Chapter 11: Contemplation
I hardly slept that night with these thoughts in my head. Should I go home? Should I stay? What would happen if I did this? What would happen if I did that? Would I turn into one of them if I stayed? And what about my family? I know they treated me like total garbage, but...isn't there a saying that you can't pick your family? This isn't my situation - I have to pick a family.
I have to choose between: the family that raised me or the family that made me feel wanted.
Then I came up with a plan, I would check on them and if they're the same as always - I would come back and stay for good. I just don't know how Carol's going to react to it. I remembered what Judith said when found out that Max was a fake king and shivered, he wouldn't do that to me! Would he?
What if he did? If Carol turned on me - there'd be no stopping him! He...will...kill me! Carol will be the last one to tell at this point, I'll start with Daniel, then Douglas, Ira Judith, Alexander, KW, then Carol so at least I'll have protection if Carol goes nuts.
I imagined their hurt but understanding faces and felt tears swell up. I let them glide down both sides of my face - this is the emotional journey; I already went through the physical journey.
Now my problem was how to tell them; I had to do it gently. It would be like breaking up with someone and telling him that we should see other people. I had to be gentle, but firm - not harsh, firm.
The next morning, after everyone was awake, I pulled Daniel aside and told him. At first he was confused and sad, but was fully understanding that I had to be sure that I was going to be treated differently.
"If it's the same, I'll come back...if it's different, I'll still come back and visit."
Daniel then tucked a daffodil behind my ear and pulled me into a bear hug.
I then told Douglas with the same result, then Ira. I told them if they could spread the news amongst the group, it would make it easier for me.