Chapter 11

Holly had slept very poorly that night. Generally, while elves required less rest than humans, Holly had slept terribly even by elvish standards. She had tossed and turned all night, staring out the window, her eyes never able to glaze over. She had replayed the entire, terrible scene over and over again, wishing the whole thing had gone very differently.

She thought first about the kiss – it was slow and gentle, but had grown more passionate as she responded. She recalled the way his hands felt on her body, strong and soft, kneading her flesh in a way that left her craving his touch everywhere. She remembered the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips, the warmth of the back of his neck under her palm and the feeling of his strong chest pressed up against hers. She remembered their dance and the feeling of his thigh between hers and his arm wrapped casually around her waist, as though it belonged there. Yes, it had been a very good kiss.

Did she like Haldir? Was he just playing games with her, was she just something to toy with before he returned again to the borders? Truly, she had no idea. There had been real attraction there, yes, but had there been more than that? She honestly did not know. Her entire situation was so new to her that she had difficulty parsing her own feelings. Of course, she had had boyfriends and lovers in the past on Earth. Granted, not many, but enough dalliances to not be entirely inexperienced in the ways of men. However, Haldir was not a man. He was an elf, and she was not on Earth, she was in Middle-Earth. Who knew how drastically things differed here.

She thought about going to confront him, but the idea of seeing his face today made her cringe and hide in her pillow. No, she could not look him in the eye just yet. Perhaps tomorrow, after the embarrassment and anger had died down.

Truthfully, she was no longer angry with him. She realized, now, that his spilling the wine on her was obviously an accident, and while she had the right to be annoyed, she didn't necessarily have the right to be annoyed at him. So, while she could admit that she had maybe jumped the gun with her accusations, she could not take complete blame for the way things had turned out. He knew exactly what to say to push her buttons. He acted so defensively, shooting back at her with full-force, spitting out insults with paralleled vitriol. Maybe she had started it, but he had grabbed her by the hand and dragged her straight to the end, that was for sure.

With a groan and a sigh, Holly got up from her bed and grabbed her light-blue healer's gown and washing things. Her insomnia did have the helpful benefit of waking her up early enough so as not to be late for work with Nestarion. Somehow she didn't think the strict healer would accept 'too much wine, poor life choices and all-consuming anxiety' as a reason for tardiness. She pulled her hair out of the mussed-up braids she had slept in and brushed it out quickly before heading out the door.

As a healer, she got up rather early compared to other elves of Caras Galadhon. Healers worked in shifts to ensure that there was always someone present in the healing telain in case of emergency. As Holly was still Nestarion's trainee, she followed his schedule until he deemed her skillful enough to work on her own (which she doubted would be any time soon. Ilwe, another trainee, had only recently been allowed to work her own shift, and she had trained under Nestarion for thirty-five years). Nestarion's schedule was dawn to mid-afternoon. Holly didn't mind this schedule, she was admittedly very much a morning-person.

Holly locked the door behind her and made her way down the steps of her talan. She was no longer staying in the guest telain. Lady Galadriel had given her a more suitable talan not far from Eruana and Orophin's, about a ten-minute walk from the bathing springs and a five-minute walk from the centre of the city and the healing telain. Her new talan was more appropriately appointed with several bookcases (slowly filling with books borrowed from Lord Celeborn's library, with his permission, of course), a wardrobe and a small kitchen in which she could prepare her own food. She normally made her own breakfast there, choosing to eat lunch in the healing talan and supper in the dining hall with Eruana and some of her friends.

Holly approached the springs slowly, enjoying the calming effect the forest had on her. Somehow it seemed that no matter how she felt before, a walk in Lothlórien instilled peace in her heart and made all things seem trivial. She understood the calmness of the elves, their relaxed attitude. It was hard to feel anxiety when you considered the eternity of the forest and immortal life. Holly was still struggling with the concept of her own immortality, and while the other elves may feel comfort in the fact that 'no one will think of this in a thousand years', Holly was rather troubled with the idea that she, and Haldir, would be around in a thousand years to remember her foolish behaviour.

As she approached the bathing springs, she saw a familiar golden head bobbing in and out of the water. She smiled and waved to Eruana, who was also up early. As soon as the elleth saw her, she practically leapt out of the water, completely naked. Holly turned her head but Eruana grabbed her by the shoulder and demanded in Sindarin,

"Holly! What happened last night? You must tell me."

Holly winced, she had hoped that she could broach the subject gingerly, but apparently not. "Uhm, Haldir and I..." she did not know the elvish word for kiss, she realized, and switched to Common, "kissed?"

Eruana beamed at her, and clapped her hands together excitedly, "Oh, excellent, I knew this would happen!" her face changed suddenly, showing signs of confusion, "Then why did he look so cross when last I saw him?"

Holly shifted uncomfortably, still terribly aware of her friend's unabashed nakedness, but aware that she would have to explain what had happened, "We had an argument."

Eruana looked crestfallen, "Argue? What of?"

"Well, he was kissing me, and then he spilled wine on my dress accidentally, and I sort of freaked out on him."

Eruana looked puzzled at her choice of words. Holly, clarified, "Uh, he spilled the wine on me and I got angry. Angry for nothing."

Eruana made a face of understanding. She, too, could have a temper, and though she loved Orophin, he could try her patience. Still, Holly and Haldir were not in love, and it was early days yet. It was crucial that neither of them let their blasted tempers ruin anything, "You can not apologize?"

Holly sighed, turning around and peeling off her dress to get into the springs, "We fought. We both said bad things."

"It cannot be as bad as that," Eruana replied, also re-entering the water, "Speak with him, he is quick to anger but quick to calm. He has probably forgotten it."

Holly gave her friend a rueful smile, "He said he would sooner kiss an orc than me."

Eruana's eyebrows shot up, "That is very unlike him."

"I made him very angry, I said bad things, also." Holly admitted, lowering her gaze in shame. Eruana looked at her young friend with pity. Holly looked as old as she, and though she knew that she was over eight-hundred in Middle-Earth, she sometimes had to remind herself that her friend had only twenty-four years of experience under her belt. She was but an elfling by their own standards, though she knew this to be inaccurate. Holly had the maturity of an adult, and she knew that among mortals she was well past the age of majority. Still, she was innocent to the elven ways and Eruana was determined to help her young friend.

"Time will tell. My advice would be to speak to him and apologize. He is understanding, you will see."

Holly scoffed at her comment, "That's doubtful. He wasn't exactly kind either, you know."

Holly lathered up her skin with the floral-scented soap she loved. She reminisced of when Haldir had complimented her on the scent and blushed, one thought leading to another, and the feeling of the warm water against her skin leaving her all kinds of uncomfortable. This did not go unnoticed by Eruana,

"Did you like it...his kiss?" she asked in Common, a mischievous glint in her eyes. Holly looked up at her and bit her lip,

"Yes. It was lovely." she responded with a sigh, letting her head fall into her hands, groaning loudly, "And now he will never do it again."

"You never know, despite his popularity among the ellyth of Lórien, Haldir has not shown interest in an elleth in over a hundred years, this is as surprising to me as it is to you."

Holly was surprised to hear this. Haldir was so...flirtatious and confident, she thought he must be popular with the females of Lothlórien. She made this exact comment to Eruana who only laughed dryly, "Holly, I said 'a hundred years'. Haldir is several thousand years old, he has much experience."

"Well, he certainly seemed to know what he was doing." she answered with a smug smile. Talking about this with Eruana was making her feel better. She was coming to the realization that this was no different than some awkward romantic encounter back in her world, and she would soon put it behind her. Still, she was curious, "I do not know how he feels."

Eruana nodded slowly in understanding, "I cannot tell you that, Holly. You must speak with Haldir."

Holly nodded with a sigh. She knew Eruana was right. When she was finished with Nestarion, she would track down Haldir and apologize.

Haldir had not slept at all. How he wished he was far away, at the farthest outskirt of the farthest border of the farthest edge of Lothlórien. At first he thought he would rather be in Mordor, but then felt that was somewhat of an overreaction and opted to wish he was just moderately far away.

He had returned to his talan absolutely infuriated. She was so accusatory and contrary. To think, he had spent three weeks at the border thinking of her face and her dark hair, imagining how it would feel woven between his fingers. He had thought of her eyes, unusual as they were to him and his kind, and how they glinted when she smiled. When he had seen her at the healing talan, he had made an unswerving line straight toward her station. When he had seen her at Elenalcar, he could think of nothing but dancing with her and more. She looked far too tempting in her pale lavender gown that so contrasted the whites, silvers and greens of the other ellyth of Lórien.

Yes, and how wrong had he been. Holly may be beautiful, but she was quick-tempered and easily-provoked, like some sort of pretty, cornered woodland creature. While he couldn't deny that he had thoroughly enjoyed his evening with her, the way she danced with him, shyly confiding in him that she did not know the steps. He had enjoyed the kiss – uncertain at first, then growing into something heady and intoxicating. Her soft mouth against his, the way she boldly ran her hands through his hair, so unlike every other elleth he had ever embraced.

What he had not enjoyed was the steely strike of her talons and the way she wildly flung accusations against him. He would have blamed it on the wine, but he was far too irritated by the entire situation to think rationally about Holly. Never had an elleth so challenged him and he was not entirely sure that he had enjoyed it. How could she be so pleasant and then so caustic, so sweet and then so infuriating?

Still, he was ashamed of his own behaviour, as well. He had to admit that he had done nothing thus far to earn her trust. His harmless little trick at the springs, while amusing, hadn't helped his chances with her. Then of course, he has said that he would rather kiss an orc than go near her again. Haldir groaned at the thought of his own words, knowing full well that this was not the first time his temper and pride had gotten him into trouble. She would likely never speak to him again, he was utterly convinced.

It was on this pessimistic note that Haldir made his way to the archery fields for his morning practice. Perhaps he could vent his frustrations on the targets and pull his mind away from this troubling encounter. However, just as he arrived and began re-stringing his bow, one of his wardens came running toward him.

"Marchwarden! Marchwarden! I bring news from the northern border!" the elf announced, doubled over, breathing heavily. Haldir set his bow down and turned to address the elf,

"Yes, Rothion?" he asked, his heart quickening in anticipation of bad news. The elf looked up at him, his hands still on his thighs as he tried to regulate his breathing. Haldir was nervous, indeed. If this elf had run all the way from the northern border, he had been running for an entire day. Whatever he had to say, it was important.

"The northern border was attacked by yrch. It was only a skirmish but a warden, Erendir, has been wounded. They have taken him to the healing telain. He was shot by an orc arrow, close to his heart."

Haldir struggled to keep his face impassive, but he was inwardly distressed by this news. Wounded wardens were not rare, but for Erendir to have been rushed back to Caras Galadhon meant that this was no glancing arrow. The wound was serious and there was question as to whether or not the elf would live. "Thank you, Rothion. You are dismissed. You may return to the healing talan and watch over Erendir. When he wakes, I wish to be informed."

Rothion nodded his head and put his hand over his heart. Haldir matched the warden's gesture and nodded back at him. Rothion took off running again, this time somewhat slower than before.

It was with a lot on his mind that Haldir practiced his archery that day.

Holly washed her hands in the basin by the door, wiping off the blood and excess salve that coated her fingers. Shortly before she was set to leave for the afternoon, an injured warden had been brought in from the border. He had been shot with a orc arrow, the arrowhead narrowly missing his heart. Luckily, by Nestarion's gifted hands, the elf had been saved. Holly had been tasked cleaning the stitched-up wound and applying the healing salve before securing the poultice in place with a thick bandage. The elf, whose name she did not know, was now sleeping, eyes closed, in a bed nearby. Holly had been shocked by his peacefully deep sleep, but Nestarion explained that while the elves did not normally sleep with closed eyes, it did occur when an elf had undergone serious trauma and deep rest was required. He said it was nothing to be alarmed about, but it was evidence of the ordeal the poor elf had been through. Holly felt tremendously aware of the sacrifice the wardens gifted them.

Nestarion had left a few moments earlier, trusting Holly to wait there until she was relieved by the next healer, Ilwe. Holly finished cleaning her hands and went to check on the wounded warden again before taking a seat on the bench by the door. She let her head fall back on the wall behind her and took a deep breath. The day had been trying and she desperately needed rest, but she enjoyed the profound satisfaction of seeing her charge, laying peacefully on the cot, still alive. She hoped to be as skilled at Nestarion some day, to be able to save the lives of those who fought to protect them all.

She thought of Haldir, who led these brave elves. She wondered how, with his terrible temper, he managed to command so many. Still, despite her own impression of him, she could not deny the respect with which his wardens spoke of him. He did not command their respect- no, it was clear that he had earned it over many years.

Ilwe appeared in the doorway then, to take the evening shift. Holly greeted her and explained the situation with the warden on the nearby bed. Ilwe nodded in understanding and bid her a good evening. Holly was starved, not having had time to pause for lunch in the flutter of activity of the afternoon. She made her way to the dining hall, un-braiding and re-braiding her hair as she walked, combing out the tangled tresses. They had gotten messy and unkempt during the activity of the day, and if she was to confront Haldir, she would look as confident as she could. She would tidy herself, get some sustenance from the dining hall, and then seek him out so that they may put this whole mess behind them. If he was not at his talan, she would check the archery fields, and then the training grounds. It was with her natural, headstrong determination that Holly strode into the dim light of the hall.

Yet, it was with no surprise whatsoever that she saw Haldir sitting at the far end of the dining hall with Orophin, Rúmil and Eruana. She was briefly annoyed and then reminded herself that this was, in fact, his family, and she was the intruder here. She thought about turning around and eating in her talan, but reminded herself that she was no longer some nervous teenager, and that Haldir was thousands of years old. If they couldn't handle a little awkwardness then things really were beyond repair. Thinking that at least she was spared all that walking around the city pathetically searching for him, she plopped herself down unceremoniously beside Rúmil, who sat across from Haldir.

"Good evening." she greeted them in Sindarin, quickly averting her gaze from Haldir, who eyed her curiously. She began filling her plate, "The nut breads look good."

Eruana, Orophin and Rúmil greeted her brightly, asking about her day. Haldir muttered a quiet 'good evening' back at her and Holly resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him. Somehow she knew he hated when she did that.

"There was a wounded elf brought in from the borders today. Nestarion did a marvelous job patching him up, though. He will be fine, after some recovery." she offered, opening up the conversation. Orophin nodded as though he already knew, but Rúmil, who had been walking in the forest that day, quite a ways away from the city, looked shocked,

"Who was it?" he asked, turning toward Holly eagerly. It was not Holly, who answered, however,

"It was Erendir." Haldir said, popping another piece of apple into his mouth. Holly only nodded, also picking at her food. She felt bad for the elf, and now that she knew his name, she felt worse. She tried to think of something to say but found that she could not. She shoved some greens around before dropping her fork onto her plate with an accidental clatter. All eyes looked over to her and she opened and closer her mouth for a moment, thinking of something useful to say.

"Sorry, I was just thinking that...that I felt very indebted to that elf today. I did not know his name, he was unconscious when they brought him in." she said simply, casting her eyes down to her plate. "But he will get better, Nestarion says. It will take time, but he will."

It was Orophin who broke the silence, "That is a touching thought, Holly. I am sure Erendir would appreciate you thinking so. Nestarion is the best healer in Lórien, and if he says Erendir will be fine, then he shall."

Holly looked up and smiled thankfully at Orophin, and his wife patted him softly on the hand. Holly briefly looked to Haldir who was studying the contents of his plate with intent. He was either avoiding her gaze, she thought, or avoiding the gaze of all at the table. There was something about his demeanor that did not seem awkward or phased by the previous nights' events to her, and she got the feeling that there was something else he was upset about. Holly contemplated this in silence as the others chatted away in Sindarin. Holly caught only a few words here and there, not yet able to keep up with the speed at which they spoke. She finished her food and noted that Haldir, too, was finished. He had not yet gotten up, she also noticed.

No better time than now, I suppose. She thought to herself, placing her utensils on her plate neatly and taking a rather large swig of wine. Hair of the dog, and all that. Holly cleared her throat quietly, trying to find her voice,

"Haldir, do you think I could speak with you for a moment?" she asked, bringing her eyes to his briefly. He met her gaze after being addressed directly and nodded, saying nothing. Holly got up from the table and she looked at Eruana, who gave her a small smile of encouragement. She set her dishes upon the counter at the far end of the hall, near the door. She did not look behind her to see if Haldir was following, but she knew he was.

Holly walked out of the hall and ducked to the side and down a little path that ran along the side of the building. They would be out of the way there and out of ear shot. She turned around and face him. He stood there, hands behind his back, his face utterly expressionless. He looked at her as though waiting for her to speak first. She cleared her throat again and leveled her eyes with his before speaking in a surprisingly clear and deceptively confident voice,

"Haldir I wanted to apologise." she began, "I am sorry for speaking rashly, I didn't mean to accuse you of spilling wine on me, and I'm sorry for arguing with you."

Haldir considered her apology for a moment, then also spoke, "Yes, I apologise for my words and for my actions, as well. They were uncalled for."

Holly could not help but notice his stiff behaviour and sighed, "Haldir, I am serious. I want us to be friends. I do not want any awkwardness between us. I enjoy...talking to you and being with you."

Haldir seemed to visibly soften at this statement and took a cautious step forward, "I would like for us to be friends, as well. My brothers are always blaming my damnable temper, and with all the wine and...well it was easy to get carried away."

Holly felt suddenly very unsure as to what exactly they were talking about. She rubbed the back of her neck in what felt like a very human gesture as she debated whether or not to ask the following question, "Do you feel like you got carried away?"

He stiffened a little but recovered quickly, shrugging slightly, "Perhaps. It is hard to say. I should not have insulted you or yelled at you, and it was inappropriate to become...physical with you in that moment."

She nodded slowly in understanding. So he did regret kissing her, then. He had had a lot to drink and made a mistake. Disappointed as she was, this was something she could understand. It would not have been the first time someone had made an error in judgment after quite a lot of alcohol. Still, he had apologised for his words and that was more than she could ask for. She had started the argument, after all. She thought about asking him to clarify his feelings, but felt that this was a little too much, too soon. Besides, she was not sure that she was prepared for the answer, either way.

"I...um, yes, well I played my own part in that, too." she said awkwardly, kicking at a pebble on the footpath. She heard Haldir laugh lightly and looked up at him, he was smiling down at her,

"Yes, well, I can be quite seductive when I want to be." he said with a wink. Damn! Now she was just as confused as before. What was that about? So he was trying to seduce her? Urgh! She would never figure this out. However, she was in no position to go about asking him about it now.

"Oh, stop it. Don't you think we've gotten ourselves in enough trouble for one day?" she asked, hitting him lightly on the shoulder, hiding her confusion. He feigned pain and rubbed his arm, wincing dramatically. Holly enjoyed the exchange and was happy to see the return of their easy banter. The tension seemed to have palpably dissipated, despite the still unanswered questions between them.

Holly felt, in her heart, that these would be answered in time. What she needed right now was not love or complicated romance, but a friend. It seemed as though Haldir could become just that, if she would let him.

"Probably true. Perhaps we should take a little break from the dramas of the day. I was about to head to the training grounds, I promise Rúmil a spar. Would you like to join us? He is probably waiting for me." he asked, gesturing behind him and holding out his arm.

"Oh, no! I'm sorry, I didn't realise I was keeping you." she stammered apologetically. He stopped her,

"No, not at all. I did not give him a specific time, I only told him after dinner. I am happy we got a chance to speak. I feared that we had perhaps done some damage last night." he said ruefully. "I always say I shall never drink again and yet...well, you know."

Holly laughed brightly at him, feeling very much the same way. "Yes, I seem to remember thinking something very similar on far too many occasions." she said, still laughing. He smiled charmingly at her and proffered his arm again. She took it this time, and they walked off toward the training grounds. As they walk, they spoke of little things, such as the training itself and what types of training Haldir engaged in. They spoke of Holly's work, and of Erendir. Holly could see the sincere concern for the wounded elf on Haldir's face. She got the distinct impression that he felt each of their wounds and bore the responsibility on his own shoulders, however burdensome. He spoke sadly of the elf,

"Erendir is a new warden. It is common for the less experienced wardens to become moderately to severely wounded in the first years of their service, but I always hope it is never as serious as this." he said darkly, a shadow cast upon his normally bright eyes. Holly patted his arm soothingly,

"You must not feel responsible, Haldir. It is as you said, the wardens have a dangerous job. Erendir knew that he would become wounded at some point. Besides, you were not there to protect him." she responded, trying to assuage him. He looked at her with a sad smile,

"Yes, I know. Still, it is my job as Marchwarden to ensure the safety of the elves under my command, as well as to protect the Golden Wood." he said, almost proudly. His face fell again, "but when one of my own is wounded so, I fear I feel a small sense of failure."

"I can understand that. Still, you should see the way your wardens speak of you. I was not kidding around when I said they speak highly of you. Never have I heard such words of admiration, of respect. You are revered in their eyes, Haldir."

He stopped walking for a moment and turned to face her. His eyes were serious and warm as he looked down at her. He did not speak for a moment, but then took her hand in both of his, holding it there for a moment, "Thank you, Holly. Somehow that is just what I needed to hear at the moment."

Holly smiled at him and put her own hand over his before letting her hands drop, "It's nothing. If we are to be friends then we must find nice things to say about each other."

Haldir took her arm again and continued guiding her toward the training grounds, "An excellent point! Perhaps one day I shall discover something about you worth complimenting you over."

"Urgh! Haldir, you are the worst!" she said, but laughing this time.

"Yes, you've mentioned that." he answered dryly.

A/N: well, it seems that all is well again. Sort of. :) Still some mixed up emotions there, but they seem to have found a small sense of ease. Let's see how long that lasts! Please review :) Negative or positive, I take it all. Tell me what you think, what you like, what you dislike, anything! Go go go!