Mind over matter
Pressure levels normal. Oxygen levels normal. Temperature: 67 F.
Location: Feros dock.
Standard Time: 2183.19.02
She collapsed and he had caught her. Finally. He had failed to catch her back on Eden Prime, but here, on Feros, he would not let her fall. After the asari had given her the 'cipher' she had apparently given to Saren as well, he had seen all colour drain from the Commanders face and before her knees had given in, he had an arm wrapped around her waist to hold her up.
It was the closest they had been since Eden Prime and it sent his heart racing. She had leaned on him, an arm over his shoulders for support until the initial dizzy spell had passed. He had supported her on the way out of the thorian's lair to where the Normandy picked them up.
Of course she had not wasted any time. She had called the crew into the com room to inform them of the newest developments and he had been worried almost constantly. When Liara proposed to connect their minds so she could help make sense of the vision of the beacon, he had wanted to protest loudly. The Commander was already exhausted from the other asari, Shiala, poking around in her mind, surely the last thing she needed was another asari mind-meld. But Shepard insisted. They needed the information and she could not make sense of it alone. So, more mind-melding happened.
Kaidan Alenko was not by nature a jealous man. It was a sentiment he had successfully avoided so far. But watching the way Liara took Shepard's hands, the way they connected… for some reason that bothered him. It did not get any better when Liara kept showering the Commander with compliments afterwards. Your mind is truly extraordinary. Well observed! Did she really need all the touching to figure that out? Really?
He felt terrible for thinking like that. He had no claim whatsoever over the Commander's attention. Other than being remarkably illiterate around her and, at best, amusing her with it, they had not really shared anything. She had given him no reason to assume she felt any more for him than the responsibility a superior officer should. His hopeless fawning over her was not her business and nothing that should keep her from enjoying the adoration she deserved. And it was quite obvious Liara adored her, not just her extraordinary mind. Besides, there were regs. What was the point of getting too involved in a relationship that was technically forbidden? No, it was better that way; she should be with Liara, if she wanted to.
Still, he couldn't help it. Watching her take Liara to the med bay to make sure the asari was well, made him boil with rage. He was actually determined to smother all these feelings that were growing inside him. And that would have probably worked well enough, had she not found her way to his terminal basically right out of the med bay. He saw her approach, remarkable ambition in her gaze considering she had barely been able to walk straight a few minutes earlier. And these eyes would be his undoing, he knew that. Absinthe green, bottomless pools of everything he wanted, but could not have.
Like she had the other day, she crossed her arms and leaned against the frame of his terminal, watched him with a smile.
"What's your opinion on the last mission, LT?" she asked.
"A success, by my books. The thorian is destroyed, ExoGeni will face charges for their experiments, the colony is saved, and we got new leads on Saren's plans. Solid mission, Ma'am."
"Come on, you gotta give me more than that, Kaidan. Crew sentiments, overall mood, outlook for Noveria…"
"I'm sure you'll figure all of that out with your extraordinary mind…" he said, in a mock voice, before he even thought about what he was saying. Damn what was wrong with him?! Did he have no filter whatsoever between his brain and his tongue? It might have been because she called him Kaidan, instead of Lieutenant or Alenko, creating a sense of familiarity that should not actually be there. And he noticed that the only times she ever called him Kaidan was when it was just the two of them. Any other situation, she would have called him by rank. But here, just the two of them? Kaidan. What was he supposed to make of that? He looked up. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled-"
He wanted to apologise but found the Commander smirk mischievously and the apology got stuck in his throat.
"Is that jealousy I detect, Lieutenant?"
"No, Ma'am. I'm sorry, I was unprofessional. I'm just… I think you trust her too easily."
"Who? Liara?"
"She's Benezia's daughter. What else do we really know about her? I mean, really. Allowing her to probe your mind is… isn't that a bit risky."
"She won't betray us."
"Are you certain?" he asked worried.
"Doors work both ways, Kaidan. When she looked into my mind… I could see hers as well. She will not betray us. I am certain. You don't need to worry about me. I'm a big girl."
"Yes, I know, I wasn't suggesting that you need… I just… I would hate to see you get hurt."
There were a lot of things happening in her face when these words left his lips. He knew she was aware of his attraction to her, he was not exactly subtle when he stumbled over his every word in her presence. But he had not been entirely certain about her. Yes, she was a shameless flirt, but he had assumed that was just the way she was, she was charismatic and it came easy to her, hell, she was flirty with Garrus sometimes and it was no surprise Liara was falling head over heels for the woman. He had almost accepted that he was not 'special'.
Almost.
But when he had spoken now, he witnessed the smug little smirk turn into a quick hint of surprise and then into the most sincere smile he had ever seen her smile. She took a step towards him and for a moment it almost looked like she wanted to reach for his arm, but she stopped herself.
"Good thing you'll have my six, then, LT?" she said. He smiled back at her.
"Always, Commander."
Author's Note:
This was quick and dirty, hehehe. Their relationship is developing, slowly but surely. I think Shep is approaching the point of realisation that will go somewhere along the lines of: 'Shit, I'm in love with this man! How did that happen?!'
The next chapter is perhaps one my absolute favourite ones, so watch out for it :)
Hope you enjoyed this, and keep the comments coming, they motivate me!