Chapter 11 – Wasting All These Tears

Natasha had been in hospital for seven days, she was never alone, with everyone taking shifts to stay with her. Bruce had not left her side for the first two days but she hadn't seen him for the last five days, something that was worrying Natasha.

Clint had told her that Bruce and Tony were working a secret project. Pepper had told her that Bruce was helping Tony with making J.A.R.V.I.S. better. Rhodes and Sam had told her that Bruce was running around playing doctor. Fury, Hill and Tony had told her that Bruce was helping to rebuild S.H.I.E.L.D.. Steve had told her that Bruce was doing research. Thor and Jane had told her Bruce was doing some work with Erik Selvig. Even Coulsen and Agent Mae had come to see her, they insisted that Bruce was working for the new S.H.I.E.L.D. with their team.

It didn't matter what they all said Natasha knew that they weren't telling her the truth after all everyone had a different story and different versions of their stories.

It was Natasha's eighth day stay in the hospital and she was getting frustrated with everyone that entered her room especially the doctors and nurses. Bruce's absence was weighing on her mind, had she said or done something to upset him?

It was late afternoon when she was finally alone, yesterday the team had agreed to give Natasha some space, her annoyance with their excuses for Bruce were their main reasoning to leave her alone.

Natasha looked out of the window in her room suddenly wishing she wasn't alone. Where was Bruce really? Why was he avoiding her? What did she do wrong? Did she say something wrong? What was going on?

Tears filled Natasha's eyes as she wished she could just get some answers. She turned away from the door and curled her legs up grabbing at the pillow she allowed herself to cry her heart out for the third time this month.

Outside the room Bruce was fighting with himself about going into Natasha's room. He hadn't been here for six days and he knew that Natasha had been asking for him. He had asked his friends to cover for him. They had done so but they didn't like it. Bruce knew he had to tell Natasha the truth of his whereabouts and he had to do so soon before she lost faith in him.

Bruce was pulled out of his thoughts as he heard a whimpering sound coming from Natasha's room. Bruce looked in and saw Natasha was curled up at the top of the bed and clinging to her pillow as though her life depended on it. Bruce immediately thought that she was in pain, after all Natasha only ever cried if there was really something wrong. It didn't even occur to Bruce that she was crying over him, or rather the lack of his presence.

Natasha didn't notice him outside her room, she was too sad to even think right now let alone to take in her surroundings.

Bruce battled within himself before finally deciding that he should leave at least to let her calm down, he didn't want to force his presence on her when she was clearly upset over something.

Natasha heard a noise outside of her door but rolled away from it hoping that the person would leave her be. She let go of the pillow and cried herself to sleep.

Natasha woke at various points throughout the night from the nightmares that plagued her mind, mostly about Bruce and the loneliness that she felt whenever he was absent from her life. Tears would fill her eyes every time she woke, wishing that she could just sleep and not think about him all of the time.

It was 6am when Natasha gave up on trying to sleep any longer, she felt it was pointless and she wasn't ready for another image of an emotionless Bruce standing over her unmoving body. Instead she took a sip from the plastic cup of water that sat on her bedside table. She hoped that today would be the day that the doctors would finally approve of her going home, wherever that may be. Natasha was adamant that she would not be returning to the Avengers tower any time soon. She also knew that she would need to find somewhere to live now that it was unsafe to return to her old living quarters on the outskirts of New York.

"Miss Romanoff, good to see that you are awake, how are you feeling?" Natasha's doctor had walked in unaware of her internal struggle and looking down so he did not notice her jump at his voice, having been completely out of it.

Natasha looked at him and smiled slightly, "I'm feeling like I need to go home if I'm going to get a good nights sleep."

The doctor laughed at what he assumed was a joke and nodded, "yes well it seems as though your wrist is healing nicely and we are no longer concerned about any issues being caused by the internal bleeding that you had. With that being said feel free to call someone to come and take you home, there is no need for you to stay another night."

Natasha looked at him shocked, she had not expected that, sure she had hoped for it but she didn't actually expect it to happen. She didn't argue though and as soon as he left after taking some final notes Natasha picked up the phone from the bedside table. She went to dial Bruce's number and had to stop herself halfway through pressing the appropriate numbers. After convincing herself that it was a bad idea, Natasha instead typed in Clint's number.

"Yep," Clint answered.

Natasha smiled at his carefree answer, "wanna come pick up your partner in crime from the detention centre?" She joked.

Clint gasped, "you're allowed to leave? Are you sure they have released you or are you just trying to get me to break you out of your personal hell?"

Natasha groaned, "just come and get me will you."

"I'll be there in an hour," Clint chuckled.

Natasha sighed, "hurry."

They hung up and Natasha smiled a genuine smile for the first time since Bruce had last visited her.

After Clint picked her up Natasha realised she hadn't told him not to take her to Avenger tower and that that was exactly where he was heading. Unable to find her voice Natasha let herself think about what or more accurately who would be waiting when she walked back through those doors.

"You won't believe the changes that Tony made to the place," Clint said with a grin, "it's like way better than it was when we were all last here."

At the word 'here' Natasha realised that they had already arrived at the tower. She silently chided herself for her lack of concentration yet again on an important matter. Reluctantly she followed Clint up to the living quarters.

As the doors opened there was a cheer and a chorus of "welcome home" from everyone that had been present the night Natasha's life changed in more than one way.

As she looked around the room Natasha hoped to see Bruce, a quick look at Clint told her that she wouldn't find him. As hard as she tried Natasha couldn't help but let her face drop and feel hurt. Pepper was the first to approach her and she gave Natasha a hug and then dragged her towards the bar, everyone else went back to enjoying the daylight party that Tony had planned for her.

It was only 1 in the afternoon yet everyone had an alcoholic beverage in their hands. It didn't take long for Natasha to join them, she took a large gulp of the red wine that Pepper had handed her.

"Don't waste your tears on Bruce Tash, he has been the idiot that has avoided you like the plague it's not your fault he's an idiot," Tony said as he walked over to the two.

Pepper glared at him, "Bruce cares Natasha he just…"

"No Tony's right why should I waste my tears and sadness on the one person who didn't even visit me and who asked all of our friends to lie to me!" Natasha interrupted forcefully.

Pepper looked surprised and Tony felt guilty, Bruce wasn't a bad guy but he was not treating Natasha right at the moment and Tony felt as though he had just fueled Natasha's anger at him.

Natasha finished her glass at that point and reached over the counter to grab the bottle from its resting place on the bench in the bar, she filled her glass and drank it and refilled it until there was nothing left in the bottle. She managed to walk around to the other side of the bar and grab a bottle of vodka. Natasha didn't bother with a shot glass, choosing instead to drink straight from the bottle. She paced herself for a short time but by 3 she was stumbling and mumbling. She nearly fell over into the alcohol wall, as Tony called it. Clint had caught her just in time.

At this point Tony sent everyone who didn't live there home so that Pepper could safely get Natasha to her room without having every guest see her as drunk, and so that they wouldn't hear her drunk talking about Bruce. It was not easy to hear her talk negatively about the man she loved especially when they all knew why Bruce was avoiding Natasha.

It was not an easy task to get Natasha into her room and onto her bed, both Tony and Clint had to hold her to stop her from falling over. They had never seen Natasha drink so quickly or so much. She usually was the one who chose to only have a few drinks and over a few hours.

"I'm not wasting no more tears on Bruce. If he loved me he would be here. He doesn't, he never has," Natasha slurred.

Tony and Clint laid her down and watched as she closed her eyes and began to snore loudly.

Clint told Tony to check in on her every couple of hours to make sure she was still breathing before he left the tower.

Pepper had gone to the lab when Clint and Tony took Natasha away, she had to talk to Bruce and get him to see reason. Pepper was determined to get Bruce to be honest with Natasha about his absence. She was sick of the secrecy and vowed to tell him that if he didn't tell Natasha then she would.