~11~

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." Bertrand Russell

September 25, 2012

Minneapolis, Minnesota

Joanna Mitchell let out a sigh as she dropped into her cushy, black leather chair, worn out. She kicked off her heels, smiling in satisfaction as her aching feet were free from their confines. She curled her toes on one feet and then the other, audible cracking from her long, stocking covered, appendages. She reached a hand down to tightly grip and massage the sides and sole of her left foot before doing the same to the right. She then leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, letting her body deflate as she let out one, long sigh of exhaustion.

She looked around her office—oval shaped—at the signs that were thrown haphazardly into the corner, with dirt clumps riddled on the ground, at the wall of cabinets that faced her, and then at the stacks and stacks of paperwork sitting on the spare table at the side of the room. She turned around in her chair and looked at the wall of keys that hung up on hooks behind her, before facing forward again, looking a her desk. Pencil cup here, stapler there, an old cup of coffee sitting on a napkin with a brown ring around the base, a large calendar sat in the middle of her desk and off to the side was a computer, it's desktop cluttered with icons.

If she hadn't been so exhausted, she would've probably laughed. She was best known for her cleanliness, even having a history of taking a job as a house cleaner when she was younger and needed the money. She had a good rapport and everything and now she couldn't even clean her own office.

She looked up when she heard a knock and looked up to see a man standing in the doorway. He had salt and pepper thinning hair. With a crisp white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up evenly at each elbow, and gray pants with a single crease on either side, he prided himself on his appearance and was one of the most sharp dressed people in the building. "Dress well, sell well," he would always say in his nasally, voice.

"Can I help you, Maxwell?" Joanna asked, getting to her feet, brushing a hand down the front of her dress.

Maxwell Stewart smacked a folder of papers against the palm of his hand as he stepped into the room. "Afternoon, Joanna," he said with a tight lipped smile. "Hope you had a productive day today."

"I did, thank you," Joanna replied, slowly lowering herself into a seated position as Maxwell pulled out one of the chairs that faced her desk to sit down. He crossed one leg over the other, picking at some loose thread that stuck to his pants leg. "Is something wrong?"

"I seem to notice a lack in sales from your department lately," Maxwell commented, getting straight to the point, pinching the bridge of his nose as if just facing her gave him a migraine. "Take the Johnson house for example. We gave them the guarantee that their house would have potential buyers around this time if not have been sold in a quick fashion. They need to move as soon as possible."

"You can't help that people aren't interested in buying the house," Joanna replied with a sign. She reached a hand up to pat her hair. "We'll find someone, it just takes some time. However, you'd be happy to know that I showed the place to a nice, young couple with a little baby on the way. They're really interested."

"Interested and buying are two different things, Joanna, you know that," Maxwell said with a pointed look. Joanna nodded. "I couldn't help but notice that you've been a bit distracted lately." He clasped his hands in his lap. "Mind if I ask why?"

Yes, Joanna thought to herself. She tried her hardest to keep everything out of her professional life ("leave your baggage at the door" as they say) but that was just too hard. She did her best, but every now and then, she had to show a crack in the walls she tried to keep up.

"Just a family emergency," she managed to get out after a brief moment of silence.

Maxwell's eyes narrowed slightly. "Do you need to take some time off?" he asked. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything's ok," Joanna said, placing her hands on the desk, tapping her fingers on the desk top. "I just need to sort things out, make some decisions." She paused for a moment, looking over at him. "No one has passed away or anything like that."

"Oh, good," Maxwell said, putting the folder over his heart, giving a sigh of relief. "I mean, it's not good that your family has an emergency." He sat up, clearing his throat as he adjusted his shirt collar. "I'm worried that the Johnson house won't sell."

Joanna's eyebrows shot up. Of course you are, she thought to herself. She knew that a part of him was relieved that there wasn't an immediate emergency with her family, but then the logical side of her knew that it was due in part to the fact that she wouldn't have to miss any days of work. Maxwell was a very efficient worker and really knew what he was doing, but there were times where it annoyed, not only her, but all of the employees beneath him that work was the only thing that seemed to matter to him.

"Do you think you need to take some time off?" Maxwell asked, "to get your bearings and get your head on straight? You can still work from home if you wish, we just think it'd be beneficial for everyone around. You wouldn't be so distracted—" he trailed off, seeing the look of alarm on Joanna's face, "you're not being fired."

"Oh," Joanna replied and allowed a smile to come to her face.

"We couldn't fire you, you're one of our best agents here," Maxwell said with a shake of his head. "We're just worried about how outside problems are affecting your work here."

She could see where he was coming from, but she also couldn't help but feel annoyed at the same time. He was showing compassion for her, despite knowing the situation of what was going on, by offering her the time off, but at the same time, she knew it was just to keep their business from going under, not that she really would be the sole reason behind it.

It was just frustrating.

"I understand," Joanna replied with a nod, "although, might I ask if I continue working."

"We don't think that this is the best idea for you," Maxell replied with a solemn shake of his head.

"Who's 'we'?" Joanna asked, using air quotes.

"Well, your friend, Amanda has noticed that you haven't been working to your normal level of expertise as of late," Maxwell said, adjusting his shirt collar for a second time. "We're all just worried about you, Joanna, that's all. A few days off—a week or two—might help."

"Sure," Joanna finally said after a moment of silence. She started packing up her stuff, reaching for her desk drawer to retrieve her purse. She slid her feet into her shoes and got to her feet, shoving her things under her arm. "Thank you. I appreciate it." She then stepped around him and stood by her office door, swinging her arm to the side, indicating that she wanted him to leave.

Maxwell smile as he got to his feet, putting his abandoned chair back. "I'm glad you're seeing things my way," he said placing a hand on her arm. He gave her a brief nod of his head before making his way out of the room, head held high, swinging his arms happily.

Joanna sighed, switching off the lights and closing the door behind her. She reached into her purse for her keys and locked the door before shoving them back into her bag, making her way to the entrance of the building, her heels clacking over the linoleum and then the sidewalk as she made her way outside. A crisp breeze blew past her, giving her brief relief from the shining sun. She made her way to the bus stop and took the time to really straighten her things as she waited for the bus to come along as well as gather correct change to pay for the ride.

With squeaking tires, the bus pulled up alongside the curb and with a hiss, the doors were folded outwards. "Afternoon, Gus," she greeted the driver with a warm smile, dropping her change into the container at the front of the bus. Gus returned her smile with his own as well with a tip of his hat.

"Joanna," he replied, his smile fading a little bit. "Looking a little worn out there, ma'am." As Joanna moved to take her seat, she suddenly felt exhausted. She barely had any energy to shift herself over to the window seat.

"It's all just hitting me, Gus," she replied with a heavy sigh, tuning to look out the window as he pulled away from the curb. A tear slipped down her cheek and she hastily wiped it away. "It's all just hitting me."

Her husband was out of jail and she never thought she'd see the day when that happened. Worse she felt like she had abandoned him. In a way, she had: she moved away without telling him where they went, but that wasn't just to get away from the stares and the whispers, and the harassment—it was part of it, she didn't want to expose Logan to anything like that—but it was also because her job was demanding a move. It was an opportunity to get more money to pay for their lawyer. It was all just too much for them to handle and her parents weren't going to help.

They were old-fashioned in that sense. "If you get yourself in trouble, you can get yourself out," they would say. Adding on the fact that Charlie had sold drugs to get to that point in the first place, they didn't want to have anything to do with him.

"I always knew that boy would be trouble," her mom said over the phone after Joanna relayed the message to her that he was out of jail. "I always warned you against marrying him."

"I know, momma, I know," Joanna had replied, as she tightly gripped the phone as she paced around her kitchen.

"That boy was just too slick," her dad had said. She could practically see the deep frown of disapproval on his face. "Too slick. He had street smarts, that much I knew when I first met him. He just had that look in his eyes. Too charming, much too charming."

He was charming; that's what won her over in the first place. His good looks and his deep southern accent, how could any girl resist for so long? He waited long enough, but he finally got her. However, the whole time her parents disapproved; on the one hand, they were happy to finally have an opportunity to have a grandson or granddaughter, but on the other, they were hoping it'd be with someone else. However, Joanna, moving closer towards her 30s eloped, knowing that she loved the man with all her heart and wanted to spend t he rest of her life with him.

"Things will get better, Joanna, they always do," Gus replied, keeping his eyes on the road for a moment before flickering in her direction in the rearview mirror. "Just got to have faith. It's a harsh world, but have faith and you'll make it through."

"Yes, sir," Joanna replied, allowing herself to smile a little bit. "Faith goes a long way."

Just like she kept it up to good faith that her son would get in contact with her husband. She wanted to have her family whole again and to show her parents and everyone who had mocked and felt sorry for her over the years that she was going to stand by her husband and show them all that nothing was going to break them up.

You're standing by your husband, alright, she thought to herself as Gus pulled over to the side of the road, allowing more people onto the bus. Running away, changing your names, just so you wouldn't be found out? You're showing real bravery there.

She hadn't even gone by her first name, Christine, in years, neither has Logan. Shortly after meeting and becoming close friends with Brooke Diamond, Kacy Knight, and Sylvia Garcia, did she explain to them everything that was going on and how she wanted them to all start calling her son by his middle name, Logan. Kendall, Carlos, and James had a little trouble following that until Brooke all but demanded that they start calling him "Logan" instead of Hortense.

And here he was as part of one of the most popular boy bands…making a lot of money. Enough money that he could…possibly use…to help his father. But, she was too proud and too guilty to ask for the help, let alone to use his money to help someone her son thought of as a stranger. It was a miracle that he even agreed to talk with his father online.

Joanna made it to her home a few minutes later (after getting off the bus stop 10 minutes out from her home) and tossed her keys and shoes down onto the bottom stairs, after kicking the door shut behind her. She locked it and then sighed, making her way towards the phone that started to ring. She walked over to the wall mount for the phone and picked it up, glancing at the called ID, she quickly answered and ended the call before putting the phone back.

She headed into the kitchen and reached into a cabinet for a bottle of wine and a glass. Popping out the cork, she started to hum to herself before lifting the bottle, pouring the golden fluid into her glass. She put the cork back in, grasped the wine glass and made her way into the living room. She collapsed onto the couch and kicked her feet up onto the table, crossing them at her ankles. She reached for her laptop and logged on all with one hand, taking a sip of the wine.

She was barely logged into her computer for 5 minutes when a jingle hit the air, causing her to jump. A black bar with green and red buttons popped up on her screen. She leaned closer towards the screen, peering at the buttons before slowly dragging her finger across the touch pad before clicking on the second green button. Her screen suddenly went blank before turning a deep blue color and a light popped up on the top of her computer before a box appeared and she was face to face with Kacy Knight.

A wide smile came to Joanna's face and she waved at her friend. Kacy waved back and said something that Joanna couldn't hear. Joanna looked around her keyboard and jabbed her finger into the mute button. "Did it work?" she asked louder than she needed to. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes, I can hear you," Kacy replied, laughing a little bit. "You don't have to yell Joanna."

"This technology," Joanna said, shaking her head back and forth. "I don't know how I've gotten this far without Logan. I wouldn't even know what Scape was unless—" She trailed off. Unless my husband hadn't told me all about .

"How are you doing?" Kacy asked, a look of worry coming to her face. "I've tried calling."

"I'm just about to disconnect my phone," Joanna said with a sigh. "It's gotten a little crazy around here."

Kacy's eyes went to the wine glass in her hand. "I can tell," she said, jokingly. "Logan's been doing well, considering. I don't think it's really sunk in." She raked her fingers through her auburn hair. "He's been keeping himself busy with studio work and spending time with his friends. He told me that he told Kendall but the other boys don't know." She shook her head. "I'm worried about the two of you. Logan seems to just be trying to forget he heard anything and I think that's going to catch up to him when he least expects it."

"That's Logan for you," Joanna said with a sigh. She could blame herself for that.

Logan was always a curious kid, wanting to learn as much as he could, especially about his dad. She didn't want him to be worried or be scared or have to learn all about the things she had personally seen or heard other people say or do in regards to their family and didn't want him to know all about it. She barely answered his questions, only enough to pacify him for the time being and then after a while, he just stopped asking. She was relieved, she just didn't anticipate her son building up such a grudge for his own father and she didn't know how it'd help if after all those years she decided to tell him.

Clearly, it blew up in her face.

"What about you?" Kacy asked.

"It's…hard," Joanna replied, nodding her head repeatedly. Kacy clicked her tongue, slowly shaking her head back and forth in sympathy. "I thought I was doing a good job keeping it out of work, but they want me to take a week or two off to get this all sorted out."

"You look like you could use some time off, sweetie," Kacy commented. "Have you asked Brooke and Sylvia for any advice?"

"You know, Brooke, she's not the best person to go to for this," Joanna said, shaking her head as well. "She would probably sell me some products to make myself look alluring even while sobbing." She took a few gulps of her wine and then locked eyes with her friend.

"If it stings, that means it's working," the two of them said in unison before they started to laugh. Joanna's smile faded as he laughter subsided. Oh, it feels so good to laugh again, she thought to herself.

"Sylvia would do anything she could to help, considering my parents won't," Joanna explained, " however, she doesn't know him as well as I do. To her, he screwed up and he's always going to be a screw up. You know she feels that way about Kevin and Paul."

Kacy hesitated before slowly nodding. "I love her, I do, but she's too judgmental sometimes," Joanna continued. "You know her, she won't ever admit it, but I don't think she'd lend me some money."

"I wish I had enough to help you out, dear," Kacy said with a sigh, raking her fingers through her hair. "Really, I do."

"I know, but I can't ask you and Kendall to do that for me," Joanna replied, feeling herself frown as well. "You both work so hard for what you earn."

"So do you, Jo," Kacy said, her voice suddenly filling with emotion. "So do you. You know the hardships I went through after Kevin left." She wiped at her eyes with her thumb. "You've always been there to help; taking the kids in when I had all those court hearings. I just wish there was some way I could help you."

"Just look out for my baby," Joanna replied, leaning forward to set down her glass of wine before using both hands to wipe at her eyes. "Just look out for my baby."

Los Angeles, California (Mall)

Logan crossed is arms over his chest as he waited in the line at the Cascade Café peering up at the large lit up boards, trying to keep himself occupied. He looked around at the diners of the restaurant and sucked in a deep breath of air before letting it out, smiling as the smell of food hit his nose.

"Next."

"I can help the next in line."

"Next person in line, please."

Logan stepped up to the counter and gave Rhuben a half smile as she looked up from the cash register and locked eyes with her. "Something tells me you're not here to order anything," she commented and Logan shook her head. She taped her fingernails on the counter and Logan saw that they were painted a light purple color. He gave a small smile remembering when she didn't even like to wear nail polish.

"You always seemed to know what I was thinking," Logan commented.

Something flashed in her eyes. "I got your flowers," she said, angling her head towards the back of the restaurant. "That was really sweet of you." She then glanced over at a spot over his shoulder. "But, if you're not going to order anything-"

"I was hoping we could talk," Logan replied. "Are you on break anytime soon?"

Rhuben glanced at her watch and then over at the line that was forming behind him. "Not for another hour," she replied with a brief shake of her head. "I'm done then. I guess if you wanted to wait-"

"Go talk to him," a boy said as he came up behind Rhuben, placing a hand on her shoulder before wiggling his fingers for her headset. "I'll take it from here." Rhuben hesitated for a moment before giving a nod. "Your shift is almost over anyway."

"Thanks, Tom," Rhuben replied, removing the headset from around her ears before moving her arms behind her back to untie the apron that she was weird. "I'll be out in a minute."

Logan gave Tom a nod of thanks before moving to the seating area, looking for a free table to sit at. He slid into the booth and adjusted the leather jacket around him aas he waited. He angled his head to look into the arcade when he heard a loud burst of cheers around the air hockey table. A small smile came to his face.

"Hard to imagine things change so quickly, huh?" Rhuben asked, sliding into the booth across from him, setting down the small bundle of purple Asian lilies onto the table.

"You sound like it has to change for the worst for them," Logan said, his eyes drifting towards her. She looked back at him. He could practically hear the negative comment that seemed to want to release from her, but she stayed silent. "I've been trying to talk to you for a couple of days. You haven't returned my calls or anything."

"Just been busy," Rhuben replied with a nod.

"With what?" Logan asked, quirking an eyebrow. "You're on a break for a year."

"We still work out and dance and do photo shoots and stuff," Rhuben replied with a shrug. "Not as much as before, Ronan's made sure of that." She looked around the restaurant. "We surf a lot more. Surprised we don't have swimmer's ear to be honest with you."

"You guys would flip if you got swimmer's ear," Logan said with a chuckle. "You act restless now, but once you really have nothing to do—"

"Yeah, tell me about it," Rhuben agreed with a small laugh. Silence fell over the two of them and Logan dropped his gaze to his laugh. "I should be the one apologizing to you, you know." Logan blinked in surprise. "About what happened at the crib the other day. I flipped."

"No," Logan said with a shake of his head. "I didn't mean what I said. I knew what I was saying would be insensitive." He played with his zipper on his jacket. "Thing is, you're one of the few people who gets it and I need some people to talk to. We've always been able to tell each other everything, so why does that have to change now?"

Rhuben's lips twitched slightly. "It doesn't," she replied, shaking her head. "But, you weren't really all that open with your dad."

Logan laughed a little bit in disbelief. "I was when we were kids," he pointed out, "but you weren't all that open with yours when we met up again, either." He put his hands up into the air, letting out a heavy sigh. "This wasn't what I wanted to talk about either. We were fine before all this crap with my dad came up, I just want to get back to that. I felt like we were really getting on the right path with our friendship then. I know we can't have what we used to, but…"

The two of them hadn't spoken in the past two days. He didn't know if it was because she was avoiding him or if he was avoiding her or if they were both doing their best at avoiding each other. He knew that she was the type that needed time to cool off when she was mad, so he was giving her that. However, with what he said to her, he didn't know if they could really pick up or if they'd, in a way, have to start over again. He was sure that was the worst thing he had ever said to her.

"No, Logie, stop," Rhuben said, putting a hand up and Logan smiled.

With the Jacksons giving nicknames to everybody, it had pretty much become common knowledge to know that if you were referred to by your nickname you were still in the Jacksons' good books. Not to be confused with the times where they were having a serious conversation and the use of their birth name was to get and keep their attention.

"Let me apologize, I don't do it a lot so you better listen. I get what you're saying, you need as much people to help you through whatever it is you're feeling Something I've always struggled with since I've…well, since always. But, you've always been awesome helping us out whether we tried to push you away or not. You've been a better friend to me than I have this whole time. It's my turn to return the favor. I'm sorry I didn't let you vent out your frustrations; it wasn't fair as that has basically been all I've been doing between my bitching and moaning about everything."

Logan opened closed his mouth. "Do you like me or not?" he suddenly asked. Rhuben blinked in confusion at the sudden change of subject.

Logan gaped back at her, surprised the words had even come out of his mouth. Regardless of meaning for the words to slip out, he had been going back and forth asking her that question ever since he had really gotten back from tour. At the same time, it was something he tried to avoid.

Camille Roberts was one of the first friends they had made when they moved to Los Angeles. She helped them build their crib, was always there to give them words of encouragement before the start of a tour, helped James when he wanted to try and get into acting she did a lot for them. Her crazy personality and ability to put on different characters for different situations led for a really spontaneous ride; one he enjoyed. Logan truly cared about her, but it could just be too crazy sometimes.

Rhuben was his best friend, ever since they were kids. Despite their time apart and having to learn to build their friendship over again she was there to listen to his worries and concerns of the music industry and could always find a way to calm him down, and she would drop everything to give him last minute private dance classes. In turn, he offered a shoulder for her to lean on whenever she needed him to listen to how hard adjusting to life without an abuser around was. Most importantly, he was there to lend her compliments and to try and show her that he was going to be there, their friendship was a way for each other to stop them from falling and to pick each other up when they started to fall.

"…Excuse me?" she finally asked, her eyes narrowing into a look of confusion. "What kind of question is that?"

"A good one," Logan replied. He was on a role now.

She was right, he had gained more confidence while he was out on the road. He had gained more confidence in general since starting the musical journey along with James, Carlos, and Logan. Where he, and his brothers had really gotten confidence from was the fact that their friends were brave enough to announce to their fans and to the world their biggest secret. If they could do that, he could do anything.

"I've just been getting mixed signals from you lately," he continued when she didn't say anything. "You know how I feel about you; I've always felt this way for you. I don't think it's ever going to change." Rhuben bowed her head, her gaze dropping into her lap. "What are you thinking?"

"You don't know me at all do you?" Rhuben asked, lifting her head to look at him. She bobbed her head back and forth before letting out a breath of air through her nose. "We talked all the time over the summer and you're just bringing this up now?" She ran her hand over her face. "Have you talked to Camille?"

"Yeah," Logan replied after a moment of silence. "Actually, that's one of the things I did the past couple days." He peered over at her but she didn't seem to have any bit of emotion on her face. One of her defense mechanisms. He knew it well at this point and it still drove him crazy, not knowing what she was thinking. At the same time, he knew that it was a hindrance to her recovery from her abuse. But, who was he to talk? "She's a really cool person."

"Yeah, I know," Rhuben replied, giving a half smile. "Camille's awesome. We talked about you a lot while you were on tour." Her half smile grew slightly and a familiar twinkle came to her eye. "Mainly about how we had to be doofuses to go crazy over you." Logan rolled his eyes as she started laughing a little bit.

"You have an amazing smile," Logan commented, resting his arms on the table. "I'm glad to see you're showing it more often."

"I hate my smile," Rhuben said as her laughter faded. Logan watched as her cheeks turned a bright pink. "I think they make my cheeks look fatter than they are." She reached a hand up and pinched at her cheeks, pushing them together. Logan clicked his tongue, and shot out his hand, knocking it away from her face. He wedged his fingers through hers, slightly and brought her hand down from her face.

"You really are beautiful," he said quietly. "I know you don't believe it, or it's hard for you to believe it, but it's true." He rubbed his thumb over the back of her knuckles. "I know because of your past and everything, you don't think you're good enough for anyone or you're good enough to do anything because that's what you've been told, but that's not true. I'm telling you that you deserve everything you want."

"I do like you, Logan," Rhuben said quietly, pulling her hand back from his. He frowned slightly, watching as she put her hand in her lap. "It's just…it was hard to know if what you wanted wasn't just for that moment in time. I mean…you know I don't want to hurt Camille." Logan watched as she turned and brushed her cheek against her shoulder. Another defense mechanism. "I'm just scared of trying this again. Something always happens to screw things up."

Logan shook his head and her last words died away. "I love you, Bella, and I've always wanted to be that guy who can show you that the world has so much to offer you. I want to be your Prince Charming; the guy who can steer you away from every bad thing that tries to get to you. The only way you've managed to get this far was by facing your dark past and I want you to know that I'll be here every step of the way if you decide to continue to do so." Rhuben briefly closed her eyes, before looking back up at him. "I hope you'd do the same for me, because…I've been thinking of going home for a while and I want you to go with me."

Rhuben's eyebrows knitted together. "Home as in Minnesota or-"

"Texas, home," Logan confirmed. "Well, first to Minnesota to talk to my mom about the whole thing, and then head down to Texas." He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath of air before letting it out. "I want to talk to my dad, face to face."

"Are you sure you want to do that?" Rhuben asked, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. "I mean, you didn't really react well on the computer."

"As long as you're with me, I can do anything," Logan replied before leaning forward, colliding his lips to hers in a sweet kiss.

He brought up his left hand to cup her cheek, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss. He felt her lips move against his, and the smell of lavender and vanilla wafted into his nose, making his head spin.

A/N: In regards to the Boys Like Girls song (which i do not own), which this story (and the chapter titles are inspired by) the titles to this chapter and the next one are switched. I think it just fit better this way. You'll see more from Joanna's point of view as the fic goes on. Not a big fan of this ending.

Hope you guys liked this chapter.

Cheers,

-Rhuben