Disclaimer: I don't own any of this.
Warning: This contains explicit content.
Chapter 11: The Factor
"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." - Oscar Wilde
Cao Cao wasn't pleased. He wasn't pleased at all, "Dammit! It looks like Liu Bei finally grew some balls!"
Xiahou Dun ran a hand through his hair, "It sounds like a thousand balls after the way they left Yue Jin."
"What? You mean by literally tearing him in half and letting him die while watching his entrails spill out from under him," Cao Pi drawled from his corner of the room.
"If you insist on making it so graphic, yes," Xiahou Dun responded. "What do we do my lord?"
Cao Cao stroked his goatee.
"Well, we've been focusing on Yuan Shao a little too much that we have ignored the self-righteous brat," Sima Yi said beside Cao Pi. Cao Cao turned and glared at his strategist.
"And where, exactly, have you been?"
"Me?" Sima Yi pointed to himself and shrugged, "I went to visit my two sons."
Cao Pi turned and looked at Sima Yi skeptically.
"What?"
"Two sons? You are just kidding yourself, aren't you?"
"You know what? I don't need this," Sima Yi spat.
Before the argument escalated a doctor entered looking concerned and surprised, eager to tell Cao Cao his news. He bowed, "Lord Cao Cao, may I speak?"
"I guess, but can this not wait?"
"You asked that I give an update on the girl as soon as possible."
"Well? Out with it."
The doctor nervously glanced around the room full of generals, before approaching his lord. He whispered into Cao Cao's ear.
Cao Cao's eyes widened and turned to the doctor, "Are you certain?"
The doctor nodded.
It was obvious that Cao Cao was a little surprised with the news, whatever it was, and he didn't quite know how to take it.
"Well, this makes things interesting…"
"What, father?"
Cao Cao waved his hand, "Nothing of your concern son. Your only concern is for you and Zhang He to keep our stations by Guan Du intact."
"With all do respect father," Cao Pi stepped forward. "If Liu Bei is gaining more balls, should we not retaliate? You know. Keep him in check. I say we let loose the hogs of war…"
"Dogs of war," Sima Yi corrected him.
"Whatever domestic animal of war, Sima Yi!" Cao Pi snapped back at the strategist.
"Cao Pi," Cao Cao drew his son's frustrated anger away, "While your position does make sense, all good things come to those who wait. We'll get back at Liu Bei. Don't worry."
Some miles away in Jiang Dong, Da Qiao was cooing to her infant son. Lately, Shao had been fussy when it was bedtime and it annoyed Sun Ce to no end. It was late and they both wanted to go to sleep. Sun Ce was on sitting up on the bed, inspecting his fingernails, waiting patiently for Da to quiet their son. Shao had stopped crying finally, but Da was still worried.
"I keep telling you we should give the kid some wine. That will knock him out good," Sun Ce said.
"Sun Ce, I'm not giving our son alcohol," Da sighed placing the babe in the wooden bassinet Huang Gai handcrafted for them.
"I'm worried Sun Ce…"
"Alert the town caller! Da Qiao is worried, this is surely breaking news," Sun Ce sarcastically over exaggerated.
"This is serious Ce!" Da Qiao whipped around, putting her hands on her hips. "Why aren't you worried too? It's been almost a month and we have not heard from Zhou Yu. He should be at Cao Cao's by now."
Sun Ce would admit that he initially thought that Da was talking about their son. He too shared her concern, but there was really nothing to worry about. Zhou Yu could handle himself, but Da all along did not like the idea of Xiao Qiao going with him.
"Look, Da, Lu Su explained this all to me. Usually diplomatic negotiations take time and revealing about what is being privately discussed to outside forces is sometimes considered rude. I don't expect to hear anything from them until some sort of reasoning has been made."
"Are you sure?"
Sun Ce shrugged, "If it will get you here and into bed, then yeah I'm sure."
Da gave him a dole smile and did as he requested, crawling into bed beside him. Sun Ce smiled down at her and stroked her hair before reaching over to extinguish the lantern. However, before he could do that, there was a knock at his door.
"God dammit! If it's not Shao, it's something else!" Ce got out of bed in a huff. "This better be good."
He pulled on a robe and the knock came again.
"I'm coming, I'm coming!"
Sun Ce opened the door. A servant held out a letter saying that it just came from a rider. Sighing, Sun Ce opened the letter and read it.
Da smiling asked, "Well, what is it?"
Sun Ce inhaled sharply and crumpled the letter, "I gotta go…"
"What? What's going on?"
"It was from Shu," Sun Ce breathed not meeting her gaze. "Zhou Yu had been attacked by Wei near the border. Liu Bei is keeping him right now."
"Oh god," Da inhaled deeply, swallowing a lump that had formed in her throat, "what about Xiao?"
"They didn't say anything about her. Listen Da, I've got to go and retrieve him. Damn those Wei. They will pay!"
"I'm going with you!"
"No! You know what happened to Zhou Yu. I'm not going risk you being involved."
"Ce, he's family," she replied with reason. "And my sister…I have to know she's okay."
"Look, for the life of me I don't know why Zhou Yu was stupid enough to let her into danger like that, but I certainly am not going to repeat it. Besides, who's going to take care of Shao?"
"I'll just have the governess look after him."
"'The governess'?" Sun Ce repeated finding the terminology very amusing, "What are we? Owners of a rice plantation?"
Da shook her head and spoke defiantly, "I'm going."
Sun Ce held his hands up in submission, "Alright, alright, but at the first sign of danger, you leave. Got it? I'm taking a small force with me. If bandits attacked Zhou Yu, you can never be too careful."
He was scared for his sworn brother and his sister-in-law. Mostly he felt guilty. He thought Cao Cao would at least be willing to give an allegiance a chance. Especially since Yuan Shao had been picking at Wei's borders as well.
Everything was quickly becoming very complicated.
Zhou Yu blindly followed Zhao Yun, Zhang Fei, and Zhuge Liang into the nearest town. As a gesture of thanks, they claimed they were going to treat him to something special and he was suspicious of what they were going to do.
It was dark when they reached the small, but still bustling town. It was thriving, probably thanks to the efforts of Shu's defenses.
"May I ask what we are doing here?" Zhou Yu asked calmly.
Zhang Fei barked with wild laughter, "Letting off some steam, Zhou Yu. You need to get out of the compound and get some fresh legs."
Still, he was uneasy. He certainly hoped they were just out for drinks, but his instincts and the sinking feeling in his stomach told him they weren't. With a tight jaw, Zhou Yu observed the people in the streets bowing to the warriors, before resuming their business. He wet his lips, holding tight on the reigns, tempted to speed back towards Shu palace.
They stopped in front of place that smelled of heavy perfume and alcohol. Zhou Yu may not have had experience with brothels but he certainly could smell one. He shook his head, stopping his horse.
"No, no, I can't."
"What's the matter? Impotent?" Zhang Fei joked as they pulled up and got off their horses.
"It's not that…"
"Then let's go!" Zhang Fei pulled Zhou Yu off his horse. Once he straightened, the ham-fisted warrior clapped him on the back, "Don't worry about it."
"We all have reasons to go to places such as these," Zhuge Liang commented coolly. "My wife right now is experiencing her time of the month and would like to enjoy some female company without risking being bitten by a dragon."
"As for me," Zhang Fei grinned, "I go for the sauce."
Zhou Yu glanced over at Zhao Yun. Rather than saying anything, the young warrior gave him the thumbs-up with a foolish grin, and winked.
"Besides," Zhang Fei sighed leading him through the door, "It's on us. Consider it repayment for finding us that map."
He felt dirty, even if the place was relatively lavish and clean. He could see men in the open area sitting on upholstered couches, drinking and being entertained by women. An old woman with grey and silver streaks in her hair and a mole on her cheek approached the men.
"What services can we offer you fine officers of Shu?" the woman gave a sultry smirk, until she spotted Zhou Yu. It was obvious that he was attracting a lot of attention. Some girls who should've been busy tending to their clients briefly stopped what they were doing to stare at the famously handsome man.
"Well," the woman's smirk was broader. "I see you have brought another with you. We will see what type of women are here to serve your gentleman's needs."
Zhou Yu cautiously followed the woman to observe the available working girls. He didn't hear much of what was being discussed, because he caught sight of a young girl kneeling in submission in front of a drunk man who was talking loudly to his friend.
She couldn't have been much older than Xiao Qiao. She looked so demure compared to the others and she was, in his humble opinion, very beautiful, with soft brown eyes and dark hair. For some reason he couldn't take his eyes off her. Not because he was struck by her beauty, but he was disturbed that she reminded him so much of Xiao.
Was this what Xiao was doing now to Cao Cao or any number of his cohorts? He hoped she was just serving them alcohol and tea and nothing else. Shit, how could he even think it? Just forget it Zhou Yu. Forget it. Take your mind off of it.
"Does Ying spark your interest?" the brothel Madame asked. Zhou Yu blinked realizing what she had just said.
"No, I thought I recognized her from somewhere…"
Zhang Fei scoffed, "He'll take her, if she's available."
"No…"
The Madame called Ying over and the young woman immediately stood from her spot and drew closer to them, not meeting their eyes.
"Ying is a new one, my lord, so she's not as experienced as the others but I have never had complaints about her."
"Aww, he won't care," Zhang Fei shoved him forward, "Have fun."
"Ying, take this gentleman to a room in the back and make sure all his needs are met."
This wasn't good, and it was obvious that this young woman wasn't completely comfortable with this at all, but she did as she was told. It was her duty as a whore. Whore was too strong of a word, but that was what she was.
Ying guided him into a room. A large room with enough space for someone to dance and a bed for someone to…
Zhou Yu flinched. He would avoid that area as much as possible.
"Would tea please you, my lord?" the young woman asked shyly.
Tea was safe. Just tea. Maybe something stronger…
"Do you have anything stronger?"
The girl nodded and opened a cabinet. Zhou Yu couldn't help feeling he was just as nervous as she, but he could not compare his situation with a prostitute. She was required to perform for his every whim. What was his whim? He didn't know. Zhou Yu sat down and waited. Ying took out a small tumbler and bottle of strong wine, carefully bringing it to her customer and setting it down before him.
"Don't bother with a cup, unless you would like some," Zhou Yu said before she could pour the wine in the cup. He took the whole bottle and drank from it, much to the woman's surprise.
"How did you get here?" he asked out of curiosity. Ying remained surprised. No one much cared where she came from or how she got here.
"Does it really concern you, my lord?"
Zhou Yu had to think about it, "No, I was just making light conversation, since I was practically dragged here."
Ying's face fell, "I am only here to please you."
"Indeed," he replied distantly, but he turned his gaze to the service woman. She wouldn't look him in the eye. Maybe that was what men found appealing about her. It was her submissive nature. Sometimes men found straightforward women to be threatening or unseemly.
Zhou Yu's jaw tightened. He sometimes found the straightforward nature to be a source of relief. He knew he could talk to someone who had her own opinions. Certainly, though, he didn't act that way. There were incidents were he felt his dominating character proved to be too much…
He was so lost in thought he didn't notice Ying cautiously reach her hand out to his thigh. It wasn't until her hand reached around and touched his sensitive area through his clothing that he jerked and hissed, gripping her wrist, and pulling her hand away from his person.
Accidently knocking over the bottle of wine, he brought the poor woman to the ground and lay on top of her.
"Disgusting wretch!" he bit out, cursing both Ying and himself for getting him so riled up. He was touched in such a manner by another woman other than Xiao Qiao. He had a right to be angry. Right?
To Ying, she was just doing as she was trained to do and help a man out of his shell. Especially if it was his first time in a brothel. Yet she never could have predicted such violence. She was used to being called horrible names, but it hurt coming from such a beautiful and calm man.
"Is this what you want Xiao! Is this it?" he yelled at her, calling her by another woman's name, before forcing his tongue into her mouth.
Dammit! He needed this! It was like having alcohol again and a woman so like Xiao was there on her back, fully prepared to take him and his wrath. And he would do it too. Anything to get his fix after not being in the presence of his wife in so long. He pulled away, and became aware that his hands were around her throat, her eyes shining with recognizable fear and terror. Where did he see this before?
He backed away, rubbing his suddenly aching head. Ying scrambled away pulling her robe to herself, which he hadn't realized he tore apart.
"I'm sorry…" he breathed and reached into the pocket of his robe, pulling out a few coins. He knew that the Shu were paying for this service but a few extra coins could hold the girl over.
"I'll pay for the full service," he said throwing the coins on the floor. "I just can't do this."
He half stormed out, desperate to get as far away from his place as possible. The Madame stopped him looking worried, "Did Ying displease you?"
"No she was fine. It's just me. I have to go. I'll pay for her services completely."
He left the brothel before she could utter another word.
Zhou Yu sat outside by the horses, his head in his hands. The look on the girl's face…she stared at him like he was a monster. He thought back to the night of the skirmish with Cao Cao's forces. The brutality…the blood. Was that what Ying saw?
He reached up and untied the ribbon from his neck and held it in his lap, remembering when the series of events began to turn.
He sat on the upholstered bench by the window of his room taking a deep swig from a white bottle of wine. He was waiting and he was quickly losing his patience. He was easily amused when he was tipsy but when he was in a deep hole like this he couldn't help but feel a little heated. He just wanted to talk, that was it.
Xiao entered, looking sheepish and afraid, "You wanted to see me, my lord?"
He smiled and took another swig, eyes raking over her, "Yes, I did."
He stood and approached her, loving the way she smelled. She probably was making her honey tea again.
"M…maybe I should go…"
Xiao turned to leave, but he didn't want to her to go. She didn't have to go. She belonged here for just a bit. Zhou Yu caught her wrist, "No, come on. I just wanna talk."
Her brow had furrowed and her eyes had fear sparkling in them, yet she acted defiant and tough.
"Not when you have been drinking…"
"But we haven't talked in a while," he slurred.
Xiao wrenched her hand away from his grip, "Please, my lord, just go to sleep. I'd love to talk to you some other time."
Did she not realize how hard it was to work up the courage to talk to her after their last fight during sex? It was humiliating. She humiliated him. Just because her sensibilities couldn't handle a man who had a few. Well…hardly a few.
"I really would like to enjoy your company," Zhou Yu had hardened his voice.
"Indeed? You probably won't remember this or you'll just pass out again. You've become worse, my lord," her cheeks became red and he was surprised to see her so angry. "Please, my lord, just leave me alone."
"I have left you alone. For a whole goddamn month! How long do you need to heal? What do I have to do to have you compliant again?"
Compliant? Where the hell did that word come from? He was saying things he didn't mean, but he couldn't take back the words.
"If you want to spend some time with me, you know what you must do. Get yourself stable again-"
"There is nothing wrong with me!" he hollered and she shrank away. Still, Xiao stood her ground and he was beginning to hate that. He threw the vase of whine against the door she just entered through, barely missing the top of her head.
She gasped in fear, "Please…you need help. You're sick…"
"Sick?" he gave a hollow laugh, "What are you talking about, little one? You are no doctor."
He stared right at her and her gaze diverted to the ground as she began sniveling and shaking.
"Your drinking is out of control," she said weakly. Showing a sign of weakness was not the best thing for her to do.
"Speak up when you talk to me," he demanded rounding on her. "And who are you to tell me what to do?"
"I'm concerned for your welfare! That's why!"
No sooner had those forceful words left her mouth than he backhanded her across her beautiful face. He could take care of himself. He had no need of an overbearing wife. Concerned for welfare, indeed. It was a lie. She just didn't want to deal with his drinking, which he had under control. He thought.
Xiao fell to the floor, tears spilling onto her cheeks, but she didn't sob. Oh, he'd make her sob. He'd make her regret defying and humiliating him.
"Dammit!" he cursed staring down at his hand. Things shouldn't have been this way but…
He leaned down and gripped her shoulders a little too tightly.
"This conversation NEVER happened! Do you understand me?"
She broke down into tears and shook her head. He snapped his wrist forward, fingers closing around her neck as he growled. He needed to choke something, but not her…Not her…
With a frustrated roar, Zhou Yu stood up and turned away, grasping his wrist, staring at the Turkish brands on his inner forearm. Their breaths could be heard inside the room. The activity had taken the wind out of both of them.
Zhou Yu was glad he stopped, but was horrified. He didn't bare glancing back at her as he said in a calm, heavy voice, "You better go, before I do something we both will regret."
He could hear her desperately trying to regain composure, but he refused to turn until he heard the door close.
Once Zhou Yu was certain beyond reasonable doubt that she had fled, he sank down, crouching on his knees, covering his face with his hands.
He lost control. That was what could be said but that would be over-simplifying things. If the mighty gods chose to smite him now, he couldn't blame them. He had taken his drunken rage out on someone with no fault. A completely innocent young girl who had stood by him despite the dreadful circumstances that tied them to marriage.
What was worse was she had been right. It was only now that he realized he needed help badly. The question was: who could he turn to?
"Are all men of Wu this monogamous?" he heard a cool voice drawl beside him.
"Hardly," he murmured to Zhuge Liang, "What are you doing out here?"
"I could say the same to you, if I hadn't had an idea. I go to brothels for company, not sex. If you hadn't noticed, Shu palace is almost entirely made up of men."
Zhou Yu let out a brief breath of laughter, but almost immediately his smile faded as he stared at the accessory in his hands.
"I assume things didn't go well."
"I told you it was a waste of money," Zhou Yu rumbled softly. It was their fault for forcing him into this situation anyway, but he couldn't be angry with them. They were only trying to help. At least he was sure Zhang Fei and Zhao Yun was trying to help. Zhuge Liang probably just liked seeing him uncomfortable. People like him thrived on seeing others writhe and break down.
"Ah but you cannot say you didn't desire it. You wanted to feel a woman's touch once again. You are, after all, no god."
But I am, Zhou Yu could practically hear Zhuge Liang think and the corner of his upper lip lifted in a small snarl. Still, trying to keep the other man from observing his woes as entertainment, he tied the ribbon back around his neck.
"She should've been thankful that it didn't go further than it did," Zhou Yu continued vaguely, hate and spite creeping into his voice. All he wanted was to go back. This place was making him crazy.
The night's events didn't disappear from Zhou Yu's mind as they returned to the palace. Zhang Fei was dragged into his room, since he practically sauced himself into a coma. Zhou Yu immediately returned to his room and began pacing, running his hand through his hair.
He couldn't believe he passed an opportunity to just loosen himself. In his head though, he was glad he hadn't gone further. As he told Zhuge Liang, the prostitute was taking a risk in even touching him. He could've very well had his way with her and not in a pretty way. He was convinced, that if he hadn't stopped, he could've well…killed her. What a way to get acquainted with the locals. Kill a prostitute.
Zhou Yu began wringing his hands. The effects of the violence from the massacre of Yue Jin and his officers were still there, stirring, leaving him heated.
In a fit, he tore off his wool robe so he was in nothing but his trousers. His own muscles were unbearably tight, so he had no other option but lie on his bed and stare up at the ceiling. For the second time that night he unwound Xiao's ribbon on from his neck and brought it his nose, thinking of what he could've had. The tightness, the warmth…
Zhou Yu breathed in as the distant thoughts took control of his body and quickly he began to feel the beginnings of arousal. It was a feeling familiar to him, but he had learned to suppress it, yet it didn't completely go away. Maybe leaving the brothel heated wasn't such a good idea.
And now he was in a predicament. The only thing that could relieve him now was…
Zhou Yu flinched. This was just so abhorrent to him. Touching oneself in such a sinful manner. He couldn't for the life of him know why soldiers enjoyed doing such things, but this urge would not stop. It was so powerful, he actually physically felt sickened, and his urge was right there, standing proud in his pants. It was practically begging for some sort of relief, but the only source of relief was some miles away, imprisoned by Cao Cao.
He stared at his hand. This was disgusting. He shouldn't even be thinking of it. It was just as bad as lying with some random whore if not worse. He wasn't some animal that would shove his cock in every warm, moist space he could find. The pressure in his lower belly pulsed and his pants, he found, were quickly becoming a burden.
With a frustrated grunt, Zhou Yu tore his pants down below his waist, freeing his problematic appendage. Shit, even the cold wasn't helping things. It was beginning to feel like a fever, the intense heat spreading from his lower abdomen and spine up to his head, where sweat started to accumulate on his already clammy body. By now, the sparse light was shimmering off the sweat on his bare torso, and he was sure his body was overheating. He tried deep breathing and it only made the pressure worse. It was like his body was signaling that it was time to mate, aching for Xiao's presence and it would not find relief until he was between her legs.
"Ohhh, god," he groaned lowly at the thought, drawing out his breath. His hand, seemingly on its own began running down his side where his waist met his thigh. His other arm draped itself over his brow as he shut his eyes tight, not wanting to see what awful things he was doing to himself. The Xiao's ribbon that was held in that hand caressed the skin of his stubble-prickled cheeks. Her scent still lingered. Even after being bloodstained and tied around his sweaty neck, it still held her intoxicating scent. The pulse in his neck visibly quickened as his blood roared through his ears.
The hand that was so dangerously close to his pulsing need, drifted closer, thumb touching the highly sensitive skin. He inhaled sharply through tears he hadn't known he shed. He wasn't weeping, so it must've been some sort of physiological response to the many overwhelming sensations, but it still bothered him. It something he couldn't ignore any longer, and the ribbon that had been in his mate's hair was soft against his skin, and the smell…it was almost like she was here. Right where he needed her.
Over his body, that's where he needed her the most.
"Xiao…" he whispered to himself and to the ghostly image of her. He had to take her, as brutally and as violently as possible, the urge was that strong. He imagined her lying over his body, placing a kiss on his chest, over his rapidly beating heart. As if he was drowning, his breathing became shallow, as his hand finally grasped his painful manhood.
Licking his lips, all he could do was imagine her straddling him, taking him into her tight heat. He wanted to gasp his pleasure, to urge her more, but he couldn't form the words. The muscles in his hand tightened, but no matter how tight he gripped himself, it would not match the same sensations when he was with Xiao Qiao. Granted, his cold sweaty clammy hand was a poor substitute for her delicious embrace. He nearly choked on his own saliva when his imagination, combined with his masturbatory act, caused an unreal sensation. Soon all his focus was bent on finding release with this imaginative shade.
Xiao continued to rise on him, her cheeks pink, and lips parted.
"Lord Zhou Yu, oh, please…"
That voice…it was so beautiful. Gentle but throaty with lust. His hand began moving on it's own accord and he would not be able to stop no matter how hard he could try. Right now, he didn't want to stop.
"Yess…my lord…you're so hard…oh, yes…"
His sick manifestations were so real, too real to resist, and it was quickly becoming unmanageable. But his wife…her embrace…Fuck, he couldn't even make a coherent thought. His hips bucked into his hand, the muscles in his lower belly tightening and spasming. The tingling in his spine shot down to the base of his back. His climax would arrive soon. He just needed…
His ears caught her gasp of ecstasy and imagined her mouth hanging open in a scream of pure pleasure.
"Xiao!" he hissed and with a grunt, he climaxed all over his hand and belly. Immediately, he cursed violently, rolling over on his side staring at the sticky mess on his hand. He breathed heavily, still reeling from his self-serviced orgasm. Instead of feeling relieved and satisfied he felt sick down to the pit of his stomach. Rolling back on his back, he stared up at the ceiling, feeling a painful loss.
It was quite obvious he was dreading this conversation, but it had to be done. Immediately. What happened with Xiao opened his eyes and, honestly, he was just sick and tired of being drunk all the time. He was sure the entire compound was also tired of being in a drunken stupor as well. Granted, the person he sought help from was not necessarily soberest person he could turn to, but he trusted him.
He rapped on Sun Ce's door in the middle of the night, after spending several hours tossing and turning.
When Sun Ce answered, he looked groggy and a little hung over.
"Zhou Yu what is it?" he mumbled running a hand through his brown hair. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes Sun Ce took a hard look at him, "Jeesh, what happened to you? You look like shit."
"Sun Ce," he began softly, not wanting to wake up Da Qiao, "I want to get sober."
"Don't we all," Sun Ce grumbled, smiling a little, "Listen, talk to Lu Meng or Huang Gai. They both are veterans in terms of drinking."
"That's not-"
"Zhou Yu, can't this wait till morning? So you drink? Big deal. Everyone here drinks. A lot. So far there hasn't been anything to be concerned about. You're just finally fitting in-"
"I hit her, Sun Ce," Zhou Yu interrupted him, looking dejected and distraught. Admitting to what he did made things much worse. It made it all real, not just some drunken dream. He couldn't look his friend in the eye, but Sun Ce went silent.
Sun Ce looked back at his wife, checking if she was asleep. If she heard what Zhou Yu confessed, he would not be alive for another second. Sun Ce closed the door behind him, sighing and crossing his arms.
"You hit Xiao?"
Zhou Yu couldn't confirm it. Doing so would leave a horrible taste in his mouth.
Sun Ce sighed and it was obvious he was disappointed in Zhou Yu.
"I realize hitting your wife should be no big deal, but I am surprised you did it."
"Would you hit your wife?"
"Oh god no!" Sun Ce's eyes widened, as if the very idea was some dangerous stunt, "But still, this is serious. I know what your hits feel like and it ain't no butterfly kiss."
Zhou Yu couldn't help but feel a shudder down his spine. He hoped he didn't do any major damage to her. He didn't even see what bruises he left on her.
"I-I didn't just hit her…"
Sun Ce inhaled sharply staring at him as if he were a totally different person. Or thing.
"You didn't…you didn't do what I think you did, did you?"
Zhou Yu choked and nearly vomited at the thought, "No, but I want to get sober before such a thing could occur."
As much as Sun Ce looked relieved that Zhou Yu hadn't violated Xiao Qiao, the facts were facts and he had assaulted her and may have killed her if he hadn't knocked some sense into himself.
"Okay…" Sun Ce said scratching the back of his head. "We'll get you fixed. I'll keep tabs on your alcohol consumption, but to tell you the truth I'm not sure staying here is the best thing to do when you are trying to get sober. Do you have anyone you can stay with for rehabilitation?"
Zhou Yu had to think about it. No he had nobody. He could find a house to rent for a bit. Well, he had…family. Somewhere. He could write to one of his uncles who worked in Xuchang. But he rather not. He hadn't spoken to any of his family members, so now was not a good time to ask a favor of them. It all depended on how desperate he was.
"I'll find something…"
"So what did she say to set you off?" Sun Ce asked.
It was an entirely inappropriate question. Did it really matter? He was drunk. She could've very well asked what the weather was like and he still would have probably hit her. Yet, he trusted that Sun Ce had a good reason to ask such a question.
"She said she was concerned for my welfare," Zhou Yu sighed knowing that Sun Ce would scold him for at least being unapproachable.
"And that warranted a knock in the head?"
"Like I said, I wasn't in my right mind."
"Well, good news for her is that the marriage contract is almost expired. Though I will say she has grown somewhat attached to you. Which is probably why she's worried."
Attached? He hoped not. It would make things a lot harder. Though after hitting her Xiao probably would rethink her situation with him. But to him, Xiao was…there. A woman, possibly a friend, but nothing more. Friends with benefits, he supposed. Dammit! Why did he even enter into a physical relationship? No matter how distant he tried to be, sex changed their relationship from being close strangers to something a little more than acquaintances.
"How do you know?"
Sun Ce laughed a little and raised an eyebrow, "She lights up when you walk into the room. She cares about you. She's slept with you for god's sake and is still receptive no matter how horrible or drunk you are. I don't know why she likes you but she does. If you wanted an easy temporary marriage, it seems it's too late."
The young leader stoked his hair-lined chin, pondering for a moment. What he could possibly be thinking up of was beyond Zhou Yu.
"You didn't get her pregnant, did you?"
"Gods no!" he was nearly thrown off guard by that question.
"Oh thank god! I was just wondering because she and Da are sisters and…I don't know. But what a relief, right? Ever since Da found out she was pregnant, I've had my hands full convincing her she's not getting fat and rubbing her aching back. I cannot wait for that kid to be born."
Sun Ce was digressing a little too much. He may have been complaining about Da's issues, but he had a wide grin on his face, as if he were excited to be a father. It still didn't solve Zhou Yu's issues. It was selfish to think that, he realized, but this was serious.
"What should I do?"
"Beg for forgiveness. It's the first step as well as acknowledging that you have a problem."
"I can't look at her again," Zhou Yu said softly, trying to keep the pain from entering into his voice.
"Yes you can. And you will, because she is probably feeling really shitty, and I have to write all this down so I can give this speech to Quan later."
The ache in Zhou Yu's chest had lifted. It felt good not to be totally condemned after what he did. It was also nice to have someone to talk to and Sun Ce was the easiest person to talk to, believe it or not.
Zhou Yu shook the man's hand, "Thank you, Sun Ce. Are you sure you don't mind me leaving?"
The other man shrugged, "Not a problem, but if shit really goes down we'll call you."
It had been several days since he made the life altering decision to become sober. He tried writing to an uncle about the situation, hoping at least someone in his family would be willing to help, and after a hundred torn and crumpled notes, he finally sent the message. Zhou Yu was honestly surprised at how quickly the reply came and his uncle expressed sympathy and offered let him stay at a cottage for a while. A cottage. That sounded nice. Any place away from Jiang Dong would do, all he needed was to spend time away from the turmoil of the palace and to get some time alone. He needed to get sober and he needed to think. But first he needed to relieve his guilt. He must've stood outside the enameled door for several minutes trying to come up the courage to knock, or at least trying to find something to say. Sucking in a breath, he pounded on the door in desperation.
"Xiao!"
There was no response. He had a sinking feeling in his gut.
"Xiao! Please!"
His fist pounded harder on the door calling her name again. He became more insistent.
"Xiao, please open up!"
There was a clicking of the door and Zhou Yu backed away, relieved that she was, well…alive.
The younger Qiao opened the door gently and appeared at the doorway. Much to his dismay, she looked like she had been crying everyday since the incident. Her eyes were red and there were lines under them. She pulled her sleeping robe tighter around herself, folding her arms across her chest. She shyly raised her head to look at him.
Zhou Yu swallowed. Somehow, in this distraught state, she looked…beautiful.
"Xiao we need to talk…"
The girl shuddered, "I think you should leave, my lord."
The flat tone stung him, but it probably didn't sting as much as his hand across her face. Even now he could see the faintest of red marks on her cheek. He hoped it was his imagination.
"Please, Xiao, we need to talk about what happened."
"I thought the conversation never happened," she said sourly, her lip quivering slightly,
"You wanted to talk that night too. I'm not as much of an idiot as everyone else seems to see me, please just go."
She sniffed, her eyes watering.
"Xiao," he whispered, refusing to leave unless he said his piece, "You were right. I have a problem and no apology can take away what I did. That's why I've…I've decided to get sober."
Xiao smiled just a little, but it was forced, "My lord, I'm happy for you. I really am…"
Finally, she broke and tears streamed down her cheeks, "You don't know how happy I am for you. But I can't do this…"
She apologized as she sniffed and sobbed into her hand, "I can't continue like this…I can't…It would be better for you if we just…"
She couldn't finish her thought and Zhou Yu felt a tug of compassion for her, combined with the guilt he had over the whole thing. He stopped her, finding her incoherent sobs too painful to listen to.
"I'm leaving Jiang Dong," he said softly. "Just for a bit while I try to get my act together. An uncle of mine has agreed to let me live in his cottage. I want you to come too. I'm not sure how I can convince you to come and I'm certainly not going to force you. The cottage is supposedly in a good vacation area and I want to give you a place to relax to try to make it up to you, though nothing I can do can wipe away what I did."
Xiao wasn't entirely receptive about the idea. She probably wasn't at all and he didn't blame her. He decided to have a bit of physical contact and he reached out and touched her shoulder. She stiffened and brushed his hand away.
"Don't blame yourself for what I did," Zhou Yu couldn't help but have a little hard edge in his tone, revealing how much spite he had towards himself. "This was hardly your fault, I hope you realize that. You deserve…something…"
"Please go," she made to close the door, but Zhou Yu placed a hand on the door, keeping it open. Xiao stared up at him as if she was scared that he will intrude and push himself in.
Zhou Yu kept still, staring down at her, remaining silent. He couldn't force her to do anything. For once he should think about her needs and wishes.
He sighed, "At least think about it. Please."
He relinquished his grip on the door and almost immediately, she closed it, shutting him away.
He stood in front of the door staring at the enameled carvings, heart sinking. He turned, noticing the resident tiger, Chin Shin, staring at him with scrutiny.
"What? I didn't touch your friend…"
The tiger gave a muffled grunt and plopped on his side. At least, Xiao had something to protect her. He could not promise her such a luxury if she went with him. Who was he kidding? She was outright rejecting him. Their marriage would be over, and if he were honest, he didn't know how he felt about that.
Outside of Zhou Yu's room, Zhuge Liang was standing near the door having heard the other strategist give himself sexual release. It may have perverted to listen in on a private matter, but it made him see Zhou Yu's turmoil and Zhuge Liang smirked upon seeing the man's sign of mental weakness. With hands clasped behind his back, he walked away from Zhou Yu's quarters, humming to himself.
A/N: Graphic I know. But I had to get it out. Plus I want to give the reader a vivid picture of how Zhou Yu's thinking has changed. I told you all it would be dark. This chapter was especially long because in a week, I have to report to base before being shipped to Pakistan and may not be back for another six months or more. Urgh! This will be the last chapter before we go on hiatus. Still, I don't mind if you fill up my inbox with reviews. Reading them if I get back will sure to boost up my morale.
So, again, REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW.