Sorry for the delay It was... yeah, you guessed it, writers block. BUT, to make up for it I've given you what I call: 'the fanservice chapter'! Almost-lemons ahoy!
Warnings: Not much, just Chazz molesting Jaden, but I hardly think you need warning against that - heck, that's probably what you've all been waiting for.
Coco Gash Jirachi: Aster has joined our ranks! INSANITY IS CONTAGIOUS!
T: Hey, I like the name Nakatsuki. It's certainly better than Twinky (isn't that a sugary snack thing in America?) Oh, and thank you for sending me all those links to episodes! I've been watching season three, although I'm not very far yet, but I appreciate the gesture.
Yami's Chan: Thank you! I'm especially proud of how I ended it - one of the better things I've written, I think.
Sandaa: (tickles your brain) Thanks for the comment! It does seem like Chazz is about to break under the strain of it all, doesn't it? That should be interesting to write...although the story is kind of writing itself now, it just seems to pour out onto the page when I pick up a pen.
ChibisukeGirl: Hey, thanks. And yes, that did make sense a great deal - I think the characters are more real to me than deemed healthy, to be entirely honest (shifts eyes like a creepy psycho).
Eiensora: Wohoo! Glad everyone liked the ending as much as I did (swells with pride) I love this story to bits, even if it is rock-hard to write. Here's your update!
Garnet-Crystals: Thanks! Although you should know, there probably will be ChazzJay romance...but of course, since it is purely from Chazz's POV, it's not likely to be very romantic (maybe he was in fanboy mode with Alexis, but Chazz and Jaden do not a sappy romance make)
Syrus Stalker and Yaoi Fan: insane!Chazz and normal!Jaden thank you for their huggles.
Kat: Thank you, I'm very flattered.
JamieStabine0011: How peculiar you are. Well, I suppose I can vouch for the addicted to reading (and writing) online ff thing, so am I.
Littlest-Angel: Molesting sounds good (see warning). Well Jaden can actually fish, since he was doing it in one of the episodes, and he's surprisingly patient...except when he's hungry, of course - Glad you liked the bit with Mama Princeton, I was worried that might be a bit cheesy...there'll be more of her to come later on.
xFadingxRosesxx: Whoah there, calm down. I can only update so fast, you know...
I don't own yugioh GX. I've requested it for christmas, though.
Delirium, part eleven (Phantasmagoria)
...It's cold.
It's everywhere, seeping through my skin as though I were drowning in ice - shuddering with cold, I curl up tighter to preserve warmth, but fail despairingly. Harsh light burns through my eyelids and forces me from slumber; I sit up groggily, squinting against the brightness until my eyes adjust. Gradually I can make out my surroundings: the four white walls, the toilet in the corner, the plain hospital bed-
Whoah, wait a minute. Why am I on a hospital bed? And since when was there a toilet in the corner of the room? I blink and rub my eyes in the hope that it'll magically disappear, but it remains gleaming in the malicious light. I turn to a wall, frowning: wasn't there a window there before? With views overlooking the ocean...but now there's just a blank white wall staring back at me impassively.
The first strings of anxiety start to stir; this room looks familiar, too familiar for my liking. I swing my legs off the side of the bed, brushing against some kind of leather; what's that? Those are-
-Bound to a hospital bed by menacing leather straps that bite into the skin like hungry wolves. The body twists and thrashes futilely in a bid for freedom, head thrown back, screaming, screaming-
With a gasp I stand up, stumbling away from the bed and falling to the floor with a painful smack. Ignoring the resulting dull ache in my hips, I scramble back onto my feet and towards the relative safety of the walls, eyeing the bed nervously; those hideous straps that dare to hang there so innocently, masquerading as though they don't serve a function. My stomach turns at the sight of them and I bolt for the nearby toilet.
Nothing comes out but dry heaves, but it still leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth and a flush to my cheeks. Whilst the rest of my body is still icy-cold, my face feels blisteringly hot and feverish; I rest it gladly against the cool, smooth porcelain. It's only after a few minutes that I notice silky white strands swirling slowly in the bowel. Where did that come from? And what is it? It looks so familiar...
Trembling - and not purely from the cold - I raise myself back onto unsteady legs and look around the room. Bad memories, clouding the edges of my mind like sinister shadows...the gnawing urge to escape makes me stagger towards the door; I half-expect to find it locked, but it swings open easily at my touch.
The corridor beyond stretches endlessly to either side, and without a soul in sight. I take a nervous steps forwards, wrapping my arms around myself for warmth; it's so cold...
"Hello?" I call out, but the only answer is my own returning echo. Swallowing nervously, I start to walk down the corridor, bare feet making a pit pat against the hard floor; a quiet sound, but in the silence it's deafening.
"Jaden? Anyone? Can anyone hear me?" I try again, to no avail. Okay, this isn't funny anymore...actually, it wasn't particularly funny to start with, but now it's just plain creepy. Where the hell is everyone? Am I the only one here?
I walk, and walk, and walk - and as I do it seems to get even colder, causing me to shiver, my teeth chattering loudly. It passes right through my clothing, the thin white shorts and shirt with some blurred number stitched onto the chest; was I wearing that before? No, I was wearing pajamas...colourful...smelt vaguely spicy...
Suddenly I arrive at a door, polished mahogany that somehow doesn't fit the white surroundings. Something deeply hidden warns me not to go inside, to stay away...and yet I can hear noises from the other side, too muffled and indistinct to make out clearly. Where there are noises, there must be people, right? My hands reach up for the door before I can protest, pushing it open for my feet to carry me through to-
-An office, littered with messy files and notes written in scrawly spider handwriting. The walls are lined with dust covered volumes, and an old grandfather clock ticks away slowly in the corner. A chill runs up my spine when I realise where I am, this is-
"Chazz?" A confused voice calls out from behind me, "What's this...?"
"What-" I turn around, see sunkissed skin and a head of unruly brunet hair, "Jaden? What are you doing here?" I take a step towards him, but-
"Greeting, Mr Princeton," And suddenly he's there without warning; cerulean eyes and a smirk that promises nothing but sin, a buttoned-up white doctor's coat and a golden nametag that catches the light, illuminating the words:
DR C. ADAMS
"You!" I choke, stumbling back, "But I - how did - how are you here?"
"You know the rules to our exchange," But he isn't talking to me, his blue eyes are trained on Jaden like a hawk watching its prey, "You give me something I want and I'll give you something you want."
And suddenly I know - who he is, what he wants, what he's going to do; "You stay away from him!" I snarl furiously, "If you touch one hair on his head, I'll-"
"-Won't let anyone else hurt you, Chazz. I promise," Jaden interrupts, and then his voice changes: soft, like kimono silk drenched in warm red, "Promise me...you'll never become like them."
Promise. I promised. But then I broke it, became just like the thing I despise - arrogant, bullying, cruel; I said I wouldn't and I did...why? Why did I forget? Why-
"Why Chazz, I'm teaching you a valuable life lesson: you can't have your own way all the time, and sometimes compromises have to be made," Adams grabs Jaden, leaving dirty blue handprints over his shoulders, and pushes him against the untidy desk, "Are you willing to compromise?"
"Get away from him!" I shout, but neither react, as though they can't hear me, "I said get away from him! Jaden! Jaden, push him away! Why won't you listen to me?!"
He doesn't even blink at my shouting; "No entiendo, hablo muy poco espanol..."
"What are you talking abo- hey!" Adams leans closer to Jaden, brushing down the side of his face and leaving a cold blue trail in his wake, "Take your hands off of him! Right, that does-" I try to run forwards, but something wraps around my wrists and hauls me back. Before I can protest my arms are crossed over my chest and pulled sharply backwards; belts and buckles snap terrifyingly into place, keeping me bound.
"No! Let me go!" I flail uselessly on the floor before turning my head sharply upwards to see Adams running his icy fingers through Jaden's thick brown hair, "Jaden! Jaden! Why can't you hear me?! Fight back, push him off!"
"Well?" Adams murmurs against Jaden's ear. One word. One answer. Jaden gazes at Adams, his eyes hollow and dead:
"...Yes."
"No!" I scream, arching upwards, but hands reach out and drag me back down again, "Get off! Please, I have to-"
"We fail to see what is so amusing, Mr Princeton," A woman says - I turn and see the familiar silhouette staring down at me, its featureless partner flanking my other side, But wait, they're not here anymore - Two police officers killed in car crash - Jagger and Slade-
"You enthrall me, you know," Adams trails his fingers down Jaden's chest, and I simultaneously feel the cold prickle my skin, "Such a paradox, Chazz: delicate as glass yet stronger than steel, like spider silk." Why is he calling him Chazz? I'm Chazz, I should be the one up, there, the one getting violated...
"Leave him alone!" I try wriggling forwards again, but the hands drag me back, "Stop it! Don't you see what he's going to do to him?! Why doesn't anyone believe me?!"
"You're crazy..." Someone whispers. But I'm not insane! I'm not!
"I don't think you're insane, Chazz," I look up to meet Jaden's empty gaze, staring straight through me as Adams slowly unbuttons his white doctor's coat - oh no, don't you dare, don't you even dare-
"You're beautiful..." The coat slips to the floor.
-You fucking put a hand on him and I'll rip you in two you sick son of a-
"You're perfect," He grasps Jaden's face in his hands.
-I'll kill you, I'll fucking KILL YOU!DON'TYOUFUCKINGTOUCHHIMHE'SNOTYOURSHE'SMINEYOUTWISTEDBASTARDTAKEYOURFILTHYHANDSOFFHIM-
"You're mine," Adams purrs. He seems to blur, his outline slowly twisting upwards like smoke, serpentine tendrils coiling around Jaden's slender body. And he turns to me, no longer Dr Adams but the nightmarish shadow that haunts my every move and poisons my thoughts. The mouth opens, grey slime oozing over its chin, dripping onto Jaden, tainting him-
"Whatever you hold dear to you," It hisses like death, iniquitous blue eyes boring into my own, "Whatever you love and cherish...I will destroy it."
"No," I utter soundlessly, and then again: "NO!" I break free of the hands and haul myself forwards desperately. The shadow grins and morphs back into Adams. He turns back to Jaden. He runs a hand up Jaden's thigh.
-And I wake up screaming.
I'm vaguely aware of someone calling my name, asking then pleading for me to stop shrieking. Strong hands grasp at my wrists, which flail out instinctively, hitting anything they can reach. I thrash and writhe and twist and turn, but the person manages to pin me down until the last of my adrenaline is spent.
"...Chazz?" He asks tentatively.
The room is dark, everything masked by monochrome shadows - but from the hazy moonlight filtering through the linen-swathed window, I can just make him out. He's breathing harshly, shoulders still heaving from the exhaustion of overpowering me, and a fringe of perspiration decorates his brow. His brown eyes are wide with worry, shock, and maybe even a little fear.
"Chazz?" He asks again when I don't respond to him, "Chazz, are you alright? C'mon, say something."
"What..." I answer at last, voice hoarse and raw, probably from my earlier screams, "What...happened?"
"A bad dream," He says softly; deciding I'm no longer hysterical, he climbs off me and sits beside me on the bed, "I woke up and heard you screaming, so I came to investigate," He looks at me with...with what? Sympathy? Concern? Understanding? "Do you want to talk about it?"
"I..." I bite my lower lip hesitantly. I should...but I can't...but I want to...but I don't...but he can...but he wouldn't...
"Just..." I struggle to stop my voice from trembling, "Just promise me..."
"Promise you what?" He asks gently, prompting me to continue.
"You won't...let them take me...will you?" I turn my gaze upwards to meet his, "You won't let them drag me back there?"
He doesn't understand, but nods anyway: "Of course not," He leans forward, wrapping his arms around me, "It's alright, Chazz. You're safe here."
"Thank you," I breathe, allowing myself to relax against him; I can feel the slow, steady beating of his heart where our torsos touch, oddly comforting.
"What was your nightmare about?" He questions after a few minutes.
"Pandora...empty...shadows...Adams..." I mumble tiredly. It's only when I feel him tense up that I realise my mistake.
"Adams?" Jaden pulls back to frown at me, "That doctor guy? What does he have to do with all this?"
"Nothing," I say quickly. Jaden shakes his head.
"He does have something to do with it, doesn't he?" He accuses, "I know you're hiding something, Chazz. What happened?"
"Nothing!" I snap, "Just drop the subject, alright?!"
"But-" Jaden sighs and lowers his head, "Fine. I just wish you'd tell me what's wrong..."
"There's nothing wrong with me," I fold my arms over my chest, "Just go back to bed, slacker, we both need sleep."
"Do you want to sleep with me?"
"What?"
"Do you want to sleep in my bed?" I wonder if he's joking, but his face is deadly serious, "I don't mind sharing with you if you're still afraid."
"I'm not afraid!" I growl, "I'm not a little kid, you know, I can sleep by myself without needing someone to hold my hand. Now go back to your room."
"But-"
"Go. Back. To. Your. Room."
"...Alright," He gives in, standing up and heading for the door, "But if you change your mind-"
"-Which I won't."
"-Then I'll be next door," He finishes before leaving the room and shutting the door softly behind him. I sigh and flop back onto the bed, now in disarray from the movements of my nightmare, listening to the rustling of the bedsheets from next door as Jaden settles down. Exhausted, I close my eyes and allow myself to drift off...
"My your hair is long! You reckon if I comb it right, it'll stay down?" Says Polly, pretty polly, polly had a dolly - "Buy yourself a meal, dollface, you need it." - just dressing up the doll before you play with it - Let's play with Jaden, Chazz. Chazz. Chazz? Chazz! Chazz...
"Stop it!" I bolt upright in the bed again, cold sweat dripping from my brow before fading in the cool night air. I glance at the clock on the wall - 2:20 AM. So I haven't been sleeping long...I wonder if...? No, I can't, won't look weak...and yet...
Jaden sits up in his bed when he hears the door open, rubbing his eyes tiredly, "Chazz? What's wrong?"
"Can I...?" I don't finish the sentence, but I don't need to; Jaden shuffles across in the bed and pats the empty space beside him. I close the door and gingerly make my way across to the bed: it's soft, untidy, ridiculously colourful with its E-hero decorated duvet. The walls are covered in bright duel-themed posters. I can hear the gentle rise and fall of the tide outside the window. It's as far removed from Pandora as possible.
I slip into the warm, welcoming depths of the sheets, pulling the covers over me and Jaden; no sooner have I laid down when I feel a body shift closer to mine and an arm wrap around my waist. I tense immediately - but it's only Jaden, he won't do anything, not like Adams...
Soon Jaden's breathing becomes heavier, a tickling warmth on the back of my neck. I can feel the slow, rhythmic rising and falling of his chest against my back, the slight flexing his fingers loosely clutching the front of my shirt.
A few minutes pass. Then an hour. Then two hours.
I rub my eyes furiously, willing myself to sleep, but unable to. I'm tired, no doubt, but my body refuses to rest, my mind unwilling to be lured into slumber. I want to sleep and yet...maybe a part of me doesn't want to in case I dream again.
With a resigned groan I shrug off Jaden's arm and sit upright, bringing my knees up to my chest to rest my chin on. Jaden stirs a little at the movement, and I spare him a glance: deep in the realms of sleep - probably dreaming something duel-related - with his eyes closed peacefully and his hair even messier than usual. I wonder how often he brushes it? Only when he's nagged enough, I suppose - unlike me, who actually takes care of his appearance. Well...did take care of his appearance, now not so much. I'm not quite as pristine as I used to be.
But Jaden...he always looks good, even without putting in any effort. He never has to try for anything, he's just naturally good at it, whilst the rest of us struggle and bicker to achieve second-best. Look at him lying there. Even now he still looks perfect.
Flawless, like a doll, A familiar wanton whisper echoes in my ear, Shall we play with him?
"You again?" I speak aloud, annoyed, "Don't you have someone else to bother?"
But I want to play with Jaden. We can do it now, and no-one will ever know, not even him.
"I'm not going to listen to you, you know," I glare at the silhouette duplicate of myself, "Just give it up."
He won't feel a thing if we're careful. Go on, try it.
"I'mnotlisteninglalalala, I'mnotlisteninglalalala-"
Look, It grasps my face and turns my head sharply towards Jaden's sleeping figure, He's there. He's helpless. He's yours.
"He isn't - I don't want-"
Stop lying to yourself, you want him and you know it, It hisses, You don't have to hurt him, just touch him.
"But..." I stare at Jaden apprehensively. So warm...so close...
Just give it a go, The shadow purrs, What harm can it do?
I hesitate, then slowly reach out and touch Jaden's hair; I worry he'll wake up, but he remains in a deep sleep. I try again, a little bolder this time, running my fingers through the thick strands - the corners of Jaden's mouth curve upwards in a small, content smile.
See? He likes it, The shadow points out, Keep going.
My fingers leave his hair and go to his face, brushing his eyelids, his nose, his soft lips. He unconsciously nuzzles into my palm as I caress his cheeks, and I feel...strange. Warm and light, somehow, at receiving such affection; better than I've felt in a long time. The shadow doesn't need to urge me to continue; I do so automatically. My hands move down to his neck, trailing feather light against the tender skin, and Jaden shivers with pleasure. So he's sensitive there...best file that away in mental storage, it could come in useful at some later point.
I move onto his shoulders, rubbing them gently before trailing my fingers down his arm, pausing at the pulse in his wrist, which seems to have quickened slightly. I continue onto the hand, stroking the palm - his fingers twitch lightly in response, touching my own as if trying to hold hands. Again I feel warm, wanted...loved. I travel to his sides, just lightly touching the ribs; Jaden squirms in reply. Oh, so he's ticklish there? Again, useful information...I'm tempted to continue, but I'm too worried he'll wake up.
I stroke his collarbone delicately before returning to his chest, massaging him through the cotton of his pajama shirt. He shifts slightly, making a low purr of content in the back of his throat; I shudder with delight when I hear it, the hairs on the back of my neck prickling pleasantly. Who knew I could get that response out of him? I trail my fingers lower, over his stomach...and then lower...and then...
Go on, The shadow's voice startles me - I was so caught up in Jaden I almost forgot it was there, What are you waiting for? Keep going.
"I don't know if I should..." I whisper, staring at the now mildly flustered Jaden, "Is this really right...?"
Of course it is. You're not hurting anyone - look, already he's enjoying it, The voice breathes in my ear, and I feel the words leak into my conscience, Go on, just a little further...just a little more...
Hesitantly I nudge Jaden's legs apart, deftly trailing my fingertips up the smooth, revealed expanse of his inner thigh - Jaden trembles with pleasure, and subsequently so do I. I push the material of his boxer shorts further up to reach more bare flesh, tracing small circles on the hypersensitive skin; our breathing starts to pick up, evenly matched. It takes a while to build up the courage before I can drift upwards, ghosting my fingertips over Jaden's member. The response is immediate: a sharp moan that causes me to yank my hand back and flush brilliant red.
That...may well be the best sound I've ever heard.
I reach for him again, eager to hear more; tracing a single finger along the half-hard length elicits another sensual moan that makes all the blood rush from my brain and head southwards. The room is filled with the sound of heavy breathing - although his or mine, I can't tell which.
The pleasured moans are delicious, but not enough; craving for more, I wrap my entire hand around him, a thrill of pleasure resonating through me as Jaden squirms helplessly in my grasp, hips bucking slightly. Give him what he wants...fist tenuously tightened, I start to move up and down slowly, teasingly. A low, guttural cry rumbles from the back of Jaden's throat and travels straight to my groin, making me dizzy and light-headed.
The fear of waking Jaden seems to have disappeared as I move faster, more desperately. The shadow cackles in the background, but I ignore that too - now there's only me and Jaden, the rest of the world is a blur. As he writhes frantically underneath me, I become aware of a throbbing ache between my own legs, and my free hand absentmindedly drifts down to attend to it.
The sudden brushing of flesh against flesh seems to snap something in me; I yelp and pull my hands back from Jaden and myself as though I've touched fire. Jaden makes a disappointed groan in his sleep and squirms some more in desire of completion, but I don't respond. Fucking mother of God...what the hell was I doing?! Touching Jaden in his sleep - violating him! It's sick, it's wrong, it's...
...Exactly the sort of thing Adams would do.
I gaze at the hand that touched Jaden, horrified. The shadow protests against my actions, but I barely hear it; seeing it won't persuade me any further for now, it sinks back into the darkness. Jaden whines slightly in need, but contrary to before, the sound makes my blood run cold. I turn away, sickened, and force myself to lay back down, keeping a safe distance away from Jaden. The burning ache between my legs begs for attention, and Jaden still writhing for release on the bed isn't helping any, but I will myself not to touch it.
Eventually Jaden calms down, his writhing ceased and his breathing normal; I, however, do not. Even so, I lie perfectly still, eyes wide open and looking at the poster-plastered wall without really seeing it. His dreams returned to normal, Jaden sighs happily and turns over in his sleep to snuggle me; the burn increases, verging on painful, but I entwine my hands into the blankets and force them to stay there. I can't touch myself, not now - it's filthy, dirty, wrong. I can't touch Jaden either, mustn't taint him with my sin, not after he promised to look after me...
We're back to square one - I stay there like a statue, cold and unmovable. Jaden radiates warmth, but I can't feel it; I'm drowning in the frost, like Adams' blue eyes and icy fingers...my eyes sting, vision blurring and throat constricting painfully. Something wet trickles down my face and onto the soft, spicy-scented sheets.
But I'm not crying.
I'm definitely not crying.
I don't sleep, just watch the clock until it's deemed an acceptable hour to 'wake up'. At 7:00 AM precisely I slip out of the bedsheets and pad softly down the hall towards the bathroom.
The cold shower stings, but diminishes what's left of that...that thing between my legs. I refuse to look at it, vigorously scrubbing myself down, perhaps harder than I need to. I get out and wash my hands until the soap is a sliver of its former self, then return to me - or rather, Jaden's parents' - bedroom for clothes.
The sheets are almost violently rumpled from my earlier nightmares, half-trailed on the floor with one of two pillows. Smelling the trace of sweat lingering in the air, I decide to get dressed and then change the bedsheets, tidying the bed as though smoothing over the memory of my dreams. When everything is clean and fresh, and all evidence suggesting otherwise is in the laundry basket, I head downstairs to start breakfast.
I pass through the entrance hall, seeing a single envelope lying on the floor. Strange, when was that delivered? I pick it up, frowning: addressed to a Mr Jaden Yuki. I'm curious as to what it is, but I'd better leave it for Jaden to open. Leaving it on the dining table, I head into the kitchen and busy myself with food.
Jaden comes down about an hour later, hair still damp and grumbling about how the shower was cold this morning. Hn, maybe I should tell him it was my fault for turning the temperature down...nah.
"Huh? What's this?" Jaden asks, spotting the latter on the table and picking it up curiously.
"Letter addressed to you. Must've been posted last night or something."
"A letter? For me?" He frowns, opening it. I see his eyes flick back and forth as he reads the words, then suddenly widen. the letter slips from his grasp and falls to the floor.
"What is it?" I query; his lack of response unnerves me a little, "Jaden? What's wrong?"
"It's a letter from Duel Academy," He tells me slowly, and I feel a ripple of shock run up my spine, "It's starting up again for new year...in three weeks time."
Dun-dun-duuuun! I'm not entirely happy with the dream sequence at the start, but I re-wrote it about five times and that was the best I could come up with. The lemony-lime wasn't so bad...but what did YOU think? Was it good? Was it bad? Are you bright red in the face? Do review, I love reading them so very much. I'm not making any promises on updates - it'll come when it comes, but it will happen. Until next time!