"God, it smells awful." Effie let out a breath she had been holding sense we got to District Ten. We were leaving now just after the feats in me and Daniels honor.
"I swear I am going to be a thousand pounds heavier after this tour is done, that food was so delish." I plop myself down on a sofa extending my legs out before me. I undid the button of my pants. Effie's eyes grew big, she glanced to Daniel who was sitting across from me contemplating doing the same thing. "Relax, it's just one button." I took my ear piece out and placed it on the table next to me, Finn would grab it later and plug it into its charger for tomorrows use. I honestly didn't care because I had just spent three days side by side with Daniel and Finn watching cows have at it, and touching lady cow tits. We even witnessed a rancher stick his hand up a cows ass! I, personally, felt like my relationship with Daniel, Finn, and Marks as well, has progressed to a whole new level. "I need my stretchy pants." I whine.
"Blass packed you a pair of stretchy pants?" Daniel sounded jealous.
"No, but I really wish I had some right now." I say with a sigh sinking deeper into the sofa.
"Let's remember to ask Blass to grab us each a pair when we get to Nine." Daniel says standing. I nod my head in agreement. "Okay, this old man is going to bed. Good night all." He walks over and kisses my cheek, then doing the same to Effie, who giggles with delight. Marks follows after him, with a simple salute goodnight.
"I think I am going to do the same, good night you two. Don't stay up too late we have a big big day tomorrow. Good night." Finn and I said our goodnights to Effie as she left us. This was beginning to be my favorite time of the day, my brief alone time with Finn. During this time he isn't Captain Odai, just my friend Finn.
"Come on, I want to get out of these clothes and wash this make up off, then we can play a game of War."
"Cards..in the nude? Little, I am not sure I am comfortable…" He backed away from me shaking his head.
"Shut up, I didn't mean it like that." I slap his chest before making my way to my room. I showered changed while Finn shuffled cards on my bed, waiting.
"Yes, sir, we got them before they could attack…" I had just turned off the water from my shower. He was in my room talking to someone, when I didn't hear a response I assumed he was on the phone with someone. "No, sir, neither of them suspect a thing." I wrap the towel around myself, listening. "No one is talking yet but from what I can tell no, they don't know our exact itinerary." Finn paused. I dressed as he continued to talk about sending some people to district two to be interrogated. Deep down I had a feeling he was talking about people he had caught in Ten trying to harm me and Daniel, but I decided to ignore the conversation completely. I didn't want the stress of worrying about what had happened. "Yes, sir, thank you sir, good night." I hear the beep of him ending the call. I breathe in and out before opening the bathroom door.
"Ready to surrender you army, Captain?" I bounce onto the bed.
"Not without a fight" He says dealing the cards. He knows I am going to win, I always win, but it's cute he tries so hard. "Are you going to talk to your parents tonight?" He asks after dealing the cards.
"No, I called them last night and I am too tired to reassure my mother I am okay." He nods laying down a card. "Tell me a secret, Finn." I have no idea why that just came out of my mouth.
"A secret?" he sounds surprised by my question. "what kind of secret?"
"The kind that nobody else knows."
"Isn't that what a secret is, something nobody else knows." He chuckles.
"Exactly!"
"Let me think about a good one…" We continued to play in silence, while I grew impatient.
"I was twenty before I lost my virginity." He says it fast and with a cough at the end.
Dead silence.
"No. Fucking. Way." I can't help but laugh till I cry.
"Stop you are embarrassing me." He lightly shoves me, but I was already laying on my side laughing. "Now, you have to tell me a sacret." He pouts.
"Fine" I wipe away the tears. "side note, I don't think waiting till you are older to lose your virginity is a bad thing. It just caught me off guard, I am sorry I laughed at you."
"Forgiven and how so?" He asks, I can see he is trying to peek at my cards.
"I mean, your you! Captain Finnick Odair Jr! I've seen the women around the districts swoon as you walk by. You are so desirable!" I suddenly had diarrhea of the mouth. "I mean look at you! Schmexy, mysterious.."
"Wait schmexy? What the hell is schmexy?" Now he was the one laughing.
"SEXY! Okay!" I blush.
"You think I am sexy?" I roll my eyes at his smolder.
"Can we get back to the game?"
"No, first tell me a secret, no" He changes his mind. "Sense I told you when I lost mine, you have to tell me when you lost yours."
"What! NO!"
"Yep, fess up butter cup. It's only fair." That sounded strange coming from his mouth.
"Okay, sense it's only fair." I grabbed a pillow and wrapped myself around it. "I was seventeen." I didn't meet his eyes.
"Seventeen!" He exclaimed in disbelief. "No. Fucking. Way." He mocked me. "Had the guys balls even dropped yet? I mean…"
"Finn! I'd have you know his balls were very much dropped. You'd have been impressed." I swear he blushes.
"God, this conversation got really weird really fast." Finn rubs the back of his neck while I laugh. "So are you still with this guy?"
"Huh?"
"The guy you had your first time with, are you still with him?" The question made me pause, I thought about Robby.
"No, it ended not after too long." I tried to smile, but I think he saw right through me. He tilted his head in question. "His name was Robby, we were close in grade school, before I was pulled out, then we lost touch. One day when I just seventeen, he walked into my dad's bakery. I barely recognized him, he was tall and thin, and oh so handsome. He started coming by several times a week, sometimes just to talk to me. One day, close to closing, he came into the back where I was cleaning up. He seemed real nervous and I asked him if he was okay, and then he kissed me." I remembered that moment like it was yesterday, my first kiss, with my first love. "My parents weren't keen on me dating, so we had to sneak around. After about two months of sneaking around we agreed to meet in the woods by a pond my mother loved to visit anytime she needed to clear her head. After, my parents went to bed I snuck out of the house through my window. I had pre-packed a backpack with some food, blankets, and some candles. It was the most magical night of my life." I say with a sigh. "We carried on our relationship till a little after Robby turned eighteen. He took a job at working with the electrical company. He was out replacing an old cable that had come loose on the power line, his partner was suppose to make sure the line had been re-routed, but he was slightly drunk." Finn reached over and wiped a tear I hadn't even realized O had cried. "I heard later that he died almost instantly, which I guess is suppose to be comforting."
"I'm sorry, at least it was with someone you loved." He offered a sad smile. "I got drunk after being promoted to the Capitol Guard and ended up sleeping with some poor bar maid." I laughed lightly.
"First times are overrated anyways" I say with shrug.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, everyone talks about it like it's this life altering experience, or life defining, but what's so great about painful penetration and awkward caresses? It wasn't the first time with Robby that was life altering and defining, it was the every time after that. The first time was just sex fueled by pure lust, but after that it was always so much more than that." I cut myself off because I realized I had diarrhea of the mouth again. Finn was looking at me funny.
"Maybe you're right, but I've never really experience sex to be more than sex." He swung his legs off the bed. "Let's finish this game tomorrow, I'm beat." He stands stretching his hands above his head. I stood with him.
"Good night, Finn." I don't know why I did it, more likely because I really needed a hug after opening up about Robby like that, but I wrapped my arms around him and was rewarded with an embrace in return.
"Good night." He said, soft like a whisper. He didn't let me go for a moment, and at first I was concerned that maybe he didn't let go because he was waiting for me to let go, but then I thought if he is not letting go till I do, does that mean he is enjoying this embrace?
Eventually, I broke the embrace and Finn went to his room via the door that joins our room. I laid in bed for an hour crying, remembering Robby and his gentle touches. I missed his voice, his touch, his smell, the way he smiled when he caught me watching him. He was an old soul, he hated confrontation, and loved sitting in silence just holding my hand. The hardest part of it all was I couldn't mourn his death as a lover in public. All anyone knew was that we were old friends. Milly was the only one that new, well now besides Finn. I think Darren suspected something was going on, but he never brought it up.
After I dried my tears, I laid in bed for another hour before breaking down and grabbing my sleeping pills. I'd have a hard time waking up in the morning but I needed some kind of sleep. I expected a dream about Robby, or maybe one about my Aunt Prim, but instead I dreamed about a bronze headed boy with green eyes who saved my life.