"I want to know all about you," he said quietly as their kiss ended. He rested his forehead on hers, his lips just centimeters from hers, their breaths mingling. "You know so much about me but I don't think I know much about you…"

Jenny grinned. "Well, if I had all ten of my photo albums…"

Gil smirked. "Try the abridged version."

"Well, I didn't look anything like Thomas when I was little. I never went fishing…wait, cancel that. I did fish once at summer camp but I didn't catch anything. I majored in Political Science in college and started grad school but lost patience with the politics of the department and bailed. I was afraid I was becoming one of them."

Gil straightened up, his fingertip returning to her face. "You didn't like the politics?"

"No, I didn't. I hated their stupid games." She was enjoying his touch. "I took my B.S. in poli sci to D.C. and found a job at a legal firm. Got a certificate as a paralegal and worked on some pretty interesting cases. Then a few years ago, a case came across the desk that really got my attention. It was a suit against a private school in Northern Virginia." She paused to collect her thoughts as he distracted her, his finger tracing her lips. "This guy had gone all the way through the school, graduated, and then couldn't hold a job anywhere. It seems he got passed up the system, just like happens in public school sometimes. But in this case, his parents were paying a tidy tuition for his education and got nothing in return. It got me interested in education. I went back to school, took the classes required for a teaching certificate and went to work in the public school system. I took a position in Allegheny County. It is a largely rural area with few jobs and no prospects. It was real eye opener." She took his finger between her lips, her tongue circling his tip. Then she released his finger as she continued. "Ah…mmm…" He leaned in again, this time, teasing her earlobe. "Then I moved back to NoVa and taught there for two years." Her voice was raspy as she tried to continue. "The difference was amazing. All kinds of money was being thrown at these students, but the results weren't really all that better. I began to…um…. "He was nuzzling her neck and driving her insane. "…realize that the problem was not in the dollars spent, but how the student's days are spent. They aren't being taught how to think anymore…just to regurgitate on standardized tests. Ah," she gasped as he nibbled just below her ear. "I got the itch to open my own business, researched the market for early childhood education toys, and looked for a good market. I think the rest you know…" His lips were on hers again.

As they kissed, Gil's entire body tingled. Desire was heating him and pushing him to be bolder. He wanted to give into it, but caution held him back. Slowly he withdrew from her, the warmth between them beckoning him back. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked into hers. "And romance…"

He watched as her expression clouded and she withdrew from him. "Jenny?" he asked, suddenly wary.

"I've…um…dated a few men," she said quietly.

"Dated? No one serious?" The mood had changed; her discomfort was palatable.

"There was a guy in college, but…I realized that we'd never make it long term. So I broke up with him. I dated some in D.C. but never seemed to find anyone that…well, that I could really connect with…" Gil listened, watching her face, his fingers playing down her arm as she spoke. "…and then…" she grew quiet.

His hand stilled. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. "And then?" he asked gently.

Tears began to seep out of her eyes and inch down her cheeks. "There was one man…from the law firm…I thought …we were so good together…and then…" she paused, took a deep breath, and continued. "…One night he raped me…"

Gil swallowed hard, bile rising in his throat. "Jenny, I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…to…"

"No Gil…if we're going to explore the possibility of a relationship, then…well, you needed to know."

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to him, wondering if that was the right move with a rape victim. "I'm so sorry, so sorry," he whispered, choking back the tears that threatened him.

"Its past, Gil. But for a long time…well, I think you can understand that I wasn't interested in men…romance in general." Her arms went around him, holding him close to her, needing his understanding.

Finally, he braved another question. "What changed? What made you decide to risk it again?"

"You," she whispered. "You changed how I felt."

He sat up, looking at her quizzically. "Me?"

"When I saw you in San Antonio…there was something about you that made me want to know you. And when you sat with me at the table and we talked…I knew that you wouldn't hurt me. There is such a gentleness about you…I was right too. You didn't hurt me. You were very…considerate. You reawakened feelings that I hadn't felt in years and you made me feel…desirable as something other than an object to be used. I hadn't been able to trust for years but you changed that…"

"That night with you…I discovered feelings I didn't know I was capable of," Gil told her. "It was an amazing night for me…I've never forgotten it."

"There hasn't been anyone since then," she confided.

"No one?" He was surprised. "But why not? You are so beautiful, so… incredible. There had to be men who were interested…"

"But none that I found interesting. Besides, I am a single mother. A lot of guys can't deal with that. And …well, no one seemed as safe as you did."

Gil quirked an eyebrow. "Not all men would be happy to be told they seem safe."

"You're not like all men…"

"Jenny…I am different but not in the way you are saying. I...well, most of my life I've been alone…a loner. I don't know how to …to interact with others. Over the last few years, I've been trying to learn but whenever it comes right down to it…to the important stuff, I fail. I was so absorbed in my job, in the Science, nothing mattered more…"

"You're interacting with me now. Besides Gil, you've already told me you are leaving the job. But it is a part of who you are. And even though you are leaving, the experiences have shaped you. I will never ask you to be anyone different. If you change because new experiences bring change, then so be it. But I was attracted to you in San Antonio because of who you were then, and now…I'm still attracted to you. I find the present day Gil Grissom very…intriguing. I suppose what I am trying to say is…if you need to make changes because that is what you need, then go for it. But if you think that you have to make changes for me, then don't. If things are going to have a chance between us, we have to be honest with each other and with who we are. I'm sure we both will have some adapting to do, but then most people in a relationship do."

"But…I'm …I don't …."

She covered his lips with her finger. "Are you happy with who you are?" Her hand went to his cheek, resting in his beard.

His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes darkened. "I …don't know anymore. I was, until everything began to fall apart."

"Then do what you need to do to find yourself again, Gil. But don't try to become someone you think I want you to be. Just be yourself. I kind of like that guy, you know…"

His expression melted her. His eyes were so warm, so gentle. He seemed genuinely pleased with her comment. And as she looked into his eyes, she felt a unity of spirit, as if tiny tendrils of their souls had intertwined, making them one.

Gil felt the convergence also. She looked at him with such trust, such confidence; his heart swelled as his mind quieted. He was lost in this moment with her, lost in her. Never in his life had he felt more connected, more accepted, less alone.

He leaned further into her hand, basking in the warmth of her touch, his eyes closing as he concentrated on her touch. And then he felt her lips on his, soft and warm. He took a deep breath, his heart was racing and yet he felt relaxed, comfortable in the sensation of her. Her lips were sensual, amorous, and unhurried. His arms moved around her, holding her to him, the warmth of her body saturating his own. He was aware of the faint scent of lavender that emanated from her, filling his nostrils. He forced himself to hold back, welcoming her handling, reveling in her care, feeling life within him…life that had evaded him for months. She tasted light and clean, unburdened. And she was kissing him, pouring her feelings into the contact, telling him that he was valued, cherished for who he was, perhaps even loved. And he felt whole again. Tears seeped from underneath his eyelids as he comprehended these things.

Gil broke the kiss. His need to hold her closer was the cause. Tightening his arms around her, he pulled her to him, holding her as close as he could. "Jenny," he whispered. There was so much he felt, so much he wanted to say, but all he could do was hold her. He just needed to hold her. Sensing his need, Jenny relaxed into his arms, her hands moving to his back, gently stroking the length of it. "It's okay Gil. I think I understand….its okay."

"No, no you don't understand…" She pulled back, looking at him, confused. "All my life," he continued, "my work was everything…all consuming. I rarely got past a first date because of my work. And the few women I thought I was serious about…well, when it came to choosing between the girl and the science, I chose the science. Gradually, I closed myself off from people, from feeling, from living. And then Sara came along. She was persistent and kept pursuing me. I tried…" he fought back a sob. "I tried to keep her at arms length, but eventually she broke through my defenses. I risked everything, my career, my reputation, my soul to be with her. And then she left me; it hurt but I kept hope alive through our phone conversations. It felt good to know there was someone who loved me, that I wasn't alone anymore…except I was. Then she came back for the funeral. And…and I knew…almost as soon as she reappeared, I knew she would leave again. She wanted me to go too but I couldn't leave. We were already two people down; I had a responsibility to the lab, to my team…I couldn't leave. Besides, we'd been through hell together, I just couldn't leave…not then. But she couldn't wait…she needed to go; and I had to let her go."

He sighed. Jenny took his hand in hers and then covered it with her other hand, pulling it to her heart. "You loved her so much, maybe too much," she said. "Not many people can love that selflessly, Gil…love enough to let the other one go…"

"I kind of pushed her away," he confessed. "I knew she couldn't handle things here. She got caught up in the victims of a case she'd processed years ago and trusted the people instead of the evidence. The evidence never lies, people do. It was hurting her to be here, in the middle of that…but…I couldn't say the words, to end it, I mean. I…wasn't strong enough. So I shut her out, pushed her away…made her leave. I know it hurt her…"

She shouldn't have expected you to drop everything and go with her, Gil. She had to have known that you couldn't…it's a part of your make up, part of who you are…Besides, I think it hurt you just as much."

The sadness in his eyes turned them dark, but as he looked at her, she saw something spark. "You do understand…me, I mean." He sounded mildly surprised.

"I understand that for many men, their work defines them, it is a large part of who they are. It isn't easy for them to turn their backs on that. And for you, it hasn't been just a part; it's been everything. To expect you to just let go of that was foolish. Besides, you are a methodical person. You needed time to process the decision. If she had found a way to stay here with you for a while, you would have chosen her, I believe. But she couldn't…or wouldn't. Her needs came first, for her and for you. Loving like that, so purely…it had to be heartbreaking."

Relief flooded him. She watched as he relaxed, the tension draining from his body. "It was." His free hand caressed her face, filling his need to touch her. "Do you think…could you love me, commit to me, knowing a part of my heart belongs to someone else? I know it isn't fair to ask that of you, but…it is the truth."

She closed her eyes as she formulated an answer. His touch was so gentle, so restrained, and so full of emotion. She knew she needed to answer honestly, carefully. But her answer came to her quickly. "You have a very large heart, Gil. I already knew that a part of it belongs to Catherine. Seeing the two of you together…it was obvious."

"It was?" He looked startled. "I…we never…"

She smiled. "I know. I think it has surprised you to discover that you are capable of such deep emotions. In a way, you are on a journey…discovering a part of yourself that you never acknowledged before. Can I accept that you will never totally be mine? It would be difficult. I'm not as unselfish as you are. But I think I know you well enough to say that if you committed to me, you would never act on your feelings for Sara or for Catherine. Besides, how could I condemn you for your capacity to love…and forgive, when it is such a large part of what attracts me to you in the first place?"

Tears welled in his eyes and his voice cracked as her said softly, "Jenny, please… I don't want to be alone anymore. Please tell me that…"

"That I love you? Yes Gil. I've loved you since the night we met. And being here with you now, watching you with Thomas…just watching you, what I feel for you is growing. You've said you want to explore the possibilities; so do I…very much."

Gil leaned back into the couch and pulled her close to him so that her head was resting on his chest. He rested his chin on her head, getting a whiff of her fruit scented shampoo. "Gil?'

"Mmmm?"

"If we decide to make a go of it…promise me…," she said quietly.

"Promise what?" he mumbled.

"That we'll do some of this everyday," she cooed.

Tightening his hold on her, he answered. "Everyday?" He thought about good it felt to hold someone again, how fulfilling. "Yeah…everyday."

csiwithoutgrissomislikearacecarwithoutanengine.

So, things are moving along. What's next? Use the little button; it keeps the juices going. I'm a review junkie, the more I get the more I crave so I write faster to make it happen. As always, your comments are important to me.