"I'm glad I finally got a hold of you. I couldn't call your cell phone from here and you don't have your own ground line." Jake's voice sounded so far away, but it was him, and she almost dropped the phone. She wanted privacy. She left Luke and Lorelai in the diner and stepped into the kitchen; her knees buckling, she grasped the counter and allowed herself to slide to the floor.
"Jake, oh my God," the damn tears were already burning her eyes, threatening to fall torrentially down her face. "Where are you?"
"Annie, baby, you know I can't tell you that," Jake sighed and rubbed his forehead in an effort to push away the intense pounding on his temples. He only had a couple of minutes; he knew it would take forever to gather all the words he wanted to say. She was so much better at this, she deserved so much better than what he had given her.
"Are you even there? Talk damn it," she was angry and terrified and so damn happy to hear his voice for the first time since she found out she was having his baby, since he left and went halfway around the world to fight and maybe die.
"I'm here Annie. I'm so sorry." Talk and don't think anymore. "I just wanted to hear your voice." She choked a sob.
"You're going to die."
"Stop it, no, I'm calling because I finally got a chance to Annie, not because- no, stop it."
"What then? God! I can't do this Jake, I love you but I can't, it's killing me, you know?"
"Do you want me to quit Annie? To leave everything behind? I would do it if you asked me." His stomach dropped at the thought of it.
YES! "That's not for me to ask Jake, I won't do it," she pushed at her eyes with the palms of her hands harshly, stinging her eyes. Her stomach cramped and it hurt and it didn't even compare to what she was feeling. "I won't do it," she said over and over. I won't trap you and make you leave if you don't want to leave.
"Annie things are so damn different now." This wasn't coming out right, I'm just making her upset and I can't do that anymore.
"What does that even mean Jake?" She was so angry, and she knew she was being stubborn and unfair and vulnerable all at once, and she wanted him there damn it, because she needed him so much, why didn't he know that? He doesn't know why because I haven't told him, tell him then, there's too much at risk. He could hate me for it, he could get distracted and die and it'd be all my selfish fault.
"It means I can't sit here and pretend that I can breathe without you, knowing you're hurting and not telling me all of it, because you're not and I know it Annie. This was easy before because it wasn't… because I didn't…"
"What Jake? I need to hear what you're thinking about any of this. You write and you say you love me but I know it isn't really enough for you…"
"That's not true, Annie, it's not… I didn't care before and it made me good at what I did. Elsa says I'm useless now, and maybe I am- at my life, at my job- I don't even know. I know that whatever you did changed everything, and I'm not saying it's bad…Annie?" the connection began to static and he panicked.
"Damn it Jake," she listened through the static, gripping the phone until her knuckles were white, straining to hear his voice.
"Annie? God damn it. I need you to hear me now. Because you're all that matters, nothing else matters anymore and I've been stuck here trying my damnedest to pretend that isn't true…" she sat in silence and the connection was breaking up, but she heard him in pieces. "…soon, I promise… never …"
"Jake," say I'm pregnant, say it. She felt hot and sticky and thought she was sweating in her frustration. "I love you," she prayed to God he could hear her, and the phone went dead.
The floor was cold but somehow she wasn't, not really, and she couldn't figure out how she was going to get up. She reached to the floor and her hand slipped- what had spilled? She lifted her hand and stared without comprehension until the smell of it sparked her memory.
Blood? Oh god. She was sitting in it, soaked in it. She couldn't breathe. God. Scream Annie.
"Lorelai!"