CHAPTER 12: Another Brick In The Wall
So you can't hold a star in your hand though
At least you can hold on to another plan
"Balls!" Bobby's gravelly voice shouted as his rough hand slammed the phone down. There was something tired and annoyed in his tone, his tolerance was wearing thin. Jessica groaned as her head fell down on the desk, her long dirty blonde locks covering her face. "We don't even got a snowballs chance here. All these damn omens are showing up late, those sons of bitches are always a step ahead." Conviction was frayed at best now, after months of investigating and researching all paths were desiccated. Even with the oldest and first demon on their side whoever had Jamie and whoever were breaking seals were nearly perfect at covering their tracks.
"What about Sam? Did you track him down?" Jess asked halfheartedly. She found herself barely enthused by the subject but still felt an obligation to ask.
"No. Every time I think I'm sniffing Sam's trail it turns out to be a dud." Bobby's rough hand closed up an apparently aged, rather large, book. His hand rested on the surface, feeling the rough texture of it.
"The boy can hide." Jess admitted listlessly, head still hidden underneath her air and folded arms.
"Jess, look… "Bobby sighed as his eyes fell on one of the women he considered to be his own. "I know you don't want to bring Dean and Haley into this but..."
"No but, Bobby. " Jessica uncovered her face and lifted her head up, eyes gently on Bobby. "They have got enough to deal with. It's been four months since Jamie disappeared and he's still missing. I can't even imagine what they must be going through." The words slipped sadly from her tongue. It pained her to even think of a child like that. One so lost, probably scared; the thoughts that must be accompanying both Dean and Haley nightly when the moon light shines on the Impala and they realize it's just the two of them, no one else in that car. No bouncing bundle of joy to lighten or bring clarity to any situation.
Bobby detected the sorrow, but they were at an impasse, and though he wouldn't admit it out loud, it was all too much weight on his shoulders. He needed someone to help him. "That's exactly why we should involve them in this. They could use the distraction. After my wife..." Bobby's words trailed off. The mention of Karen sparked an interest in Jessica. Bobby rarely ever spoke of her. Jess watched Bobby intently, but not overbearing, just enough so he knows he has her attention but not enough to make him shy away from the subject. "I buried myself so deep in this crap I forgot where the shovel was. But at the end of the day it helped, it took my mind off of it and helped me help others and brought some peace to me. They could use this to clear their heads. That's why we aren't getting anywhere. We are working ourselves into the ground and by doing so, just running around in circles. We all could use a break."
His wisdom shined like the sun on a summer day. He was a safety net to everyone that knows him. Having him around, even if he's not particularly involved in what's happening, always made everyone feel a little safer. Jessica never had a father figure, Bobby was hers. Though she didn't always agree with him, she did trust in his judgment, opinion, and experience. "Alright, I'll call Hales..." She sighed and flashed him a kind smile before leaving the room.
I can tell its winter from the
Size of the lump in my throat
Got a lump in my throat
"Where in the hell have you been!" Dean exploded with anger.
"Dean…" Haley's clam voice tried to reason with him to simmer down.
"No!" Dean snapped at Haley. Haley's eyes shut instantly, heart jumping. She wasn't expecting such a forceful retort. "I am getting sick and tired of being given the run around, now you're gonna tell me where the hell you were." His eyes narrowed as he approached the willowy man.
"It's not of import." Castiel's reply was stoic, expression still emotionless and movements stilled.
"Oh, it better damn well be of import for you not answering my calls. I've been screaming myself until I was blue in the face for the last four months, why the hell haven't you answered my calls?" Dean's chest bulged in and out with his quick and deep pants, eyes piercing Castiel and not letting up.
It was rare occasion when his expression changed and he allowed himself to feel the emotions of a human, but for Dean, he tried almost every time he was around him. He tried to force his face to become softer, to let Dean know that his decisions have been hard and not without regret. "Dean-"His raspy voice also tried to become tenderer.
"Don't 'Dean' me, you dick!" The fury flashing in his eyes and spitting fire through his words sadden Castiel inside. An angel didn't allow his or herself to succumb to human emotions but this planet, the vessels, the memories, the feelings were so much more powerful than even the angels anticipated. It made him feel guilty inside each time the look of disloyalty washed over Dean's face.
"Stop it, this is getting us nowhere." She didn't scream it like Dean did, but her tone was loud enough to grab their attention. Castiel gradually looked at Haley, when he did; their eyes locked and didn't let up. Dean felt the shock jolting through his entire body as he stared at his wife. Haley's eyes were snow white. This didn't faze Castiel in the slightest.
"You dare to show your true self in my presence?" He asked as his tone became sterner. He was actually impressed by her confidence.
"You won't lay a wing on me." Haley's lip curved into a grin, entire aura filled with certainty. This certainty threw Dean off and made him more intimidated by her than he was before; it was the fact that a demon, regardless of how powerful, wasn't afraid of an angel. It was an unprecedented occurrence. Dean's eyes darted between the two, mouth slightly opened. "Now look, I'm tired of chasing down zilches, we've been doing it for four months. Can you just help for once?" She was truly asking for his help.
"What makes you think I'd help you?" Dean couldn't help but wonder if that was meant for just Haley or the both of them, if he'd truly lost the angel who used to have his back.
"Do everyone a favor and get off your damn pedestal. This isn't about some Angel-Demon beef, this about my son! Picture this, an innocent little child, one your father's creations, so lost and unsafe in a heartless world. Are you honestly telling me you'd sign his death certificate just because his mother is a demon?" What she had asked him hit Castiel, hard. He took it to heart and really thought on it. Of course he wouldn't do such a thing. He had told Dean once before that these humans were works of art, his father's creations. He cared profoundly for humans.
"What you're asking…" His soft, but raspy voice started to say as his head lowered in shame. He'd been caught red-handed by a demon.
"Cas…" Dean started up. The sound of Dean's voice made Castiel raise his head up again and look gently as possible into Dean's eyes. He could see the longing for his son in Dean's eyes, which tore deeper than it ever should have. "Please." Dean practically begged, the word carrying on slowly.
Castiel begun to shake his head and he felt the grief and guilt pouring on him. "I'm sorry." It was genuine and heartfelt. Abruptly after his apology Castiel had vanished into thin air. The sound of wings could be heard flapping, that was it.
"Oh, you gotta be kidding me. COME ON!" Dean screamed, not angrily, but just upset. It was just a few weeks ago that Dean was picking Haley off the ground, now he was on it. Castiel was the last hope of a desperate man, but that well had run dry and he had nothing left now.
Haley's weeping eyes looked down as she felt the vibrating in her pocket. As she pulled out her cell phone she was surprised to see Jessica's number on it. Jessica had been shady and quiet as of late. She'd been like that since Sam, but Haley, nor Dean, knew about what occurred. All they knew was that Jessica was helping Bobby research."Jess?" Haley questioned as she held the phone to her ear. Dean's eyes curiously fell on Haley as he heard the mention of Jessica's name. His eyes narrowed as he caught her mood changing. "Yeah, of course, we're on our way." Haley replied just before hanging up the phone and sharing a look with Dean.
Rusted wheel planted still
The sludgy-brown snow was beginning to melt, and the temperature was rising. No doubt they were in for an early spring. The sun shined blissfully down from the clear sky and lit everything in sight. It was warmer than before, people weren't even wearing their usual winter clothing, they had lighter apparel on. It saddened Dean to know the winter was coming to an end. Not because he enjoyed the cold so much, but because of Christmas. It reminded him how everyone else had their families reunited but he didn't. His was separated. There wasn't a Christmas this year for them. No presents, no buffet, no tree, no family, no nothing. They spent their Christmas breaking into a demons nest and interrogating the pack leader. The thought of Jamie gone was overwhelming but also knowing the boy didn't get to have his favorite holiday piled the hurt on more.
As they walked up the concrete steps their heavy boots made clunking sounds. They didn't speak much during the ride over, too much noise in their heads. As Dean pressed the doorbell his emerald eyes wandered. He loved how Bobby's place looked during the winter. All the cars in the salvage yard covered in snow, they looked like oddly shaped igloos. Dean could still remember himself and Sam running around the lot having snowball fights with each other when they were younger. Haley always enjoyed listening to stories about the happier times in their childhood. As her ginger eyes watched Dean she knew by his expression that he was strolling down memory lane. Also, the fact that this was the first time in years that they spent time at Bobby's during the time it snowed. She hasn't smiled warmly on the outside since Jamie, but always on the inside, especially for moments like this. She adored how deeply the bonds of brotherhood were between Sam and Dean. In spite of Jessica's cryptic telephone plea for assistance, and the fact that Sam resents and wants to dismember Haley, she was psyched to see Sam, as was Dean.
The door opened after a short minute of waiting. Dean and Haley's eyes greeted Bobby graciously, as did Bobby's. Each of them was happy to see the other. Events of months past were lost in the relief of knowing everyone was alright. Bobby was deeply proud of Dean at how he handled himself around Haley. He knew how strong the hatred for demons could be, so the fact that Dean kept from psychically harming Haley was a miracle in its own. Bobby greeted them with a welcoming grin, Dean mirrored his look. Haley nodded kindly, trying to show some ounce of emotion. She'd been working her hardest to feel, but chasing cold trails in trying to find her son drained her conscious, Dean didn't make it easy on her either. It wasn't that he blamed her for any of it; it was just the alcohol he shoved down his throat like candy. It was always his way of dealing, something to freeze the misery. "Dean!" Haley blurted with excitement abruptly, and eyes lighting up.
Dean jumped after being caught off guard by her shouting his name and flashed around. "What!" He became even more confused when he analyzed Haley's cheerful mood. She even wore a smile, though, a small one. Small as it was and as fast as his heart might be pounding through being startled, that smile was enough to make him remember why he loved her so much. A demon glowing with the purest of lights, she was a contradiction forever. Haley's eyes glanced over at Dean then gestured to the large Golden Retriever running their way. "Oh, right…the dog." Dean coughed as he saw Haley lowering herself to the dog's level and nuzzling him.
"Oh, baby, I've missed you." Haley confessed as she brushed his thick, bright fur. There was something disappointed in Dean's face, left out, Haley was not excited or happy with him but with a dog. But he was like that only for a minute until he figured out why she cared for the dog so deeply. It is Jamie's dog, the same dog that came into their lives the day Dean returned to them. The dog was of great importance to the Winchester family.
"Okay, you know what; this is really starting to bug me. I want to change his name. I vote for: Jamie." Dean grinned cleverly.
All eyes, except Bobby's, dashed to the inside of the house as they heard a soft voice starting up. "So that when he comes back he can get a taste of the same torment you're going through?" Jessica's smile was that of an angels glow, brightening wherever she went and warming everyone. The dog had been picked up by Bobby four months back. After Jess decided on staying with him Bobby went back for the dog and brought him to live with him until everything got sorted out.
"Exactly." Dean snapped his fingers, still grinning. He didn't even notice Jess' stomach.
"Mature, Dean." Haley chuckled as she stood up and patted the dog's fur off of her slacks.
"Hey." Jessica greeted Haley affectionately and pulled her in for a quick hug.
Haley returned the hug and greeting with the familiar tiny smile. Just as she let go of Jessica's arms she noted the size of her stomach. "Whoa! Girl, you got big." She giggled as her hand rubbed Jess' belly gently.
"Yeah, I hear that happens." Jess teased.
"Really, never would have guessed." Haley teased back. Both girls smiled lovingly. Jessica's was bigger of course, she was glowing. She wanted this baby so badly. Before, when Sam first took Ruby's side of hers contemplated having an abortion, but Bobby showed her the light.
"Holy crap." Dean finally said. His face was frozen with shock as he examined Jess' round belly. She'd gotten quite large and Dean knew overeating was far from the cause.
Jess' eyes fell on Dean. "Hi, Dean, yeah, you're gonna be an uncle, surprise." She spoke benevolently. Dean's mouth slowly dropped open and he remained silent. "Does this mean he's happy?" Jessica whispered as she leaned into Haley's side, eyes still on Dean. Haley laughed delicately.
"Yeah, wow...crap... wow." He cleared his throat and tried to gather himself. "Uncle Dean, huh, kind of has a ring to it." He looked at Jess' eyes and gave her his patented devilish grin just before he dragged her into a caring hug. "Congrats, Jess, I'm happy for you." He said with sincerity.
His indisputable happiness for her pregnancy made her feel more secure and relaxed than ever. Their bonds went deep. Since the moment he met her he took a liking to her, it wasn't long before he considered her his sister. Though Haley made Jess feel completely safe and loved, Dean had some special hold over her that made her feel invincible. "Thank you." She spoke quietly.
"Where's Sam at?" Dean broke the hug, pulling carefully away. "He is the father right?" He teased.
"Dean!" Haley gasped, eyes widening
"What?" He asked. He knew he was being admonished for even asking such a thing.
Jessica laughed. "Yes, Dean, Sam's the father; thank you...for that..." She smiled while clearing her throat. "Ugh, that's kind of why I called you…" Jessica trailed off and looked over at Bobby, waiting for permission. Bobby nodded his head once, encouraging her to continue. As she sighed her head turned back to Dean and Haley, eyes falling on Dean. "We need your help." Haley and Dean looked at each other, knowing by the edge in her voice there was bad news again.
And it feels just like the ground, the ground
And trapped in another way
Just still in the ground, the ground, the ground
"Damnit Sammy." Dean's voice was hard and filled with disappointment. Jessica had just explained everything that happened four months ago between herself and Sam. As Dean felt eyes pouring on him like the sun he looked in the direction he felt. His eyes met with Bobby's. Bobby gestured to Jessica who hung her head, upset. Dean took the hint of what Bobby wanted him to do. "Hey…" Dean sympathetically said as he laid his hand gently on Jess' shoulder and brushed it. Jess' tearful eyes met with Dean's. "Don't worry, I'm gonna find him, and beat some sense into his thick coconut of a skull."
As Dean gave her his sly smirk she couldn't help but smile along with him. Haley however, didn't smile. Her eyes stabbed Dean's back, staring a hole through him with intent. She didn't like what he'd said he'd do to Sam. She knew he was trying to lighten the situation up but she also knew him well enough to know he wasn't joking about the beating part.
As the day aged Bobby went back to leg work, he was in the middle of working a case a town over. Jessica helped with the cover story end, she stayed by Bobby's phone lines and pretended to be his supervisor on the F.B.I. Dean laid out all of the ways he knew Sam would cover his tracks, he also went with Bobby for the mini hunt to clear his mind. Haley sat on the couch contemplating the angels and her son. She'd come up with a theory, one no one might agree with, but to her, because she could see in grey instead of black and white, it made sense. The background noise was put to rest by Jessica entering the room. "So, it seems like you and Dean are okay." Original Jessica, she was never good with easing into conversations so she just blurts out whatever is on her mind. Some would call her blunt, but the Winchesters and Bobby enjoyed the spice Jess added to the plate.
Haley chuckled, still amused by her bluntness. "It's tough, but yeah, we're figuring it out. Truth be told though, I don't think he'll ever wrap his head around me being a demon." Haley confessed.
Jessica took a seat next to her on the couch. "What makes you say that?"
"We broke up, well, separated so to speak. When we get Jamie back I think he's going to bring up divorce." Truth hurts the most, and to Haley this was the most honest of everything. She could see the different way he moves around and looks at her. She also knew how much he tried to act the same, she loved him even more for that, but it was too difficult for him.
"Oh god, Haley, I'm so-" Jessica's face dropped completely and her words oozed out with regret for touching on the subject.
"It's okay, really. I mean, I can't change what I am and if he can't accept it then there really is nothing left. I think we're rounding a corner though. We've figured out how to communicate with each other. Before it was just awkward stares and shop talk, but now..." Her mind wandered to how their interactions were. It was strained at best but they still pulled through it.
"It's like your friends again?" Jess asked, more or less wishing for her assumption to be right.
"Yeah, and I figure, being in his life as a friend is better than not being in it at all." Haley lips curved into a diminutive smile, Jess smiled back with more force. She felt deep down that they'd find a way, it anyone could it'd be them. Unbeknownst to them, by the doorway Dean stood just out of sight. He'd just returned with Bobby from the hunt. His face was poker but his head was racing with emotion.
So you can't hold a star in your hand though
At least you can move on to that better plan
A few hours passed. After the boys made their presence felt they all split up. Dean went up out to the frozen salvage yard to reminisce of better times to get his mind off of the hunt. Each hunt always took a toll on him though he wouldn't show it to anyone. He was very much like this father, John did the same. Bobby hit the books again. Jessica and Haley stayed together in the kitchen and got dinner ready for everyone. After supper Jess left for the store to buy some things to smooth the rough pregnancy out a bit, and Dean being protective of her he demanded to tag along. The moon glistened in the sky and stars sparkled. Bobby sat by the fireplace with a stiff drink to end the day.
"Hey, Bobby." Haley greeted him as she and the dog came casually walking in.
"Hey, how things going?" He politely asked as he gave her his attention.
Her chuckles sounded more like a nervous sigh. "Not good." She admitted as she stood across from where he sat.
"Well with all the stuff that's going on I'd say you're crazy if it were good...but then again you are-" He spoke in his usual tone with his usual poker face.
"A demon." Haley assumed that's what he was about to say.
"Actually, I was gonna say you are crazy and always have been but..." As Bobby's left it at that they both chuckled. Her smile faded fast though and she remained silent. He moved over to her side after realizing her mood drop. "Look, I got no love for demons, but...I do love you, kid. And you being all demon-y ain't gonna change that. What I'm saying is, I'm sorry. I was wrong about you. I should've known just because you aren't human doesn't mean your love for them would be any less real. I ain't cutting you out, kid. Not ever." His hands resting on her shoulders and him staring into her eyes made his words all the more sincere. Haley felt a piece of her shattered heart being drawn back into place by the gravity of his words. Her sad eyes held tears on them; this made him get emotional too. "Now, can we please roll credits on this damn chick flick?" He teased.
Haley laughed and nodded. "Yeah." Tears falling from her eyes while a full and bright smile returned to her face, Bobby had healed part of her. They both went into each other for a hug, arms wrapping around the other with hesitation or resistance. "Thank you, Bobby." So much gratitude was thick in her voice, so much it touched Bobby deep inside.
"Anytime, honey." He smiled as his rough hand touched the back of her head, stroking her soft hair.
Dean sat on the edge of the bed, his fingers tugging at the loose thread from the quilt. His face was expressionless and mind in a million places. Dean grumbled audibly. "What is it?"
Haley leaned against the wall with a sigh. "I didn't say anything." She innocently replied.
Dean scowled as he rolled his eyes. "I can tell there's something you want to get off your chest, now just tell me what." He instructed sternly. His patience was always tatty at night now.
"This thing with Sam...It can't be about pushing him away, Dean." Haley pointed out with absolution as she stepped closer to him, his back remained facing her. Dean scoffed, he didn't want to hear it, but Haley didn't back down. "He's walking on the thinnest string right now and one wrong word, one misunderstanding, it could send him over the rails and he might never find his way back." As she got to him she crossed her arms and eyes fixed on his.
Dean looked up at her, face hard and voice rough. "So what, I'm just supposed to greet him with hugs and touchy-feely crap when I see him? Do you even care that he picked a demon over Jess? Of course not, you're a demon."
Haley felt a stinging in her heart from his cheap shot; her ribs throbbed with so much aching she had to drop her arms to her side and wrap them around her stomach, comforting herself. She wanted to believe so badly he was done jabbing at what she was, but once again was cloaked in disappointment. Dean saw the pain strike through Haley. His eyes dropped instantly, knowing the hurt he'd just caused her. "I'm sorry, alright. I didn't mean it like that. It's just with Jamie gone and the angel BS, and now Sam...I'm just getting tired." He admitted truthfully. His apology was heartfelt.
Haley felt nothing but sympathy for him, but he was acting like he was the only one dealing with these problems, like they were his alone. It wasn't time for comforting; it was time to fight back. It hadn't been long since he was the one telling her to stand up, it was surprising how quickly tides could change and roles could reverse. "And I'm not? I've been dealing with this stuff so much longer than you. You don't think I get tired, lose faith, and lose the will to fight back? I have to constantly remind myself what it is I'm fighting for." Haley shook her head, her hair bouncing along.
Haley stuffed her hand in her pants pocket and pulled out a picture. The picture was a family photo. On the left, Sam and Jessica were together, his arm around her neck, and her arm around Bobby's. Beside Bobby was Jamie who hugged John's journal to his chest. Right behind him were Dean and Haley. Both had larger than life smiles. His arms were securely around Haley's waist and her hands were on the thick arms that held her. That photograph stilled a moment in which everyone knew just how much they meant to each other, it was a moment of perfect ecstasy. As Haley knelt down and silently directed Dean to take the snapshot she spoke again, only in her old soft as velvet voice. "Maybe you need a reminder too." She offered him a parting smile before leaving. Dean sat there on the edge of the bed and held the photo, staring at it intently. He could still remember the day they took it and how they all felt. It didn't register in his head that a smile was curving the corners of his mouth until his eyes tore away from what he held and glanced at the mirror across from him. He sat staring intently at his reflection for several minutes, taking in the feeling of security and happiness he'd just felt, and how he was going to get it all back.
Rusted wheel planted still
Rusted wheel can't move on...