CHAPTER 10:

BIRTHDAY

It was lucky they were in the English summer, Shenhua thought to herself. Her native country was tropical, as was Roanapur, and her habitual outfit wasn't too bad for an English summer. Even if it was exotic enough to raise comment. As far as she knew, her reputation as an assassin hadn't spread beyond Taiwan and Roanapur, at least as far as the police of various countries were concerned. Her face wasn't exactly on Interpol's watch lists, and she would be happy for it to stay that way.

They got to sight-see a little, too, in and around London. Westminster Abbey, the Tower of London, Nelson's Column…later, Shenhua was going to do some shopping in Oxford Street and Carnaby Street, see if anything caught her eye. She doubted it, but at least she could say she had been there. Hal and Rica wanted to look at the museums later too.

And, of course, there was sticking it sideways to the Death Eaters, James Potter and Sirius Black.

In a way, while something of a working holiday, she found this more enjoyable than the last job she had to do for Chang before joining the Sawyer Twins on their little trip to Britain. She had to go and save Revy and Rock from a bunch of terrorists while they delivered documents to CIA representatives. Between lip from Revy (who claimed Rock had the documents to trick them into going back for him: Shenhua had to admire Revy's moxie and gunplay skills, if nothing else) and Leigharch driving while under the influence of drugs (screaming Star Trek and music references as he hallucinated), Shenhua found that experience tiresome, though she did enjoy killing those morons in that terrorist group. But she knew that Leigharch was soon going to be a liability. Though only in the sense that he would end up brain-fried and be shipped off to hospital, probably for the term of his natural life.

In a way, the Protectors of the Islamic Front and the Death Eaters weren't so different, she reflected as she showered. Voldemort was little more than a terrorist trying to cause a coup d'etat. They were fanatical believers in a faulty ideology that they used as an excuse to commit atrocities. Some may believe in the ideology, but…well, Shenhua was pretty sure that many of them were just using ideology as an excuse to mask pure xenophobia. A dislike for the unalike. They hated other people for being born different, believing them to be inferior.

Shenhua didn't really follow an ideology, political or religious. At best, she was a Taoist, and that was a pantheistic religion, believing in balance in all things. However, if truth be told, she was actually closer to an atheist. One thing she shared with Revy, even if she didn't share Revy's dark past (something the young woman never really spoke about), was a somewhat nihilistic and materialistic viewpoint. But unlike Revy, who saw it as an excuse to hold herself to no standards, save perhaps her highly-skilled gunplay, Shenhua actually tried to refine herself in every way she could. A fit and sexy body, great dress and make-up, and skills that would seem archaic in this day and age, bringing knives to gunfights…and winning.

This didn't mean she was a snob per se, despite disdaining Revy's mode of dress. After all, she wouldn't have formed a friendship with the Sawyer Twins otherwise. They were at the bottom of the ladder in some regards, as cleaning wasn't the most glamorous position. And despite their sadistic methods of dealing with criminals, Shenhua had to admit, they had a style of their own.

Shenhua's philosophy was deceptively simple-sounding: work hard, play hard, and enjoy life. Okay, her work involved a lot of killing, but somebody had to do it.

After saving Hermione Granger, the three had decided to celebrate Hal's birthday. Shenhua was a little disappointed that they weren't going to stay at a luxury hotel, but were sticking, albeit not without reason, to an abandoned warehouse. That being said, she was considerably less disappointed by the actual accommodation: a magical trunk that the Sawyer Twins had purchased on Roanapur's magical black market before leaving. One that was a largish trunk on the outside, and within, a veritable mansion on the inside. In fact, it was better than their own apartment back home, and Shenhua had asked why they didn't stay in that. She could tell they were seriously considering the idea: a well-made magical trunk was effectively a fortress as well as accommodation.

For Hal's birthday, Shenhua had discussed something with Rica. The younger woman had been a little reluctant at first, before she seemed to accede to the idea. She was warned not to tell Hal over their mental link, though. In fact, they had a number of presents from well-wishers, given to them before they came over, including ones from Chang and Balalaika, as well as Dutch.

Rica was also working on engraving special translation charms into Shenhua's earrings, so that she could speak Hokkien, and everyone else would hear it as normal English. Shenhua had made a facetious remark about it being the wrong birthday.

They had also brought along the chick that was formerly Fawkes. The Phoenix had been a bit obstreperous over his treatment, and understandably so. After all, Rica had bisected him with a chainsaw. They were just keeping him around until they could send him back to Dumbledore with a minimum of interference.

It was just as well they were out of Roanapur for the time being. The Sawyer Twins had told Chang and Balalaika about Verrocchio's kiddy assassins. Verrocchio had been pulled into a meeting, shown the weapons of Hansel and Gretel, along with photos of their corpses (prior to their decapitation), and told in no uncertain terms to stop rocking the boat. Whether Verrocchio would keep his promise in that regard was another matter. But they had the feeling that a brief but violent gang war would erupt before long, and the Italians would need a new leader in Roanapur. The Sawyers even warned Dutch to find as many jobs that took the Lagoon Company out of Roanapur as he could. Indeed, Balalaika did just that, providing some small-scale jobs that would keep them out of Roanapur more often than not.

Dealing with Hansel and Gretel had put a pall over the Sawyers' attitude. Which was understandable. Shenhua was glad she didn't get to see what lurked in the memories of the Romanian twin assassins. If it was enough to make the Sawyers vomit, then she didn't want anything to do with it. Even hearing the edited highlights from the Sawyers was bad enough. Shenhua held no illusions about the depravities some people would sink to, but it still filled her with disgust and horror. Not shock, but disgust and horror.

Still, they had managed to recover somewhat before they left for Britain. And here they were, celebrating Hal's 20th birthday. And what a way to start off, with killing off a bunch of Death Eaters who were threatening Hermione Granger. Okay, that was serendipity more than anything else, but still, it worked out.

Through Chang's contacts, they had found out various places which were considered to be bases for the Death Eaters. Supposedly, Charles' blood was used to create a new body for Voldemort at Little Hangleton, and through Voldemort's memories, Hal knew that Voldemort's family came from there, so that was another potential base.

Through Voldemort's memories, those that Hal had gained when James and Sirius almost killed them, Hal also knew that Voldemort had created Horcruxes, and what they were. Hal decided that they would leave lists of the Horcruxes and their locations to both Dumbledore and the local DMLE once they were done. If they couldn't fix up the matter themselves, then they deserved Voldemort turning up again like the proverbial bad penny.

Of course, Voldemort was not the grand finale. James Potter and Sirius Black were. Perhaps the only benefit of seeing into the sick and sordid memories of Hansel and Gretel was learning of the Romanian twins' inventive torture techniques, and there were more than a few Hal and Rica intended to try out on their former guardians.

Sometime tomorrow, they intended to head to Gringotts, see whether they had any resources at their disposal. While they weren't exactly hurting for cash back home, they could always do with a little extra. But for now, they were celebrating both Hal's birthday, and the beginning of their little British hunting expedition. A simple reminder of humanity for a trio of people who were always in danger of forgetting it…

It was a party for three, but it was wild enough with Shenhua. Plus, the various presents that Hal had been sent were interesting. Chang and Balalaika had sent some rare magic tomes they had managed to obtain. Dutch, ever practical, gave them a set of headsets customised by Benny. Two of them could double as electrolarynxes with a special disc like that on Rica's choker pressed to the throat, so that they could communicate with Shenhua if necessary.

The Rip-Off Church had somehow found out (though Hal and Rica suspected that Eda was CIA, and knew a lot more about what on in Roanapur than most), and they sent a small army's worth of grenades. There were frag grenades, white phosphorous, and even stun grenades. Not that they needed them, and they weren't sure they could trust some of the things Eda and Yolanda sent them (a few looked old enough to have been scrounged from the leftovers of the Vietnam War), but it was the thought that counted. Hell, Eda even painted one frag grenade in colours of gold and white, fixed a small cross to it so it resembled a globus cruciger(1), and put it in a box that she called the 'Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch'. Hal and Rica thought the joke was funny, but they doubted that they should use anything the Rip-Off Church gave them for free…unless they were far, far away from the blast zone.

After a splendid party meal, they retired to have their showers, with Rica promising a special present. He wasn't offended that Shenhua didn't give him any: while they had known each other for a while, it was only recently that Shenhua actually knew them in earnest. And the truth was, Hal and Rica were used to a lack of presents during their birthdays. Just having Shenhua here, helping them out in a battle she didn't need to fight, was enough.

When he went back into the bedroom, he stopped, and stared at the sight before him. Not at the sight of a lingerie-clad Rica lying in bed. That, he had expected.

It was Shenhua in the same bed, in a similar state of dress, that he hadn't expected. Especially as she was kissing Rica.

As he stared in shock, Shenhua looked over, and then giggled. "I called it, Rica. I knew he'd be surprised."

Hal scrabbled for his electrolarynx, which he had left on a desk, and then pressed it to his throat. "Shenhua…I…what…? Huh?"

Rica rolled her eyes, before she intoned, through her electrolarynx choker, "So did I, Shenhua. That was a sucker bet. It's okay, Hal. She suggested this, as part of your present. And Shenhua is the only person I would consider sharing with you. Though if she hadn't discussed this with me in advance, I may have taken my chainsaw to her anyway."

Shenhua nodded. "You guys have known each other for longer, but, well…I want in as well. I mean for a time. Unless I find someone else, anyway. Rica was telling me how good you were in bed." She looked at his pyjama pants, and smirked at the bulge. "Judging by the size of that, I don't think I'm going to complain. Plus, I'm testing out this translation charm Rica put on my earrings. I'm sick of sounding like the hooker from Full Metal Jacket."

"We prefer The Shining and Dr Strangelove as far as Kubrick films are concerned," Rica said. "And A Clockwork Orange, as much as Kubrick changed things." She then gave Hal a sultry smile. "So, we've had our fill of ultraviolence for the day…how about some lubbilubbing this nochy? I want you to make us creech so loud, we're deaf for days."

"Govoreeting some filthy slovos, my dear devotchka Rica?" Hal said with an eager grin.

Shenhua blinked. "Huh? What were you speaking then?"

Hal and Rica looked at each other. We are SO sitting her down in front of A Clockwork Orange when we have some free time, Hal sent via their mental link.

Well, enough business. Time for the pleasure…

In 12 Grimmauld Place, Sirius Black stopped eating his dinner, and glared at the ceiling. Somewhere, somehow, he knew someone was having a threesome with two beautiful women, and it wasn't him. If it was Harry and those bitches of his, he was going to make them pay. Oh yes, he'd make them pay…

CHAPTER 10 ANNOTATIONS:

So, there you have it. Hal's had his birthday and a very lovely set of presents, including a threesome involving two of the most lethal women in Roanapur, if not the world. The whole thing about Hal and Rica conversing in Nadsat (for those not in the know, it's a teenage slang from the dystopian world of A Clockwork Orange, many of the words derived from Russian words) came about more or less by accident. They've read the book as well as watched the film (ditto The Shining), so they know a bit more Nadsat than was used in the film.

Plus, the little scene at the end with Sirius, I just thought would be a funny coda to the chapter.

Review-answering time! Guest: Yeah, I can see Fawkes getting laughed at for a while.

Chi Vayne: Fair enough, but it's being taken to another level.

1. A globus cruciger is a jewelled orb with a cross on top. It's usually part of royal regalia, so you'd know it if you looked it up on Wikipedia. It also is what the Holy Hand Grenade from Monty Python and the Holy Grail is meant to resemble.