Days passed, and Yuuri managed to avoid almost all interaction with Victor. He pretended to be ill for the first day, and told Sara that he really just couldn't have any visitors. Victor had come to see him anyway, quietly poking his head in the door while Yuuri was pretending to sleep. To check on him. Make sure he was okay. In actual fact, it was most likely to be certain that Yuuri would be well enough for when they reached the next port, and Yuuri was inevitably sold off for more money than Hasetsu could ever pay for a ransom.
Yuuri had ignored the urge to run to Victor and pull him into another long kiss. It was as if his heart hadn't caught up to the fact that whatever he thought Victor was feeling for him wasn't real. The thoughts that Yuuri was drowning in were enough to actually make him ill, and unable to leave his bed for the second day either.
Of course Victor would never love you.
The next day was spent with Yuuri hiding anywhere he could on the ship- he even spent a few hours in the brig that he was thrown into when he first arrived. Knowing the only reason that Victor rescued him from that boat was so that Yuuri wouldn't die before Victor could make use out of him.
No one could ever love you.
He ended up punching at a wooden beam for an hour, and ended up with bloody knuckles.
Worthless.
On the fourth day, Yuuri wasn't so lucky. Apparently Victor couldn't just let Yuuri try to vanquish his feelings in peace, and had invited Yuuri to a dinner. There had been short, stilted conversation at the beginning, as Yuuri answered whatever Victor said to him as shortly as possible. Eventually the room became silent, with Victor cracking a weak joke every now and then. Victor smiled, but his eyes betrayed him, with sadness behind them. Yuuri wanted to hug him, tell him everything was okay, that Yuuri loved him.
He didn't.
That expression had probably been carefully schooled. Or Victor was just confused as to why Yuuri wasn't as easy to lull into a false sense of security as usual. As soon as he could, Yuuri excused himself, dismissing all of Victor's objections.
He ignored the tears on his cheeks.
Unfortunately, Yurio, who stood unbeknownst to Yuuri at the entrance to his own cabin, did not.
…..
Victor had been writing up a report on the contents of their stores when Yurio accosted him.
"There's something wrong with Katsudon."
Victor's pen stilled for a moment, and his face twisted a little before it returned to a blank expression, and he continued writing.
"I know"
Yurio waited a second more, but the old man didn't come out with anything further. He just kept slowly moving his pen, half slumped against his desk. Infuriating.
Yurio grabbed Victor's arm and hauled him upright, giving him a mighty shove towards the door "Fix it!"
But instead of getting his ass in gear, and going to see the pig like Yurio had hoped, Victor just slammed against the door, and slid down it slowly, ending up in a foetal position, hugging his knees.
Yurio clenched his fists. Victor had to fix it. He was the one closest to the damn prince after all. And, as much as Yuri hated to admit it, he was also growing attached to Katsudon's presence. Not that he'd ever say it.
Sighing, Yurio crouched down to Victor's level, about to start lecturing him, when he noticed the steady drips of water onto the floor. And glancing up, sure enough, Victor's eyes were screwed up and he was sobbing, the tears marring his otherwise handsome face.
"Vi-?"
"I don't know, Yuri!" Victor hissed, his head in his hands, still letting out shaking sobs and gasps "I don't know what I did. He… he seemed happy! And then after we k ….k ….k"
His speech broke up, and he was back to unintelligibly weeping on the floor.
Yurio bit his lip hard. Curse the old man for almost making him break out in tears himself. Curse Yuuri for creating the damn problem in the first place. He lowered himself besides Victor, and wrapped his arms around him.
"You really are pathetic" He muttered under his breath, Victor shaking in his arms. They'd find a way to help with whatever was bothering Katsudon. Even if he thought the two lovebirds were disgusting sometimes, seeing the way they acted apart was even worse. He sighed. Beka would probably know how to deal with this far better than him. And he would never admit to hugging Victor, not even on his own death bed. But sometimes needs overruled pride.
"It'll be okay, Victor. It'll be okay."
…
Chris stood in the doorway for a moment, staring at Victor and Yurio crying on the floor. As soon as he caught up to what was happening, he stepped back, and soundlessly closed the door behind him, deciding that neither Victor nor Yurio would want anyone else seeing them at their moment of weakness.
He rubbed a hand across his face. Honestly. Sometimes he wondered why he was even on this ship. He liked a bit of drama, but recently it had been becoming a little much, even for him. Turning, he looked over at where Yuuri was standing at the front of the ship, staring at the waves. He resisted walking over to him and making a suggestive comment. Yuuri didn't seem like he was in the mood to laugh.
In fact, looking around, it didn't seem like anyone was in the mood to laugh. Leo and Guang Hong were both fixing a sail silently, none of their usual banter to be seen. Minami was perched on the rigging, staring upwards at the overcast sky, and even Mickey was taking a break from his non-stop angry state to lean against the mast, looking depressed.
Seung Gil looked as emotionless as always, the bastard.
Shaking his head, Chris continued on, towards the wheel, and took it from Otabek. He hoped that whatever issue there was, it wouldn't be around for long. Frankly, being around all of the gloom was starting to dampen his own sense of humour. Huffing once more, he turned the wheel slowly, and called out to the crew as they began to near port.
…..
Tap, tap, tap.
Was it midnight? Yuuri didn't know. It was pitch black in his cabin.
Tap, tap, tap.
How long had it been since he last talked to Victor properly? Not since the silent dinner they had together.
Tap, tap, tap
Yuuri's heart ached.
Sitting upright, Yuuri ceased drumming on the wooden bedpost. Despite the fact that he was swathed in warm blankets, he still felt cold.
Sorry, Mari. Sorry Dad, sorry Mom. Sorry Phichit.
Sorry for falling in love with a pirate. Sorry for not wanting to leave, even though he knew what was coming next.
Yuuri rested his head on his knees.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
They'd reached a port earlier that day. Tomorrow…who knew what would happen? Yuuri slid himself out of bed in a split second decision. Maybe if he went to the deck, Victor would be there. Maybe they could talk. Maybe Yuuri could kiss Victor once more, while the game was still on.
Yuuri pulled on some clothes and silently made his way to the door, then hesitated for a second before he reached for the handle. Would it be locked? They were at port, after all. It wasn't like the open sea, when Yuuri had nowhere to escape to.
The handle turned, and Yuuri stepped out into the corridor.
Seconds later, Yuuri was out on the deck. Unlike the previous times he'd been out after dark, it seemed that there was nobody on watch. Whoever it was supposed to be had probably headed for a bar on the mainland.
Other than for him, the deck was deserted.
Yuuri stepped towards the side of the ship slowly. When he passed Victor's cabin, he stopped for a second. The light was still on. Maybe he could…no. No.
Victor wasn't out. That was probably a good thing. Yuuri wasn't good enough for him anyway. Who would want the dime-a-dozen Yuuri Katsuki?
By the time he reached the side of the ship, there were silent tears streaking down his face, and his heart was at war with itself. It just hurt….so much.
Looking out, beyond the ship, there was a small gap, where Yuuri could see the inky black waves, and then a wooden dock, leading to the mainland.
It was a split second decision. If Yuuri thought it over any more, he wouldn't have been able to do it.
He drew his cloak around him, and pulled his hood up. Wiping the still-flowing tears from his face, he turned towards the ship, and murmured a hoarse "Goodbye, Victor. I…I love you."
Then he jumped.