Chapter 11 - The revenge of the gossip queen
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The next day, the Warners arrived at the community service office, and were suprised to run into a relatively well known superhero.
"Hey! I know you!" said Wakko
"It's the scriptureman!" Said Yakko
"We're running out of good parody ideas now." said Dot
The scriptureman stood there in his yellow and purple outfit, ready to fight the injustice and sin of the world. He quite often appeared on low-frequency VHF TV in Burbank, and that's where the Warners would quite often watch his show.
"And you are?" asked Scriptureman
"We're the Warner bros!" said Yakko and Wakko
"And the Warner sister!" added dot
"I'm Yakko!"
"I'm Wakko!"
"And i'm Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the third...but you can call me Dot!" Said Dot
"Ah, doesn't memorizing your lines help a lot, Dot?" asked Yakko
"Ah, get off my back!" Dot shot back at her brother.
"Listen! I'm in need of some help!" said the Scriptureman
"Listen, we're no preachers, buddy, we can't help ya." Said Yakko
"Neither was Moses. And he lead a multitude of people out of Egypt, remember?" asked Scriptureman
"Uh-huh. But did God not physically help? That's right, God did physically help! Odds of that now, uh, not likely." Yakko turned to the readers "Yeah this chapter's gonna have christianity all over it, so stick around, ya might like it."
"But this is the Scriptureman show! It's supposed to be fun!" Said Scriptureman
"Supposed is the keyword, right?" asked Dot
Then Diane appeared in the room.
"Ah, Warners, I see you've met your boss for the day." Said Diane
"You mean, we're gonna help this guy?" asked Dot
"Can't I just pass a kidney stone instead?" asked Yakko
"Nope, you're gonna help him. Should only take the half-hour anyways." Said Diane, heading back into the office. The Warners all turned to Scriptureman.
"I guess for the next half-hour we're caught up in something we don't want to be." Said Yakko
"It's not gonna be boring! come with me!" Said Scriptureman, running out to his car with the Warners in slow tow.
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Meanwhile, a capsule landed just outside of Burbank. the capsule opened, and outside climbed the gossip queen.
"Ah, I've returned...That Scriptureman won't know what hit him!" she said
Meanwhile, the Scriptureman's supercar picked up a unidentifable object outside of Burbank.
"What's this? it's an unidentified object, outside of Burbank!" said Scriptureman
"It's a plane!" Said Yakko
"It's a bird!" said Dot
"It's a big chicken, I tell ya! A big chicken!" Said Wakko
"No...My sensors sense that it's...really angry and really ugly."
"Well, if we have to fight Taylor Swift on her period, i'm out." Said Yakko
"No, no! it's not her! it's...Oh no!" said the Scriptureman
"What? who is it?" asked Yakko
"Please don't keep me in suspense! I'll have to potty!" said Wakko
"It's the gossip queen!" The Scriptureman had a dramatic look on his face.
"Nooooooo!" said the Warners in unison
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The Scriptureman stopped his car just outside of burbank, and noticed the pod on the ground.
"That must've been where she appeared." said Scriptureman
"Wakko, Dot! Look for droid parts, i'll look for tracks!" said Yakko
"It's not a droid, don't waste your time!" said Scriptureman
Just then, the gossip queen reappeared.
"Ha! Scriptureman! I've returned! And now you're about to lose!"
"Gossip queen, how did you get back here?" asked Scriptureman
"I used a 1-up...Now die, Scriptureman!" The gossip queen pulled out a plastic lightsword.
"You cannot kill me! Romans 12:21! I will defeat evil with good!" Scriptureman pulled out his own plastic sword while the Warners just stood there and watched.
The Scriptureman and the gossip queen continued to fight. Eventually, the gossip queen pulled out a new weapon of hers - a stun gun! She fired it and hit the Scriptureman, disabiling him from fighting!
"Ahh! I've got you now, scripture-dweeb!" The gossip queen then pulled out a long rope and began tying up the Scriptureman while the Warners watched.
"You...You won't get away with this, Gossip queen! I've read the bible, your side always loses!" Said the Scriptureman
"Oh but I have won, Scripture-dork!" Said the gossip queen, turning over to the Warners.
"Now, you. You 3 will serve me!" Said Gossip queen
Instantaneously, Dot showed up dressed as a waitress.
"Ok, can I take your order?" asked Dot
"No, no, no! Not like that! You will spread the word for me!" The gossip queen screeched
"Ok!" Yakko pulled out a stack of bibles.
"No! Not that word!"
"Hey, next time you should be more specific." Said Yakko
"Put those bibles down!" Said Gossip queen
"We don't need to. They're not sick." Said Wakko
"Just stop, ok! Here's what I want you to do!" The gossip queen pulled out a list.
Yakko snatched the list.
"Ahh, this list is no fun!" Said Yakko
"What does it say?" asked Dot
"Eggs, butter, cream, Tampons, Buttermilk." Yakko read the list
"Speeeewww!" Said Wakko and Dot simultaneously.
"Hey, give me that!" The gossip queen snatched the list back "I have to stop by the grocery store on the way home. Here's the list!"
The Warners took another list.
"Spread gossip about people to ruin lives..." Yakko read the list
"Yes! Yes! And stop people from Praying to Jesus!" The gossip queen continued
"Why? I like Jesus." said Yakko
"I don't! I hate Jesus!" Said Gossip queen
"But Jesus loves you." Said Wakko
"And he loves me!" Said Dot
"Hey! That gives me an idea!" Said Yakko
"No! No ideas!" Screamed the gossip queen
"Lets all sing for our new special friend!" Said Yakko
The Warners all stood together and sang.
Oh Jesus loves me, this I know
for the bible tells me so
little ones to him belong
they are weak but he is strong
"STOP SINGING!" Screamed the Gossip queen
"You seem a little angry. Let's pray for our new special friend." Said Dot
"No! Stop praying! I don't like praying!" Screamed the gossip queen
"Dear Jesus, Please make the Gossip queen less angry." Said Yakko
"Stop it!" Screamed the Gossip Queen
"...and remember that we LOOOOOOVE her!" Said Wakko
"Amen!" The Warners all said in unison
"No! I hate that word! Just as much as I hate my acne problem!"
Then Wakko dug into his gag bag.
"What are you doing?" asked Gossip queen
"Found it!" Wakko pulled out a bottle of proactiv. "Here, this should clear it up. Maybe you'll feel better after using it." Said Wakko
"No! I hate proactiv!" Screamed the gossip queen.
"You hate everything. Ever tried loving something?" asked Yakko
"Yes! I love hate!" She screamed
Yakko turned to the readers "These trolls are everywhere."
"I am not a troll!"
"Ya could've fooled us." Replied Wakko, squirting Proactiv on the gossip queen's face.
"Ahh! you got some in my eye!" Yelled the gossip queen.
Then dot put on some gloves and began spreading the proactiv all over the gossip queen's face.
"Stop it!" she yelled, as dot stood on her shoulders.
"But your face needs this...just apply some every day and your acne problem will go away. Oooh, you look so cute with this on!" Said Dot
"I...AM...NOT...CUUUUUUUTTTTEEEE!" The gossip queen was ready to explode
The gossip queen then grabbed the Warners all by their tails.
"Say, does Cassandra Peterson know your Elvira hair is better than hers?" asked Yakko
"Stop already! I'm gonna make you cry!" she said
"Can't ya make us somethin' else? We had cry this morning for breakfast." Said Wakko
"No! You're going to cry!" The gossip queen was really mad
"Can't we go to Sochi? If we leave now, we might get to see the women's figure skating competition." Said Yakko
"Helllllloooo nurse!" Yakko and Wakko said in unison
"arghhhhh!" The Gossip queen was in a really bad mood by now.
"I know, they never stop talking about girls." Said Dot
"Shut up, all of you!" The gossip queen dropped the Warners on the ground. She then reached into her dress to pull out a new tool.
"Oooh, what else you got down there?" asked Yakko
The gossip queen then activated her tool, and became Super Sassy Gossip Queen 3, growing her hair to ridiculously long lengths.
"Ahhh! Now I am super-powerful!" The gossip queen flew back and stood in a bad pose. With the Scriptureman out of commission, it might have been bleak.
But then Dot stepped in front of her brothers.
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