Disruption
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"I still find it quite difficult to believe, Jack."
"Sometimes I don't believe it. Well, most of the time, really."
Rose laughed, but it was edged with that disbelief again. She kept looking at Jack as if he might be a ghost, or a figment of her own imagination.
Jack felt much the same when he looked at her.
There was an affection there and he couldn't deny it. She looked beautiful; her face was glowing with an aura of confidence that seemed to have bloomed all the more since their brief encounter on the Titanic, and her words had become more pronounced and laced with a determination Jack was fond of.
Jack couldn't pretend he'd ever known Rose that well at all, but he'd seen enough to tie a few things together, and work things out for himself.
Between Rose and Cal, Jack knew that high society living wasn't all it'd cracked up to be, and perhaps it was it's own special brand of hell. A privilege that in turn sacrificed a certain kind of freedom, but it seemed that Rose had finally cut herself free of some of the shackles, at least.
"Does your mother know you're here?"
Rose shook her head.
"She has no idea where I am, Jack. It's quite wonderful, really," she laughed again, and her red hair seemed to burn with the rays of sun that cast through the window. "I've been living the rootless lifestyle. You've been a bad influence on me."
Jack smirked. "I've been a bad influence on the both of you, apparently."
"It seems so, doesn't it?" Rose's smile diminished a bit.
The subject of Cal hadn't been broached until that very moment. In between joyous exclamations, embraces and harmless small talk, it had just been waiting there, like the awkward elephant in the room. Unspoken but known between them.
"Where is he?" she asked, in a much quieter voice.
"He's out," Jack hesitated. "Gone for an interview, so far as I know, anyway. He doesn't tell me much about that sort of thing. Still finding our feet, I guess."
Rose nodded very slightly. "I remember, Cal was always very driven like that. He didn't switch off very easily. But then neither of us did."
She glanced at the floor, as if she'd said something indecent.
"Well, I can see you've gotten yourself settled into quite a beautiful little place, here," she took a breath, as if exhaling a troubled memory. "Just like you always wanted?"
"Yeah," Jack nodded, realising in that very moment that he meant it. "It's been pretty wild. For all of us, I think. I sometimes can't believe how it all happened. I think about everything that Cal's done for me..."
He trailed off, suddenly feeling like he'd revealed something a little too intimate, and perhaps Rose didn't want to hear about that anyway.
But Rose only nodded, her expression entirely neutral.
"It sounds like Cal has come a long way," she said, after a moment.
"Yeah. I think so."
There was another pause, like contemplation between them.
Jack stood up quickly, to make another coffee.
"So, what brings you to New York, anyway?"
Rose smiled a bit. "Isn't seeing you reason enough?"
"Hah. Now you're just being cute."
"Well, if you must know, I do have my reasons. I'm not completely reckless, you know."
"I figured," Jack looked at her with an easy grin. "So you've got a plan, then?"
"Yes, well. Silver screen related plans, actually,"
"Ah, now I remember. Hollywood awaits!"
"I'm not sure about that, yet. But I want to try," Rose's smile quirked into a frown, and she sighed. "And it's not something I can really back out of now, is it? I can't face going back to my dear mother. I'd much rather die."
"A little dramatic, isn't it?" another voice dead-panned.
Jack and Rose turned in sharp unison to the doorway.
Cal was standing there, his smile transparent and testing.
"Hello, Rose," he said abruptly, and dropped his briefcase on the floor. "So, what brings you back into our lives?"
Rose stared at him, her eyes seeming to glitter and her mouth parting slightly, as if she'd been internally winded by his very presence. It wasn't anything like awe, nor was it even fear. It was just plain and utter shock.
"Cal," she cleared her throat, and stood up quickly." I didn't mean to drop in so unannounced. I heard you were both living here. So I thought I'd pay a visit, since I was in town anyway."
She extended a hand out to him, but he just stared between her and Jack, his smile not relaxing.
Then he turned to glare out the window.
"Well, seems you've paid your visit. You can probably leave now, I should think."
"Cal," Jack looked at him in some surprise. "What's wrong with you?"
Cal offered him a scathing look; one which was quite foreign to Jack these days, but it was the sort that reminded him of their first encounters on the Titanic, and in turn reminded him of the precarious line Cal still balanced; between a terrible human or else someone trying their best to be better than that.
Right now, he seemed to be the embodiment of the terrible human.
"Nothings wrong with him," Rose said, her glare matching Cal's as she dropped her hand. "He's the same as he always was," then she turned to Jack, her smile steadying some more. "It was nice to see you again."
"Rose-"
"What does that mean, exactly?" Cal looked at her, with a spiteful interest. "'Same as I always was'? Care to elaborate?"
"You know what it means," Rose's tone was almost dangerous, and the air seemed to thicken around them. "And here I was considering some actual concern for you. Of all the absurd ideas."
Cal laughed. "Why bother yourself with feelings now, Rose? You certainly never did when we were together."
"Well, it's rather difficult to find common ground with an ass."
Jack took an unconscious step forward, like the reluctant referee to inevitable confrontation.
"Please, can we just..."
Cal's smile tightened. "I wonder, Rose. Have you seen anything of your mother recently?"
"What does that matter to you?"
"No reason. She just seems to be occupying her time in other peoples business recently," Cal's smile slipped into a sneer. "I don't know, perhaps she got bored? Especially since you're not around to cause her trouble anymore, apparently."
Rose looked suddenly amused.
"Oh, Cal. You think she'd risk potential scandal for the likes of you? That isn't going to happen. Reputation takes precedence over everything else in the end. It always does," her voice became as cold and severe as her glare. "I would have thought you'd know that better than anyone."
Cal's sneer flickered, almost falling away, and perhaps he looked paler than Jack remembered. But he seemed to compose himself quickly enough.
"Who told you where we live, anyway?"
"Your previous housekeeper, if you must know," Rose said, with disinterest. "As much as I've tried to empty my mind of most things associated with you, I still remember where you used to live, Cal. I'm not that useless."
Cal turned away with a scowl.
"...ridiculous. Trust Bardot..."
"She was very nice to me. I remember her quite well, actually," a misted expression seemed to cross Rose's features, for just a moment. "She always seemed to think better of you than most people. I can't imagine why."
"Wonderful. Didn't I say you could leave, now?"
"I don't recall saying I would."
Jack took a step closer to them both, very doubtful that Rose would listen to Cal (or himself, for that matter) at all. It would all end very badly if things got much more personal.
But Rose turned to Jack with a sweeter face, and she gripped his hand.
"Like I said, it was nice to see you again."
Jack dithered, uncertain whether he should or had any right to protest her leaving. But Rose marched to the door, her violet coloured dress flowing with the motion, and inarguable as everything else about her.
She didn't look upset, but she did look back at Jack with some concern.
"I hope you're happy, Jack," she said very genuinely. "And I hope Cal can make you happy."
Jack opened his mouth, and it was dry with unspoken words. There were so many things he wished that she could know, and that he wanted to tell her. About everything, and the fact that the Cal she had encountered seemed to be some sort of alien imposter.
He'd shown them both up, and for a minute Jack could have wondered about what he saw in Cal too.
"Are you both quite finished?" Cal said, in a sharp voice. "I thought you were leaving?"
"Take care, Rose," Jack leaned forward, and kissed her on the cheek.
"See you."
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Jack clipped the door shut, and turned back round to face the room with an angry surge in his chest.
Cal was standing with his back to him, slightly hunched over the sink. His arms rested either side of it, clutching at it with white knuckled hands, like he might be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
He didn't need to say anything; Jack could already see the tension wrung and quivering all over his body.
"Jack," Cal started anyway, in a softer voice. "I need to tell you-"
"What the hell was that?" Jack snapped at him. He grappled the edge of the kitchen counter, if only to contain his want to grab Cal himself. "Why would you speak to her like that?"
Cal laughed, and it was short and and forced.
He shook his head, more to himself.
"And how am I supposed to speak to her? I walk in and find you both sitting there, talking and laughing...what am I supposed to think?"
"Supposed to think? I don't know...that we're having a conversation? Like a normal person might?" Jack grasped Cal's arm, wrenching him round to face him, unable to help his frustration. "What the hell else would we be doing, Cal?"
Cal shrugged away from his hold, and his eyes became hard.
"I saw the way she looked at you, Jack. The way you looked at her. It's obvious."
Jack dropped his hand, feeling the tension fall away as he realised the ludicrous implications in Cal's words, and his expression.
"You think...you think I fucked her?"
Cal seemed to flinch. He glared up at the ceiling, as if he'd been embarrassed.
"Don't be so uncouth, Jack."
"Isn't that what you're saying?" Jack laughed, but it was embittered in his own ears. "You really think I'd do that? You think I'm that kind of person?"
"I didn't say that..."
"No, but you'd think it."
Cal turned slowly to look at him, and within his gaze Jack saw the doubt lingering there. Like he couldn't physically deny it, and it was a punch to the gut, in more ways than one.
He couldn't stand that Cal might think that of him, but more than that, he couldn't stand that Cal might be so afraid that it could happen in the first place, after all that they'd been through together.
"Dawson, I don't-"
"Jesus..." Jack shook his head.
He made a beeline for the door, and didn't look back.
"Jack, wait-"
Cal's voice faded away, and Jack didn't think about the consequences, or much of anything, as he exited the apartment building, and ran out into the street.
Rose was standing there at the corner. She waved to him, and he ran to meet her.
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"He's no picnic, is he?" said Rose.
The sun was dipping behind a jagged and warm-orange horizon of buildings, before Jack realised time had gotten away with him. He'd spent the better part of the day trying to understand Cal, and to somebody else entirely.
And to Rose of all people. She didn't really deserve that.
Still, anger had dissipated, because Jack realised he couldn't stay very annoyed at Cal for very long now. It didn't matter what he said, or however he justified it, he'd already accepted a long time ago; Cal was never going to be very easy to have any sort of relationship with. Rose herself was proof of that.
They sat in a little coffee shop together, and she listened very intently, her expression not giving away anything at all, no matter what Jack might tell her.
He didn't need to say very much, she seemed have a good idea as it was.
Rose knew Cal, arguably even better than himself in some ways. She'd been engaged to the man after all, and she knew him on a different sort of level.
"I was hoping he'd think better of me than this," Jack admitted, morosely.
"He's insecure, that's what it is," Rose said, and stubbed out a cigarette. "And he doesn't like when he's not in control."
"Is he so insecure that he doesn't trust me? So much has already happened, Rose. Why would he act like this?"
Rose's smile was weak. "I don't think it's about you, Jack."
"Then does he blame you? Because if he does-"
Rose raised a hand, for some beseeching silence.
"It's nothing to do with either of us, believe me," Rose sighed shortly. She adjusted her dress and smoothed a hand through her hair, as if weighing up some words in her mind with torturous precision. "Listen Jack, you already have an idea of what it's like, surely?"
Jack didn't understand. "An idea about what?"
Rose cleared her throat.
"As awful as it is to admit, I do understand his distress," she looked at Jack with a frown. "Cal and I...we come from the same ilk, if you like. The same preposterous family pressures and expectations, that build you up into this...this monster of a person. You become immune to too many things, and sometimes you never find your way out of that state of being. It just becomes you. Or you become it. Whatever it is, it's not very appealing."
Jack stared ahead, absently watching the crowds move into rush hour, as Rose's words began to sink in.
"...I-I know Cal isn't perfect, not by a long shot. And I know he can be pretty awful, sometimes. But Rose...he's not a monster. I know that he's better than that, I've seen it," he looked at her with a hopeful face. "You doubted yourself too, but you still managed to break away from them. From that life."
"Only because of you," then Rose seemed to consider. "Maybe there is hope for him, after all. You do have a habit of trying to corrupt high society, don't you?"
Jack grinned faintly. "I just like to shake things up a bit, that's all."
"You certainly shook my mother up."
Jack felt his smile drop.
"Rose. Do you know what's been happening? I mean, between Cal and your mother?"
Rose shook her head.
"I wasn't even aware they were still in contact. I don't have much interest in my mother's affairs at the moment, you might have noticed."
"Well," Jack hesitated, eyes darting between the little table and then Rose's attentive expression. "She's been...difficult with Cal. I mean, since what happened on the Titanic. She's been using some things to her advantage, if you like."
Rose stared at him. Her mouth moving an instant longer, like a strange realisation had come over her.
"I didn't know," she said at last. Her voice was softer. "...I suppose it would account for some of Cal's behaviour today."
Jack shook his head quickly.
"I'm not trying to excuse him, not at all. But none of this has been easy on him. He isn't...I mean, he is trying his best, in his own way."
Rose took a moment, drawing out the exhalation of another cigarette. She scowled shortly up at the sky.
"My mother lives to ruin lives, I'm quite certain of it."
"Your mother's just upset. Maybe she'll come round eventually."
"Jack...always seeing the good in everyone," Rose laughed weakly. "No wonder everybody falls in love with you."
Jack looked to the side, feeling the tug of guilt, somewhere within his stomach.
Then he felt Rose's hand, soft over his own.
"Don't misunderstand me, Jack. I didn't come here in the hope that you'd come back to me. I know that won't happen," her smile twitched. "I just came back to thank you."
Jack took her hand in his own, giving it a short squeeze. "You did it all by yourself, you know. You would have gotten away in the end."
"I like to think I would have, but you still helped me," she stood up then, with a gracious nod. "So I do thank you for that."
She looked over her shoulder, where the bustle of the busy street seemed to be coaxing her away.
"Now, I suppose stage and screen beckons me."
Jack caught her in an embrace, and it only reinforced his want to rectify things with Cal. And remind himself of every reason why he wanted him.
Maybe he'd be able to prove that point to Rose too, someday.
"Stay in touch, Rose."
"Of course we will. Good luck, Jack."
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By the time Jack had reached the apartment he was weary and only wanted to feel Cal's mouth on his own. Perhaps some words of apology wouldn't go amiss too, but he'd settle on the kiss for now.
Opening the door, the room was dark, and then he noticed Cal lying strewn across the couch, bathed by dim moonlight that streamed through the window. His arm hung over the side of the couch, close to a half-empty glass of brandy. He was fast asleep.
Jack tutted, and walked the rest of the way over to meet him.
"Evening, sleeping beauty."
He sat on the edge of the couch and paused, before very gently brushing a hand through the others unseemly hair.
Cal roused with a disturbed hum, and turned his head slightly. He looked up at Jack through heavy lidded eyes.
"...Jack," he murmured, and began to sit up. "I was-"
"Ssh," Jack hushed him. "It's okay. Sorry I woke you."
He leaned down, pressing a short and gentle kiss to Cal's mouth.
Cal blinked at him, his brow furrowed with apparent confusion. He rubbed his eyes and began to struggle upright, into a sitting position.
"...I fell asleep. I wasn't sure where you went," he took a shortened breath. "Or if you were even coming back."
"I debated it, for about half a second."
Cal glanced warily at him, as if afraid of the truth in it.
Jack smirked. "I wouldn't leave you, stupid," and he pressed another kiss on his head. "You look a mess."
Cal rubbed his eyes again, and his voice sounded uneven;
"I didn't mean to suggest that you and Rose-"
"It doesn't matter, Cal-"
"I was just...overreacting, as usual."
"Just a little bit."
Cal bowed his head a bit, and closed his eyes, like some kind of surrender. "I can't take it back, Dawson."
"Nope. You can't," Jack sat down next to him. He placed a hand on Cal's back, stroking it very lightly. "You could make it up to me, though."
Cal spared him a sideways look.
"Jack...I do trust you."
"Good to know."
"And I know that Rose and I had our problems, but I don't want you to think I'm-"
"Cal, I'm already well aware that you were a prize ass to Rose. You can't take that back, either."
"I..." Cal's expression dropped some more, as if he knew that the argument was a mute point. "I'm sorry," he muttered.
"I already told you, it doesn't matter."
Cal stared at him, like he could barely believe Jack's words.
His smile was very faint, as he let Jack pull him into another kiss.
They sat still and in the dark; long enough for Jack to know he shouldn't doubt himself, or Cal for that matter. He knew that he was sorry, and as their heads tilted together in a few moments of unspoken understanding, he felt the soft pulse of Cal's breath with a sense of incredible relief.
"...it isn't just about Rose, Jack."
Jack noticed the lilt in his tone, and he straightened up a bit.
"What is it?"
Cal turned away and picked up the brandy glass. He raised it up slightly, so that the moon shone through it.
"My father has been in touch."
Jack felt his stomach twist, but he practised a smile.
"Oh? Is he missing his dear son that much already?"
Cal snorted. "Hardly. He just decided to inform me that I'm officially broke. As of today, actually."
"Broke?" Jack repeated the word, and it sounded hollow in his ears. "As in...no money?"
"That would be correct. I was expecting it to happen sooner or later. Just not quite so soon, I suppose," Cal tipped back the rest of the brandy, and then turned his head, his throat moving with an uneven swallow. "Now we get to experience the rootless lifestyle quite legitimately, it seems."
Jack blinked at him, instantly recognising the apprehension, the fear, already dancing behind Cal's deceptively cool gaze.
And it all made so much more sense now; every reason why Cal had been so eager and insistent about getting an apartment, the whirlwind of viewings, and then the impatient rush to look into a gallery for Jack's drawings.
Cal had wanted to get it all, before all the money was cut off.
Jack curled his hand into Cal's, and squeezed it tightly.
"...can he actually do that? Can he really take away all your money?"
Cal shrugged, with a resigned face. "It's only an inheritance, Dawson, and I haven't earned a dime of it for myself. He can leave it to whomever he pleases in the end. He could leave it to the neighbour's damned dog if he wanted to, just to spite me. And he probably will."
Jack hardly knew what to say. The situation had become dire, and so suddenly. Imagined problems relating to Rose had faded off into a backdrop of inconveniences; they suddenly seemed so small, and Cal's foul mood at least had some explanation.
It wasn't an excuse, but Jack guessed it truly was reason enough now.
And even if Jack put no stock on money himself, that wasn't the issue anymore. They both knew that.
Jack didn't care about small luxuries. He could live out of pocket very easily. But Cal wasn't that, and the question was if he would, or if he even could.
Cal looked at Jack then, his expression sobering some more.
"My father tells me he'll give me the money, on the condition that I return home."
Jack took a much needed breath. "Well, that sounds reasonable, doesn't it?"
Cal's smile became much fainter. His fingers curled some more, almost painfully, into Jack's.
"Without you Jack. He means for me to go home, without you."
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an: woooo another chapter at last. Thanks for reading and please comment. It motivates me!