Chapter 11
"It's so hot!" Bepo complains. If they weren't wearing those jumpsuits they would be fine. They should be more like me, wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Oh well, their loss.
I work on throwing precision and accuracy in the training room. Kaz comes in and watches me practice. I continue as if he never walked in here. "Knives are okay, until you run out, that is. I'd bet that in a fight without them you would lose." He challenges."Against who?" I ask as I retrieve the knives. "Anyone." He brags. "All right." I tell him as a put my knives and Atlas off to the side."Let's go." I say seriously. If he wants to talk the talk then be better be able to back it up with something. I can take Kaz. He's not much bigger than me.
"Are you sure? I'll try not to hurt you too much, damsel. Women are fragile." Kaz taunts. Kaz normally doesn't have Law's smirk, but right now his smirk is an exact replica. I ignore his insults, even though they do get underneath my skin.
Kaz doesn't show any intention of making the first move. I rush towards him and attempt to kick his knees out from under him. He avoids it and aims a punch at me, but I sense it coming. I grab his arm and throw him on to the ground. He gets up before I can do anything else. "Better than I expected," He comments. His sky blue eyes sharply contrast his short black hair. "I can do better." I say competitively. Now that I'm expected to fight to survive, I have become much more arrogant. I understand a pirate's pride. When you know that you survive based on your own skill and the skill of your crew.
Kaz one again chooses to be defensive. We fight for another hour until I punch Kaz in the face. He falls to the ground. Oh no! I've seriously hurt him. It wasn't supposed to go this far. I hear and see his ragged breathing, but nothing else. "Kaz, are you okay?" I ask. I know that the answer is no, but it's the only thing I can think of to ask him. "You alive?" I ask again. I'm becoming more frantic as the seconds tick by. I go and kneel next to him. I shake him and call out his name. No reaction whatsoever. What have I done! "Kaz, you've gotta be all right. Come on get up!" I say fearfully. I need to get Law. I draw my hands away from Kaz's slightly battered form.
Suddenly Kaz leaps up and tackles me. I scream as if a corpse jumped up and bit me. Kaz has me pinned to the ground. He's laughing uncontrollably. "YOU JERK!" I scream. "You let your guard down Miss Rose," Law advises. What! I try to pinpoint where Law is, but Kaz is preventing me from moving. When did Law get here? That guy moves like a ghost. He can go anywhere and do anything without making a sound. It's unnerving.
I attempt to get Kaz off of me, but I'm too worn out to move more than my own body weight. Kaz stifles his laughing to mock me again. "Come on Princess, I told you that you wouldn't beat anyone without your knives. You're just a damsel in distress. If you admit that I'm the most handsome and strongest man you've ever met then I will let you get up." Kaz says. Bepo and Shachi barge in slamming the door hard against the wall. "Is everything okay? We heard a scream." They ask. "Everything is alright. Miss Rose just let the oldest trick in the book beat her." Law says. "Say it Rose." Kaz orders. "Fine. I admit defeat. You won." I claim. "No, that's obvious. What are you supposed to say damsel? I want to hear it loud and clear." Kaz mocks. Live it up while you can kid, because next time will be different. "You are the... uh, what was it?" I ask. "Handsome and strongest man you know." Kaz tells me again. It doesn't matter at this point. "Handsome and strongest man I know." I repeat.
Kaz gets up and offers me a hand to help me up, which I accept. I don't want to seem like a sore loser. "Are you okay?" He inquires. What? I'm puzzled by this question. When I got injured when I was with the marines, my superiors told me that if I was still alive that I was supposed to drag myself to the infirmary. After this treatment I was astonished that someone cared if I needed help. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I ask skeptically. "Just making sure I didn't hurt the little princess." Kay retorts. "What's with calling me princess? I have a name. Use it." I tell him. "If you can beat me, then you won't be the damsel who needs rescuing any more, and the name will go away." Kaz replies. I get my knives and walk out. The pirate pride I had is slowly sinking like the Titanic. "Anyone else wanna go at me?" Kaz cockily invites. " I certainly will." Ruyi accepts.
I leave while they begin to fight. I have the next duty piloting the ship. I take over the controls from Penguin. "Kaz and Ruyi are duking it out in the training room. It should be an interesting match, if Ruyi is a decent fighter." I tell Penguin. "I doubt that it will take long for Kaz to win. He's second only to Law. Shachi and I used to try to beat him all the time as kids, but we never could." Penguin says on his way knew each other as kids? I never asked how the crew began. I will ask someone when the chance comes around later.
"You'll never believe this Rose. Kaz lost. I've seen him do better than that. Do you know what's up with him today?" Penguin inquires. "Umm, maybe he was tired after fighting with me. I'm not very good at guesstimating time, but it seemed to take a while." I say. Penguin stops and thinks about it. "No, it has to be something else." He tells me. "I don't know." I reply. He is about to walk away when I ask, "How did this crew start?" Penguin does a double take of me. "I'm not supposed to say." He tells me. "Why?" I persist. "It is a story better left untold. We knew each other and one day we decided to be pirates. So now we're here." Penguin elaborates. "Thanks for the great story. I'm not sure I'll remember all of that. It was quite a lengthy anecdote." I say dripping with sarcasm. "No problem Rose." Penguins replies as he leaves. So, it's a secret as to how the Heart pirates all began. Sooner or later I'll be able to trick someone into telling me. They don't think clearly after a few shots of booze.
The rest of the day passes like any other, until I fall asleep for the night. A horrific dream plagues my mind. I stand in a pool of blood. I see the face of the first person I killed. Then I see the faces of the few others that fell to the same fate. They ask for mercy, but laugh in their faces. Those faces transform into the faces of my family and friends. I ridicule them also. I gaze at my reflection in the blood. I am taking pleasure in this human agony. I need more. I direly need the highest pain that I can get. I unsheath Atlas. I cut myself with my faithful knife until I can endure no more. Then I stab my heart.
I tumble out of bed panting. The images are floating through my mind. I feel like the basic laws of humanity have been violated. What am I? I rush to the bathroom to find a mirror. I stare at the reflection. It wasn't real. Nothing to worry about. I can't calm down. I begin to hyperventilate. Only a nightmare. I don't need to be afraid of it. It's just my subconscious thoughts. Who has thoughts in the back of their head like that? I have turned into a monstrosity. There was so much blood. Blood from my friends and family. The people I care about. How could I come up with that situation. No, I am not capable of that level of inhumanity. No, I am not capable of that level of cruelty. No, I am not that person. All of that was fake. I swear to myself that I will never lose control of my emotions like my nightmare self did.
After some time has passed, I shove my panic attack into the back of my mind. I long to rest, but I cannot make myself go back to my room. I wander mindlessly through the ship. I assume it is morning from the sounds of the crew moving around. My body feels like crap. Self induced crap that let some crazy fear control her.
"Rose, you're up early today." Ruyi greets me. Go away. Why don't you understand that this isn't the greatest time to have a random morning conversation. I like morning for the most part, but not today. "Ugh. What happened to you? Did you sleep at all last night?" Ruyi interrogates. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine I just didn't sleep well." I mumble. "Rose, what's going on? We're on a submarine. There isn't anything that would keep you up late." Ruyi continues. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." I lie as a walk away. Ruyi isn't convinced by my facade, but he lets the subject drop.
I search for something to fill the time with that doesn't require massive amounts of energy. I go back to the bathroom to french braid my hair. Everytime I try to french braid my hair I end up putting it in a ponytail, because it looks like a six year old did it, but it's not like I'm running out of time. I fumble around with it for a while.
The door creaks as it opens. "You should knock next time." I advise. I see Kaz in the mirror. "Please tell me you didn't get up early to do your hair." Kaz whines. "No." I answer. "Then why are you here? You're usually just getting up at this time." Kaz questions. "I'm here, because I want to be here. Got a problem." I fume. I avoid pulling all nighters due to the fact that I act like a witch to everyone around me when I'm out of energy. "Whoa. What did I do to get your panties in a knot?" Kaz replies. I am aware that my anger was misdirected. Man up and apologize, Rose. "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way." I tell Kaz. "Why do you look like a zombie? By the way, is there a reason as to why your sheets are strewn across the floor?" Kaz questions. What's with these people? Why do they insist on caring. They are suffocating me with the constant questions. "I'm sorry," I say. I attempt to leave, but Kaz block the way out. "Sorry for what? What's going on?" Kaz asks. "Nothing. I simply didn't sleep well is all." I say. I plaster a fake smile on my face, but it is almost as convincing as telling a teenager that liver is delicious. "Rose, there's no reason to lie to me. Are you mad about yesterday? If so, I'm sorry that I got carried away. That was my fault. Whatever it is, you can confide in me with. I'm here for you." Kaz claims. He apologized? He is intimidating, because I can't avoid this confrontation. I am puzzled by his statement. "Why are you apologizing?" I ask. "Aren't you mad at me for beating you?" He counters. "No. I started the fight to begin with. You have nothing to be sorry for." I say truthfully. "Why are you being all defensive? What are you hiding, Rose?" Kaz continues. I can't maintain a straight face when I recall the horrific incident of last night. "What is it?" Kaz asks again. "Nothing. It's really nothing. I heard you were beat by Ruyi the other day." I say. He doesn't have to know that I'm tormented by a stupid nightmare. "Don't change the subject. What's wrong?" Kaz demands. He's serious now. "Nothing that you need to worry about." I state. "I'm not going to deal with this. Talk to Law." Kaz commands. He grabs my arm and drags me behind him. I resent the force, but I cannot stop him. I can list a hundred other things that I would rather do than talk to Law. He's one scary dude. He knocks on Law's door and waits for an answer.
"Come in." Laws muffled voice calls out. Kaz pulls me into the room. "I don't know what's wrong, and she won't tell me." He tells Law. He stalks out of the room leaving me alone with the captain. "You haven't slept clearly. Why?" Law queries. I sigh resignedly and say, "Just a bad dream. Nothing to worry about." Law observes my actions and scrutinizes my face. "What?" I ask indignantly. "Was it that bad? You should have some tea. Wait here." Law orders. I sit down on the floor and wait for his arrival.
The tea he's getting is going to be drugged. As a doctor he has tricks up his sleeves. Possibly literally, you never know. Law comes back with two cups of tea. He hands one to me and takes one back to his desk. "What's in here?" I question. "Nothing out of the ordinary." Law answers. He picks up a book and reads it. True to his word, it's tea. Nothing more, thankfully. I'm relieved that he hasn't questioned me further. I drag myself out to help with the chores.
I'm keep hearing the same questions all day, "Are you okay?", "I can handle this Rose, go to sleep.", and more recently, "What happened to you? Were you hit by the ugly stick or something?". I want to stab the world and all who inhabit it. This frustration continuously draws me back to the picture of the crazed Rose that was haunting me last night. I slug through the day. I'm doing this to myself. Don't target the crew. It's your problem, be furious with yourself.
I make it until dinner where I can't take it any longer. I am out like a light. The next day I find myself in my bed. How did I get here? I don't remember leaving the dining hall. I can't recount yesterday afternoon at all. Who did I do I need to thank and apologize to for yesterday.
I get up and start for the dining hall for kitchen duty. "You feeling better today, Damsel?" Kaz asks. "Yes, thanks for asking." I reply. "What was up with you yesterday?" He asks. "Some days are better than others." I answer vaguely. "You're in a confined space. What on could have possibly changed? You push people away. Damsel, you have a bad habit of that. You've been with us for a while now, but we have no clue about who you are. If you wanted to leave, then I'm sure you would be gone by now." Kaz says to me. I ignore his accusations and blow by him. He's clearly been thinking about this for a while. "Rose, what are you hiding?" Kaz asks. He's getting annoyed. Telling him that it's nothing will make him furious, so I keep my mouth shut. "Rose! Don't ignore me!" Kaz shouts. "What?" I ask sassily. I don't turn around, but I stop walking away. "What's your problem!" He yells. "I don't have a problem. You do." I reply getting irritated. Kaz reaches to grab me, but I sidestep out of his reach. "Why do you care?" I ask hotly facing him. His muscles are tensed all over his body. He focuses intently on me.
I can take care of myself. I don't need someone else to help me, because there won't be any help. No one was there for me when I nearly died in training. No one was there to stop the rumors that were flying out of control behind my back. No one cared for me as a person. Smoker, Law, the merchants I've traveled with only want my strength. No one was there when I missed everything I've ever known. No one gave a damn about me, the outsider. It's what I always am here. Absolutely no one will break down the shield I have around my thoughts. What I say can't be taken back. I guard every word that matters, which typically forces my conversations to be bland, boring, and curt.
"You're part of the crew. Like it or not we look out for one another." Kaz shouts. He reaches to grab me again, but he stops suddenly. Law is holding him by the neck. "What's the fight about?" He asks us. He seems so serene, like this happens everyday. "Nothing." I reply as Kaz says, "She's hiding something." I was on the verge of losing my cool. "Secrets can kill Law. You know that." Kaz continues. "She's a danger to the whole crew." What did you say? You son of a hamster. I could slice you up and feed you to the fish. How would you like that? "Miss Rose is there anything you would like to tell me?" Law inquires. "No." I solidly state. "Are you sure?" He asks again. "Yes." I say. "Do you have any past experiences that would put us in harms way?" He asks. Honesty was drilled into me as a child. I wish my parents had taught me how to lie instead. "I am a former marine that personally knew Smoker. He might recognize me, but he wouldn't be a problem, because he's a devil fruit user." I tell Law. "I was already told that." Law responds. Okay, that great, but I answered your question. "Nothing more? Surely there's a reason behind yesterday." Law interrogates. I fold my arms across my body. "My past is not going to hurt you. I am not in debt to anyone, I don't owe any favors, and I have no family left here. End of story." I say firmly.
I walk away from Kaz and Law determinedly. Don't stop me, because that's all the information you're going to get from me. "We aren't finished here. Kaz is right. I'm going to let you two figure out this problem." Law calls after me. I stop walking. Is my secret that precious? Would they care that much? The crew would be able to keep this a secret. I am not going to be the target for stronger pirates or the higher up government officials. "It's safer this way." I reply looking forward at the wall.
When I don't hear any comeback I look back to see Law right behind me. This is the worst position I could be in. He places his hands on my shoulders. They are ice cold. They must be like his heart, if he has one left. He whispers into my ear, "Miss Rose, come with me." I have been holding my breath out of fear. I am as rigid as a plate of steel. Law would have been pleased if he could feel the adrenaline rushing around my body. He take his hands off of me and heads toward Kaz. I assume that I'm supposed to follow him. So I do.
Law opens the door to the training room. It's empty. He turns to us. "Figure it out. Don't come out until you can get along." Law commands as he leaves us. Kaz and I glare at each other until we hear the door close. "Rose, I want to help you." Kaz pleads. "No thanks." I snap. "Why do you have to be like him? You're going down the same path. Do you want to be emotionless? Bitter! Hateful! Bloodthirsty! Ruthless!" Kaz rants. He's getting more volatile as he continues the list. "Rose, I'm not going to let you end up like he did." Kaz promises adamentely. "Who's he?" I ask. "Trafalgar Law used to be a normal person. He enjoyed life. He wasn't seeking revenge back then. He cared about people, about his family." Kaz says with diminishing volume and rage. Are those tears in his eyes? I'm intrigued by his statements and actions. "You said he was seeking revenge?" I inquire. "It's nothing." Kaz responds dejectedly barely above a whisper. "Revenge is a big deal." I say thoughtlessly. "Whatever," He mutters. I have an epiphany that makes me realize that we have switched roles. How on Earth did that happen? Kaz sits on the ground holding his head in his hands. I'm not a people person, especially after what I've dealt with, but he's my... friend. He has been bothering me, because he's right. It doesn't mean I'll tell him though.
I take a few cautious steps in his direction. I will not be fooled by the same trick twice. "Kaz," I tentatively call out. He responds by clenching his hands tighter together. I dare to go closer. "Kaz," I say louder this time. "I'm not going to hurt you. You act like some wild animal. I'm a person believe it or not." Kaz says disbelievingly. I still not convinced that this isn't a trap. Why is he so worked up? I hear a sniffle, which confirms to me that he is crying. Pain. I don't get it.
In the recesses of my heart I have the burning desire to help. How would I treat Tam? I would never allow Tam to sit in front of me and cry. In a leap of faith I sit down and hug Kaz. He reacts like I shocked him with a cattle prod. "***********!" Kaz exclaims in shock. I cling to him continuing to hug him. I wince knowing that I will get hurt. Instead I feel his arms around me. I love the feeling of his warm arms around me. I feel protected from the greatest enemy I will ever encounter. "There was an incident from which Law never recovered. His sister died from the inflated ego of a celestial dragon. He nor his family could do anything about it. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. My cousin died and Law hated the world for it. He loved his sister and chose that he would avenge her death by dealing blows as a pirate. I watched him fall apart at the seams. I didn't lift a finger to stop him from becoming who he is now. He could be different. It's my fault! I won't let it happen to anybody else! I promised myself that a while ago." Kaz tells me. Wow, this is a lot to take in at once. Kaz and Law are cousins. Law wasn't born a maniac, but he transformed into one by the world governments laws. I feel a profound sadness for Law. I know his motives for being cruel and apathetic. The pieces of the puzzle were coming together at last.
A few tears land on my shoulder. "Kaz, it's going to be okay." I say for the lack of better words. This is pathetic, I can't comfort the only person confides in me. "My family... I miss them so much. They're alive, but I can't see them. All I want is to go home. All I want is to get out of here."I break down and tell him. "Where are they Rose? We'll find a way to take you back." Kaz insists. "It won't work. They're in another world, a different dimension you could say. I have to find One Piece to get back to where I belong." I continue. A single tear rolls down my face. Snap out of it, Rose! "You do have emotions." Kaz teases as he releases me from our embrace. "Only sometimes on the occasion." I quip. "How did you get here?" He asks curiously.
I tell him the story of my life. I answer his questions patiently. I smudge a few things here and there about my world and life. There's no reason to over complicate things. The weight of the world is lifted from my shoulders. My lying and half truths are erased. A clean slate is a miraculous thing. We chat until I think my stomach is going to eat itself. "I think everyone else believe that we killed each other." I say. "That is certainly what they could think." Kaz affirms.
Penguin hands me a sandwich and asks, "What did you two do for three hours?" I respond with, "I read his palm and predicted his future. Spending more time with you seemed to make his life worse." I wink to indicate that I'm pulling his leg. "I'll tell you at dinner." I promise.