Reading The Ever Twisting Wind: The Lightning Thief

by BonesBoy15

This is me returning the favor to Engineer4Ever's Reading Sun's Heir, Death's Guardian series. Thanks my friend for the laughs along the way! Percy and co. read about the Girl-Who-Lived as she finds out that her heritage is not all it seems. T for adult language. Might change the rating.

11. Chapter 11

Reading The Ever Twisting Winds: The Lightning Thief

Ch 11

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"I will read," said Demeter, taking the book and cracking it open.

It was Annabeth's idea.

"Duh," said Piper with a smile to her friend. Annabeth returned it readily.

She loaded them into the back of a Vegas taxi, Andi stealing shotgun once more, as if they had enough money for it, and told the driver, "Los Angeles, please."

The cabbie chewed his cigar and sized them up. "That's three hundred miles. For that, you gotta pay up front."

"You accept casino debit cards?" Annabeth asked.

He shrugged. "Some of 'em. Same as credit cards. I gotta swipe 'em through first."

Annabeth handed him her green LotusCash card.

"If that works," said Leo, looking at Percy.

Percy just smiled back at him sheepishly.

"...Yeah, I so want to go to the Lotus Casino."

He looked at it skeptically.

"Swipe it," Annabeth invited.

He did.

His meter machine started rattling. The lights flashed. Finally an infinity symbol came up next to the dollar sign.

"What ever happened to those cards?" Leo asked Percy. The boy pointed at Annabeth.

"Well it's not like he has all that money now," said Annabeth.

"Actually," said Hades with a scrutinizing gaze on the blonde, "I've had a recent addition to my domain, one who swears he was too rich to die." Looking at the image, Hades hummed. "Looked a lot like him."

The cigar fell out of the driver's mouth. He looked back at them, his eyes wide. "Where to in Los Angeles... uh, Your Highness?"

"The Santa Monica Pier." Annabeth sat up a little straighter. They could all tell she liked the "Your Highness" thing.

"Wonder where she got the big head from," said Ares sarcastically.

"Like your children don't have hubris," said Athena.

"Never said they didn't, but your brats have bigger heads than the old man does," said Ares.

"Doubt it," said Poseidon and Hades together, earning themselves a glare from their younger brother.

"Get us there fast, and you can keep the change."

"So you let him keep the card?!" Hermes asked, scandalized. What a waste of money!

"Well, it felt right, I mean he broke several speed laws," said Annabeth.

"...You let him keep the card of infinite mortal money." Hermes looked to his sister. "Well I guess we know who she takes after, right Goddess of wisdom?"

"...Shut up, Hermes," said Athena, a bit pink cheeked at the truthful jab.

Maybe she shouldn't have told him that. The cab's speedometer never dipped below ninety-five the whole way through the Mojave Desert.

"Now that sounds like a fun ride," said Leo.

"Psh, ain't got nothing on my car," said Apollo.

Artemis looked at her twin dryly. "You drive the sun."

"...Your point?"

On the road, they had plenty of time to talk. Percy told Annabeth and Grover about his latest dream, Andi refused to talk about the first and third part of hers

"Aw, someone's having private sister memories," said Ares scathingly.

"You could do to have more positive memories with your sisters, Ares," said Hestia with a frown.

"Bah, best memory I have with owl pellets is our fight during the Trojan war," said Ares with a grin.

"Yes, me kicking your teeth in was a fine memory to have," said Athena with a smirk.

Ares' grin turned into a scowl. "I want a rematch."

"Not in a million years."

"...I can wait."

but the details got sketchier the more they tried to remember them. The Lotus Casino seemed to have short-circuited their memory. The two couldn't recall what the invisible servant's voice had sounded like, but it was familiar somehow.

"Hm, I wonder who that could be?" said Dionysus.

"Funny considering he was under your watch," said Hermes with a scowl.

"Still your son," said Dionysus. He took a sip of his diet coke as Hermes' scowl deepened.

The servant had called the monster in the pit something other than "my lord" ... some special name or title...

"Weighing in at any weight he so chooses from the land known as Greece, he is the meanest, baddest and worst being to have walked the face of the earth," said Apollo with a boxing announcer's microphone in hand. Waving his hand out, Apollo said, "he is The Cro-o-o-o-oked One!"

"Boo!" All the demigods, gods and goddesses jeered at the announcement of their enemy's title.

"The Silent One?" Annabeth suggested. "The Rich One? Both of those are nicknames for Hades."

"True, but I hail from the depths of the Underworld," said Hades. "Not a pit."

"I didn't want to acknowledge his return," said Annabeth apologetically.

"...All right, I'll accept that," said Hades.

"Maybe ..." Percy said, though neither sounded quite right.

"It wasn't those." Andi said, gaze out the window from her seat.

"That throne room sounds like Hades'," Grover said. "That's the way it's usually described."

Percy shook his head. "Something's wrong. The throne room wasn't the main part of the dream. And that voice from the pit ... I don't know. It just didn't feel like a god's voice."

"And cue Annabeth catching that detail," said Hermes.

Annabeth's eyes widened.

"Called it!"

"What?" the boy asked the blonde.

"Oh ... nothing. I was just - No, it has to be Hades."

"At least you forewarned me," said Hades. Annabeth beamed at her well done maneuver working.

"Bethy." Andi said, turning from her seat, "Someone else could have-"

"No! It-it has to be Hades. You said the servant failed right? So the bolt is still out there.

"Wrong-o," said Ares with a smirk.

"It wasn't your doing, fool," said Athena.

"She's still wrong."

He must think we have it. It would explain the Furies coming after us." The child of the war goddess tried to explain rapidly as she paled.

"But if I'd already retrieved the bolt," Percy said, "why would I be traveling to the Underworld?"

"Because you're Percy, Percy." Nico said as though it were obvious.

"To threaten him?" Grover suggested. "To bribe or blackmail him into getting your mom back."

"Good reasons," said Hades admittedly before smirking. "Too bad I already had you coming my way like a mouse in a trap."

"The phrase is a 'trapped mouse'."

"Details."

Andi just stared at the goat, small droplets out tears coming from the corner of her eyes, "Oh Grov, I knew you could be evil if you tried." She praised like a mother would her child, "I knew I'd corrupt you one day."

"...So do you think she likes diamonds?" Leo asked Piper.

"Hey, Leo?"

"Yes Percy?"

"Shut. Up."

"But I was just-"

"Now."

"Why, thank you." The goat chirped.

"But the thing in the pit said it was waiting for two items," Percy said with a knitted brow. "If the master bolt is one, what's the other?"

"Well gee, what could it be?" Hades asked the boy in question.

"Oh don't get huffy because you got your hat stolen," said Poseidon.

"...You'd best hold onto your giant fork, brother," said Hades with a frown.

Grover shook his head, clearly mystified.

Andi sighed out as she stared ahead of the taxi, she knew the answer was right in front of her, but nothing made sense right now.

"You have an idea what might be in that pit, don't you?" the son of the sea asked the child of wisdom. "I mean, if it isn't Hades?"

"Percy ... let's not talk about it. Because if it isn't Hades ... No. It has to be Hades."

"I'm not his biggest fan either Bethy, but we have to have the benefit of the doubt." The more Andi looked at this quest, the more her doubts of Hades taking the bolt appeared since the beginning.

"I really do like this daughter of yours," said Hades with a smirk.

"As opposed to my other daughters?" Zeus asked dryly.

"Well, they never give me the benefit of the doubt, and one of them inadvertently got my daughter killed," said Hades with another glare to Artemis. Apollo glared back at him while Artemis had the decency to look ashamed.

"What other opinion do we have Andi?"

That was true, they were headed for the underworld, if it was someone else, they had no other clues, and by then, it would be too late to stop this war.

Also, if it wasn't really him, Andi was going to slug Chiron for this later, trainer of heroes or not!

"Finally the stupid horse gets something coming to him," said Hades with a smirk.

Wasteland rolled by. They passed a sign that said CALIFORNIA STATE LINE, 12 MILES.

"The answer is in the Underworld," Annabeth assured them. "You two saw spirits of the dead, right? There's only one place that could have them. We're doing the right thing."

"Walking right into a trap," said Ares with a smirk.

"The best way to spring it," said Athena, her own smirk growing as her brother growled.

She tried to boost the morale by suggesting clever strategies for getting into the Land of the Dead, but the team wasn't really into it.

"You weren't listening?" Annabeth asked her boyfriend, a pout on her face.

"I had other things on my mind, Annabeth," said Percy sheepishly.

At sunset, the taxi dropped them at the beach in Santa Monica. And it smelt horrible to the Brit. There were carnival rides lining the Pier, palm trees lining the sidewalks, homeless guys sleeping in the sand dunes, and surfer dudes waiting for the perfect wave.

"About half of those idiots are probably my nephews," said Artemis with a look to her brother.

"I'm not that bad," said Apollo with a frown.

"...Your cabin is second to Hermes' who lets undecided children in since they are in his domain," said Artemis.

"...I plead the fifth?"

Grover, Annabeth, Andi, and Percy walked down to the edge of the surf.

"What now?" Annabeth asked.

The Pacific was turning gold in the setting sun. Percy was reminded of Montauk as he stared at the sea opposite of the one he was so used to. How could there be a god who could control all that?

"I have a lot of helpers, Percy," said Poseidon with a smile to his son.

What did his science teacher use to say - two-thirds of the earth's surface was covered in water? How could he be the son of someone that powerful?

"Well Percy, when your mom and Poseidon got back to her place–"

"APOLLO!"

"What? If you're not going to educate my awesome cousin then I have to step up."

"No you don't," said a green Percy, trying to get rid of that image in his head.

With a deep calming breath for his nerves, Percy stepped into the surf.

"Percy?" Annabeth said. "What are you doing?"

He kept walking, up to his waist, then his chest.

The blonde called after him, "You know how polluted that water is? There're all kinds of toxic -"

"It's not that bad," said Poseidon with a frown.

"Depends on who you ask," said Athena. "The mortals who measure it-"

"Exactly, humans measuring the pollution don't realize their 'technology' isn't helping with keeping it clean," said Poseidon with a pointed glare to his rival and his nephew.

Percy was already under before she could finish.

"I don't think he was listening." Andi pointed out with a grin to the child of wisdom, getting a glare from her friend.

"I figured that out when he just dipped under the water," said Annabeth with a frown to her boyfriend.

"I turned out to be fine, didn't I?"

"I don't know," said Thalia. "I think you might have left something behind."

"What do you mean?"

"A fish could've swam in and stolen your brain."

"Hey!"

"Must've been really small for the brain to leave your ears."

"Shut up, Thalia."

"Make me, Percy."

But Andi just shrugged it off as they waited.

It was moments later that a flash of fire appeared, a melodious voice trilled happily as Andi nearly fell over.

"Fawkes?!"

"Oh! Awesome! A phoenix in real life!" Apollo said with a grin, looking interested.

"Elegant, but not an eagle," said Zeus with a frown.

"You and your raptors," said Poseidon with a smirk.

the young child of Zeus cried out in surprise with the brilliant red, orange, and yellow phoenix roosted on her shoulder.

"...Dad, I don't ask for a lot but-"

"No, Apollo."

"Aw, c'mon!"

"No!"

Apollo crossed his arms in a pout. "So unfair."

"What would you do with a phoenix?" Artemis asked curiously.

"Why, I'd name him Helios and take him with me to pick up chicks." Apollo said, grinning in a way that left her unsure if he was joking or not.

Artemis smacked him upside the head anyway.

The phoenix trilled once more, a letter tied to his leg.

Grover was in awe at seeing the marvelous magical animal while Annabeth was gaping at the sight.

"Andi, is, is that a-" Annabeth trailed off, unable to speak in awe of the animal.

"I know I would be," said Annabeth in agreement with her other.

"You got to see a phoenix," said Percy, gaping.

"Yeah," Andi nodded as she took the letter from the leg and Fawkes jumped to the sandy beached, "A phoenix, my headmaster's to be precise. So?" she said like it wasn't a big deal.

"...Not fair," said the pouting Apollo.

"For the love of, Apollo act your age!" Zeus said.

"How do you act over one thousand years old?"

Zeus glared at his son for the smartass comment.

Grover was the one who recovered and moved to eagerly talk to the bird, and a series of goat bleats and trilling bird speak ensued.

"Now watch as the satyr communicates with the phoenix, asking questions," said Leo like a documentarian. "Next we'll take a look at nymphs in their natural habitat-ow! Piper, that hurt!"

"Good." Piper said with a huff. Honestly, he was doing so well.

Annabeth moved to see the famed bird closer as Andi opened the letter addressed to her from Dumbledore. Let's see; worried of her disappearance, telling her to grab Fawkes by the tail feathers so she can return home for her safety.

Zeus snorted. As if.

Apparently there was a mass murdering wizard on the loose who worked for Voldemort, and could come to get her.

"Her godfather, right?" Artemis asked her brother.

Apollo rolled his eyes. "Yes, Artemis. Geez, hurry up and finish the series already."

"I'm busy!"

"You're not too busy on Olympus."

"...I'm keeping tabs on my hunters?"

"Wow, don't trust your little half-sis, huh?"

Once more worried about her and yadda, yadda, yadda other generic worries.

The lightning girl shrugged, sorry headmaster, she had better things to do right now.

"Being a demigoddess...being a witch," said Frank, weighing both in either hand. His left, the demigoddess, hand tipped down. "I think we have a winner."

She shuffled through her bag and pulled out a pen she stole from the hotel

"Did someone say 'stole'?" Hermes asked, his eyes twinkling.

and turned the letter around.

"Andi, is that a Lotus pen?" Annabeth asked as she pet the fire bird after Grover asked if she could.

"I would do that," said Annabeth, a bit jealous of her other.

"Yep."

"…What else did you take?" Annabeth asked, gaining a knowing look in her stormy eyes.

"I hate that look," said Hermes with a frown. Athena smirked at him and his frown deepened. "Stop it!"

"Just having a bit of fun, Hermes."

Andi tapped the pen against her chin in thought, "Well, the bath towels, the robes, the soaps, the scents, the fuzzy slippers, the pens, pads, hand lotions, shampoos-"

"Basically, everything but the bathroom sink."

"Ten bucks says she tried that, too," said Leo with a grin. "I know I would if I had a magic backpack like that...Actually, now that I think about it..."

"Hey, whoa, don't go trying to put me out of business with that tech stuff," said Hermes.

"...Please?"

Grover laughed as he paused in his chatting with the well-mannered bird who was telling him about Andi's fight with the Drakon.

Andi turned her head to the side.

"She keeps giving me reasons to fall in love with her!" Leo said with a groan. He banged his head against the back of the couch. "The fates hate me."

"They probably do," said Hades with an amused shrug while his smith of a nephew glared at him.

"…You didn't?!" Annabeth asked her, eyes in disbelief, "How much space is in that bag?!"

"Five trunks worth…it was a bargain sale! I had money, I splurged."

"Now, see, that is smart spending," said Hermes to his niece and sister.

Annabeth flushed. "Its not like I could just buy one at the camp store." Hermes chuckled at her, making the girl look to her mother in question.

"...It's frowned upon, but if you ask the clerk nicely..." Athena trailed off.

"Why doesn't our cabin know about this?!"

"I...I actually don't know."

she quickly argued and pulled out the faucet and its handles, "And I couldn't take the sink sadly, not without ripping it from the wall."

Grover just shook her head, "I swear, if Zeus didn't claim you, I'd figure you a child of Hermes."

"I would be proud of that," said Hermes with a grin while Zeus blanched. One thief was bad enough, and he and Apollo were horrible pranksters when together. A third? He might as well end the world just to escape that.

"Why thank you~!" Andi retorted with a nod and began to write her return letter.

BUSY, GOT STUFF TO DO. SEE YOU IN SCHOOL! FROM ANDI POTTER, COUNSELOR OF CABIN ONE.

"Hey, that's right," said Percy with a smirk as he turned to his cousin. "You'd have to listen to her."

"I'm older," said Thalia with a scowl.

"That doesn't mean anything," said Annabeth. "She's already been there physically longer than you have and has a quest under her belt."

"...They're not right, are they?" Thalia said, turning to her father.

Zeus blinked and stroked his beard. "Well, actually..."

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me!" Thalia said, slumping down in her seat. Her poor other...

She turned back to Fawkes and pet the bird on the head, "You know I can't come back right now, right?" she asked the bird, who trilled to Grover.

"And the bird would use the satyr to translate what he was saying for the silly, yet cute demigoddess who would save herself until a brave, handsome and charming son of Hephaestus arrived at camp," said Leo.

"Not a chance, Pyro," said Apollo with a smirk. "Will's got this in the bag."

"He says: Of course, you demigods always have things to do, honestly." Grover said in a bored tone to match Fawkes'.

"So it's a common animal in that world," said Apollo.

"No, Apollo."

"I can never have anything nice. Artemis is spoiled rotten, but me? Nope." Apollo said with a frown. Artemis rolled her eyes.

"Thanks you, you brilliant bird." Andi grinned and held out the letter for Fawkes peck and flashed away in a burst of fire.

"That was so cool." Annabeth said in a giddy tone.

"Jealous," said Leo with a frown.

"Seconded," said Apollo, purposefully pouting and changing to a younger form to get some sympathy.

"Apollo!" Zeus' cry made the god-turned-boy grow back up, though the pout on his face remained.

Percy came out of the water a minute later and told the group of what had happened, and showed them the four pearls.

Annabeth grimaced. "No gift comes without a price."

"They were free." Percy told her, making Andi shake her head at him for not understanding.

"Like I would ask my son for something absurd," said Poseidon.

"Great Prophecy," said Percy dryly.

"...Well, that's different."

"No." Annabeth told him sternly. "'There is no such thing as a free lunch.' That's an ancient Greek saying that translated pretty well into American.

"...American?" Leo asked in amusement. "You speak 'Merican, Annabeth?"

"Shut up!" said the daughter of wisdom, her cheeks pink at the poor grammar. One slip up and it ruins you.

There will be a price. You wait."

On that happy thought,

"I have happier dreams than that foreboding statement," said Hades dryly.

they started to head for their quest destination.

"So what did you guys do while waiting?" he asked jokingly as they told him, getting the water boy to stare at them.

"…I missed seeing a phoenix?" Percy asked, his eyes wide.

"Sucks for you, dude," said Leo.

"Well, I could let him see one now if somebody would let me make it," said Apollo.

"Apollo if I find out you so much as thought about making a real phoenix..." Zeus said, his warning trailing off.

"Yep." Grover nodded.

"Damn it." He muttered, why did he miss out on all the cool stuff!?

"Because you're Percy, Percy," said Nico once again.

Percy glared at his snickering cousins. Jerks.

The girls just looked at him smugly, well, more Annabeth since she got to pet a phoenix, that was something to gloat to her cabin about.

"It sure is," said Leo. "Don't forget to gloat in 'Merican."

"Shut up, Leo!"

With the rest of their money, they took the bus into West Hollywood. Percy showed the driver the Underworld address slip he'd taken from Aunty Em's Garden Gnome Emporium, but the guy never heard of DOA Recording Studios.

"Well, he probably heard of D.O.A.," said Apollo with a sly smirk.

"Why?" Artemis asked.

"Well..." Apollo twisted his hand and a copy of one of the more fan-service focused games appeared in his grasp.

"...That had best not be your doing, Apollo."

"Nope! Not one of my kids, either. Trust me, I checked."

"You remind me of somebody I saw on TV," he told the child of the sea. "You a child actor or something?"

"Hm..." Apollo scrutinized Percy with a hand on his chin. "You know, Percy, there is an opening for a guy with black hair and green eyes..."

"Uh, I'll pass."

"You sure? The actresses, Percy..."

"He's sure," said Annabeth with a frown.

In a second, Andi used her freaky Mist powers and told him they were kids' from a cereal commercial. He bought it and they had given him their autographs for his own kids with made up names and got off at the next stop.

"Ronald McDonald," said Percy with a smirk.

"Shirley Temple," said Annabeth with a giggle.

"Nice names," said Leo with an approving nod.

They wandered for miles on foot, looking for DOA. Nobody seemed to know where it was. It didn't appear in the phone book either.

"Well Percy, it's like Fight Club," said Apollo.

Leo stood up. "First rule about Fight Club, don't talk about Fight Club."

"How do you know about the R-rated movie?" Hestia asked him, a frown on her face.

"Uh...Jason made me watch it?"

"The Hell is Fight Club?"

"Jason Grace, you watch your mouth!"

"Sorry, Aunt Hestia."

Twice, they had duck into alleys to avoid cop cars.

"I know the feeling," said Hermes with a nod.

Percy saw his stepdad on the television, fake crying about how Percy was some terrorist in training and how he wanted his car back,

"Oh that's right, you totaled that Camaro," said Apollo. "I'm almost sympathetic for him...then again he's an abusing spouse and, quite frankly, I don't like that."

Artemis smirked at him as he glared at his father for letting Hera get away with all the stuff she tried to do to kill their mother.

they also showed a grainy picture of them and Ares outside that Diner in Denver. Grover had to pull him away before the child of Poseidon tried to punch the T.V. through the window in anger.

"Percy angry! Percy smash!" said Frank.

"Ha. Ha. Ha." Percy said dryly.

It got dark, and hungry-looking characters started coming out on the streets to play. Now, don't get her wrong, she had seen the seedier side of London before, Knockturn alley too, but the states, well, it seemed different to the British girl, even more depriving in a way.

They walked past gangbangers,

"...In the street?" Apollo asked with wide eyes. "Wow, Hollywood's gone to shit since I was last there."

"Criminals, not...not the other kind," said Annabeth with a blush.

"...Still went to shit."

bums, and street hawkers, who looked at them like they were trying to figure if the group was worth the trouble of mugging.

"Hm, go after helpless kids wandering the streets of Hollywood or go after the grandmother across the street with a possible handgun in her purse? Decisions, decisions," said Ares.

As the questers hurried passed the entrance of an alley, a voice from the darkness said, "Hey, you."

And like a daft moron, Percy stopped.

"No, Dude, not cool!" Leo said, giving a dry look to Percy. "You can't be that stupid."

"I'm not stupid!"

"...'Hey you.' And you stopped."

"...Well, I wasn't sure if they were-"

"DUDE! In like every cartoon you've ever seen, has that ever turned out well for anyone?"

"...Shut up, Leo."

"I rest my case."

Before they knew it, the group was surrounded. A gang of kids had circled them. Six of them in all - white kids with expensive clothes and mean faces.

"So a bunch of rich school punks trying to exhaust their aggression and frustration with the world?" Ares asked.

They reminded Andi of Malfoy and his lot, or Dudley and his little 'gang'. Basically, rich brats who thought they were tough.

"Called it." Ares said with a smirk.

Instinctively, Percy uncapped Riptide.

"...Dude."

"Shut up, Leo. It was instinctively."

"...Dude!"

"I can't win with you."

"Stop being that idiot and you might."

When the sword appeared out of nowhere, the kids backed off, but their leader was either really stupid or really brave, because he kept coming at Percy with a switchblade.

"...Well someone is unbelievably lucky," said Thalia.

"Shut up, Porcupine."

"Make me, Water Boy."

"I like that one," said Nico with a grin.

"Thanks, I try."

Andi was about to knock them out with her magic before Percy made the mistake of swinging.

"Oh...dude...really?" Leo asked.

Percy just pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yes. Really. Can you drop it now?"

"...No," said Leo after he thought about it. "No, I don't think I can."

The kid yelped. Well, he's mortal, because the blade passed harmlessly right through his chest.

"Lame," said Ares with a scowl.

"Of course you would say that," said Athena.

"It is, though."

He looked down. "What the ..."

Percy figured they had three seconds before his shock turned to anger. "Run!" he screamed at his friends with Andi cursing his stupidity aloud.

"This is why we're perfect for each other," said Leo. "We agree on so many levels."

"You do know that she's twelve, right?"

Leo opened and closed his mouth at Percy's comment before scowling. "Touché."

Percy smirked victoriously.

The quartet pushed two kids out of the way and raced down the street, not knowing where they were going and turned sharply at a corner.

"There!" Annabeth shouted.

"Where?" Hazel asked.

"There," said Frank, pointing in a random direction. "Or maybe there! Possibly over there!"

"You guys suck," said Annabeth with a frown while Percy comforted her with an arm over her shoulders.

Only one store on the block looked open, its windows glaring with neon. The sign above the door said something like CRSTUY'S WATRE BDE ALPACE.

"Oh joy," said Percy dryly.

"You know, I noticed that when you can't read the signs, it never turns out all right for you," said Leo.

"...Okay, I admit I hadn't noticed that," said Percy.

"Percy admitted he was an idiot!" Nico said.

"No, I didn't!"

"Crusty's Water Bed Palace?" Grover translated.

"Water beds are awesome," said Apollo with a grin. "So much fun to be had on them."

"I agree," said Aphrodite with her own smile.

It really didn't sound like a place you'd hide in, but with little options, you do what you must.

"Like that time one of your kids hid in a dumpster that got hauled away to the junkyard," said Dionysus to his thief of a brother.

They burst through the doors, ran behind a water bed, and ducked. A split second later, the gang kids ran past outside.

"I think we lost them," Grover panted.

A voice behind them boomed, "Lost who?"

"That's a good question," said Frank.

They all jumped, Andi actually hovering in the air for two extra seconds.

"Reminds me of the time you got startled by Apollo and Hermes' prank," said Hera to her husband.

"You swore not to speak of it," said Zeus with a growl while his brothers laughed.

Standing behind them was a guy who looked like a raptor in a leisure suit. He was at least seven feet tall, with absolutely no hair. He had gray, leathery skin, thick-lidded eyes, and a cold, reptilian smile. He moved towards them slowly, like some predator.

"...Another Pedo? So soon?" Apollo asked.

His suit might've come from the Lotus Casino. It belonged back in the seventies, big-time.

"Wow because the seventies were a long time ago-"

"Nico, drop it."

"Make me seaweed brain."

The shirt was silk paisley, unbuttoned halfway down his hairless chest. The lapels on his velvet jacket were as wide as landing strips. The silver chains around his neck - you couldn't even count them.

"I'm Crusty," he said, with a tartar-yellow smile.

Andi nearly gagged at how hideous he was.

"And that would be the Aphrodite in her," said Hephaestus with a snort. Aphrodite rolled her eyes, though she didn't disagree with him.

"Sorry to barge in," Percy told him. "We were just, um, browsing."

"You mean hiding from those no-good kids," he grumbled. "They hang around every night. I get a lot of people in here, thanks to them. Say, you want to look at a water bed?"

"Yes," said Leo dryly. "I would love to look at a water bed considering I just swung my monster slaying sword at a mortal and now am hiding with an obvious monster."

"He wasn't obvious!"

"...Crusty. His name is Crusty. The only Crusty I trust is Krusty the Clown."

Percy was about to say no, but the guy grabbed his shoulder and pulled him towards the showroom.

There was every kind of water bed you could imagine: different kinds of wood, different patterns of sheets; queen-size, king-size, emperor-of-the-universe-size.

"That's on hold for the king over here," said Poseidon with a smirk.

"Be silent, Poseidon." Zeus said, growling at his brother.

"Oh, don't deny that you loved them!"

Andi assume her dad had that last one to fit his ego.

"Even Andromeda agrees with him, not that I'm surprised," said Hades, who was also smirking.

"Shut up, Hades."

"This is my most popular model." Crusty spread his hands proudly over a bed covered with black satin sheets, with built-in Lava Lamps on the headboard. The mattress vibrated, so it looked like oil-flavored Jell-O.

"...It vibrates?" Frank asked, his face mixed between intrigue and discomfort.

"I wonder what else would vi-" "ARES!" The God of War laughed as his mother looked livid.

"Million-hand massage," Crusty told them. "Go on, try it out. Shoot, take a nap. I don't care. No business today, any-way." He waved off.

"Well, gee, I wonder why that is?" Leo asked flatly.

"Dude!"

"Nope. I'm making fun of every lack of common sense you guys show. This is embarrassing."

"Um," Percy said, "I don't think ..."

"Million-hand massage!" Grover cried, and dove in. "Oh, you guys! This is cool."

"...So the goat likes hand jobs, didn't think I needed to know that."

"ARES!" This time it was the whole of the Olympians.

"Hmm," Crusty said, stroking his leathery chin. "Almost, almost."

"Almost what?" Andi asked, her trouble meter tittering to the red.

"...Seriously, do you NOT have that?" Leo asked.

"Leo, drop it. Please?"

"...Fine."

He looked at Annabeth. "Do me a favor and try this one over here, honey. Might fit."

Annabeth said, "But what -"

He patted her reassuringly on the shoulder and led her over to the Safari Deluxe model with teakwood lions carved into the frame and a leopard-patterned comforter. When Annabeth didn't want to lie down, Crusty pushed her.

"Jerk," said Annabeth with a frown.

"Hey!" she protested.

Crusty snapped his fingers. "Ergo!"

Ropes sprang from the sides of the bed, lashing around Annabeth, holding her to the mattress.

"...So Annabeth is into bondage?"

"LEO!" Annabeth's face was red and she had a glare locked on the madly cackling elf. Joining him in his laughter was Nico and Thalia, while the others had the decency to try and withhold their snickers. Percy, however, was lost in a nice fantasy of Annabeth dressed as...something that was making his face match Annabeth's.

Grover tried to get up, but ropes sprang from his black-satin bed, too, and lashed him down.

"And apparently so is the goat man."

"N-not c-c-cool!" he yelled, his voice vibrating from the million-hand massage. "N-not c-cool a-at all!"

"Awkward boner in three...two..." Hermes counted down before pointing at the image.

"Why am I always right?!" Andi complained, seriously!

"Because not only are you going to grow up to be a knockout, but you're brilliant?"

"Apollo!"

"...Arte, you've seen yourself and Athena, right?"

The giant looked at Annabeth, then turned toward the raven haired children and grinned. "Almost, darn it."

"...You know it's a bad thing when they say something that's supposed to be negative, but they smile," said Dionysus, recalling his days as a travelling (demi) god and his misadventures.

They went to move, but the guy's hands snapped to the back of their necks. "Whoa, kids. Don't worry. We'll find you two one in a sec."

"Aw, you get to share!" Frank said with a smirk.

"...That'd be like me and Thalia sharing a bed. One of us would get hurt," said Percy with a snort.

"One of us, nothing. You'd be charred before you touched the sheets," said Thalia.

"Let our friends go." Percy told him as Andi struggled from the hold on her neck.

"What the Baywatch said.

"I don't see it," said Thalia, scrutinizing Percy. "All I see is a seaweed clogged head on a lanky body."

"...Porcupine deer poop sniffer," said Percy with a scowl.

And isn't the customer always right?"

"Don't let anyone tell you different," said Hermes, nodding in agreement.

"Of course I'll let them go." The man told them, "But I got to make them fit, first."

"There's always a catch," said Hephaestus.

"In this case, not the best of catches," said Demeter, nodding in agreement with her nephew.

"What do you mean?" the boy asked, knowing he wasn't going to like the answer.

"Then why would you ask?" Leo asked his friend.

"Because Percy can't help himself," said Nico before Percy could. "Motor mouth syndrome."

"Ohh..."

"Both of you can go straight to Tartarus," said Percy with a pout while Annabeth giggled.

"All the beds are exactly six feet, see? Your friends are too short, this one especially." He looked at Andi, "Got to make them fit."

"...So think he's reformed yet? I want a waterbed," said Leo, a dark look on his face.

Andi hissed at the reminder of her height, eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Here, here," said Leo.

Annabeth and Grover kept struggling.

"Can't stand imperfect measurements," Crusty muttered. "Ergo!"

"Yes, master?" Apollo asked, hunching in his seat. He caught the look Hephaestus gave him and sat right back up. "Um...Sorry."

"...One time," said Hephaestus with a snort.

A new set of ropes leaped out from the top and bottom of the beds, wrapping around Grover and Annabeth's ankles, then around their armpits. The ropes started tightening, pulling their friends from both ends.

"Don't worry," Crusty told them, "These are stretching jobs. Maybe three extra inches on their spines. They might even live.

"Oh well isn't that nice?" Frank asked. He looked at Annabeth. "You might live, isn't that grand?"

"It's so exhilarating," said Annabeth sarcastically.

Now why don't we find a bed you like, huh?"

"Percy!" Grover yelled.

"Safe word! Safe word!" Ares said, bursting into laughter.

"Where did I go wrong, Demeter?" Hera asked her sister.

"I'll tell you as soon as I figure out where I went wrong," said Demeter.

"Oh let it go!" Hades said to his sister.

"Your real name's not Crusty, is it?" Percy asked cautiously.

"...Wow, okay, yeah..." Percy said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I deserve to be called an idiot."

"You're an idiot Percy," said most of the demigods, Ares and Athena. Poseidon scowled at the war siblings while Percy glowered at his 'friends'.

"Legally, it's Procrustes," the salesman admitted.

"The Stretcher," Percy said, remembering the story: the giant who'd tried to kill Theseus with excess hospitality on his way to Athens.

"Of course he knows his brother's story," said Athena with a roll of her eyes.

"Yeah," the salesman said. "But who can pronounce Procrustes? Bad for business. Now 'Crusty', anybody can say that."

"It's slander against Krusty's good name!" Apollo said with a frown.

"Agreed!" said Leo.

"You know what," Andi blinked, "I'm sick of this." She said in a perfectly honest tone.

"I'm sure you are kid, no worries, we'll have you at least five seven. Least I can do."

"Bit of a smartass, too, isn't he?" Hermes asked.

"No, I mean, running into a monster, every damn time on this stupid quest…I am just sick of it."

"Preaching to the choir," said Percy and Annabeth together. It really got old after a while.

Andi told the salesman blandly, "Vinculum facti inimicum capient. Sagitta Magica, Aer capturae." (Make shackles capture my enemy. Magic Arrows, Capturing Wind.)

"She would make a good hunter," said Artemis thoughtfully. Thalia smirked at that.

"The day one of my girls becomes a hunter, I will gladly go down to Tartarus and kiss a Titan's ass," said Aphrodite with a scowl.

"...All the more reason to see if she becomes one," said Artemis with a smirk.

"Hey!" Crusty shouted as he was wound up in ropes of wind, getting him to release the ravenette demigods.

"Percy, be a good boy and get Bethy and Grov free, mommy needs to have a friendly chat with our esteemed salesman here." Andi said in a mock sweet tone that make a shiver run through Percy's spine.

"So Leo...Still in love?"

"Let's see what happens."

"R-Right." The boy said, honestly feeling sorry for Crusty now. He ran over and pulled out Riptide, cutting free the rest of the group.

Andi pulled out her sword and held the tip of it at the monster's lower region, as he screamed like a little girl at the action,

"...Lil sis is harsh," said Apollo, wide eyed as he crossed his legs.

"...I take that back. She'd make an excellent hunter," said Artemis.

"Now, Crusty, you seem like a very smart guy," Not, "So! Let's do the smart thing here. I want to know where the DOA Studio is, I'm sure a monster would know where it is. Now tell me, or my sword my go an inch further."

"...The love is leaving," said Leo with wide eyes.

"…How bout we cut a deal?"

Hades laughed a bit. "Very poor choice of words, Procrustes."

Light gleamed from the edge of the Xiphos.

"Bad wording."

"I just said that," said Hades with an amused smile on his face. "I really enjoy this niece."

"Agreed. She's very entertaining," said Poseidon with a chuckle.

Crusty gulped, sweat coming from his forehead as he was no doubt trying to think, "Come on, we can hash out some details, kid! I can give you a few more inches!"

"Now that just sounded wrong," said Hermes with a shudder.

Andi dug the tip of her sword a little deeper, blue static going around it, getting Crusty to squeal in fear, "I. Am. Not. Short."

"Hey, hey, I know my measurements and you're only five two!

"Five two...she's taller than you were at that age, Hermes!"

"Screw you, Apollo!"

No, wait, stop! How about a deluxe package set?!"

Andi stabbed him. Deeply.

"And she's off my scope," said Leo, wincing along with the other males. "Will can have her!"

"I don't know if I want Will to have her," said Apollo.

"I wouldn't mind," said Aphrodite with a smirk. Artemis and Thalia sent the scheming lady of doves a glare.

"AHHH!"

"Sigh, Crusty? I thought you were smart?"

"Apparently not." Athena said.

The monster just screamed more.

"Andi." Percy spoke with a gulp at the, uh, interrogation, "Look." He said as he held up a bright orange flier for DOA Recording Studios, offering commissions for heroes' souls. "We are always looking for new talent!" the DOA's address was right underneath with a map.

"...Remind me to have Procrustes' torture doubled," said Hades with a scowl. "Leaving that information out..."

"I thought you did that?" Percy asked.

"I wanted you brought before me by my people," said Hades.

"Oh!" Andi chirped with a smile and looked at the wailing monster, "Well, Crusty, seems your services aren't needed anymore." She smiled, sadistically,

"That smile scares me," said Jason with a shiver.

"You'll be seeing it later," said Piper.

"Wait, what?"

"Nothing, Jason."

"Also. I'm fun size."

"...Well she's not wrong," said Aphrodite with a smirk. "Apparently your son likes them that way, Apollo."

"Nothing wrong with that," said Apollo, chuckling.

The demigoddess told him as she swung her sword.

Clean up on the show floor.

"That is not good for business," said Hermes.

Annabeth and Grover were shaking their sore limbs and were thankful they weren't stretched to death.

Andi put her sword away and walked up to the desk, to see what else was under it that could be of help as Percy double checked on the others. In the corner of her eye, Andi saw something gleaming of brass.

The girl picked up a huge double sided axe, "Huh," she mused with a tiny smile.

"...I really don't like that smile," said Jason.

"It's not as bad as the last one," said Leo.

"...Leo. Trust me. It's what she's not showing that scares me."

"So, we set for the Underworld?" Percy asked, "It's only a block from here." He told them and turned to Andi, who was playing with her new toy, "Andi, lose the axe, we have questing to do!"

"She's playing with that axe..." Jason said warily.

"I wouldn't mind someone playing with-"

"Ares, don't you dare finish that sentence!" Hera said to her son.

"Hell no, I'm hanging this thing on my wall." She grinned wildly, swinging her new toy around.

"My wall, I think she means," said Zeus with a scoff.

"Andi, you'll take someone's eye out!"

"More like someone's head off," said Leo.

"Oh relax Grov, it's not like I'll-" she chopped a bed in half, "Oops."

"I knew something would happen." Jason said with a sigh. "Well, at least it was a bed and not a person."

"See!"

"…Still keeping it."

"I would too," said Thalia with a smirk. That thing did look like a lot of fun to swing around.

"I wouldn't," said Jason with a frown. Axes were symbols of the barbarians that Rome conquered. He'd rather not have that on his conscious.

They stood in the shadows of Valencia Boulevard, looking up at gold letters etched in black marble: DOA RECORDING STUDIOS.

Underneath, stenciled on the glass doors: NO SOLICITORS. NO LOITERING. NO LIVING.

"Well that last one is a bit harsh," said Hermes.

"You'd be surprised how much the other two are broken," said Hades.

It was almost midnight, but the lobby was brightly lit and full of people. Behind the security desk sat a tough-looking guard with sunglasses and an earpiece.

"Now all he needs is a donut," said Leo.

Percy turned to the group. "Okay. You remember the plan."

"You mean my plan." Andi told him with crossed arms.

"Our combined plan." Annabeth added to the shorter girl.

"Yes, yes." The raven haired girl waved off, "Still thought of it first." She muttered quietly.

"Wow, the competitiveness between the three of you...Hard to tell who has the larger ego," said Hazel.

"The plan," Grover gulped. "Yeah. I love the plan."

Annabeth said, "What happens if the plan doesn't work?" worry leaking into her tone.

"Don't think negative." Percy suggested.

"Because you were always so positive," said Annabeth with a smirk.

"I had to be!"

"Right," she said. "We're entering the Land of the Dead,

"One of Romero's best films," said Apollo with a grin.

And I shouldn't think negative."

"The only way to survive death is positive thinking!" Frank said. "We've figured it out and it's all thanks to Percy Jackson!"

Percy took the pearls out of his pocket, the four milky spheres the Nereid had given him in Santa Monica. They didn't seem like much of a backup in case something went wrong.

"The lack of faith you have in me, Percy," said Poseidon, a hand over his chest. "Like a harpoon to the chest."

"Dad..." Percy said, groaning while his father chuckled along with his cousins.

Annabeth put her hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Percy. You're right, we'll make it. It'll be fine."

"Nice way to support your man, Annabeth!" Aphrodite said with a smile. Poseidon nodded in approval while Athena scowled.

"Um, thanks?"

She gave Grover a nudge.

"How come he got nudged and I got kicked in the shin?" Percy asked with a small pout.

"Because you're Percy, Percy," said Annabeth with a smile, giving him a small peck that wiped the pout off his face.

"Oh, right!" he chimed in. "We got this far. We'll find the master bolt and save your mom. No problem."

Andi placed a hand on her hip and gave him a playful wink, "We got this Baywatch, just keep that Motor Mouth in check, ya hear?" she joked to him.

"I don't have a Motor Mouth!" Percy said, indignant.

"Yes, nephew, you do," said Zeus.

Hades chuckled. "Got that from your father, you did."

He looked at all three of them, and felt really grateful. Only a few minutes before, two of them nearly got stretched to death on deluxe water beds, and now they were trying to be brave for his sake, trying to make him feel better.

Percy slipped the pearls back in his pocket. "Let's whup some Underworld butt."

Percy flushed as the rest of the demigods burst into snickers and giggles. "You guys suck!"

"I thought it was fine, Seaweed Brain," said Annabeth, whose quirking lips gave her away.

"Way to keep it PG," said Apollo with a snort while the demigods continued to snicker.

Andi stopped the group right there.

"That's your inspiring speech?" the lightning girl asked him.

"Oh come on, really?" Percy asked.

"Shut up and listen to Andi, Fish Boy," said Thalia.

"…Yes?"

Andi groaned, palming her face, "Okay, let me show how to give one." She said with a clap of her hands, "Huddle up lady, gent, and goat." And they did so, heads crammed together, "Now, we are about to enter the underworld yes? And do you know what? We are going to make it out because we have something that no one else has."

"Idiocy?" Grover asked questioningly with a gulp.

"Yes," said Leo while Ares and Frank nodded in agreement with him.

"Suicidal tendencies?" Annabeth asked with a raised blonde brow.

"Yes," said Annabeth, agreeing with herself as did her mother.

"Heart?" Percy clichéd.

"Yes," said Poseidon with a nod while Apollo chuckled.

"No, no, and no…we have Percy's tiny milky balls."

The room roared with laughter except for Percy, who sunk into the couch. He wanted it to devour him to save him from dying from the embarrassment.

She joked with a big smile as the group, minus Percy, laughed and the tension around them eased up greatly.

"That was low…and I so just set myself up for another joke there."

"Well at least you caught it that time," said Thalia with a smirk.

Andi placed her fist to the side of his chin and softly nudged it, "You did and you caught it too. Progress." She praised him mockingly as he pushed her halfheartedly.

"See? Andi agrees."

Such a little jerk his cousin could be at times.

He was glad that she had his back.

"Aww..." Ares said mockingly. "They're bonding! Isn't that sweet?"

They walked inside the DOA lobby.

Muzak played softly on hidden speakers. The carpet and walls were steel gray. Pencil cactuses grew in the corners like skeleton hands. The furniture was black leather, and every seat was taken. There were people sitting on couches, people standing up, people staring out the windows or waiting for the elevator. Nobody moved, or talked, or did much of anything. Well, Andi felt like she was back in school again with all these ghosts around.

"Course she would feel that way," said Apollo with a chuckle.

"That school still sounds awesome," said Nico.

The security guard's desk was a raised podium, so they had to look up at him.

"He thinks so highly of himself," said Hades with a snort.

He was tall and elegant, with chocolate-colored skin and bleached-blond hair shaved military style. He wore tortoiseshell shades and a silk Italian suit that matched his hair. A black rose was pinned to his lapel under a silver name tag.

Percy read the name tag, then looked at him in bewilderment, "Your name is Chiron?"

"Not even five seconds," said Leo in astonishment. "That's got to be a new record."

"What did I say about that Motor Mouth?" Andi hissed at him, her eyes giving this disbelieving look.

The man leaned across the desk. You couldn't see anything in his glasses except your own reflection, but his smile was sweet and cold, like a pythons, right before it eats you.

"And then you cut its head off because those things need to be obliterated," said Apollo with a scowl, Artemis nodding alongside him.

"What a precious young lad." He had a strange accent – British, maybe, not as polished as Andi's, but also as if he had learned English as a second language. "Tell me, mate, do I look like a centaur?"

"He reminds me of Jason Statham," said Apollo, scratching his chin. "Hey, Uncle Hades, did Charon ever go to England for a day off?"

"Charon cannot have children, Apollo."

"Oh...You sure?"

"N-no."

"Sir," he added smoothly.

"Sir," Percy said.

He pinched the name tag and ran his finger under the letters. "Can you read this, mate? It says C-H-A-R-O-N. Say it with me: CARE-ON."

"Welcome to kindergarten, class, I'm your teacher today, Mr. Charon." Nico said.

"Shut up, Nico," Percy said with a frown.

"Charon."

"Amazing! Now: Mr. Charon."

"Hey, look at that. I'm psychic!" Nico said with a chuckle.

"Oh great, another necromancer," said Apollo with a joking groan.

"You're just jealous," said Nico to his cousin.

"Mr. Charon," Percy said with more certainty.

"Well done." He sat back. "I hate being confused with that old horse-man.

"Well that's rather rude to say," said Poseidon with a scowl. He was rather protective of their half-brother, considering Chiron was partially in his domain.

"Bah, he's onto something," said Hades, still a bit miffed Chiron chose Hades to be the villain off the bat.

And now, how may I help you little dead ones?"

His question caught Percy off-guard as he turned to Andi to spring the plan.

"Good, Motor Mouth shut up," said Nico with a nod.

"Who asked you?"

"The gods," said Nico, getting thumbs up from his cousins.

"We want to go the Underworld," she said, a nice smile on her face.

Charon's mouth twitched. "Well, that's refreshing."

"And against protocol," said Hades with a frown. Charon should know better than that by now!

"It is?" Annabeth asked.

"Straightforward and honest. No screaming. No 'There must be a mistake, Mr. Charon.'" He looked them over. "How did you die, then?"

"We drank the Kool-Aid." Andi told him with a shrug.

"Oh dear-Why did she have to remind me about those incidents?!" Hades asked with a moan. "The sheer volume of sorting, the scuffles the shades got into...Why?"

"Real glad I didn't draw that stick," said Poseidon with a chuckle.

"You should be," said Hades with a snort, glancing at his younger brother. "This is why in my younger days I wished to rule. Now I realize I'm the only one of us who could handle the responsibility."

"...Are you calling me irresponsible?" Zeus asked.

"Those are your words, not mine."

"You ungracious-!"

"Zeus! Hades! Both of you will not fight!" Hestia said sternly, making her brothers frown before they sat back and simmered. She locked a gaze on her other amused brother. "Poseidon, don't go stirring up trouble."

"Spoilsport," said Poseidon with a huff.

Charon groaned, "Oh, don't tell me I've got another horde of you people! I only got rid of the last of you a decade ago since you lot couldn't shut up!"

"...I had to deal with them because he got annoyed?" Hades asked with a growl. "Punishment will be given."

"What are you going to do, steal a limb?" Poseidon asked.

"I'm going to do worse," said Hades. He smirked cruelly. "I'm going to take some of his Italian suits."

"...Harsh," said Apollo.

He grimaced but sighed out and stared at them with boredom, "I don't suppose you have coins for passage. Normally, with adults, you see, I could charge your American Express, or add the ferry price to your last cable bill. But with children ... alas, you never die prepared. Suppose you'll have to take a seat for a few centuries."

"Well there goes all humanity," said Nico. He gave Percy and Annabeth a thumbs up. "Way to go, guys."

"Shut up, Nico."

"Oh, but we have coins." Percy set three golden drachmas on the counter

"Guys...Really?" Leo asked. "That's just screaming you're not regular dead kids!"

part of the stash they'd found in Crusty's office desk.

"Well, now ..." Charon moistened his lips. "Real drachmas. Real golden drachmas. I haven't seen these in ..."

"Charon proves that he has more than greed going for him in three..." said Hermes knowingly. He and Charon have a friendly relationship since Hermes would sometimes escort heroes or other important spirits to Charon's ferry.

His fingers hovered greedily over the coins.

"Two..."

They were so close.

"And cue Charon's brain kicking in," said Hermes.

Then Charon looked at Percy. That cold stare behind his glasses seemed to bore a hole through his chest. "Here now," he said. "You couldn't read my name correctly. Are you dyslexic, lad?"

"No," Percy said. "I'm dead."

"Percy, that's not very nice," said Hazel with a disapproving frown.

"Super dead." Andi said with gritted teeth, already knowing when they were caught, stupid Percy.

"Oh, sure it's my fault," said Percy.

"It is your fault," said Annabeth with a smirk.

"Wh-Annabeth!" Percy pouted at his amused girlfriend.

Charon leaned forward and took a sniff. "You're not dead. I should've known. You're a godling."

"You all smell, by the way," said Nico, pinching his nose shut.

"Bet you smell worse, grave sleeper." Percy said.

"We have to get to the Underworld," the son of the sea insisted.

Charon made a growling sound deep in his throat.

Immediately, all the people in the waiting room got up and started pacing, agitated, lighting cigarettes, running hands through their hair, or checking their wristwatches.

"Warning: When angered can cause ghosts to lose their cool," said Frank.

"Leave while you can," Charon told them. "I'll just take these and forget I saw you."

He started to go for the coins, but Percy quickly snatched them back.

"No service, no tip." Percy said, trying to sound brave.

"Keyword there is trying," said Ares with a smirk. He smirked wider at the finger that his mortal rival sent his way.

Charon growled again – a deep, blood-chilling sound. The spirits of the dead started pounding on the elevator doors.

"The dead don't like him when he's angry," said Hermes with a snort.

"Dude, don't butcher that line like that!" Apollo whined.

"It's a shame, too," Percy sighed. "We had more to offer." He said and held up the entire bag from Crusty's stash. He took out a fistful of drachmas and let the coins spill through his fingers.

"All that money," said Leo with wide eyes.

"I hear you, kid," said Hermes.

Charon's growl changed into something more like a lion's purr. "Do you think I can be bought, godling?

"Yes," said just about everyone there.

"I suggested that Bullseye be based off him," said Apollo with a snort. "Sharp and single minded and never misses a target..."

Eh ... just out of curiosity, how much have you got there?"

"Yes...how much is it?" Leo asked, almost in a trance. Piper smacked him upside the head, snapping him out of it. "Ow! What I do this time?"

Piper didn't answer him, having an amused smirk on her face.

"A lot," Percy said, a smirk coming to his face. "I bet Hades doesn't pay you well enough for such hard work."

"Little brat," said Hades with a scowl. "I had to give him that damned pay raise."

"Oh, you don't know the half of it. How would you like to babysit these spirits all day?

"Listen to him, trying to get you on his side. I have to babysit them and then judge them long after he sends them my way, and that's much longer than he has to deal with them!" Hades said.

Always 'Please don't let me be dead' or 'Please let me across for free.' I haven't had a pay raise in three thousand years.

"With good reason!"

"Hades, please," said Hestia, giving her brother a tired look.

Hades huffed and sat back in his seat, waving off her grateful smile. Stupid older sister sympathy...

Do you imagine suits like this come cheap?"

"Well, no they don't but he could always have them tailored by the resident-"

"Ares if you so much as try to finish that sentence I will personally castrate you," said Athena coolly, making her brother's jaw shut with a click. Athena didn't threaten the groin often, so when she did, Ares knew when he was pushing his luck.

"You deserve better," the boy agreed. "A little appreciation. Respect. Good pay."

"I blame you for this," said Hades to his brother. "Had to have a 'noble' son, didn't you?"

"Don't be jealous because your noble children become fanatical," said Poseidon. He turned to Nico. "No offense, Nico. Hazel."

"None taken, Uncle."

With each word, he stacked another gold coin on the counter.

"...Damn, Skippy, that's pretty slick!" said Hermes with a whistle. "Playing that greed card hard, ain't ya?"

Charon glanced down at his silk Italian jacket, as if imagining himself in something even better. "I must say, lad, you're making some sense now. Just a little."

"He shouldn't be making any at all, you greedy, conniving..." Hades spiraled off into several other unkind insults in his mumbling.

Percy stacked another few coins. "I could mention a pay raise while I'm talking to Hades."

"Stupid brat," said Hades, making his nephew flinch.

He sighed. "The boat's almost full, anyway. I might as well add you four and be off."

"...They're alive, you dolt!" Hades yelled at the screen, disbelief written on his face. "Why would I accept that?! Granted, I noticed them as soon as they arrived, but still, focus on your job, fool!"

He stood, scooping up the money, and said, "Come along."

They pushed through the crowd of waiting spirits, who started grabbing at their clothes like the wind, their voices whispering things you couldn't make out. Charon shoved them out of the way, grumbling, "Freeloaders."

"And the living brats are what, exactly?" Hades asked with a scowl.

"Paying customers, uncle," said Hermes. He flinched at his uncle's glare. "Yeesh, I guess I'll shut up."

He escorted the group into the elevator, which was already crowded with souls of the dead, each one holding a green boarding pass. Charon grabbed two spirits who were trying to get on with them and pushed them back into the lobby.

"Right. Now, no one get any ideas while I'm gone," he announced to the waiting room. "And if anyone moves the dial off my easy-listening station again, I'll make sure you're here for another thousand years. Understand?"

"...There's another punishment idea," said Hades with a cruel smirk.

"Harsh, Uncle H. Harsh," said Apollo, shaking his head. You don't touch someone's tunes unless they tell you it's okay.

He shut the doors. He put a key card into a slot in the elevator panel and they started to descend.

"What happens to the spirits waiting in the lobby?" Annabeth asked curiously.

"Nothing," Charon said.

"For how long?"

"Forever, or until I'm feeling generous."

"That's got to suck," said Leo.

"Poor guys," said Hazel, Nico nodding in agreement. They sympathized with the one that fell into their father's domain, having had similar experiences.

"Oh," she said. "That's ... fair."

Charon raised an eyebrow. "Whoever said death was fair, young miss? Wait until it's your turn. You'll die soon enough, where you're going."

"Should've..." Hades said with a grumble, ignoring the glare his brother and niece gave him.

"We'll get out alive," Andi told him in a crisp tone, eyes narrowed at the man.

"Ha."

"He's going to eat that laugh," said Leo, who pointed at Percy. "Wonder boy made it."

"...I choose to take that as a compliment," said Percy.

"Potter?!" a male voice squeaked in surprise and Andi turned, doing a double take.

"The bleeding hell are you doing-! Oh, right. You died…HA!" she mocked the spirit, "Sucks to be you, Quirrel."

Apollo burst into laughter. "Oh man I loved his death in every way it was shown. Especially Warner Brothers' film edition. Turning him to ash upon touch? Classic."

She jeered at the bald man in wizard robes.

Indeed, her first Defense Against The Dark Arts professor was in the elevator.

"He must have been waiting a short time," said Apollo with a chuckle.

"Indeed, seeing as this is Andromeda's third year coming," said Hades. He got strange looks and he shrugged. "The Deathly Hallows amused me the most."

"Hey, c'mon, don't spoil anything for Arte," said Apollo while his twin sulked.

"You know him?" Annabeth asked her friend.

"Kinda tried to kill me, got to him first." She turned to the spirit, feeling smug, "How'd being burnt alive feel you twisted bastard?"

"Never good, I'm sure," said Apollo. He and Hephaestus chuckled at their own varying memories of using pyrokinesis.

The pale ghost's face turned a dark grey, as if angry, "Why you little brat!"

"Hey look at that, the ghost can blush," said Hazel in mild surprise. "I didn't know it was possible."

"I did," said her father's Greek aspect.

Andi kicked at him for calling her little. Sadly, her leg went through him.

The child of Zeus turned to Charon. "Could you kick or slap him maybe for me?" she asked him nicely.

"Why would I do that?"

Andi held out a golden drachma.

The rider of the Styx gave the lousy wizard a good kick to the nads.

"For one drachma?" Hermes asked with wide eyes.

"Why does she have them target the groin?" Leo asked, horrified.

"Smart move on her part," said Thalia with a smirk that was mirrored by her patron goddess.

Who knew ghosts felt pain down there?

Nico and Hades raised their hands.

Andi gave the god the coin.

"Pleasure doin' business with you lass."

"Anytime."

"Thanatos has been yammering me to get this guy down here along with some other English idiot." Charon said. "Been spamming my email for months!"

"Thanatos uses email?" Hera asked her brother.

"Seeing as Hermes is far too busy to just be the godly messenger or an escort to my domain," said Hades, with a bit of a betrayed look sent to his nephew.

"Hey, mail got big! Who saw that coming?" Hermes said, defending himself.

"For who?" Andi asked. She looked at the downed Quirrel and then back at the ferrier. "Voldemort?"

"No, no, some other guy, Tony something. River, I think. I could honestly care less." The Ferrier waved off.

"Tom Riddle?"

Charon snapped his fingers. "That's it!"

"Same guy," said Artemis with a huff. She despised that character, arrogant, power hungry, and a man: all of her least favorite things wrapped into one evil snake-loving asshole. That and he was English. She wasn't a fan of the British, bunch of masculine sexists is what they were.

Andi hummed in thought about that as a sudden dizzy spell come on when they stopped going down, but moved forward. The air turned misty. The spirits around them started changing shape. Their modern clothes flickered, turning into gray hooded robes. The floor of the elevator began swaying.

It was then Charon's creamy Italian suit had been replaced by a long black robe. His tortoiseshell glasses were gone. Where his eyes should've been were empty sockets – like Ares's eyes, except Charon's were totally dark, full of night and death and despair. The flesh of his face was becoming transparent, letting you see straight through to his skull.

"Grim, isn't he?" Hermes asked, getting a few snickers.

The floor kept swaying.

Grover said, "I think I'm getting seasick."

"That's not seasick, that's motion sickness," said Poseidon with a frown.

"For you wouldn't that be the same thing?" Athena asked with a smirk, referring to his Geokinesis.

"...Shut up."

The elevator wasn't an elevator anymore. They were standing in a wooden barge.

"...Okay, now it's seasickness," said Poseidon.

Charon was poling them across a dark, oily river, swirling with bones, dead fish, and other, stranger things – plastic dolls, crushed carnations, soggy diplomas with gilt edges.

"The River Styx," Annabeth murmured. "It's so ..."

"Polluted," Charon said. "For thousands of years, you humans have been throwing in everything as you come across – hopes, dreams, wishes that never came true. Irresponsible waste management, if you ask me."

"Maybe I should have someone clean that," said Hades, looking to his brother.

"Pass," said Poseidon dryly.

"Well I could make it a quest..."

"Hades, don't you dare."

Mist curled off the filthy water. Above them, almost lost in the gloom, was a ceiling of stalactites. Ahead, the far shore glimmered with greenish light, the color of poison.

Panic filled the demigods, what in the world were they doing here? These people…were dead!

"In the manner Dionysus so elegantly puts it: No, duh!" said Hades as he rolled his eyes. The Olympians snorted in amusement while Dionysus sent his uncle a smirk of approval.

Annabeth grabbed hold of Percy's hand as Andi had grabbed his other one and Annabeth's. Under normal circumstances, this would've embarrassed him, but he understood how they felt. They wanted reassurance that somebody else was alive on this boat.

"What about Grover?" Hermes asked, having a bit of a soft spot when it came to the satyr that found his son.

"What about the satyr?" Hades asked in annoyance. He was not as much a fan of satyrs as his nephew was. Stupid Pan, may he rest in the fade in peace, and making his children without souls. Where's the fun in that?

"Well, he's alive, isn't he?"

"...For now."

Percy wanted to pray, but he didn't think it would go through. Only one god mattered here and he was about come face to face with him.

"At least someone understands that," said Hades, giving his brothers and sister dirty looks. Poseidon and Zeus rolled their eyes while Demeter returned the look.

The shoreline of the Underworld came into view. Craggy rocks and black volcanic sand stretched inland about a hundred yards to the base of a high stone wall, which marched off in either direction as far as the group could see.

"Sounds like a lovely vacation spot, doesn't it?" said Nico with an amused snort.

"Indeed it does, Nico," said Hades, not catching the sarcasm.

A sound came from somewhere nearby in the green gloom, echoing off the stones – the howl of a large animal.

"Ten bucks it's something mythological," said Leo.

"No bet," said Frank. "That's Cerberus. First grade stuff."

"Pre-K for us." Hazel said to her boyfriend while Nico snickered.

"Yes, it must be nice having a three headed dog for a pet," said Zeus to his brother.

"I assume you don't enjoy the Ophiotaurus' company, then?" Hades countered. "Perhaps you should give it to Poseidon. He would surely like it."

Zeus bristled at the thought while Poseidon chuckled guiltily.

"Old Three-Face is hungry," Charon said. His smile turned skeletal in the greenish light. "Bad luck for you, godlings."

The bottom of their boat slid onto the black sand. The dead began to disembark. A woman holding a little girl's hand.

"Morbid," said Apollo, a cringe on his face.

Artemis smacked her brother's arm. "Insensitive ass!"

"It's the truth," said Apollo.

An old man and an old woman hobbling along arm in arm.

"Bet that makes you happy," said Demeter to her younger sister. Hera rolled her eyes, but didn't disagree.

A boy no older than they were, shuffling silently along in his gray robe.

Percy shuddered at the memory of seeing that boy. It reminded him of his own mortality.

Even Andi's school teacher started to glided along.

"I highly doubt he'll be getting in the line," said Hades dryly.

Charon said, "I'd wish you luck, mate, but there isn't any down here. Mind you, don't forget to mention my pay raise."

"Which you don't," said Hades with a scowl.

"I didn't think it'd be nice..." Percy's words trailed off as the room gained a mild aura of death.

"That's what I thought, nephew."

He counted their golden coins into his pouch, then took up his pole. He warbled something that sounded like a Barry Manilow song as he ferried the empty barge back across the river.

"...Charon listens to Manilow?" Apollo asked, intrigued.

The questers followed the spirits up a well-worn path.

Now, one would think the entrance to the land of the dead would be the stereotypical Pearly Gates, or some big black portcullis, or something. But the entrance to the Underworld looked like a cross between airport security and the Jersey Turnpike.

"Ah, the rage those two things cause," said Ares as he recalled the worse days of both.

There were three separate entrances under one huge black archway that said YOU ARE NOW ENTERING EREBUS. Each entrance had a pass-through metal detector with security cameras mounted on top.

"Once more, thank you for the installation, Hephaestus," said Hades. The smith just shrugged it off.

Beyond this were tollbooths manned by black-robed ghouls like Charon.

The howling of the hungry animal was really loud now, but they couldn't see where it was coming from. The three-headed dog, Cerberus,

"Called it," said Frank with a smirk.

"Wait," said Annabeth.

Who was supposed to guard Hades' door, was nowhere to be seen.

"Uh...That's not good, is it?" Frank asked his girlfriend.

"Real not good."

The gates blared in alarm, the questers panicked, as if they had been caught. But looking close at the gate, they could see Quirell getting dragged by the shades in black robes as the dead man scream.

"Justice is served," said Zeus lowly, giving his brother a begrudging nod of approval.

"The man aided another in avoiding death," said Hades flatly. "Can't have that."

"Ah, comeuppance, how grand." Andi smiled, justice at its finest.

"Seems she takes after her father, and uncle," said Poseidon, amused at the prospect.

"Who do you mean?" Hestia asked with a smirk. "You have your own form of justice. A certain cyclops asking for the end of a certain hero...?"

"That was different," said Poseidon with a frown while Percy scowled at the reminder of his half-brother that almost ate his friends. And tried to marry Annabeth. Not cool.

Her friends decided not to speak about how much glee was in her tone.

The dead queued up in the three lines, two marked ATTENDANT ON DUTY, and one marked EZ DEATH. The EZ DEATH line was moving right along. The other two were crawling.

"What do you figure?" Percy asked Annabeth.

"Deferring to the planner," said Athena with a nod. "Smartest move you've made yet, Percy Jackson."

"...Thanks?" Percy wasn't sure whether to be grateful or insulted. Annabeth, however, did give her mother a small glare.

"The fast line must go straight to the Asphodel Fields," she said. "No contest. They don't want to risk judgment from the court, because it might go against them."

"There's a court for dead people?" Andi asked with a blink.

"What does she think? You just die and decide 'hm, do I want eternal damnation or a pretty afterlife full of happy puppies or something stupid like that?'" Nico asked sarcastically.

"The underworld is often overlooked in mystical studies," said Hades with a snort. "Black magic and all that nonsense."

"Yeah. Three judges. They switch around who sits on the bench. King Minos, Thomas Jefferson, Shakespeare

While Nico glowered at the first name, Apollo beamed at the second and third. "Whoo! Tommy and William!"

"Ever since they changed the world, you just can't shut up about them," said Hermes with a roll of his eyes.

"Duh. Most of my kids in the old stories are known for their deaths!" Apollo said with a pout.

people like that. Sometimes they look at a life and decide that person needs a special reward – the Fields of Elysium. Sometimes they decide on punishment. But most people, well, they just lived. Nothing special, good or bad. So they go to the Asphodel Fields."

"And do what?" Percy asked curiously.

Grover said, "Imagine standing in a wheat field in Kansas. Forever."

"Truly the cruelest thing to do to someone," said Ares with a shudder, his siblings and fellow Olympians shuddering along with him. If Ares said it was cruel, then it was brutal.

"Plus all emotion seeps out of you into the fields," said Hades with a smirk, looking to his sister. "It was Persephone's idea."

"You lie!"

Hades grin said otherwise.

"Harsh," the two kids of the big three said as one.

"Not as harsh as that," Grover muttered. "Look."

A couple of black-robbed ghouls had pulled aside one spirit and were frisking him at the security desk. The face of the dead man looked vaguely familiar to the Americans.

"He's that preacher who made the news, remember?" Grover asked.

"Which one?" Ares, Apollo and Hermes asked at once. Hermes was the quickest to the draw. "Ha! Jinx! You two are officially in my debt."

"Fuck." "Aw, man." Both of his brothers replied to with their heads hanging. Zeus clapped a hand over his face while his own brothers laughed at his embarrassment.

"Shame the three of you can't act like Zeus' boys," said Hestia with a sniff, making the Big Three start at her comment.

"Oh, yeah." Percy did remember now. He'd seen him on TV a couple of times at the Yancy Academy dorm. He was this annoying televangelist from upstate New York who'd raised millions of dollars for orphanages and then got caught spending the money on stuff for his mansion, like gold-plated toilet seats,

"Lamest. Idea. Ever," said Leo dryly. "C'mon, why ruin that material?"

"I think it's because he could afford to do that," said Hermes.

"Screw that noise," said Leo with a shake of his head. "Think of all the muscle cars I could get with that kind of money." He was quick to add. "Well, not the same way, but you know what I mean."

And an indoor putt-putt golf course. He'd died in a police chase when his "Lamborghini for the Lord" went off a cliff.

"I remember that," said Apollo with a laugh. "He was slamming the brake, which he had customized to play Hallelujah. I think I recorded that event."

"Morbid humor...send me a copy of that," said Ares with a snicker at the thought.

"Ditto."

The sea child said, "What're they doing to him?"

"Cactus up the bum?" Andi asked with a smirk. That sounded like an interesting torture.

Hades arched a brow. "Mental note. Cacti up the ass..."

"Think you could make a metal cacti weapon?" Ares asked his brother.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response," said Hephaestus with a scowl.

"Dark, but yeah, some special punishment from Hades," Grover assumed. "The really bad people get his personal attention as soon as they arrive. The Fur – the Kindly Ones will set up an eternal torture for him."

The thought of the Furies made Percy shudder. He was in their home field now, and old Mrs. Dodds would be licking her lips with anticipation.

"A disgusting but accurate guess," said Hades.

"But if he's a preacher," Percy said with a knitted brow in thought, "and he believes in a different hell..."

Grover shrugged. "Who says he's seeing this place the way we're seeing it? Humans see what they want to see. You're very stubborn – er, persistent, that way."

"No, the satyr is right," said Artemis. "Humans are stubborn."

"Ah, but that's what makes them so fun, sis!" Apollo said.

They got closer to the gates. The howling was so loud now it shook the ground at their feet, but they still couldn't figure out where it was coming from.

Then, about fifty feet in front of them, the green mist shimmered. Standing just where the path split into three lanes was an enormous shadowy monster.

"And cue Hades' lapdog," said Ares with a snort.

"You're just jealous your son deals with Cerberus' brother," said Hades in return.

They hadn't seen it before because it was half transparent, like the dead. Until it moved, it blended with whatever was behind it. Only its eyes and teeth looked solid. And it was staring straight at them.

Percy jaw hung open. All he could think to say was, "He's a Rottweiler."

"Well of course he is," said Hades dryly.

"He's a very good Rottweiler," said Annabeth with a smile. She loved animals and she missed Cerberus. He was a good boy.

He'd always imagined Cerberus as a big black mastiff. But he was obviously a purebred Rottweiler, except of course that he was twice the size of a woolly mammoth, mostly invisible, and had three heads.

Andi just gave a hard blink at seeing the, original, Cerberus. He was a lot bigger then Fluffy,

"Oh yeah, I liked that part," said Apollo with a grin.

Probably not as nice as his kid too like Hagrid raved during her first year. Her hand slowly moving towards her bag.

The dead walked right up to him – no fear at all. The ATTENDANT ON DUTY lines parted on either side of him. The EZ DEATH spirits walked right between his front paws and under his belly, which they could do without even crouching.

"I'm starting to see him better," Percy muttered. "Why is that?"

"I think ..." Annabeth moistened her lips. "I'm afraid it's because we're getting closer to being dead."

"Wrong," said Hades. "You're just getting accustomed to my domain."

The dog's middle head craned toward them. It sniffed the air and growled.

"It can smell the living," Percy said with a gulp.

"That's got to be handy," said Ares with a thoughtful hand on his chin. He didn't think much, but planning another Cerberus' birth...a warhound like that would be very good company.

"It gets the job done," said Hades with a shrug.

"But that's okay," Grover said, trembling next to him. "Because we have a plan."

"One I'm sure my daughter thought up," said Athena. Zeus arched a brow.

"I'm sure Andromeda had something to do with that as well," said Zeus.

"You do realize she's not real in this dimension, don't you?" Poseidon asked.

"You're just jealous that Percy Jackson hasn't had a single good plan thus far," said Zeus with a haughty smirk.

Poseidon simmered lightly at that fact while Percy glowered.

"Right," Annabeth said. They'd never heard her voice sound quite so small.

"I have," said Thalia with a smirk.

"You be quiet." Annabeth glared at her friend.

"Hm, let me think abo-No," said Thalia. She basked in Annabeth's glare.

"A plan."

They moved toward the monster.

The middle head snarled at them, then barked so loud that Andi felt she was almost shook out of her snickers as her hand roamed in her magical messenger bag.

"I wonder what she's...Oh, she's smart," said Apollo with a laugh. "She's cleverer than you and me, Lil Sis."

"I am not younger!" Artemis said with a scowl.

"Can you understand it?" Percy asked Grover.

"Oh yeah," he said. "I can understand it."

"What's it saying?"

"I don't think humans have a four-letter word that translates, exactly."

"I think you may be wrong there, satyr," said Ares with a dark chuckle.

"So, Andi, you mentioned you had a plan, right?" Percy asked with a gulp.

He got no answer.

It was then a flute started to play, specifically, the Darth Vader theme.

"Nice choice. "The Imperial March" classic," said Apollo with a nod.

The group turned to Andi who was playing a metal flute that had the words PROPERTY OF CABIN SEVEN crafted to the side.

"Way to go, Will!" Apollo said, cheering for his son. "Helping her out by giving her gifts!"

"With her record, Apollo, I don't think Will gave it to her," said Hermes with a laugh.

"...That little brat!" Apollo said in outrage.

"I can't believe she thought so far ahead," said Annabeth. She hummed and tapped her chin, looking to Nico. "Does that really work?"

"You'd have to be from Cabin six for it to work," said Nico with a shrug. "That's probably the only song she learned, considering it and Jaws' theme are the easiest to learn."

The growling three heads stopped and turned to Andi as well, the heads swaying to the theme as he sat his rump with a mini quake, sitting on some spirits of the dead. His tail wagging happily to the theme his master played when he was plotting things.

"Really?" Zeus asked his eldest brother.

"Says the one who plays "Flight of the Valkyries" whenever he's going out 'clubbing'. Oh, was that still a secret?" Hades asked with a dark smirk while Hera fixed a glare on her husband's face.

Percy had to admit, that this was way better than his play fetch with the big scary dog idea. Andi continued to play as she turned to the others, her eyes pointing to the security gates twice.

"Andi, just put it to sleep and we can go." Annabeth told her friend.

"Can't." Andi said quickly as she got back to playing with a quick breath.

"Serves you right, you little thief," said Apollo with a frown.

"Oh you're just mad your little 'player' didn't make a move," said Hermes, using finger-quotes around the word 'player'.

"Damn right I am!"

"Why not?" Percy asked his cousin.

"Need to." Toot, "constantly." Toot, "play." Toot, "for him." Toot, "to sleep." She answered in quick breaths as she rapidly played back as Cerberus' heads started to yawn and laid down on his belly to listen more.

"Sleep, three-headed dog. Sleep..." said Leo, acting like a stage hypnotist.

"We can't just leave you here." Percy argued sternly to her as the giant dog monster rested his heads on the ground, three sets of eyes drooping.

The flute tune played sharper and went back to its original pitch, yet somehow, Percy felt he just got insulted.

"With good reason, I'm sure," said Thalia.

"I wasn't going to leave her behind!" Percy said with a scowl.

"Of course not, she's a ...well, not a big girl, but she can handle herself," said Thalia with a smirk.

"Orpheus did the same thing." Grover stated, "But well, better." He shrugged.

"Well that's because he's my kid," said Apollo.

"I thought he was the son of a king?" Hazel asked. "Oeagrus?"

"Of course the braggart would say his wife was loyal," said Apollo with a snort. "He was just mad that I not only knocked up his queen, but managed to seduce Thalia, too."

"...Excuse me?" Thalia the Hunter asked, her eye twitching.

"Not you, the muse."

"...I need to change my name," said Thalia blandly.

"No, Thalia," said Zeus. He gave a stern glare to Artemis, who rolled her eyes. She wasn't going to let her Lieutenant do that anyway, goodness knows what Zeus would've done.

"Not him!" Toot. "I did this." Toot. "To one." Toot. "At my school." Toooot!

"Continuity for the win!" Apollo said with a grin.

Percy only wondered who the hell thought it was a smart idea to have a Cerberus in a school of children.

"He's obedient," said Annabeth in defense of the giant dog. Percy gave her a betrayed look.

"Go!" Andi told them as she continued to play. She could maybe play for another twenty minutes before her throat went dry, she always did have a set of lungs on her.

"Bet that'll come in handy later."

"Aphrodite!" Hestia looked outraged.

"What is wrong with you?" Artemis asked with a glare to her rival.

"What? I said later." Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "Honestly, you both are too much.

Probably because her father was the wind bag god, she silently giggled at the joke.

"Oh I like that one," said Poseidon with a smirk. "Used to use it all the time."

"I still do," said Hades.

"Silence, both of you. Now!"

"Make us, almighty wind-bag," said the two brothers. Zeus bristled and tightly gripped his bolt.

"Zeus! We're guests here, do not do anything drastically stupid!" Hestia said, stopping her youngest brother from overreacting. "Hades! Poseidon! Both of you knock it off!"

"Yes, Hestia." Poseidon said, pouting as Percy snickered at him.

"Spoilsport," said Hades, giving his two children a small glare when he heard their snickers.

Annabeth nibbled her lip in thought before a smile crossed over her face.

"And cue my brilliant idea," said Annabeth with a small smirk.

"Your hubris is sticking out again," said Nico.

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"Wait!" Annabeth whispered as she started rifling through her pack. She moved up to Andi and whispered into the daughter of Zeus' ear quickly. Andi mulled it over as she played and gave a positive nod.

"Gotta love my contingency plans," said Annabeth.

"Yeah, I'll bet Percy really likes those," said Thalia. She smirked at her cousin, who reacted to it with a scowl.

"Who asked you?"

"Nobody, I just felt it needed to be said that your plans suck."

Annabeth produced a red rubber ball the size of a grapefruit. It was labeled WATERLAND, DENVER, CO. Andi stopped her playing, as Cerberus blinked at the missing tune, and with a shake of his heads, he growled as he stood up. The blonde demigoddess raised the ball and marched straight up to monster dog.

"Ballsy kid you have, Athena," said Ares begrudgingly.

Neither Athena nor Annabeth were sure whether that was an insult or a compliment.

She shouted, "See the ball? You want the ball, Cerberus? Sit!"

Cerberus looked as stunned as the two boys were as Andi had the flute at the ready in case this didn't work.

"There's no way that works," said Hazel. She looked at her amused brother. "...Right?"

"Just watch. This is actually pretty cool," said Nico. He had been given the 'duty' to appease Cerberus' boredom from time to time.

All three of his heads cocked sideways. Six nostrils dilated.

"Sit!" Annabeth called again.

Percy was sure that any moment she would become the world's largest Milkbone dog biscuit.

"Wow. Thanks for the vote of faith, Seaweed Brain."

"Aw, c'mon Annabeth...I believed in you."

"You're a horrible liar, you know that?"

"...I believe in you now."

"Nice cover."

But instead, Cerberus licked his three sets of lips, shifted on his haunches, and sat, immediately crushing a dozen spirits more who'd been passing underneath him in the EZ DEATH line.

"That's why the line suddenly got shorter that day!" Hades said. He glared at the girl responsible. "The work got doubled because we had to hold it so they could assimilate!"

"Sorry," said Annabeth.

The spirits made muffled hisses as they dissipated, like the air let out of tires.

Annabeth said, "Good boy!"

She threw Cerberus the ball.

"I can't believe it's working," said Hazel, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"Why do you think I choose my chores before you do?" Nico asked. "Playing with Cerberus is the best one we've got."

"...You little punk! I wondered why you volunteered to set the alarm clocks, you wake up earlier than me, don't you?"

"Duh."

He caught it in his middle mouth. It was barely big enough for him to chew, and the other heads started snapping at the middle, trying to get the new toy.

"Drop it.'" Annabeth ordered.

Cerberus's heads stopped fighting and looked at her. The ball was wedged between two of his teeth like a tiny piece of gum. He made a loud, scary whimper, then dropped the ball, now slimy and bitten nearly in half, at Annabeth's feet.

"Yum." Piper said dryly.

"Least favorite part," said Nico. "Cleaning up Cerberus' ba-toys."

"Damn, and here I thought you'd walk right into that one." Ares said with a frown.

"Good boy." She and turned to Andi with a nod. The witch pointed her hand at the red slobbery ball and hit it with magic. A second later, it started to bounce up and down on its own, making happy squeaky noises.

"Now if only something else coul-I'll just shut up now," said Ares as he caught the looks in his mother's and aunts' eyes.

"That would be the smartest thing you've ever done," said Hera with a huff.

She turned toward boys. "Go now. EZ DEATH line – it's faster."

Percy said, "But –"

"Now.'" She ordered, in the same tone she was using on the dog.

"Already training him?" Piper asked.

"Well, it's better to start young," said Annabeth with a smirk.

"I know. Jason still zones out when I'm talking to him sometimes," said Piper.

"No I don't-"

"Shush, Jason. The girls are talking."

Jason's mouth shut with a click and Leo burst into laughter.

"Whipped!"

Grover and Percy inched forward warily as Andi was still in ready position with her flute.

Cerberus started to growl.

"Stay!" Annabeth ordered the monster. "If you want the ball, stay!"

"...Annabeth, these skills you got to control a beast. Could they be used on, oh say, an embarrassing younger brother?"

"Lil' Sis!"

Cerberus whimpered, but he stayed where he was.

"See? He is a good dog, Percy."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," said Percy with a roll of his eyes. "Mrs. O'Leary is better."

"I highly doubt that, nephew," said Hades dryly.

"What about you two?" the male demigod asked Annabeth as the two passed the girls.

"We'll be fine, we got a plan." Andi winked at them as Annabeth grinned, too.

"We know what we're doing Seaweed Brain. The girls always do." She told him.

The girls on the couch cheered and the goddesses smirked while all the guys and gods rolled their eyes.

Grover and Percy walked between the monster's legs as the sea child prayed Annabeth didn't tell the dog to sit again.

Annabeth said, "Good dog! Now Andi."

"Roger dodger Bethy."

The self-moving ball started to bounce away from the two girls and the giant dog gave chase.

Hades groaned and put a hand over his face. "You have got to be kidding me."

The monster's left mouth immediately snatched it up, only to be attacked by the middle head, while the right head moaned in protest.

While the monster was distracted, the girls walked briskly towards the boys at the metal detector.

"Nicely done, Annabeth," said Leo with a nod.

"Thank you, Leo," said Annabeth with a smile.

"No prob, Annie."

"...Don't call me that."

"How did you do that?" Percy asked the blonde, amazed.

"Obedience school," Annabeth said breathlessly, and he was surprised to see there were tears in her eyes. "When I was little, at my dad's house, we had a Doberman..."

"I never got the full story about that Doberman," said Percy with a smirk.

"Later," said Annabeth.

"Never mind that," Grover said,

"Harsh," said Thalia with a frown. "Remind me to have a chat with Grover."

"Please don't," said Annabeth. "He's just trying to move us along."

Tugging at Percy's shirt. "Come on!"

They were about to bolt through the EZ DEATH line when Cerberus moaned pitifully from all three mouths. Annabeth stopped.

She turned to face the dog, which had done a one-eighty to look at them.

Cerberus panted expectantly, the tiny red ball in pieces in a puddle of drool at its feet, making pitifully magical squeaky noises.

"Good boy," Annabeth said, but her voice sounded melancholy and uncertain.

"Poor Annabe-"

"Hazel, not cool."

"Sorry."

The monster's heads turned sideways, as if worried about her.

"He does get attached far too easily to newcomers," said Hades with a sigh. "That's why he's such a good guard. He hates seeing his 'friends' go." He paused. "Well, that and he's a good guard dog."

"Great," said Annabeth, feeling a bit worse that she left the large dog behind.

"I'll bring you another ball soon," the blonde promised faintly. "Would you like that?"

"He'd probably enjoy two big red balls," said Ares. "Right to the face."

"...That was rather tame for you, Ares," said Hermes.

"Shut up, speedstick."

The monster whimpered. The raven haired children didn't need to speak dog to know Cerberus was still waiting for the ball.

"Good dog. I'll come visit you soon. I – I promise."

"And yet another whose promise was broken," said Hades with a shake of his head. "He still waits-"

"Hades, that's enough!" Hestia said in defense of the frowning teenager.

Annabeth turned to the group. "Let's go."

Grover and Percy pushed through the metal detector, which immediately screamed and set off flashing red lights. "Unauthorized possessions! Magic detected!"

"I should install those sensors at the front gate," said Hades with a scowl.

Cerberus started to bark.

The kids burst through the EZ DEATH gate, which started even more alarms blaring, and raced into the Underworld.

"I'm so increasing security again," said Hades.

"You had best not," said Demeter with a frown. She had gotten into a spat with a ghoul and destroyed it, making Persephone upset with her for assaulting her daughter's minons.

A few minutes later, they were hiding, out of breath, in the rotten trunk of an immense black tree as security ghouls scuttled past, yelling for backup from the Furies.

As they hid, Percy's mind wondered. Even here in the Underworld, everybody – even monsters – needed a little attention once in a while.

He thought about that as the questers waited for the ghouls to pass. Pretending not to see Annabeth wipe a tear from her cheek while Andi rubbed her shoulder as they listened to the mournful keening of Cerberus in the distance, longing for his new friend.

"...Nico, could I ask for a favor?"

"Annabeth, you can't be serious!" Percy said to his girlfriend.

"Annabeth Chase, you will not go to Hades' domain just to play with a monster," said Athena.

Annabeth pouted, but caught the small thumbs up that Nico gave her.

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