Hey everybody!! I am SO sorry I haven't updated in so long! It's just that I didn't have a very good idea to come after that big dream, so I was debating on a few. I promise I'll update next week, since it's Thanksgiving break. ( :D ) I REALLY NEED IDEAS!! IF YOU HAVE ANY, PLEASE REVIEW!!! And, sorry if this chapter is a little weird. I didn't know how to put this whole chapter… but ENJOY!!:)
Disclaimer: JP owns Maximum Ride, I don't, I only own my characters.
I sat at the table, staring out the window. Why had I had the dream? Was it a sign? Was it a vision? Was it going to happen? I didn't want to think about that last one. I shivered, from head to toe, though I had a hot chocolate in my hands and a blanket around my shoulders. I hadn't talked to barely anybody but Angel and Fang for two days. Even then I had barely said anything to them. I was huddled in a corner of my mind, fearing the worst and staying away from everybody like they were going to burn me. Fang, Iggy, and the Gasman had stayed at our house for a while, and their friend Miranda had come to join us. I wasn't too fond of her though, since all she did was blabber about pointless things and flirt with Gazzy.
I sighed and took another sip of my now-room-temperature hot chocolate. Nudge walked in and sat down in the wooden chair next to me.
"Max, why are you so quiet?" she whispered, and I could feel the pain in her voice, see the worry in her eyes. I just shrugged. "That's what I mean, Max! It's like we don't matter enough for you to care about us and talk to us! I feel like we're losing you, and I don't want that to happen! Max, please, please, please… come back." She was yelling, and by the time she was finished she was starting to cry. Her deep brown eyes glinted with the tears swelling, and I felt genuinely guilty. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. I set down the hot chocolate and scooted my chair closer to her, and put my arm around her shoulders. She started bawling, and I held her close to my chest, her sobs racking her small frame.
"I'm so sorry, Nudge. I just don't want it to happen to you, and I don't really know why I've been so quiet," I whispered into her hair. "I feel like, if I stay close to you, I'll just lose you. I don't want to push you away; I don't mean to. It's just hard for me to get over that dream and realize that it won't be true. I just need a little bit of time, okay baby? I'm so sorry…" I hugged her closer to me while I spoke, and she started to calm down a little. Then, she was crying harder than before. She was wailing and struggling to get out of my arms, and I let her go and leaned against the seat.
"You're lying! You won't get better! You're just telling me that so that I'll go away! You don't care about us! All you care about is yourself, your stupid mom and your stupid sister! All you want is to live until your expiration date shows up, and then you'll just leave us to fend for ourselves, without you! You don't understand what you mean to us. We need you; you're our leader, our mother! Without you we'll all just crash and burn! The world will crash and burn, and you won't care!" by the end, she was screaming. I was so shocked, all I could do was sit there staring at her, tears streaming down her face and an accusing look in her eyes.
"That is not true Nudge! I will never leave you! I won't ever not care! I can't just not care. " I stood up, angry at her for accusing me of no caring. "I need you as much as you need me! If you were all gone, I wouldn't be able to survive! I've been so out of touch because I feel like I am losing you. Like I don't know who you are, who I am. I need to find myself, and I need you to help me. All of you. and that dream made me feel like you were all gone, and I can't bear that! It'd be too much…" I looked down at my feet, imagining what that would be like. No, imagining what a fraction of it would feel like. I could feel the hot tears threatening to fall, and I let them. I was too weak to stop them, and I just needed to let them out. "I love you, all of you. everybody. Family. And I can't lose you, any of you. Ever. You mean the world to me, Nudge." I looked at her face, and she was still crying, but not as heavily. She shook her head a little, and then ran towards me and almost knocked me over in a hug. She squeezed me until I was sure I was going to suffocate. But I still hugged her back, just as hard.
"I l-love y-y-you t-too Ma-ax!" she couldn't get any more than that out, she was crying too hard. But now they were tears of, not joy, but not sorrow either. They were just tears. They were streaming down my face, too. It felt good to just let them out and not have to worry about being strong. I guided her over to the couch, and we just kind of collapsed and held each other there for a while.
I had missed her so much, since the boys left. It had felt like a part of her was gone, and now she was finally coming back. She had been closed off to us, staying in her room and caring more about makeup and boys then me and Angel. Of course, she was still talkative and loving, but just not as much. And, this was the first time she had said "I love you" since the boys left. She had usually said it all the time.
Fang walked into the room, saw us on the couch, and his eyes got a little wider. Only enough for me to notice, but still. I held her until we had both calmed down, and Fang had stayed in the room, only leaving to get a box of tissues and a glass of water. Angel also came down, and she sat on my lap, in between us. We sat there for who knows how long, silent, and communicating through Angel since neither of us trusted our voices.
After the sun had set, Nudge stirred and we all broke apart, the weep-fest over. Now that I had no more tears left to cry, I felt guarded. Like that was my show of emotion and I couldn't show anything else. But I forced my mask to drop off. Iggy made a dinner of ravioli and salad, and I talked more than I had in two days. Miranda still did most of the talking though. I could tell her and Gazzy had a relationship-thing going, since they were obviously holding hands under the table and flirting with each other non-stop. But I was happy that he had found somebody to be himself with, since she had wings too.
I went up to my room after we had watched about an hour of TV, and got ready for bed. I just laid in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling, and wondering how this had happened. How I had found Fang and the boys, the dream, and now this whole Nudge thing. She had been so distant, and so had I, but now we were fine… I thought about things like this for too long, and then the door opened just a crack. I knew it was Fang, since no one else could be that quiet and stealthy.
"Come in, Fang."I said. I looked over expectantly. The door opened slowly, and he stepped in, clad in his usual black pajama pants, no shirt. I couldn't help but glance at his well-toned abs as he moved over to the other side of the bed and sat down. Then, he just stared at me with a thoughtful gaze. Soon I couldn't stand the silence. "Well?"
"What was that whole thing with Nudge about?" he asked. I sighed. I knew he was going to ask that.
"Just lay down. It's a long story." And he did. I could feel the warmth emanating off of his skin as it was so close to mine. I took a deep breath, and told him everything. Everything about how I had felt when he was gone, how Nudge had grown apart, how I met Zeke, Aaron, and Alex, everything that had happened. And somewhere in the middle, his warm, calloused hand was holding mine, intertwining our fingers and making me truly feel whole again, plus some. I felt a warm fuzziness in my stomach when I looked at him (his face, not his chest, people) and I couldn't identify it. We talked for hours, about how our lives had changed and what had happened, and what we thought would happen next. We were both laying on our side, facing each other, staring into the other's eyes. Those deep brown eyes I had missed for two years.
Soon, we fell asleep.
You likey? It's a very emotional chapter, and not really my favorite. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm not so super with the whole conversation stuff. I usually screw up, and I can never think of anything to say. So, sorry if it sounds a little weird. And I just had to put that mini bit of FAX in there at the end. Don't worry, it'll get better. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going with this… so if you have any ideas, any AT ALL, please, don't hesitate to review!