Chapter Eleven: Sonny
Sonny walked into the living room, throwing his keys down on his desk. The house was so quiet. He hated it. He knew he hated a lot of things, but silence was the worst. Especially this kind. It was deafening. It represented everything about his life. The silence of the people he'd killed. Michael's silence for the whole year he was in a coma. The silence of not having someone besides guards to greet him when he came home.
But he had done this to himself. Every relationship he had ever been in ended by his own fault. Whether it was death, fear, or he just didn't want to deal with them, it always ended by his hand. But that was karma, wasn't it? He had done so many awful things in his life. He couldn't even remember all of them. But this was what he deserved. For the silence of others, he got silence for himself.
Sonny started to make his way up the stairs. It had been a long night, and he needed his sleep. He trudged up each step, his feet heavy and dragging. When he reached the top, he was about to go into his room, but something stopped him.
The silence had been broken.
The door at the end of the dark hall was open, revealing the only light on in the entire second floor. Sonny was confused. The only room he was ever in on this floor was his own. The other rooms were merely there for decoration, for lack of a better word. And the one at the end of the hall—well, he never went in there. His mind couldn't take the pain that the silence of that room brought.
Despite his confusion, Sonny was curious. He didn't necessarily want to visit the room that brought back so many bad memories, but he felt like he had to. There was something about that light that was enticing, that drew him towards it, against his own will. He put one steady foot in front of the other as he made his way down the hall, preparing himself for what was waiting for him.
He stopped just before he reached the room, took a deep breath, and stepped inside, a mixture of emotions hitting him at once as he saw what lay in store for him.
Sonny had to shake his head and blink to make sure he was seeing everything clearly. It was all so bizarre and impossible. The room, instead of being half-painted and sparsely decorated, like the last time he had been inside, was now fully functioning. The light blue walls were almost calming, just like they had intended. The crib, the toy chest, the hanging mobile, the curtains—everything was in its place. Especially one thing in particular: the rocking chair, with two unexpected people sitting in it.
Sonny strained his memory hard, but he didn't think he could ever remember Claudia wearing white, not even on their wedding day. But here she was, sitting in the rocking chair, wearing a beautiful, summery dress, the color looking so out of place and yet so perfect on her at the same time. Her feet were bare, and she looked extremely comfortable, her dark hair settling peacefully around her shoulders. In her arms, she held a bundle of blue blankets, the small head of a child peeking out from inside.
"Do you know how much your mommy loves you?" Claudia was cooing to the baby, not even noticing Sonny's presence as she rocked back and forth in the chair. "She loves you so much. She almost lost you, but you were a little fighter. You lived for Mommy. And I am so proud of you."
Sonny almost felt tears coming to his eyes. It was his son, the son that had never had a chance. And his wife, the wife that hadn't had a chance either.
"You're going to do great things," Claudia was saying in a comforting whisper. "I can feel it. You're gonna be so smart. And you're gonna be great at sports. And you're gonna play the piano better than your uncle Johnny." She smiled at her little joke. "Just promise me something, 'kay?" The baby gurgled in response. Claudia's smile grew brighter. "Don't turn out like Daddy."
Sonny felt his heart sink to the floor. Even though that child had been Claudia's, it had also been his. And even though he didn't love Claudia, he would have loved that son just as much as his other children. He would have raised him the best he could, and would have made sure he'd had every opportunity he'd ever dreamed of. With these thoughts in mind, Sonny couldn't help but be stung by Claudia's words. She had wanted him to be a part of their baby's life. She had wanted them to raise him together. So why, now, was she telling this little child that she didn't want him to be like Sonny?
"I used to love your Daddy," said Claudia to the baby. "And I used to think he loved me. But he didn't. He called me bad names, names I hope you never call any woman you ever meet. Do you understand? You will never call any girl a slut, bitch, whore, skank, or anything else to make her feel like she's nothing. Words are powerful, and take it from me: they really hurt." Sonny swallowed a guilty lump in his throat while Claudia continued. "Your daddy killed me, did you know that? I mean, not directly. But falling for him is what killed me. My life started ending the second I laid eyes on him. And he killed you, too." Oh, no, thought Sonny. He knew where this was going. "Well, not exactly. But he knows who killed you. And he didn't do a damn thing about it."
Sonny couldn't take this any more. He decided to make his presence known, clearing his throat and choking out, "Claudia."
Claudia's head snapped up at the sound of her name. She saw Sonny, smiled mockingly, and clutched the baby closer to her. "I'm teaching our son life lessons, hoping he doesn't turn out like you."
"Claudia," Sonny said again, taking a step into the room. He had to do it. It was the only option. "I'm sorry."
Claudia considered his apology for a good second, then stood up slowly, shifting the baby's weight in her arms. "You're not sorry, at least not for what you did to me. You're sorry Michael has to bear my murder on his shoulders for the rest of his life. You're sorry you weren't there for Kristina, and that maybe if you had been, she wouldn't have run me off the road. And you might even be sorry for the life God stuck me in. But don't lie to me and say you're sorry for me, and what you put me through, and what everyone else around you put me through. It's just your guilt talking, not your heart."
Sonny couldn't deny the truth of her words. "But I am guilty."
"Of course you are," said Claudia. "I'd be guilty if I were you. I was guilty. For the whole last year and a half of my life, I was guilty. The guilt ate at me like a monster. But no one seemed to care about my guilt, so why should I care about yours?"
"Claudia, please, just listen—" Sonny started, but Claudia wouldn't let him finish.
"No," she said simply. "I've listened to you for too long. You didn't let me have any dignity in my life. Please, let me have it in death."
Sonny couldn't say anything more. He couldn't. He had destroyed Claudia. He at least owed her these words.
Claudia kept powering through, like she had needed to say these things for a long time. "I loved you, Sonny. I know I never said it, but I did. I fell for you so hard." Sonny watched as a tear fell from her eye. "And we were gonna have a baby, and be a family, and be happy. But you wouldn't let that happen. After we lost this baby, you didn't want to try for another. I died childless, while another kid shows up on your doorstep every five seconds. How is that fair? Why do you get so many children, and I didn't even get one?"
She was really bawling now, and Sonny didn't know what to do except listen. "I know you hate my guts and what I did to Michael and how I lied about it…but what makes you the better person? Why do you deserve to live, while I had to die so violently? You have killed so many people, and done so many cruel things, without even looking back! I have never killed anyone, not one person, ever! So everyone calls me the bitch and the slut and the whore, and you're some kind of hero? No one mourns my death, but I swear on Johnny's life that everyone will come to your funeral when you finally get what you deserve! But why? What did I do that was worse than anything you've ever done?"
Sonny was absolutely speechless. She was speaking the truth. He couldn't deny her words. He had done so many awful things, and still hadn't gotten his comeuppance. But Claudia made one mistake, and all of a sudden she's the witch that needs to burn.
Claudia watched as he took her words into account, and slowly made her way to the door. She stopped right next to Sonny, clutching their child in her arms as she gave her final words. "In case you're wondering, I actually got into heaven. Michael didn't kill me right away. I laid there for a little while, and you know what I did? I asked God to forgive all my sins. I did not want to burn in hell for the rest of eternity. And believe it or not, He let me into His sacred kingdom. And now I'm spending the rest of time with our baby. Excuse me, my baby," she corrected.
Sonny just looked at her. He didn't have any more words. Claudia took in his silence, and did something unexpected. She planted a quick and simple kiss on Sonny's lips.
That was the worst nightmare he had ever had, and he'd had some gruesome ones. But that was the first one he'd ever had where someone he'd wronged had come back to him to tell him how things really were. He deserved every second of that dream. Leave it to Claudia, even from the grave, to put him in his place.
But why had she kissed him? She had gone on that long rant about what an awful person he was, so why extend such a courtesy to him afterwards?
It took him a second, but he finally figured it out.
She wanted to remind him of what he had lost, and what he could have saved.