10 Months Later
I walk into my new office and smile. Jonathan officially retired on Friday, leaving the weekend for him to clean it up for me to start fresh today. I run my finger along the nameplate -my nameplate- on my desk and smile even bigger.
I worked hard these past ten months, pulling double shifts in class, staying after hours with my father to memorize customs and laws and ordinances, and when it was time for me to take my verbal exam with the current leaders, I passed with flying colors.
I take some time to rearrange the things in and on my desk, and fill out some paperwork that was left for me. A knock on the door grabs my attention.
"Come in."
"You have a visitor," the office secretary says, and steps aside. I scrunch my eyebrows when Susan walks in.
"Susan," I say, "Good morning."
"Good morning to you too, Beatrice." I stare at her for a moment, rolling my eyes as I always do, and prompt her to talk knowing she won't do it first.
"What can I do for you, Susan?" She takes a step forward, handing me an envelope. I raise an eyebrow as I take it, and when I move to open it she reaches out, stopping me.
"Not now," she says quietly, looking behind her. Now my curiosity is really piqued; this is Susan. I nod and she smiles. "I looked after him, and he asked me to give you this." My heart instantly pounds hard in my chest. I nod again; clearly I have underestimated her.
"Thank you," I whisper. "Is he-"
"Yes," she answers quickly, and turns to leave. "That sounds wonderful, Beatrice. I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight for dinner," she says as she excuses herself from my office.
I walk to the door, and notice that Robert Mills, the only person who seemed against me being here is at his desk, mere feet from my door. Susan is beginning to surprise me more each day. He gives me a sour look, but I smile at him and nod politely before closing my door.
My hand trembles just a bit as I tear the envelope open, and my breath catches in my throat when I see what's inside- a torn soup label with my faded hand writing on it. I hold it to my chest and take a deep breath. As much as I wanted to separate myself from him, I couldn't. I've thought about him every day for the past ten months, and every day I told myself that this was for him and that I made the right choice. He must realize it too, or at least I hope that's what this means. I stuff the label back inside the envelope, and place it securely inside my sweater pocket before getting back to work.
The day drags on the more I think about the envelope and Tobias. There weren't any meetings scheduled for today; the factions usually hold off for a week or two whenever a new ambassador is appointed to give them time to acclimate. I would have welcomed the unfamiliarity of it all over this though. I wade through the paperwork, approving and denying what things I can and scheduling meetings until it's time for me to leave.
"Mom?" I call out as I walk through the door.
"In here," she replies from the living room. I walk in and see her knitting a scarf to keep her supply up- my mother knits throughout the entire year to make sure
she has enough to hand out all through the winter months.
"I'm having dinner with Susan tonight. Just letting you know."
"Okay sweetheart." Just then, there is a knock at the door.
"Oh, Susan," I say, surprised to see her when I answer the door. "I was just telling my mom that I was having dinner with you tonight."
"Oh good. But there's been a change of plans. I ran into Krystal and Rose today, after I talked to you, and they would like to join us. So I thought it might be better to have dinner at their house."
"Okay," I say, trying my best to not sound like I have no idea what's going on. "Give me a minute and I'll meet you over there?"
"Okay, Beatrice."
As I walk up the stairs, my mother says "Susan is such a nice young girl," and I smile.
I open my closet and take out the extra blankets I have stored in there, unfolding them to retrieve my Dauntless clothes. Blankets are about the only thing we have extras of in Abnegation, justified by not having to use the heat so much through the colder months so the other factions can use the energy instead. I change into them quickly, and thank the stars that the Dauntless wear such tight clothing. I put my loose skirt and shirt back on over them, as well as my sweater, and head out the door.
"Hello Beatrice," Krystal says as she answers the door. "It's nice to see you again."
"Nice to see you too," I say, keeping up with the formalities under the public eye. I hadn't realized, but Rose and Krystal's house is the last one before the field that separates Abnegation from the Factionless; Tobias is no more than a brisk ten minute walk from here.
I step inside and hand Krystal my sweater before turning to Susan. "Okay, you have got to fill me in on what is going on," I say hurriedly.
"I knew right away you meant something to him," Susan says. "That day when you asked me to remove his stitches, at first he wouldn't let me come near him. When I threatened to get the Dauntless patrol, he caved. But before I left, he asked me to please stop by occasionally and let him know how you were doing." Krystal and Rose both let out an aww, and I shoot them a look.
"I stopped by every other week, telling him what I did or didn't know, and making sure he had what he needed. You left quite an impression on him, Beatrice, and the only reason I'm doing this is because the last time I saw him, when he gave me that envelope, he looked like he had a really rough night. He was limping and favoring his left side. He refused to let me check him or take him to the hospital. Instead he gave me the envelope and made me promise to give it to you."
I try my best to keep a calm demeanor, but I know I'm failing by the looks on the faces in front of me. I close my eyes and think of Edward and Evelyn, trying to bully Tobias into their awful plans.
"Beatrice," Rose says, and I open my eyes. "I don't know what's going on, but I won't say anything."
"Me either," Krystal adds. Amity roots at their finest.
I look at Susan, and after a moment, she sighs heavily. "I won't either."
"Thank you," I say. "I promise that one day this will all make sense, but for now, you three are just going to have to trust me. And," I add, smiling, "We'll probably have to have dinner a lot more often."
The girls laugh, but quickly fall silent when I pull my hair from it's bun and start removing my clothing.
"Wow. You look..."
"Dauntless." Rose says, finishing Krystal's sentence.
"That's the point. Where can I keep these?" I say, motioning to my clothes.
"I'll take them," Rose says. I go to grab my sweater but stop, realizing that it looks out of place with my Dauntless attire. The mixture of the two factions would make me look Factionless, but I think looking more like I belong in Dauntless will serve me better. I take the envelope out and shove it in a pocket.
"I can fix that," Susan says. "Not tonight, obviously, but I'll get you a Dauntless jacket."
"Susan," I say. "You have no idea how much I appreciate this." The three of them smile as I turn to look through the window. "See you guys in a few."
Dinner time is dinner time in Abnegation, which makes cutting through the field a whole lot easier. I slow my pace once I enter the Factionless sector, making sure to not draw any more attention to me than necessary.
When I reach Tobias' building, I hesitate for just a moment, thinking about what I'm going to say to him. Sorry I left without saying goodbye because it was easier for me that way? Sorry I didn't take your feelings into consideration? Sorry I am completely and utterly selfish? I take a deep breath and push the door open. I'll know what to say when I see him.
I make my way carefully up the stairs, so I don't alarm Tobias with loud footsteps and yelling. The room with the columns looks exactly the same, except the large desk from down the hall now blocks three quarters of the entryway. I close my eyes, realizing we never even got a chance to move it. We never got a chance to do a lot of the things I wanted to do.
I make my way through the columns, looking to both sides to make sure nobody is hiding there, and take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I don't hear anything, and at first, I wonder if he's not here. After a minute I hear the door unlock, but it stays closed. I pause for just a moment and open the door cautiously; his room seems even darker than I remember it.
"Tobias?" I whisper as I walk in, and I hear a loud breath from right next to me. I spin, and am mere inches from him.
"Jesus!" I say louder than I meant to, and hold a hand over my heart. He closes the door and locks it before making his way over to the desk. I can tell by the way he is slightly limping, he's hurt.
"What happened?" I ask as a dim light begins to glow. Tobias has a lantern -a solar lantern- that could have only come from Erudite. A quick look around and I can see that the windows have all been covered, which explains why it's so dark. I notice the strong smell of alcohol and some empty bottles strewn about.
"It's not important," he dismisses.
"Tobias, yes it is. And where did you get that?" I say, pointing to the lantern. I don't doubt there are some here, but I've never seen anyone with one before.
He raises his eyes to me, an unamused look on his face. "I had forgotten how stubborn you are."
I open my mouth to argue back, but stop as his words sink in. They hurt, and I deserve them. I take a few cautious steps forward, taking the envelope out of my pocket before sitting down. I patiently wait as Tobias looks me over, taking in every last inch of me as though he'll never see me again.
When he reaches my eyes I see nothing but heartbreak in them, and it physically pains me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to remain as calm and steady as I can. I ignore the signs of hardship I see all around me; the thinning blanket, his longer hair, the hole in the knee of his pants.
Susan said she was looking after him, but I know he is too proud, and she won't force him to do much more than eat. At least he doesn't have the thin body and sunken eyes that most of the Factionless do. He still looks the strong man I know he is.
"I'm not the only one," I say, letting him know that he isn't fooling me. He doesn't respond.
"Susan brought me this," I say after a minute, holding out the envelope.
"I figured." He stares at it, but doesn't take it.
"Why did you have her bring it to me?"
"I just needed to see you with my own eyes. To ask you if it's true."
"If what's true?"
"That you're an Ambassador now."
"I am," I say.
He nods slowly, keeping his eyes on my still outstretched hand and the envelope.
"That's it?" I ask. "That's all you have to say? You just wanted to ask me something you already knew the answer to?"
"Yep," he says flatly, bringing his eyes to mine. "You should get rid of those clothes. You don't want anyone to find out about them."
He stands slowly and makes his way past me without a second glance. I hear the door unlock behind me, and I know I'm no longer welcome. I stand and turn to face him, prepared to see the hardened Four, but instead I'm met with Tobias; lonely, broken and unloved.
"This is yours," I say, holding out the envelope again. "Please take it."
"No."
"Will you at least tell me why?" He stares off behind me for what seems like a lifetime before he finally answers.
"Because I don't want to be reminded anymore." I nod as I put the envelope back in my pocket.
"I'm sorry Tobias," I say as walk out the door.
"So am I," he says quietly.
His eyes catch mine as I turn. He looks at me for what feels like forever and not long enough. My mind races with a million things I want to say, a million apologies I want to give, but I just stand still. He takes a deep breath before he shuts the door, and my heart drops as he pushes me out of his life for good.