Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

The Male Kunoichi

A/N : School started. I got lazy. Sorry.

At Wyrd Darcnyzzz

"So, while you may be excellent at grammar and punctuation and spelling, you need to keep in mind the speech patterns of, say, Naruto or Kakashi. Naruto doesn't use big words. Neither, really, does Kakashi, although, with his intelligence, it wouldn't really be that far out there to imagine."

I can't be bothered, nor am I able to read Japanese. Hence, I do not have any idea on whether Naruto and Kakashi does use, or does not use 'big' Japanese words. Whatever speech patterns these characters adopt in the translations you read on the internet, are all the decisions the translators make.

AFAIK, Kishimoto is not part of any scanlation group working as their translator, so I don't really give two hoots about following speech patterns not approved by the original author. Granted he probably doesn't really approve of fanfictions, but whatever.

Nevertheless, being that this is a story written at my own expense, I'm not too sure if I really want to bother making it as similar as how Kishimoto would do it if he was the one doing it. It is supposed to be a leisure activity, not one that will induce headaches as I ponder the speech patterns of Uzumaki Naruto and Hatake Kakashi.

At AspergianStoryteller

"Is that cannon?"

Unfortunately, I don't think so. I don't watch the anime, so I can't say for sure. (I disregard the anime as cannon, and only stick to the manga, so AFAIC (as far as I am concerned) it is not canon).

Chapter 11 : Ah, whatever.

End of Week: 4

It was boring. It was mind numbingly boring. It was boring beyond doubt, that even Asuma's occasional rants/whines had nothing on it. It was EPIC-ly boring. Shikamaru kicked a rock sulkily, both hands tucked into his pockets and his back hunched. Four weeks – FOUR WEEKS of consistently chasing after a wayward son of a mother dog had a certain debilitating effect on Shikamaru Nara, scion of the Nara clan, and oh how he sulked. Even Asuma noticed, which was a miracle in itself as their teacher couldn't be described as astute by the most forgiving of persons. Which might explain why he was consistently failing to get Yuuhi Kurenai's hints to leave her alone. Strangely he had no issue spotting oddities in the natural surroundings – selective ignorance, perhaps?

Shikamaru sighed. The young lord should have just signed up as a shinobi – as a reconnaissance member he would have been invaluable AND most likely the counterpart to Uzumaki Naruto in sneaking. One was supremely capable of running away, the other supremely capable of infiltration. Indeed, come to think of it, it was quite the good match up in abilities. One could go anywhere and one which could escape from anywhere – it sure sounded like a winning formulae to his brain. But then, given how Naruto was prone to pranking 'seasons' of sorts, it would be a very bad idea if the young lord decided to help Naruto escape. He shivered at the thought.

Wait. Shikamaru paused in his strides, and caused Chouji to bump into him. Said Akimichi sighed, already far too used to the trance like state his friend was prone to at the most inopportune of times to even bother attempting to jolt him out of his trance. Easily picking the Nara heir up, he shoved him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and continued in the journey.

If Naruto was that good in infiltration and sneaking around without being caught – hell, even the crème de crème, the AnBu couldn't detect him! He could easily become the most dangerous and prodigious assassin to grace the Elemental Countries ever. If he was born in the age prior the discovery of Chakra, he would be the best shinobi in the Countries. Even the most heavily guarded castle in Hi no Kuni was infiltrated - in that epoch, who could possibly defend against someone who can't even be detected? Shikamaru's eyes widened uncomfortably. And with that ability, he would have been fully capable of sneaking into the staff room and stealing the answers to the tests – how did he ever flunk them so badly? Perhaps his honour and loyalty to Iruka-sensei stopped him, but… Well, given that it IS Naruto he'd probably get distracted and paint the whole room pink instead of getting the answers.

He blinked, and his eyes appeared back in focus. "Chouji, you can put me down now."

The rotund boy gently set his friend on the ground, and they proceeded down the path. "I know this sounds weird, but I can't help it. A piece of advice for you: do not piss Uzumaki Naruto off. Ever."

Pausing in her strides, Ino snorted incredulously. "You just realised? He pranked effectively half of the graduating class back then just for doubting he'd pass! Heck, even Sandaime-sama didn't dare to irritate him too much – that should have spoken volumes as to how scary he can be. How did you even miss that – your IQ's one of the highest in the village, damn it! For kami's sake, he changed the Instructor in charge of teaching us infiltration and stealth's clothes into a tutu while the Instructor was still in them!"

"Really?" Shikamaru snorted. "Unfortunately, I don't remember that incident."

"Well, being that you slept through that lesson…" Ino mused. "It wouldn't surprise me. It also wouldn't surprise me if you slept through your own funeral, only to wake up after being buried."

Yamanaka Ino narrowly dodged a Kunai thrown at her. "Oh kami, can't you take a joke?"

Nozomi stared. "Are you even in the right mind, Kurenai-sensei?"

"Why, being that I passed the mental evaluation tests during my Jounin exams, I guess I should be in the right mind." Kurenai giggled. "Well, as right as shinobi's are."

"But I mean…" Nozomi sighed. "I am infiltrating a function, right?"

"Unless the scroll is a lie, then yes." Kurenai smirked. "Why, scared?"

Staring at her instructor in deep disbelief, Nozomi picked up the woven basket. "I doubt that flower arrangement would be even of any use in everyday life, much less infiltrating a FORMAL function, of all things!

"You'd be singing a different tune once you start having more infiltration missions." Kurenai paused. "But then, unless you piss off Daimyo-sama again, I doubt that you'd have to use your flower arrangement lessons that much…"

"Point." Nozomi deadpanned.

"Point is that the lessons will allow you to more easily start a conversation when you're in danger of being caught. Flower arrangement is not a ninja only topic – you'd find out that quite some of the Konoha civilian populace know a fair bit in flower arrangement." Kurenai picked out a bunch of flowers and placed it into the basket Nozomi was holding. "Also, when you're caught eavesdropping, you could, perhaps, use a Kage Bushin to shift a basket of flowers behind them and tell them that you were appreciating the flower arrangement – generally speaking it is a very effective and useful school of knowledge to wriggle yourself out of tight situations."

Nozomi paused in her steps, and Kurenai paled slightly. That gleam in her eyes only appeared when she was plotting something, and if she was plotting a prank in revenge, Kurenai knew that she'd just have to endure through it, because Uzumaki Naruto wasn't the Prankster King for nothing – even as a female Nozomi was just as brutal.

"Well…" Nozomi smirked. "You know how I can eliminate my presence totally, no? I just need to summon a Kage Bushin, have it Henge into a piece of lint, and place it on the targets. They'd be unable to detect it, and I can eavesdrop without being even near them. Well, 'I' would be on them, but that's just a technicality. Then I just dismiss my Kage Bushin after the event, and well, I'd be home free and easy. Come to think of it, I don't even need to be in the function! Thanks to my genius, we can actually stop lessons now!"

"Better to be prepared that caught unaware, and being that you just pranked him two weeks ago, I would expect some… alterations to mission parameters. Well, take this other scenario, Nozomi: let's say that they're mingling with the rest of the guests before they discuss matters, and perhaps one of them approaches you, and starts a conversation about the flower arrangement at the reception. And you, having refused to learn anything about flower arrangement… Well, guess what happens next?" Kurenai smirked.

"I'd just have to bullshit my way out of it, what else?" Nozomi snorted. "How hard can it be?"

"Well, I think you'd find that particular phrase filed under a folder called 'Famous last words'." Kurenai grinned.

The messenger panted. He was exhausted; he was a regular dispatch messenger, and being that all current express messengers were out, he had unfortunately drawn the short end of the stick, and was forced to deliver that message to Konohagakure no Sato in under a week. Fortunately they gave him one more week as he was a regular messenger – his normal timetable would only have him reaching Konoha in another two weeks. Also fortunately for him he made it – his rice bowl would be secure for a few more months, depending on his luck. Hopefully there won't be more of such crazy assignments – nice salary or not, it sure wouldn't cover his collateral bills if he snapped his leg muscles in the process.

"Message for the Hokage?" The guard at the gate scanned his permit lazily. "The password?"

"The bird flies high in the sky; the hunter prowls below with his arrow notched." The messenger repeated. "The geisha dances gracefully in the yard; the lord sips his tea slowly."

The guard stared at him blankly. The guard's companion punched him in the upper arm, and pointed at the calendar. "Oh right, it's currently the odd hour on the Sunday of the odd week in the odd month of the even year. Sorry, your password's right. Go on in."

The messenger sighed in relief. He had sincerely thought he had repeated the wrong password; he didn't want to spend the night in an AnBu cell – it was cold, damp and really something he didn't want to be near to. He had enough of it the first time. The stay inside that cell would forever haunt/fuel his nightmares, and so would the mark on his record forever haunt his pay checks.

Asshole quartermaster.

Daisuke Kenji sneezed. Rubbing off his snot, Kenji continued his patrol down the seemingly empty halls of the Daimyo's castle. "What is it?" He asked the empty air.

Or rather, formerly empty air. A ninja appeared in front of him, and saluted. "A minor disturbance, Kenji-san. A fox crossed the boundaries and triggered the seals."

"Rearm them and throw the fox back into the forest." Kenji sighed in relief. Honestly, what sort of position was a quartermaster? By all rights he should just need to care for the quarters – hell, it was implied in the name! Instead he found himself issuing pay slips, checking out the security details, and all in all doing anything and everything except caring for the quarters. His pay was significantly higher than a quartermaster, yes, but god damn it, he didn't want the job. He wanted a job he could slack AND survive, not one which demanded so much effort!

Which was probably why he allowed the young Uzumaki to prank the current Daimyo - then again he didn't know of the prank until it occurred, so... Ah, whatever. He shrugged. More power to the Uzumaki - fuck the Daimyo.

Anko smiled. She loved having students that actually listened, and Team 8 was indeed, following her lessons quite well. Hence, she decided to reward them for their good attitude. "C'mere, little ones!"

"Little ones?" Kiba quirked an eyebrow.

"You're little, after all." She smirked. "Your present of the month : Dango!"

Kiba sighed.

Edit (30 October 2011) : Clean up and slight rewording.