Twisted World:
Chapter 11 - Revelation
The next morning, knowing Akatsuki would likely need food after her excessive drinking, Sesshomaru ordered breakfast while she slept. He had told them to bring it up just before 11 am. Which meant Akatsuki would have to awaken soon, if she wished to eat hot food.
For the first time since he had been here, Sesshomaru had to admit for once the nights had been defined. He was certain that was because he had found and was now with his lady. Of course, he could not say he had slept any more than he had slept since he had been here, but that mattered not, sleep had never been a requirement for him. He enjoyed holding her in his arms as he lay beside her. He could finally say his life felt complete. Now, he could definitely say he would not object to remaining in this world if that were to be his fate.
The knowledge that his lady lay unclothed beneath the bed coverings was both intriguing and stimulating. But Sesshomaru knew he would do nothing about that as she shifted, causing numerous strands of hair to fall across her face and he gently brushed them away. She was already in enough pain from the potential loss of her sister.
He sat with his arms around her, watching as he allowed himself to become lost in thought. With the rain having ceased hours ago, Sesshomaru had opened the windows early, showered, taking full advantage of the complimentary hotel supplies then dressed as the birds twittered outside their window. Though the torrential flooding had ended, it was not a sunny day; a darkness still hovered over the morning skies. But Sesshomaru was certain they would be able to make it home; though he wondered if he truly wished his time with Akatsuki to end yet. They had mated, but not truly. Humans did not simply mate, they married and from his understanding that would take some planning. But he had no problems renewing his vows to her; his only hope was that she would feel the same.
Sesshomaru reclined on the bed beside her as he draped her head across his chest and wrapped his arms around her shoulder once again. She was his Akatsuki, he truly believed that now. Last evening, the pain in her eyes spoke of his Akatsuki's pain, the pain he had always seen when she cried. Yes, she was softer than his mate had ever been, and she had not his mate's fire power; but he had not his own power. It was the cursed magic of this twisted world, but still they were the same nonetheless.
Now, he lay beside her with her cradled in his arms as he had done for the past several hours. His thumb moving and stroking her naked shoulder almost thoughtfully. And there were so many thoughts pervading his head.
But still, he could not help but think he was missing something. Though he understood it not, this world seemed too real to be the result of mere magic. What would be Balthazar's plan for placing him here? Why would he surround him with those he loved if his intent was to destroy him? Had he not been a powerful daiyoukai in his previous life, he was certain he would have fallen apart by now. By having his brother, Rin, Jaken and Akatsuki near; helped him remain strong.
Sesshomaru watched as Akatsuki slept quietly in his arms. As he ran his fingers through her hair and trailed them slowly along her warm, silky skin, he could not help but consider the cruelty of this world. He knew that though she slept peacefully it was merely a false peace. Her heart would re-experience its pain the moment she opened her eyes.
He'd had much time to think since Akatsuki had retired for the night. But he had not spent as much time thinking about this Balthazar as he had spent thinking of her sister; his entire life in fact. He was certain Naraku would have knowledge to take care of Balthazar once he told him what he wished. But her sister, Akatsuki had said no one could help. And he knew that even he could not help. He did not understand this world. But Akatsuki and his brother seemed to know it and accept it. Would he in time do the same? He did not even understand this pancreatic cancer she spoke about. In his world, he was a powerful daiyoukai. Akatsuki had great power in her own rights. But now, they were both human and subject to human frailties. Youkai did not die of diseases and sicknesses. They died in battle.
For nearly 500 years, he had depended on his power alone and he had never failed. But he could not help but realize the more people he had in his life the greater his chances of failure. First, there was Rin, whom he did not protect and could not revive. Then, his brother who had died during that battle with Edera, but Akatsuki had revived him. Then, there was Akatsuki herself. His foolish determination at maintaining his independence had allowed her to be taken. She had asked him to take on her father's guards, but he had not.
Did this mean things in this world were fated to end the same? His lady had lost her sister before she came into his life. As lord of the lands, it was his responsibility to protect her there. But now, he was here only to prove himself as thoroughly useless. For the first time in all his years, there was nothing he could do. His lady needed him and he believed he found more pleasure in her arms than she had found in his.
In their true world, he could have helped her. But then, with her healing ability, she would not have required his help. When she had truly needed him to protect her sister, 25 years… no, that was over 625 years ago now. But it mattered not, because he had not helped her there, and he could not help her now. He had nothing, no power, no Tenseiga, no meidou seki, no magic. Her sister would die here, as she had died in their true lives. But he did not want that. He could not allow his lady to suffer through such pain again. But what could he do?
But what of Akatsuki; could her magic not save her sister? It was her clan who had created the meidou seki, after all. Had she lost not only her memories, but her magic as well, the same as he had lost his transformation abilities? He had never even considered that. He had hoped in finding someone from her clan that they could help him find his way back. He had simply assumed that he was the only one affected. He had thought only of himself. But he had done that because of his desire to return to her. Never had he thought he would truly find her here and be able to hold her in his arms again.
Sesshomaru watched as the human Akatsuki began to stir gently, her lashes fluttering softy as she awakened and opened her eyes.
"Sesshomaru-sama, you're awake," she said looking at him with eyes that said she did not expect to see him and that pained him greatly. "How long?" she asked with a quick peak beneath the bedding.
"Just Sesshomaru, " he said moving back toward the window chair, knowing that the honorific was clearly no longer a requirement after the intimacy they had shared. "A few hours, I do not sleep much," he responded. "I thought you might be hungry, so I ordered breakfast. It could be here in half an hour, if you wish to eat."
"Ahh, oh, thank you," Akatsuki said, pulling one of the sheets and gathering it above her breast as she reached for her dress and the undergarments he had draped across the chair arm earlier that morning. "What time is it?" she asked, swinging her legs and the bedding across the side, but looking slightly ill as she slapped her palm across her mouth before stepping awkwardly across the hems as she lifted then dragged it behind her, making her way into the on-suite ofuro.
"A little after 10 I believe."
"After 10," she mumbled raising her fingers to her forehead. "Well, I'm glad that typhoon has passed," she said looking through the opened window before turning.
"Are you unwell," he asked observing the unsteadiness in her eyes. "Do you have an appointment?"
"No, but I drank too much last night," she said embarrassed. "Please forgive my acts of aggression."
"Do not concern yourself. You were upset, but I hope I did not injure you."
"Inju…" she stopped, seemingly recalling what they had done. "No…, no you did not. Upset," she repeated with an awkward laugh as she seemed to reflect on that. "Yes, I was," she said as she moved toward the ofuro with barely a smile.
"Akatsuki," Sesshomaru called after her. "I did not say this, but I am sorry about your sister. If ever I can do anything, I will."
She turned and studied him oddly.
"But I must ask do you regret what we did?"
"Regret….," she turned to divert her eyes as she contemplated that. "I… I… I don't know," she practically gushed out. "But right now, I wish to shower," she said closing her eyes as she turned then continued toward the private ofuro.
She hated him, Sesshomaru was certain. He knew he should have been the one to hold back. His lady was in pain and he had completely disregarded that. He had thought she needed him, but he had taken her because he wanted her. Now, he had likely damaged her in a manner that she could likely never forgive. He should never have possessed her the way he did. He knew she was hurting and he had taken advantage of her pain to be with her. He had to tell her that they belonged together. He had to tell her that she was his mate and that he loved her. But he knew not why she remembered nothing of their previous life. He knew not why no one except him remembered.
Come on Sesshomaru, do you hear what you're saying? None of that can possibly be real. You gotta know that. You need to stop thinking of youkai altogether, unless you want to be locked up.
But Akatsuki would not do that, would she?
Promise that you will not lock me away. Promise that you will take my life, rather than lock me away as they did my first generation mother.
No, Akatsuki would not do that.
I would advise you not to repeat this to anyone outside. They'll just think you're some kind of nut and have you locked up or something.
His brother's words would not leave his thoughts.
I too, consider myself an honorable youkai, which in part means I do not generally lie, among other things. But I am fully aware that not revealing the full truth is essentially the same as telling a lie.
But Akatsuki's words screamed louder. That is what she had said before she told him about the Suzaku clan curse. But then, she did not believe he was a youkai who would ever unleash his heart to anyone. He had always followed the honor of a youkai warrior. Well, if he were to remain in this life he would be an honorable human as well. But he knew now, honor was not simply about protection, it was about truly being there for them when they required you. There were subtleties of it that he had not understood. He would be there for this Akatsuki, he would tell her who he was, what she meant to him and prove to her that he would always love her.
For the briefest of moments, he wondered if he would spoil their reality by speaking the truth to her. But truly, what was their reality other than that he loved her. He no longer required battles to complete him, as long as he had those he loved at his side.
Occupying himself as she washed, Sesshomaru picked up the phone and pressed the button for the hotel kitchen. He instructed them to have their food sent up within the next 30 minutes.
"Akatsuki, there is something I wanted to speak about," Sesshomaru said calling through the ofuro door above the sound of running water, as he returned the phone to its cradle.
"What did you say?" Akatsuki yelled back.
"Do you remember when you asked me…"
"I cannot hear you."
He raised his voice as he approached closer. "I said do your recall when you asked me…"
"I still cannot hear you. Open the door," she said.
"What?"
"Open the door, so that I can hear," she called out to him.
Sliding the shoji screen door ajar, Sesshomaru smiled as he saw her in a tub full of bubbles. This ofuro was more of a European style with a large soaking tub, not a typical Japanese design. But she looked so inviting with the water glistening off her skin and the bubbles sliding down her chest. His brother had said it in both lives, now he had to agree. "You truly are beautiful, do you know that?" He said unabashedly though he knew not why he felt the need to once more proclaim such a thing; but acknowledging that perhaps there was value in saying such things to a female who meant so much to him, whether she be human or youkai.
An alluring glimmer flashed through her eyes. "We have already shared a bed, would it matter if you now saw me bathe?" she smiled at him.
He stared at her for what he knew was quite some time. "I will give you your privacy and sit on the side," he said. "But there is something I wanted to tell you," he moved to the side wall and took a seat on the floor.
"Do you remember the first time we went to dinner and I asked you about the world of demons in that poster on the restaurant wall?" He knew he had to tell her everything, hoping it would spur her memories or at least that she would reveal that she shared his.
"You mean when you asked me if I believed they ever existed?"
"Yes."
"May Iask you a question, Sesshomaru?"
"Anything you wish."
"First, I will say I have never met anyone like you. Why are you so obsessed with youkai and demons? If they ever truly existed, they have likely not for hundreds if not thousands of years. Why are you so persistent about them?"
"You would be surprised," he muttered softly.
"What?"
"That matters not," he said lifting his voice slightly. "About what I wanted to speak to you about, I will first say I would like you to keep an open mind."
"An open mind?"
"Yes, I require you to hear what I say, although I am certain you may not believe me because my brother did not, and I believe he is still having difficulty; but in truth I am uncertain about this myself."
"Uncertain about what? Have you told him you are a serial killer or something?"
"Not exactly," Sesshomaru smiled, laying the back of his head against the wall. "But in some ways, it may depend on how you look at it."
"How I look at it? How I look at what?"
Sesshomaru evaluated where he should begin his revelation. "The first time we went to dinner, you asked me why I had set my sights on your company. Do you remember what I said?"
"I believe you said you did not remember your original thoughts but of course being the powerful Sesshomaru Taisho, you wanted the best," she said with an awkward laugh above the resounding sound of splashing water.
"Yes, but it was more than that," Sesshomaru angled his head toward the open door.
"More than what?"
"It is not just that I do not remember why I did that. It is more that I do not remember anything from this world."
"This world? I don't understand," she responded.
"Akatsuki," Sesshomaru began uncertainly; his brother's warnings bombarding his head.
I would advise you not to repeat this to anyone outside. They'll just think you're some kind of nut and have you locked up or something.
But surely that did not include his lady, would it? "I am not truly from this world and neither are you."
Having heard her movements against the water cease, Sesshomaru waited but she did not respond.
"Akatsuki, I know what I will say will make no sense to you. It makes none to me, but neither does this world we live in now," Sesshomaru said with the hope that she would not simply wish to depart when he was done.
"A world I wanted nothing from, except to escape. A world I could not accept until I saw you in it; because I love you and I will always love you," he paused, reflecting on what his life had been for so long before she came into it. "But love is a funny thing. It is not about brains. I realized that when I first learned to love you. Love has nothing to do with your thoughts," he said acknowledging silently that he had never thought he would ever succumb to the need for love. "It is all about your heart, your soul, your blood. The way it churns unbelievably for another." He said as he clenched his fists. "The way it burns inside of you. The way it drives you insane until you have what you so desire. It will tear you apart until you acknowledge it."
"Sesshomaru…?" she began sounding puzzled.
"Akatsuki, would it surprise you if I told the world we come from was filled with magic that I did not like," he proceeded with his words. "But I at least understood it. This world is filled with magic I know nothing about," he confessed. "We use blow dryers, remote controls and microwaves among other things. I am told they are supposed to make our lives more convenient, but all they had done, is complicate mine." Sesshomaru recalled how it had literally taken weeks to become familiar with the items in his own home.
"Then, to make matters worse, people speak words I know nothing of. They say things like cell phone, iphone, ipod, ipad, pc and laptops. I know not if I should download an mp3, rpg, a megabyte or a gigabyte," he knew by now, she must think he was crazy, but he was relieved to be able to reveal the truth to her at last. "People speak languages they call text, and move about in automobiles and airplanes. I must rely on what I am told by my servant Jaken or my brother. Things I have never before been required to do. I know not how we came here, but I seem to be the only one who remembers where we belong."
"So what are you saying?" Akatsuki called out. "Are you some kind of alien? Did you come from another planet?"
"No, as far as I know, this is earth. I am from earth, but not from this time."
"Sesshomaru," Akatsuki began. "Why are you telling me this?"
His head and shoulders slumped in disappointment. "Because I hoped in telling you, that you would remember."
"Remember. Remember what?"
"That you are my mate and we do not belong in this world."
She remained silent for the longest time. Sesshomaru knew not what to think as even the splashing of the water ceased.
"Akatsuki, you are not human and neither am I," he persisted in an attempt to clarify. "We are youkai and do not belong here."
Still, she did not respond as he heard a gentle rap on the door. "I believe food is here," he said rising, then sliding the ofuro's shoji screen door closed, as he proceeded to the front door to greet the waiter who placed two covered plates on the small dining set.
"Akatsuki," Sesshomaru called a few minutes later, having knocked before sliding the shoji screen door opened once again. "Our breakfast is here, if you wish to eat."
"Thank you," she said, not looking at him. "I shall be there shortly."
"Akatsuki," Sesshomaru began again as he took his seat on the floor. "Over these past weeks or months, I know not how long it has been, I have tried to reason out my existence in this world. There is magic affecting us that I neither know nor understand. I know only that we are youkai, or we used to be."
"I know not why I am the only one who remembers and you do not. But I know that you were my mate, a Suzaku youkai sorceress. My brother had always been a youkai hanyou. But everyone I knew has changed. I have rationalized that the only difference between you and me is that I was an obake warrior youkai and you were not. I was capable of transformation, but your clan no longer possessed that ability."
"An obake, a shape shifter? You mean like Oberon's children?"
"Oberon's children?"
"You know Shakespeare, the English playwright who wrote of such mystical creatures in 'A Midsummer Night's Dream'."
"No, I know him not. But this is no fantasy. This is real. This is also our lives now. I believe because I was an obake and no one else was that is why I remember these things and you do not. I believe that is also why my hair color has remained the same and yours has not."
"My hair?"
"Yes, our hair was essentially the same color. As a youkai, your hair was as silver as mine. As a hanyou, even my brother's hair was as silver as mine."
"But what makes you think I was this youkai? I have heard that everyone on the planet has a twin somewhere. Perhaps you have the wrong one."
"I do not. Everything about you is the same, your name, your face, your eyes and your body," he paused, remembering how even her skin had felt the same beneath his touch, though clearly more fragile.
"You said I was a youkai."
"Yes, you were my mate; a life, fire and water sorceress," Sesshomaru said noticing her movements in the water seemed to have ceased with his words. "In the world we lived, you carried my child; an obake whom I understand would be the first male life sorcerer."
"Your mate? But how is that possible? Until last night, I had never… Besides, she was a youkai, was she not?"
"You were a youkai. You are her." Sesshomaru insisted. "I know not what has transpired to effect such life changes, but you are her."
"And you are convinced of that?"
"Akatsuki, I could not be convinced of anything more. You are my mate, I have believed that from the first day I saw you here, despite the differences of your hair color," Sesshomaru curled his fists a little tighter. "But I believe the magic surrounding us, is incidental. Your name is the same; your coloring is also the same. I grew more convinced yesterday when you spoke about your network and things being connected. As my mate, you had often spoken about such things. That is why I believe we are all the same. You have said the past, present, future and people were all connected. You have said everything is connected, though they all reside in their own space. I could also say as we mated last night there were many similarities in how you responded to me; even to the fire in your body. That could not be if you were not my mate."
"So you believe it is because of magic that we are here as a human now?" Akatsuki asked as she stepped out of the ofuro fully clothed, a look of uncertainty in her eyes.
Sesshomaru was equally certain she knew not what to think of what he had said as he recounted the details of the events that led him to the demon lands, even going so far as to mention Ōji Akimaru's involvement in the entire escapade as they seated themselves at the dining table in front of their breakfast plates and began to eat. It was a typical breakfast of steamed rice, miso soup, with side dishes of grilled fish, tamagoyaki and tsukemono pickles.
"I must say that was enlightening," Akatsuki said finishing up her grilled fish. "I know nothing of the world you believe you came from; but let me tell you, in this world a woman does not enjoy being told that she reminds you of some lost love. Especially not mere hours after we…, after we…" she could not continue.
"Akatsuki, do not do this. I understand my brother's reaction, but I cannot have you believing that I have lost my mind. I have not."
"Well what do you want me to do?"
"I need you to remember. You are a powerful sorceress. I was hoping that you still possessed your magic and could correct this."
"Correct this? But I am not her, Sesshomaru and I never will be.
"But Akatsuki, you are her. In my heart I know you are. You have her name, her eyes, her face, her body, her heart. If you had her hair coloring there would be no other difference. You just have to remember who you are."
"But Sesshomaru, how can you be certain that what you remember is real," she asked distractedly. Her head was clearly filled with unspoken thoughts. "Perhaps someone implanted those memories. Have you been to a hospital recently? That at least would sound more believable."
"No, I am a daiyoukai, or at least I used to be. And that means I have excellent memory. I recall every detail from my true life since I was a little pup. No one could possibly put such memories in my head."
"Are you sure about that? Yet you believe someone had enough power to turn every other youkai to human and erase their memories, but he could not erase yours. But even if that were true, why do I have memories of my life from so long ago? Why do I not simply have memories from the time these changes occurred?"
"I know not, but then, I know so little about magic, but I do know it is more powerful than I had ever thought."
"Well for one thing, that type of magic is not real in this world, and how do you know your mate didn't do this to you? Perhaps she believed you needed to feel her pain. Perhaps…"
"You would not do that," Sesshomaru said shaking his head, but remembering his brother had asked him the same thing. "I did not need to be human to feel pain in my heart. I am a youkai. Once we have opened our hearts to love, there is no pain a human can feel that a youkai would not feel with even greater intensity." But he had to admit, even if only to himself, that being human had made him more reliant.
"But you say you loved her, yet you left her behind? Why?" Akatsuki wanted to know, studying him disbelievingly. "You say you are a youkai, but you are just like any other human male," she said scathingly.
Sesshomaru's eyes widened.
"You said your mate was a powerful sorceress, did you not? And your brother was a powerful hanyou as well, but you thought so little of their abilities that you left them?"
Is that why they were not together in this life? Because he had left her behind? "No, that is not true. I have great respect for your abilities. I love you both. I left you only because I wanted to protect you both."
"Did you really? If your mate is truly anything like me as you say, I would not think so. Perhaps she did not either. And do you really think having her endure your death was protecting her? From what?"
Sesshomaru did not answer that, he could not. He remembered after he had killed Balthazar, his thoughts as he was falling was that he would want nothing more than to do things over. It was not until that very minute that he had realized how much they needed him and how much he truly wished to be there for them. But by then, he had been too late; he knew that like his chichi-ue, he would die and never see his son. He had also known that he would not be there to protect them and now, he was here and still he could not.
"You say you are a 500 year old youkai. Are you also saying that in 500 years, you have not learned the value of respect? Clearly you have not," Akatsuki said, supplying her own answer. "Otherwise you would never have left them. I believe they care more for you than you are willing to care for them."
"That is not true," Sesshomaru protested again. "I love you."
"Do you? Are saying you do not believe I am me?" Akatsuki asked, having clearly caught his continued reference to her as his mate, but unwilling to accept it. "That I am not real; that this world is not real?"
"I know not why you, my brother or anyone else in this life has no memories of our true lives, but I know who you are," Sesshomaru insisted, though her continued denials were causing him to doubt. "I know nothing of magic so I cannot begin to fathom what has caused these transformations, I know only that you are my mate and I love you."
"Sesshomaru, you don't even know me."
"I know all I need to know. I know if I met you in any world, I would still love you. I know now that we will always find each other; no matter what world we live in. As a life sorceress, you had always told me that the world was changing and that turning left or right meant only that we would experience different adventures. It did not mean we could not reach the same ultimate destination. And I believe that now," he said, wanting her to know that he had listened to and truly respected her wisdom. "From the moment I opened my eyes in this world, I believed I would find you. That is why we have found each other again. You mean everything to me Akatsuki, I would die for you."
She appeared stunned to hear such words come from his lips, and he could not help but wonder if she had never believed in his love for her.
"You said you believed I was your mate because I looked like her, except for our hair color."
"In truth, I believe I said you are my mate."
"Is that because you want me to be her?"
"No, that is because I know you are her."
"You know?" she blinked her disbelief. "Tell me, you said your mate was a powerful sorceress, so why did you leave her behind when you were going to face a demon that possessed such powerful magic?"
"Despite some basic training I provided, you were not a warrior and I wished to keep you safe from that."
"Not a warrior. Does that mean you thought she would be deficient despite claiming her as your lifetime mate. That is not how things should e done, Sesshomaru."
"I never thought of you as deficient," he countered in his defense. "I wanted only to protect you."
"Sesshomaru, you say a youkai can feel with more intensity, do you remember I told you that children adore their fathers? Did you not think what would happen to your child, the first male life sorcerer, without his father's guidance?"
"Akatsuki, I thought only of protecting you and keeping you safe."
"Protecting me? And so I should simply forgive you after your acts have likely cast us into a world unknown where everything is different despite the fact that I know you not and I am likely not her?"
"Akatsuki, you are her. I know your nature as well as I always have and you are her."
Akatsuki inhaled deeply. "You said no matter which world we lived in, are you certain that is not what happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"You say you had opened a path to the netherworld, perhaps you inadvertently opened one to this world."
"No, this is a result of Balthazar's magic. He has transformed us somehow and I would know if I entered another world."
"But you said you went down, so would you?" she asked, apparently getting lost in deeper thought as she focused on her plate. "I try never to discount the possibilities of anything because as Shakespeare said, there are more things in heaven and earth and I have personally experienced..." her words trailed off. "But may I ask you, have you ever heard of Einstein?"
"Einstein?"
"Yes, a German physicist who died in the 1950's, I believe."
"No, I have not."
"Well first let me tell you that I do believe you. Not specifically for anything you have said, but because of the passion with which you have said it. I know not what happened to you, but some parts of me does believe something has," she said with such compassion that Sesshomaru knew she did not agree that they belonged together, though she likely knew not what had happened.
"But I suppose that is because of things I've heard over the years. I believe it is truly possible. Anyway, that physicist Einstein developed what he called a theory of relativity. Do not look to me for answers about it, because I have none. But I believe there is a common belief among physicist today, that there are parallel universes. If I recall correctly it is based on theories of Einstein and his theories have been postulated into something they now call string theory."
"String theory?"
"As I said, I truly know very little about it, I graduated with honors, but I was not the best physics student in my class. I do recall, however that what I heard fascinated me, even if I did not totally believe it. But I do remember thinking they were referring to events that occurred in distant space, not right here on earth."
"What is this theory?"
"As far as I know, I believe they claim there are parallel universes, many in fact; as well as 11 different dimensions. I believe they claim that every universe is slightly different from each other. From what you have told me, it sounds like perhaps that is the reason you see differences from the world you know," she said thoughtfully. "In your world, you say you were youkai, but now you are human. You say I had silver hair like yours, but now it is brown…"
"So you are saying I am from a different universe."
"Sesshomaru, I don't really know. As I said, it is just something I've heard over the years. Whether it's even possible to enter one, it's completely unknown to me. But perhaps if you did come from a world of magic, it is not all that impossible. Some people here actually believe that when we die, our spirits transcend these universes."
Sesshomaru considered that. From that first day, he had thought he had been in a different world, but his thoughts had gotten so convoluted when he saw so many from the world he knew. And when he had seen Akatsuki, he had wanted nothing else than to be with her.
"Wherever you came from, I hope you can find your way back. Oh, wait," she halted her exploration as she looked at him steadily. "Did you tell me this because it means you will be unable to help me stop Balthazar from taking my company since you do not belong in this world? Although, I suppose once you do, it would be your company."
"Akatsuki, do not concern yourself about that. I will call Naraku as soon as I return home. I will instruct him to develop a strategy," even in his true world, Naraku had been a devious, yet clever hanyou. "It will be taken care of," he said assuredly.
Akatsuki took a deep breath as she seemed to become lost in thought. "Sesshomaru I truly hope you find her again. I can tell that you love her very much. I am certain she is a powerful and charming youkai," she said pushing back on her za isu. "After last night, I cannot say I do not wish to be her for you, but I am not and I never will be. I cannot serve as a replacement."
"Akatsuki, you are no replacement."
"No? Whenever you look at me, you will forever see a youkai you have lost. I understand now, even when you made love to me, it was not me you were making love to, it was her. But I will not be your pity. I know not what has happened to you, but I do feel you believe what you say. But I also know when a man confesses that he has a wife that is not a relationship that I wish to be involved in."
"Akatsuki, it is not like that at all. I am youkai, yet I do not appear to be so now. I do not see you as a youkai, I see you as you. As my mate, you have always told me that the world was changing and that the strong protect the weak. In this world, I have come to realize that human or youkai, you are still the same, we all are. I love you as much as a human as I did when you were a youkai."
"There is a saying I heard a long time ago 'sometimes the shadows of the past can be felt by the present'. What I never realized is that past could incorporate itself into the present such as it has in your case."
She stared at him as she began to move toward the door, stopping only momentarily to apparently refocus her thoughts. "I must say I know not what to make of this, you confuse me."
"How so?"
"I am uncertain because I know so little about youkai, but I would not have thought they would experience emotions the way a human does. But since you believe you think a youkai's thoughts, may I ask… those problems with your brother does that also mean you feel with a youkai's heart?"
"Does that mean you feel I am incapable of loving?" Sesshomaru asked, knowing he had left that aspect of his life behind after meeting her. But it had never been that he felt incapable, it was simply that he had never wished to love. Still, he faulted her not; there were aspects of a youkai's nature with which he had been unfamiliar.
You are youkai, why do you cry?
Sesshomaru smiled slightly to hear such words come from her lips. Akatsuki had been the only youkai he had ever known who so freely displayed her emotions; and he believed he loved her even more because of that. "In truth like I said, there are no emotions a human feels that a youkai is incapable of experiencing and perhaps even far more intensely. It is just that we often shoved them to the background in pursuit of what we believe is a higher priority." One contradictory fact he had noticed since being here though; as a human, those emotions seemed far more overwhelming and uncontrollable.
"Higher priority?"
"Conquest," he answered succinctly.
"But do you still hate humans?"
Sesshomaru did not speak as he considered that. "I do not truly know why I ever did. But if I have learned nothing else while being human, I now realize that a human has as much right to exist as a youkai. In my world, our main differences were in our power and ability to wield our strength and our magic. But I have seen more magic in this world than I had ever believed possible in mine. I realize now that humans lives can be far more difficult than I ever thought. And they have a far shorter life span in which to make any necessary adjustments. They need not my hatred to demean them. I know not how I got here, or how long I will be able to stay. At first, I thought I had died and this was my hell; to live among the humans I had always despised. To have the woman I loved be a human and desire me not. I may well have died, but I know not."
"I have heard there is a something one undergoes under such conditions that have been termed near death experiences where one's soul may actually leave their body and venture elsewhere. I may well be wrong, but I believe where the soul ventures is based on wrongs that must be righted. And thus yours may well have led you to a different dimension. A dimension where we are all human, but you alone remembered who you truly were so that you could retain what you had experienced. I believe you regretted putting yourself in a position where you were on the verge of losing everyone important to you. And this life you are living is a culmination of your efforts to cling to them all. I believe the people you see whom you knew were dead is your way of not accepting your own death."
"But I will say as long as I am here, I will be with you. You are my other half, and I cannot exist without you."
"You are mistaken Sesshomaru. I am not any part of you. You do not care for me, it is her that you love, it is her whom you wish to hold in your arms."
"No, Akatsuki it is you I wish, truly."
"Really?" she asked studying him skeptically. "Well if I were capable of performing the magic you say your mate is capable of, if I were to create a path through that door that lead back to her, would you stay here with me, or would you return to her?"
Sesshomaru did not respond; he knew not what to say. If there was any way he could return to his mate and his true life, he knew what he would do. It mattered not what he felt for this human female, despite the fact that he was certain they were one and the same.
"You need not answer that Sesshomaru, I know you what you would wish."
"Akatsuki, if you do not believe you are my mate, why did you give yourself to me?"
"Why?" she turned away briefly. "Because I don't want to…," she paused, closing her eyes.
Sesshomaru could see her struggles with the tears that began to pool in them.
"You asked if I had regrets," she said as she studied him with a pair of saddened blue eyes. "I have heard that a philosopher once wrote 'A heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of'!" She smiled slightly. "In essence I'm saying I don't really understand why either of us did what we did last night. To me, it is just that we were simply two damaged beings that passed each other in the night but stopped for a little comfort in each other's arms," she said moving closer toward him. "And I thank you for that," she said as she placed a gentle kiss on the side of his lips. It was a kiss with no trace of the passion she had bestowed upon him last night, just a simple little peck while his own lips yearned for more, then she turned and began to depart the suite, but paused just outside the door to return her shoes to her feet.
"As for regrets, in truth, I confess I have none. I hope you do not either. There are probably millions of things I could ask you out of curiosity, but truthfully I think it would be safer for me if I did not. I must leave while I have the strength to. But when you see your wife…, I mean your mate again, please ask my forgiveness; tell her I am sorry. Goodbye, Sesshomaru."
"Akatsuki," Sesshomaru called as he began to follow behind her, then stopped; the light previously in his eyes gradually fading. What would he say to her; that he cared for her; that he loved her? He had already done that, but did he really? Or did he simply believe he did because she was so much like his mate. But in truth, despite his hopes, he knew now that she was not. And for reasons beyond his understanding, he was certain he would never see her again.
Trapped in his own personal hell, Sesshomaru slumped down on the chaise as he tried to gather his thoughts. He had lost his mate and the life he knew; now, he had lost the one female in this world who could have been her. Was she correct in what she had said? Had magic somehow transported him to a different universe? If nothing else, it had indeed transported him to a different time.
A/N: Okay, so Sesshomaru has told Akatsuki-san that they used to be demons, but for some reason they have now changed. Surprisingly though, she seemed to believe some of what he said, but she did not believe she was ever a demon who had lost her memories. So, if not, then what's going on here?
And it seems that if she did possess magic as Sesshomaru claims, he would definitely go back to his true time. Is that because he doesn't love her, even though he says he does, or is it because he truly loves Lady Akatsuki and he now knows Akatsuki-san is not really her, or does he just want to get back to killing other youkai and possibly samurai? But then again, maybe it's a combination of all of it.
BTW: That shadows of the past thing Akatsuki spoke about was from an Avatar: The Last Airbender Episode: The Firebending Masters-when Zuko had lost his inner rage and could no longer firebend.
Note: Only 4 more chapters to go!
Chichi-ue - father
Daiyoukai - greater demon
Hanyou - half breed, half youkai, half human
Ofuro - bathroom
Tamagoyaki - (rolled omelet)
Youkai – demon