Chapter 11

The Declaration

Nicholas was true to his promise. He stayed beside Danny's bed all day, spending hours just watching his chest rise and fall as he slept. He felt compelled to observe him constantly, in order to reassure himself that Danny was really alive. And he did a lot of thinking. Unsurprisingly, he thought of nothing that was not connected in some way to Danny. He smiled to himself as he recalled conversations they had had over a pint in The Crown. He frowned when his mind replayed them arguing in the churchyard after Tim Messenger's death. And he tried to analyse the moments when he had felt the rushes of affection for Danny which had caused him so much confusion. It was difficult to pinpoint any single instance as the most significant with any accuracy but there were several moments Nicholas particularly remembered. Seeing Danny reading the Police Service Official Vocabulary Guidelines, in an attempt to emulate Nicholas' knowledge. Danny asking him why he wanted to be a 'policeman-officer'. Danny trying to help him switch off by introducing him to action movies. Danny jumping in the path of a bullet for him. Of course the latter was the most significant action. But there had been no single moment of clarity when Nicholas realised how he felt about Danny. Instead, there had been a gradual and unstoppable building of regard and respect. The fact that Danny had saved his life on more than one occasion, and joined forces with him to fight the NWA and his own father, were not inconsiderable in the development of Nicholas' feelings for him either.

However, it was the rare touches they shared that fuelled his undeniable physical desire for Danny. He remembered feeling a drink dulled thrill when he felt Danny's hand on the back of his neck as they walked away from George Merchant's mansion the night it was blown up. And later that night, Nicholas found that he felt completely comfortable waking with his head on Danny's shoulder after they had fallen asleep on the sofa together. These were simple gestures and platonic moments of intimacy that, at the time, Nicholas was shocked to find so enjoyable. It surprised him even more to realise that he had been hoping opportunities for further physical contact would occur between them ever since. His natural regard for protocol had stifled this instinct though, and he had buried his desire. Until, that is, the prospect of losing Danny had punctured the place it was hidden such that he could no longer conceal it.

So it was a few days later, when Danny was in a recovery suite, and able to stay awake and hold a proper conversation, that Nicholas judged as good a time as any to tell Danny how he felt. Unfortunately, and despite all the thinking time, he was still unsure exactly how he was going to do this even as he began.

"Danny, there's something I need to talk to you about. I was going to talk to you when I got home last Friday and then I found you after you'd fallen and..." His speech trailed off awkwardly. Danny looked up at him expectedly, an unassuming smile on his face. There was a silence.

"Spit it out then."

Nicholas swallowed hard and felt himself blush. He had never before felt so out of his depth at the prospect of a simple conversation. Except this was anything but simple. He scrambled to organise his thoughts into some kind of order.

"Ok. Listen." He breathed out heavily. Danny's expression switched to a frown.

"Are you upset wiv me? Did I do somefink wrong?"

"No, no, no, nothing like that." Nicholas urged. He knew then he just had to get on with it. Typical, sweet Danny to think he was at fault.

"When I found you collapsed, I thought you were... I mean, I thought I wasn't going to get a chance to... shit, I'm crap at this!"

"Nicholas, it's fine, you don't 'ave to..."

"Shut up, Danny! I need to say this!" He grabbed a breath. "I'm a complete idiot, ok? I tried to deny it, I thought... I mean, we're friends! Partners! I'm your superior officer, for Christ's sake! I shouldn't be saying this!"

Danny looked bemused. "Err, what are you sayin', exactly?"

"I'm saying that when I found you on the floor the other day, I finally realised that all that matters to me is that you're all right!" Full sentences were finally coming to him.

I haven't been able to do anything else for days but wait here for you to wake up! I was desperate to help you, and I couldn't! I've been an absolute bastard to everyone because all I care about is you."

Danny's expression was split between confusion and wonder.

"All I wanted to do was keep you safe! And I made a shit job of that, didn't I?" Nicholas was pacing up and down along the length of Danny's bed, warming to his task now. "I'm sorry. I made a horrific mistake forgetting about Weaver and then you went and jumped in front of his gun!"

"It weren't your fault, Nicholas."

"Yes, Danny, it was! I was in command! I'm so sorry you did that, and I'm even more sorry that it was to save me! I didn't deserve it! But now I'm going to do everything I can to help you. Starting with taking you home and looking after you, properly this time. I swear I'm not going to let you out of my sight."

"You don't 'ave to do that, the doc said I could stay 'ere."

"The doctor also said you could go home if there was someone with you. And that is going to be me."

"I don't wanna be in your way..." Danny mumbled.

"What? You're not in the way!" Nicholas looked pained at the suggestion.

"You've got work and..."

"Have you been listening to a single word I've said? I don't care about work!" Although Nicholas' voice was raised, Danny seemed unable to believe that he could mean such a thing.

"But work's all you've ever cared about."

"Not any more! Not compared to you!"

"Bollocks, Nicholas, that don't make sense."

"Of course it does!"

"Why?"

"Because I love you, you daft twat!"

An intense silence, during which neither of them were aware of anything but each other, magnified Nicholas' words. He stared at Danny, breathing hard, desperate for any sort of response. Danny's face was frozen in open mouthed shock that would have been comedic in any other circumstances.

"This is a dream, int it?" He breathed finally.

"No, Danny."

"Can you say that again, then?"

"I love you, you daft twat."

Nicholas flashed one of his rare, spectacular smiles, ecstatic at the release of finally expressing his feelings. It took Danny's brain several seconds to catch up with what was happening and instruct his face to react. Then his shocked expression morphed into a slightly awestruck smile of his own.

"Me an' all." He said, so faint it was almost inaudible.

Nick released a breath of tense laughter.

"That all you got?"

Then Danny grinned cheekily, his humour returning.

"Come on, I'm ahead of you, aren't I?"

Nicholas was still smiling back, then he abruptly frowned, cocking his head on one side.

"Actually you're not. Because I just said it twice. And without the assistance of pharmaceuticals for that matter."

Danny's smile dropped and instead he looked embarrassed, licking his lips nervously.

"Can't believe you're gonna make me say this." Then he shot Nicholas the briefest of glances, shyness and joy evident in equal measure in his expression. He looked down at his hands, blushing furiously.

"I love you too, Nicholas... You bossy bastard."