Hey! I'm sorry I haven't updated in like 10 days, I was swamped with midterms and schoolwork and couldn't find much time to write.

Chapter 11

After what had happened, I was overwhelmed with the thought of what this could mean about the nature of my friendship with Peeta. The idea of dating was not something I felt ready for, but I had to admit it didn't repulse me as much as it used to. In fact, when my go-to strategy of cutting him off crossed my mind, I realized I didn't want to lose this gentle baker.

Despite the 3-day weekend, Madge and I chose to stay in on Sunday night. It was still early in the fall so most of our Sunday night TV shows hadn't started back up again yet, so we decided to watch some old seasons on Netflix. It was a quiet evening; I tried to keep my mind off of Peeta and what the nature of our relationship was now by watching and texting back and forth with Prim. She was sending me an unnecessary amount of picture of our animals, but I found I did kind of miss having them around. Prim would make cheese using the goat, Lady's, milk and leave some for me for breakfast most days. She filled me in on the local gossip and how Gale's brother, Rory – who Prim had a not-so-secret crush on – had finally broken up with the yellow-haired girl who moved up from Texas last year. Conversing with Prim did help distract me until it became close to midnight and she said that she was going to bed for real this time. I got one more picture of Buttercup looking like road kill sprawled out on my old bed before she went to sleep. Lovely. I hate that damn cat.

On Monday, I decided to try and clear my head by going to park that was just down the street. Actually, there were two parks, but the first was ridiculously tiny, so I started trekking up a steep hill (we had nothing of the sort back home) to what appeared to be a larger one. After zigzagging through the dirt trails a few times, I checked my phone to see I'd been gone almost five hours and decided to head home.

When I got there, I was surprised to hear Madge's voice through the door, talking to someone who sounded male, and stopped before twisting the knob. I was sweaty and dirty and not particularly in the mood to see any other people, especially a guy. I took a deep breath and stepped inside preparing my fastest route to the shower but was stopped when I saw who the company was.

"Hey, Katniss! I hope you don't mind, I was bored so I asked Peeta over to chill," Madge grinned. I gave her a look as if to say "of course I mind," but she just kept smiling that stupid smile.

I glanced over at Peeta for a moment, who, surprisingly, didn't look repulsed to see me like this, but looked away in an instant. "Um… I was just, uh, going to take a shower…" I inched towards my destination, praying she wouldn't stop me.

But when have my prayers ever been answered when it came to Madge and her antics? "Oh yeah? You want one of us to join you?"

It took me a second to comprehend what she meant, and immediately a new wave a sweat broke out on my burning skin. I couldn't even look at Peeta, much less come up with a response, so I just sprinted into the bathroom and locked the door.

Why would she say that out loud? In front of him? I knew Madge liked to mess with me for being so shy about that stuff, but did she really have to do that considering the confusing place he and I were in at the moment? She knew how I felt, of course she knew – she woke up Sunday begging me for details about what she was pretty sure she'd seen the night before. I let her make her assumptions before providing an ambiguous "I'm not sure whether it's serious or not," and ending the conversation.

I tried to relax as I washed off, keeping the water cool for my skin that was still warm from the sun and exercise as well as what had just happened in the living room.

I was not prepared to face this yet. Why did she have to invite him over? Was she trying to force me to talk to him about it?

You idiot. Of course she was. I should've seen this coming; I should've spent some of my time walking through the park that day to analyze my feelings and what was the best option to proceed with. But, sadly, I'm so ridiculously clueless that I actually thought I could kiss some amazing college boy and get away with ignoring him afterwards.

After I dried off and dressed, I stood in front of the mirror trying to come up with at least an outline of what I should say out there. That turned out to be unnecessary though, because when I walked back out, Peeta was gone.

"He left, he had to get back to do some studying, apparently," Madge rolled her eyes. It likely was a lie, but I was grateful that he let me avoid yet another awkward situation.

"Why did you invite him over? Are you friends now or something?" I asked as I sat down in my spot on the couch.

She looked bored. "Yeah, so what? Are you jealous?" she teased.

"No," she knew that wasn't it. "It's just kind of awkward that you two sit around, probably talking about me…"

"Oh please, Katniss. We talk about more than just you. Sometimes we talk about Finnick and Annie," she said.

I grumbled. "Just please don't make this awkward between us. This is a new school and a new place with new people everywhere and that's overwhelming enough for me. I don't need you trying to stir up drama between me and my newest friend." I punctuated the last word, hoping she'd get the picture. I hated being rushed like that.

She just sighed and said, "Fine, I'll tone it down. But it's really obvious to everyone else that you want him."

I was about to deny it but realized I probably shouldn't… I would be lying.

The four-day class week didn't feel shorter than usual, but that was probably because now we were actually getting into the real work and lessons. Already I had a lot of homework to do, and already some professors were talking about what would be on the midterm. I was so distracted after our professor announced that the rough drafts of our first speeches were due on Tuesday that I forgot about what had become Peeta and I's routine on Fridays. I was already out on the sidewalk before I heard him call out to me and stopped, realizing I didn't know where I was going. Probably searching for a hole to crawl in until Tuesday.

"Hey! Um, are you still down for breakfast?" Peeta asked, catching his breath as he fell in step beside me.

"Oh yeah, sorry," I tried not to sound indifferent.

"What's wrong? You look worried…" he noticed.

I glanced over at him before turning my gaze back to the sidewalk in front of us. "Um… I'm just nervous about this whole public speaking thing. I don't see why we all have to take this stupid class. Some of us just aren't comfortable with that stuff and forcing us to do it anyway doesn't help."

I waited for his response to be something along the lines of "you're overreacting. Nobody really pays attention to you up there. Just suck it up and get if over with so you don't have to take the class again."

But, yet again, he surprised me. "Yeah, you're right, it is dumb to force everyone to do it. But I'm sure you'll be alright; you're not half as bad as you think you are."

I rolled my eyes. "In high school, I was giving a history presentation – and not even in front of the class! It was just for my history teacher and another teacher he had grading us. And I fainted," I admitted.

He tried to look sympathetic but he ended up laughing. "Seriously? In front of two silly teachers?"

I crossed my arms. "The guy hated me! He had it out for all the ndn students."

He looked puzzled, "What do you mean?"

"Well, for one thing, the guy's name was literally Mr. Custer," I said. Peeta tried to feign understand but I could tell he still was lost, so I continued. "You know, General Custer? The Battle of Little Bighorn? Racist asshole who thought he could actually defeat the great Lakota? And all over gold, no less." I was started to sound angry, but I tried to relax so Peeta wouldn't think it was aimed at him.

"Oh, right, Custer's Last Stand, or something…" he looked down. "I'm sorry. I feel bad that they teach us next to nothing about your history. Er, our history – the real history of America…" he was stumbling.

"It's not your fault the white men in charge of this country have tried to erase our existence," I said, trying to sound more annoyed that pissed off. It was hard to keep calm when it came to this subject, and I could taste the venom in my words.

"I'll never understand it. Honestly Katniss, you're afraid of giving a speech in front of our snobby-ass professor, but I can already see that you're one of the strongest people I've ever met," he said sincerely.

I felt myself blushing a little. "Yeah well, someone had to be strong. For Prim," I said softly. He was looking at me with a mixed expression of both sympathy and awe before we stopped at the end of the sidewalk, waiting to cross the street to the Diner.

We walked in the door in silence and sat down in the same booth. I was checking my most recent messages from Prim when the waiter came to take our drink orders. Peeta finally spoke again when he left.

"I know I can never begin to understand what your people have gone through at the hands of my own ancestors," he started, looking ashamed. "But, if it's okay, I'm willing to learn everything I can. I want to be… an ally."

I was surprised. This was not the response I usually got in these situations. Usually they'd shrug me off, annoyed, or awkwardly avoid the topic and me completely. "Um, well, I'm… I mean, I could talk about this stuff for hours, but it tends to upset me when I get going… So, um, I have some books, maybe, that you could read? They're much better at explaining things than I am."

He gave me a small smile. "That sounds great. Thank you," he reached across the table and squeezed my hand, but I didn't pull away. I was still in awe at his reaction.

After we finished eating, I told Peeta I'd give him one of the books this weekend. He nodded and we stood there, facing each other for a few moments, not sure what to do next.

I felt myself panicking a little remembering the confusing place our relationship was in and tried to break away from his gaze. "So, don't think I didn't notice you distract me so you could pay again. It's my turn next time," I teased.

He blinked and the smiled back at me. "Alright," he sighed and I realized he was probably thinking about the fact that I'd so casually said next time.

I felt awkward once again, my attempt at a digression failed. "Well, I'll see you later, Peeta. I, um, have to get to class," I said and turned away before I could give into the voice in my head telling me to do something about the way I was staring at his lips. I didn't have to get to class, I had a good hour and a half for that, but I did need some time alone.

Later that afternoon I was washing the dishes in the sync while I had my iPod plugged into the stereo when I realized I was smiling. I was smiling like fool at the red bowl I was washing.

Maybe I didn't have to put any labels on this, maybe I didn't have to try and plan what to do next in order to avoid those things I was so afraid of – emotions. I enjoyed being around Peeta. Talking to him was so easy, and he was the first person I'd ever met who I didn't feel ashamed around when I talked about my past. And I found I didn't pity him, either, when he'd open up to me about his mother – who we referred to as Cruella.

Maybe we could just… be, and see where it went from there. I was realized my feelings weren't something I could organize and solve like an equation. So I decided to stop trying to.

So, a hint at what's coming in this story! It is going to get a little upsetting in a couple chapters, but I promise this story will end better than, well, pretty much any other true story about interactions between the red and white man. Lol. If you have any questions, feel free to find me on tumblr by the same name – bethylyes.