=Brittany=

I'm laying with Santana's head on my chest, sleeping soundly once again. She's going though a bad week, this is the third night of having constant bad dreams/flashbacks. I don't know why. If it is caused by an anniversary of one of the many awful things that was done to her or if her therapist is stirring up shit. I feel so helpless when all I can do is hold her and wait for it to pass. She is still terrified of this horrible man who's burning in hell, that took so much from her before she even knew what he was taking.

People think I'm stupid because I keep talking to a dead cat, or that I get confused easily, but it's hard not to be confused when 4 different personalities are telling you different things there used to be more. The voice belonging to the cricket or some times something else depending on what's near by is the only one usually violent; he is also the rarest of them only when I'm partially angry does he emerge. The voice belonging to the duck is bitter but not violent usually, she actually reminds me a bit of Santana when she was in a bad mood. The voice of the goat is the 2nd most common and is pretty gentle usually. Lord Tubbington is the only one that appears the same all the time. He's almost like a person in personalities, he has his bad traits, good traits and days that we can't stand each other. When they separated Santana and I for awhile I kind of went off my medication because they all told me to. During that time I had about 8 voices talking to me. some manifesting out of nothing, some into trees, some in to birds and the rock turtle in the courtyard.

I comb my fingers though her hair lightly as she started to twitch again. I lightly shook her when her twitching became whimpering. When I finally snap her back awake she burrows into my chest sobbing heavily. "Oh, Britt-Britt he won't go away he won't leave me alone even in death he haunts me non stop. I have nightmares that logically will never happen but their so intense they terrify me. I have dreams of him hurting you and me not being able to do a damn thing about it but to watch."

I just stroke her hair whispering confronting words. I didn't know how to help her. It was painful for me to know I caused a bit of this. "Baby have you talked to your doctor about these nightmares?"

"Not recently she knows I have them but not just how bad they are. "

I lean down and kiss her. "Then we need to make sure I'm always here to wake you up and tell you that it's ok."

"I love you so much" she said now sitting up and leaning over to kiss me again and again. I tangle my fingers into her hair deepening the kiss. Her hands started to roam up my shirt. I had to stop her before this went any further. This was how the nurses caught us last time. I was comforting her and on thing led to another and then they found us just in our underwear with my hand on her breast and hers in my panties. I just hug her as started crying again. I felt bad and couldn't tell what had caused it. She was talking through heavy sobs and I couldn't understand her. "I'm so tired Britt."

"I know baby, I know." I say rubbing her back just wanting to take away all of her pain. I don't know why someone would scar her this badly. She will never be normal, but she could have been if he never hurt her. I'm glad that I know her; I just wish she didn't have to go through the hell she went through. I wanted to take care of her forever even if it means never getting a full night sleep again. "San, when we get out of here I want to get married"

I get a smile out of her at that, "I hope you would give me a better proposal than that."

"Give me a break it's 3am and I haven't slept. I do want to marry you but we need to get out of here first. I love you darling. Now lets try to get some more sleep." She then snuggled into my shirt and once she was asleep again I started drifting off as well. She didn't wake up again that night . I didn't know how we were going to get out of here. I'm going to have to make sure she doesn't lash out as badly and I'm going to have to remember my medication.

I think the nurses must have given up trying to keep us in the our own beds. Mainly because when they tried to calm her down she ended up waking half the ward screaming and hitting everyone around her. The three times they tried they had to sedate her. Only a select number of people can even get close to her and why I'm the only one that can calm her when she's at her worst. Quinn and Rachel are the only kids that can even hug her without having to fear breaking an arm; Their are a few of the staff that can hold touch her when she's in a normal mood and that's her therapist and Ms. P. both of who know how deep these issues lie. We take care of each other. I can't tell you how many times I've been pulled out of class times to calm her down. It's something that doesn't surprise me any more. At one point I was completely refusing to take my medication because all my friends were going away, then Santana became my roommate, and my imaginary friends became less and less important. She makes sure I don't get lost. One time I was following Lord Tubbington and ended up in the unstable mens ward. She found me and pulled me out of there before I got too traumatized by the things they were saying, of course I had to calm her down once we were back in our room. I was serious about wanting to marry her. I wanted to take care of her forever.