined. Yes of course she planned on spending her day with her boyfriend but she didn't plan on this happening and never planned on Lucas finding them like that. Even if they weren't doing anything it was pretty obvious what was happening and was about to happen. She would never do that to him again, not after the first day here and she really did think they wouldn't be home for awhile. Last time she talked to Cam they were at the beach, where they planned on being for awhile and then they were going to eat, neither of which clearly happened.
"Awkward," Jason mumbled against the rim of his bottle when the room cleared out, the other guys letting out a small laugh and eye roll at their friend.
Tell me do you remember the first glance all the sun sets I have no
regrets
with you
with you
"Luke…" Rachel said as he all but drug her through the apartment complex. "Lucas…" she tried again. "Luke you're hurting my hand," she slightly lied making him come to a dead stop.
"Sorry," he released it and looked down. "I didn't mean to."
"I know you didn't," she ran her eyes all over his broken body. "Oh sweetie," she threw her arms around him pulling him into a comforting hug.
"I thought you of all people would love this," he let out a dry laugh.
"I did too," she held him closer knowing all she wanted was him to hurt for hurting her friend but also knowing he has never stopped hurting. Least Brooke has clearly had times of happiness, Lucas she knew for a fact not so much. "I didn't want you to see that."
"You tried," he smiled slightly at the fact Rachel he knew didn't need anything. Just didn't want him seeing what he saw. "I'm so stupid," he pulled back running his hand through his hair. "Why did I come here Rachel?"
"I don't know," she shook her head, not at all knowing that either.
"I thought maybe she would come back to me or forgive me. I never thought she would be that in love with someone else," he threw his hand towards the apartment building.
"Luke you knew she had a boyfriend."
"But I thought I was the one," he confessed. "I thought that even if she had someone else it wouldn't compare to what we had, what I swear to god we still have. That soon she would want me back. I mean she always came back to me Rach, every time she came back."
"I know Luke," she ran her hand slowly up and down his arm, knowing the hope he had was slowly starting to disappear. His look was different then the last time she saw him like that, his look this time had no hope.
"He gloomy Gus," Rachel walked into her friend's bedroom as he sat on his bed. "Cam not here?" she asked but he grunted, spinning the dial on his iPod, head phone plugged in his ears. "Ya'll getting along?" grunt, "You ok?" grunt, "You want to have some hot hate sex?"
"Not funny," he finally spoke, eyeing the box in her hand.
"It's from Brooke," she nodded her head, slowly sitting it on his bed. "Just some things I guess belong to you," she peered in the box, her fingers grazing over some things. "Do you have anything for her?" she asked and he nodded his head at the box on the chair by the door. "Oh I can take it to-"
"No," Lucas shook his head, finally showing some emotion. "If she wants her stuff she can come get it."
"Luke…"
"She can come and get it," he repeated, his voice more sure.
"Lucas call her," Rachel said moving over and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Just call confessing you still love her and don't give a shit what Cam says, because if I hear one more repeat of Love Story I will seriously slit her pretty little throat."
"Am I supposed to know what that means?" he raised a brow confused.
"No because you have a dick which your girl referred to my boyfriend as. You know she has a pretty dirty mouth when she wants," she teased him cracking a smile.
"Yeah I know," he looked down at the song on his iPod. It was something stupid he hated but let Brooke put on it because she wanted her very own playlist for when she was in his car. She told him all the songs made her think of him in a way and with her little smile he of course allowed it. He just secretly cursed every time one would play when his iPod was on shuffle. "She probably got it from being around me too much."
"Ya'll are going to be ok," Rachel promised, placing her hand on his knee. "I know that it may not seem like it now but I've never seen you like this before and I've seen you with tons of girls."
"I've never loved anyone but Brooke before," he answered honestly looking up at his red headed friend. "She means everything to me Rach. I know it's wrong and I know I might lose my best friend over it but I don't think I can give her up. If he forces me to choose I don't even need to question it."
"And he knows that," she nodded. "I think that's why he hasn't told you too. Brooke he knows will choice him because they are blood, they are family but he doesn't want your answer. You're his best friend and he loves you. That's how I know it will all be fine because I don't think you two idiots really work without each other," she teased making him laugh.
"I think your right," his smile dropped as he sat there a second. "But I don't work without her either," he admitted. "I need her to work Rachel; I don't think I can even function through every day without her."
"It's going to be ok," Rachel gave his knee a squeeze. "I promise just keep that hope because everything is going to work out."
Tell me is this the final straw? Did our love really matter at all?
I guess I should find a way to get over you somehow
Is it really over now
oh baby
"I lost her didn't I?" Lucas finally spoke the one thing he never wanted to. "She's gone and I'm not ever going to get her back."
"Luke…" Rachel frowned not knowing the answer to give him, not sure she could give him the answer he wanted.
"I need to get out of here," he dropped her hand. "I just… I can't be in there."
"Lucas, where are you going?" Rachel asked, not at all liking the idea of him alone in a place he didn't know.
"I'm just going for a walk Rach," he told her.
"I don't think I like that, why don't I come?" she offered taking a step towards him.
"No," he waved his hand at her. "I get it Rachel," he swallowed the lump in his throat. "It took me awhile and it hurts like hell but I finally get it and accept it," he blinked a few times. "I just think I need some time alone to really process this it's over feeling," he gave a tight lipped broken smile before spinning away from her.
"Ok," Rachel said more to herself as she watched him spin out of the gate and onto the side walk, her heart actually breaking a whole lot more for her broken friend then she ever thought it would have.
Is it really over now
are we really over now
I know I've been MIA! I hope you all don't hate me. However I have some sad news. I have been in the processes of moving and I have no internet right now plus my computer got a virus and I haven't really had time to send it off to get fixed explaining my never updating. However I do sometimes get time off from work and visit my family and when I do I will try to write and update as soon as I can.
I hope you all enjoy the new chapter and look for another one. I'm at my grandparent's house right now and if I have some free time I will try and update my others. Hoping to get internet soon but make no promises.
Well anyway HAPPY HOILDAYS!
Review!