Hey guys... Thanks for the reviews and alerts. I love hearing from all of you even if it is to berate me for Brittana not happening yet. All I have to say to that is that I promise you Brittana IS endgame.

There is no Britt this chapter and maybe even the next. I think the struggle Santana is facing is important right now. She has potential to be such a beautiful character and I hope to do that justice. Bear with me, I promise it's worth it.

Disclaimer: I don't own glee.

It had been a week since the whole Kurt fiasco. A week, since she woke up with stale whiskey on her breath and dried tears on her cheeks; and the knowledge that she was hopelessly in love with Brittany S Pierce. Ever since then she'd been trying her best to forget, to move on but it had absolutely no effect. She saw her everywhere, felt her in everything and try as she might, she just could not get over the bubbly blonde. She quickly realized that Karoffsky was not in the least interested in a physical relationship, something that boded well for both of them. Ever since Brittany she realized that even though she did want to hook up with a random guy, she would feel nothing, or worse, she would feel guilty, like she was cheating on her which was ridiculous, because Brittany and her weren't together. Still she missed her more and more everyday.

Will had picked up on the fact that something was wrong, but that was probably because she had called him late one night, drunk out of her mind and sobbing as if her world had ended. He'd come over but she had already passed out and then refused to acknowledge it happened. She was mortified she'd called him. It just went to show how upset she was. She had never needed anyone before. Both her parents worked long hours often leaving her alone. She'd grown up without any parental guidance, often feeling like she was a burden on them and had long since accepted that they were people that she couldn't really count on. She had no high school friends except for Quinn. Everyone else in high school figured that she'd eventually end up a junkie or a hooker. It had hurt her tremendously when she realized that no one cared about her except for Quinn and that was probably the reason that she needed to get out of Lima as soon as she could. She'd known from the very start that she truly was all on her own. It was why she didn't do relationships, why she had no close friends besides Quinn, because she couldn't, couldn't bear to care about anyone else and then have them leave her. It was sad that no one but Quinn knew of her dreams, no one cared. Sometimes when she was in New York riding the subway late at night, she would wonder if anyone even cared if something happened to her. It was probably why she enjoyed the attention from her audience, enjoyed feeling important, wanted, special. It was the way she would sometimes feel around Brittany and that really scared her. She thought breaking them up would help both of them but she was quickly realising that try as she might, she just could not get over the bubbly blonde.

She was also fast heading into a downward spiral. She appeared to be fine in public, but a few newspapers had picked up on the bags under her eyes and her lack of a smile. She'd make her appearances during the day and spend most nights either drunk or high or both. She'd always wake up with dried tear tracks on her face and her heart heavy with emotion. She'd drunk dialled Quinn more than once, and her friend had finally threatened to come there and slap the shit out of her if she didn't get her act together. Ofcourse, these conversations would always be followed by Quinn checking on her over the next few days. She thought it was due to the stress of Santana adjusting to this new life, and often seemed confused that Santana seemed to hate it, especially since it was all Santana could talk about when they were younger. Their last conversation hadn't gone very well and Quinn had called Santana out on her bullshit. She'd asked her to come visit her back East but Santana had begged off citing her busy schedule. Quinn relented but only when Santana assured her that she would call a few times during the week no matter how busy they were. She could tell Quinn was worried about her, but she didn't want her to be. Every now and then Santana would want to tell her the truth but she'd chicken out. She'd already lost Brittany and Kurt, there was no way she could survive losing Quinn too.

Jesse seemed to have noticed too, or maybe Will had intervened because he suddenly decided that she needed to get back to work as soon as possible. Which is why she was here at Motta Records being introduced to Marley Rose a young songwriter, whose song Santana was to sing. Santana groaned inwardly, she wanted to write her own stuff, not use songwriters, but whenever she brought it up, Jesse would launch into album sales and demographics and stupid charts that made no sense to anyone, least of all him. Basically she was to use the songs written by her team and this girl was the latest addition. She really hated the upbeat pop anthem that had been given to her to sing. She wasn't in the mood to sing about picking up guys in clubs and asking them to call her. The music and lyrics were both annoying and didn't really suit her voice. Jesse called it a day, and Marley had come up to her and suggested she try a few other songs.

Santana looked at her warily, "Why would I go anywhere with you? Are you like a serial killer?" she asked in a sardonic tone. Marley turned red but held her ground, "I...umm.. I have a few other songs that you may like. I... I think maybe that could be more suited to you.. You didn't seem to like what you sang earlier" she said softly. Santana looked at her in surprise, even Will had said it was a good recording while Santana fumed at the stupidity of what she was being made to do. Maybe it was the girl's sincerity, or her earnest blue eyes, or just the fact that someone actually cared enough about her to say that, that she agreed to go over.

She found herself in Marley's tiny apartment, as the girl played the keyboard and sang a few slower, more bluesy songs that she believed were closer to Santana's range. Santana listened intently to one song that was full of meaning and pain. "What did you write this about?" she asked suddenly. Marley flushed, and mumbled something about not being able to remember. "Bullshit, this song has meaning to you. I can feel the emotion over here, and I'm pretty sure that part of my brain has been inactive for awhile" she retorted. Marley looked at her appraisingly, then told her, "In high school I suffered from bulimia. I... it was difficult to work through. Music helped." she said. Santana nodded, deep in thought. "Can you help me write a song?" she asked suddenly.

A few hours later they had hammered out a ballad that Santana had called 'Longing'. "Wow Santana, I'm impressed, most singers don't care much about songwriting. Actually most singers can't write." Marley said as she played back the rough recording they'd made. "You did most of the work," Santana said from her spot on the floor, as she played with crumpled and discarded balls of paper. "Well you gave me the imagery, the tone, the flow, in what you described. It was easy" she said modestly. "Are you gonna pitch this to Jesse? It should be on the album. It's really good" Marley asked excitedly. "Well we can try" Santana said. Marley nodded as she started to pick up the papers, "You know Santana, I've read a lot of things about you, some not that great, but you're a good person" she said warmly. Santana nodded, not sure how to respond to that compliment. "And this song, the person you wrote it for? They should know." She continued.

Santana's defences went up immediately, "Woah, Upchuck, I didn't write this for anyone in particular, I just wanted to try a different style" she said

Marley looked at her knowingly, "Santana, I've written a lot of songs and I've been around a load of songwriters, we write best when it comes from a place of deep emotion. This song is beautiful and the person you wrote it for, well they're missing out" she said gently

Santana hammered out a few more insults and then left in a hurry. It was only once she was outside that she realized that Marley had said 'they' are missing out and 'they' should know. She never mentioned that it was for a guy.

Jesse of course hated the song. He said it was dark and depressing and ridiculously emo and Santana should stop wasting time working on this sort of shit. Santana then proceeded to tell Jesse that if he actually tore himself away from the mirror and took the time to find out what music was he would be able to tell the difference. Jesse surprisingly threw her out. She gnashed her teeth as she walked through the halls. Will hurried along to keep track with her, trying desperately to placate her. She suddenly stopped and turned to him, "Tell me the truth Will, was it that bad?" she asked almost desperately.

Will looked at her, then looked around and pulled her into a dark recording room, he flicked on a light and sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck, a nervous habit he'd picked up. Santana waited for his answer, her arms crossed across her chest and a slight glare in her eyes. She knew Will's delaying tactics. "Well?" she prompted. Will looked at her and sighed again, "It was good Santana. It was really good" he finally said softly. Santana felt warmth fill her chest and a smile threaten to break out on her face. It meant a lot that he said that. "So why can't this be on the album. You seemed to like it" she asked testily. Will kept rubbing his neck and looking away. "Will, tell me, what's wrong?" she asked. "The thing is Santana, Jesse feels that the tour didn't do enough for you, he thinks that you should capitalize on the present pop influence that seems to be doing the rounds. He won't go for something so...radical" he said hesitantly. Santana looked back at him incredulously, "Radical? How is this radical? Rachel rapping is radical. Finn trying to twerk is radical. Hell, Blaine trying to do anything not top 40 is radical" she snapped, as Will looked even more weary. "This is something I feel very deeply about Will, I want to sing this. Just this one song. I don't care if the rest of the album is crap. I want...I need this song to go out" she said softly, a hint of desperation in his voice. Will's eyes were boring into her face, asking for an explanation but she kept her face impassive. He nodded to himself then smiled tiredly at her, "I'll see what I can do" he said.

It had been a long day. Hell it had been a long week. Santana stretched and tried to work the kinks out of her shoulders. Will had tried to get Jesse to include Santana's song but he'd refused adamantly saying it did not fit with the pace of the album. Santana had been extremely annoyed and Will was subjected to another rant on how Jesse was a complete moron with an ass for a head. She had thankfully simmered down and focussed on the recording the remaining tracks of the album. They had been working non- stop that day and Santana really needed a break. She smiled at Marley who grinned back at her and gave her a thumbs up as they played the recording. Jesse sat in the booth, the huge headphones making his head somehow look bigger and glared at her every now and then. Finally he closed his eyes in frustration and stood up, effectively ending all conversation. He took a dramatic breath as Santana fought the urge to roll her eyes, and then said, "I don't feel it. It's missing something" he declared glaring at Santana, who in turn glared back at him. "Are you serious right now? What could it possibly be missing. I've sung it so many freaking times with so many damn changes that I don't think it even remotely resembles what it was originally" she said. Jesse just narrowed his eyes at her and then announced, "It lacks soul". He smiled gleefully as if he'd just found the cure to cancer. Santana on the other hand needed to be held back by Will. "Soul? What would you ever know about soul? What soul could I possibly put into this? I mean seriously, this song is only going to be played at eight year old kid's birthday parties and Japanese businessmen karaoke sessions" she said testily, struggling to free herself from Will's death grip on her jacket. Jesse looked extremely affronted but before he could open his mouth to say anything, Will cut in, "Look, it's been a long day. How about we start afresh tomorrow huh? These tired eyes and ears will do us no good right now" he said in his faux cheerful tone as he carefully began dragging an irritated Santana away.

"I don't need time off" she yelled into the phone

"Well think of it as some time to regroup, relax and get your energy up" came back Will's cheerful voice over the phone.

"I am fucking relaxed" she replied through gritted teeth

"Santana, if not for you, do it for the album. You and Jesse have been at each other's throats a lot now and it's affecting the recording. Just take the rest of the week off and we'll get back to work tomorrow" Will said gently.

Santana knew what he said was true but she didn't want to admit it. Another thing that she didn't want to admit was that now that she didn't have work, she literally had nothing to do. Quinn was busy, Dave had practice, and she didn't feel like hitting up the numerous parties all by herself. It was weird, she had no dearth of invites to events but lately, all the heady enjoyment she would get out of these things was lost.

"Fine. I needed to go hit up a party or two anyway" she said in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone.

"Would you like me to come with you?" she heard Will ask and almost hung up the phone in mortification.

"Why in fuck's name would I want that?" she said testily. Oh God! Am I really that pathetic that Will of all people can see through me? Is it really that obvious?

"You just seem...sad. I want to be sure that you're ok" he said in that same gentle tone which was getting on her nerves.

"Oh I think I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. Infact you can use this time to get kinky with that lil girlfriend of yours" she said and hung up to Will spluttering.

She wasn't quite sure how it had transpired but she was sitting at a bar drinking cocktails with Marley. Actually she would forever deny that they'd ever hung out, but something about the soft spoken girl made her feel a little at ease. She was probably one of the few people who didn't seem like she wanted something from Santana, well besides her singing her songs of course. They sat at the bar itself, away from the rest of the crowd that was absorbed in the wailing of a young girl thanks to open mic night. She winced at the horrible sound and turned her attention back to Marley who was blushing and putting away her phone. "Is he any good" she asked with a smirk.

Marley looked confused, "Is who good?" she asked

Santana's smirk grew bigger. "The boytoy who's sexting you. Has he got any game?" she asked, watching Marley's blush bloom deeper across her face

"He's not.. we're not sexting. He's just a friend" she said in a near whisper looking embarrassed.

"Oh honey, that blush on your face says otherwise. If you'll are just friends, Jesse and I are freaking soulmates" Santana said as she downed the last of her drink.

Marley smiled to herself, "I like him. He's really sweet to me. I just... I'm not sure I want to be in a relationship. He's got a bit of a reputation. I think being friends, we'll get to know each other better" she said to a silent Santana.

"Well good luck keeping that sexual frustration in check. Hey maybe you can get tips managing it from Jesse, God knows he hasn't been laid in awhile" Santana said smirking to herself as Marley laughed.

"What about you? Is there... do you have anyone special in your life?" Marley asked her quietly.

Santana's deer in the headlight look was further amplified when a large spotlight actually focused on her. "What the f..." she started to say as she squinted into the beam. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have someone special in the house. Let's put our hands together for Santana Lopez" came a voice over the speaker. Santana was flustered, who the fuck was that and what was she supposed to perform? She heard clapping and suddenly everyone's attention in the bar was on her. She saw a young guy standing on the small stage in the corner. She shielded her eyes and the spotlight went off, "I'm not working" she yelled playfully smiling at the weird guy. "Just one song, it's like a rite of passage" he replied as he gestured around to the framed pictures of celebrities who had visited the bar. Santana sighed but she wasn't going to turn him down. She needed all the publicity she could get. She suddenly smiled broadly to herself and bent down to whisper in Marley's ear.

She stood on the stage and looked around the small bar. It was pretty full and most of the people seemed to know who she was. She smiled at them and spoke into the microphone, "Well since I was asked so nicely, and it is a rite of passage, I would like to perform a song for you. Umm.. It's a little different from my normal style but I hope you like it. Marley Rose will be accompanying me on the piano" she said as she gestured to the nervous girl posed at piano behind her. She took a deep breath as the opening notes of "Longing" began to play, and without hesitation launched into the song. She knew chances of the song ever being released were slim so she put all her emotions into it. With every word she tried to express just how much she missed her, every soft note held meaning. Santana closed her eyes and imagined it was just the two of them and she was telling her just how much she meant to the singer. The piano faded with the last few notes and the sudden applause snapped her back to reality. She smiled and gently wiped the stray tear that made it's way down her cheek as she faced audience that were now on its feet. Everyone was on their feet clapping and cheering her and Santana smiled gratefully. The stripped down piano version sounded beautiful and Santana smiled warmly at Marley. The bar owner came back onto the stage to congratulate her and to tell her that he would definitely be buying that single on itunes. She smiled ruefully at him and dragged Marley away. The young songwriter looked troubled, "Santana, that was so good. You totally nailed it." she said. Santana smiled in acknowledgement. Marley glanced at the crowd, the troubled look still on her face. "Why do you look like your puppy died?" Santana asked basking in the attention from the crowd. "I dunno... I just feel like this little stunt is going to get us into trouble" Marley said.

It did get them into trouble. Apparently someone had vidoetaped it on their cellphone and posted it on youtube. It had gone viral. Within a few hours it had registered a huge amount of hits and was all over twitter and other social media. Will had come over in the afternoon. "Why'd you do it Santana?" he asked in a dejected tone as they stared at the increasing number of hits on the youtube page. She shrugged, not sure why herself. All she knew was that singing it made her feel like she was talking to her, like she could express what was going on in her head better and that's all that had mattered. "What's going to happen? Will I get fired?" she asked as casually as she could, the waver in her voice betraying her confident demeanour. Will rubbed his neck and looked at her, "I'm not sure" he replied. The silence was broken by the shrill sound of Will's cellphone and they both looked down to see Jesse's name flashing on the screen.

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