"What does it say?" James asked impatiently, after being unable to endure the long silence. I wanted to punch him in the face. Logan looked up at me with the unreadable expression he mastered so well. The boy had the best Poker face, that's for damn sure. His gaze bore into mine, as if he was trying to read my expression.
"I didn't get accepted," Logan whispered. I let out an audible sigh. The sad part is I don't know if it was a sigh of relief or shock. Perhaps it was both.
"What? How is that even possible, Logan?" Mom demanded.
"I'm sorry, man," Carlos sympathized.
"Yeah, me too, dude," James added.
Katie was speechless for once; no witty answer, no quick solution. She really cared about Logan, I'm sure she would've wanted him to get in. Unless… she was feeling what I was feeling, and also not sure if she wanted to see Logan leave. Maybe I wasn't the only one who was thinking selfishly. I wanted to say something to Logan—some words of comfort—but somehow no words would have seemed appropriate. So instead, I went to him and gave him a hug. I held him there, not wanting to let go until all the hurt inside of him had been freed. I felt other bodies encircling us and arms opening to embrace us as well. Everyone; mom, Katie, James and Carlos. We all showered him with the love that he deserved.
"It's alright, Kendall," Logan mumbled into my shoulder. I hushed him and kissed the top of his head.
"Logan, honey, are you sure you read it right?" Mom insisted.
"Mom…" I glared. I know she meant well, but she wasn't helping.
"Well, maybe it says something on there—" Mom began, reaching for the letter. Logan quickly retracted the letter, and instantly shredded it.
"No, Mrs. Knight. They rejected me. It's done," Logan said sharply, not in an overly aggressive way, but just very darkly. He then stormed into the bedroom without saying another word to any of us.
"Should we… do something, Kendall?" Carlos asked.
"You should go talk to him, sweetie," mom suggested to me. "He probably needs you now more than ever."
"Yeah, I think you're right, mom," I replied.
"Let us know if we can help out," James offered. It was nice to know my friends and family had my back, even James. Katie still looked like she was in deep thought though. I wondered was she was thinking.
"Of course. Thanks, guys," I nodded and went after Logan.
I quietly closed the door behind me. Logan was staring out from the window in our poorly lit room. Even in the state he was in, he looked like a God.
"Logan," I began, unsure of myself. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really, Kendall. Not now," he stated evenly.
"I think it'll help if you get it off your chest though, babe." With each syllable, I slowly inched towards him.
"What's there to say? I didn't get accepted. The end." I'd never heard Logan speak that negatively before.
"No, not 'the end', Logan. They are idiots for not accepting you," I assured him.
"I know you're trying to be supportive, Kendall, but they're not idiots."
"Yes, they are," I persisted.
"Kendall, I—" he cut himself off before he could finish.
"You what? Tell me. I want to know," I pressed.
"It doesn't matter, alright? Can we just drop it?" he said firmly. There was something he wasn't telling me; I felt it.
"That's not what I'm worried about. I don't give a damn what some board of stuck up, white collared doctors think of you. And neither should you. Don't let those assholes judge you that way! It's what you think of yourself. Why should you let some piece of paper validate you? Why do you need it to tell you if you're any good?" I challenged.
"Because…" he muttered, staring at the floor.
"Because, what?"
"Because I'm not sure I want to do this anymore!" Logan raised his voiced.
"What do you mean you don't want to do 'this' anymore? Did I do something…?"
"What? Oh, no! Kendall, I didn't mean you and me. I meant this," he said, gesturing his arms at the apartment. "Hollywood, the singing thing, the band… all of it" he clarified.
"Oh," I muttered. I was relieved to know he didn't want to break up with me, but I was taken aback by this piece of news. "But, we chose this together."
"No! You chose this! Not me," he yelled. I must have looked startled enough, because his face softened again, and he looked upset with himself for yelling. "I didn't say I don't want to do this anymore. I just said I wasn't sure if I wanted to," Logan elaborated.
"When did this happen?" I asked.
"I don't know… I guess it's always been in the back of my mind since the beginning. We ended up here because James was the one that wanted to become famous. We all just kind of went along with it. But the real turning point was when you finally admitted to yourself that you actually enjoy singing, too. From then, well, I guess I realized I had to—"
"Sacrifice your own dream?" I finished for him.
"Well, when you put it like that…" Logan frowned.
"No, Logan. Don't do that. Don't spare my feelings. It's not about me right now." I held his hands in mine. He looked at me with those deep brown eyes.
"I'm just trying to be pragmatic, Kendall."
"Hey, Einstein, in English please?" I joked.
"I mean I have to be smart about it. Don't get me wrong, there are moments that are great. But at the end of the day, I would rather be saving lives. I don't belong here. I just miss Minnesota, I guess. I miss the snow. I'm not a Hollywood type."
"I never wanted you to be. I'm glad you aren't, in fact. You're my rock. You keep me sane."
"I know, but let's be realistic. I have to think of a serious career path for myself… for us, our future together. I mean, sure, being in a boy band now seems fine at our age, but then what? I'm not sure I'll feel the same way when I'm thirty, you know?"
"What, don't you want to be up onstage with me every night? Because I know I want you up there with me," I teased to lighten the moment. It worked; he smiled.
"Of course I do, you know that's not what I meant. I just think I should consider a back-up career just in case." I realized I hadn't put as much thought into my future as much as Logan had. He was definitely smarter than me in more ways than one. "You think I'm too uptight, don't you?" he frowned.
"No, of course not," I lied. Logan arched an eyebrow; I chuckled lightly and confessed, "Ok maybe a little, but I guess it's a good thing that one of us is the responsible one. You're just being, what's the word… pragmatic?" Logan smiled, knowing I was making an effort to understand and be supportive.
"You're so cute when you use more than monosyllable words," Logan cooed as he wrapped his arms around my waist, bringing me in for a kiss.
"Oh is that so? Well, in that case… pragmatic, pragmatic, pragmatic, pragmatic…" I playfully whispered, while receiving his kiss.
"Mmm, again!" Logan teased back, playing along.
"Pragmatic, pragmatic, pragmatic…" We couldn't help but giggle in between our kisses.
"I'm sorry, Kendall… I didn't mean to snap at you," his voice turned serious and apologetic.
"You didn't," I assured him.
"Well, I shouldn't have just stormed off on our family and friends." I smiled, realizing Logan addressed my mom and Katie as his family, too. "And I could have handled it better with you, too," he added.
"It's okay, babe. They'll understand. We all know you're just frustrated."
"Yeah, but still… How can I make it up to you?" Logan asked, seductively.
A smile emerged on my face. "Well I can think of one way…" I replied, glancing over to the bed. Logan's own smile confirmed my thoughts.
He led us to our bed and he fell on top of me, straddling me. He began grinding his hips back and forth, creating a delicious friction. I couldn't contain my moans. Logan threw his shirt off and slid his fingers under my shirt and gracefully removed it, as well. He quickly undid both our pants. We then both swiftly yanked our own jeans off, but when I looked back at Logan he had taken his boxers off too, leaving him completely in the nude… I guess he was really eager to have sex tonight. So I followed his lead and did the same. We collapsed back on the bed with Logan on top again, giving me a quick peck on the lips. Wasting no time, I felt his hand slide south, as he began stroking me with his warm soft hands—I let out a short gasp. My body was warming quickly with each stroke, and my breathing was accelerating. I knew I would fall apart in ecstasy if he didn't stop. But he did.
He stopped jerking me off and sat up, placing his hands on my chest and slightly elevated his body. He gave me a smirk before he lowered himself onto my hardened member; my eyes widened and my jaw dropped. Logan let out an incredible sexy moan. His warmth felt incredible in the winter's cold. He began to slowly move his body up and down the entire length of my shaft. He worked up a sensuous rhythmic movement, before adding in a back and forth motion that drove me crazy.
"Logan… I'm going to blow…" I whined.
"Don't, Kendall. Not yet," he commanded. I could feel the sweat from Logan's body trickling down onto me. I wanted to lick his beautiful glistening body. I whined quietly to myself again.
He began speeding up his movement, as I got a strong hold of his hips and began thrusting upwards, meeting his movement. My legs straightened, and my feet and toes flexed, trying to contain the pleasure from releasing too soon. Logan's lips were parted in a very seductive way, and his brows were furrowed as though he were concentrating on acing an exam. If this was an exam, Logan passed with flying colors. Every thrust I delivered and every slam Logan sent back slowly pushed both of us closer to the edge. I could feel my body boiling… rising… as if I would pour over the rim of a glass. I knew Logan felt the same.
"Now, Kendall!" Logan instructed. And with the permission to erupt, I did. I released everything I had into Logan. All the build-up was worth it as we both cried out in pleasure. Logan came all over the both of us. Immediately after, Logan fell down, but quickly supported himself so he was just mere inches away from my face. I could feel his cool breath panting unevenly. I was also trying to catch my breath. I leaned up and gave him a big open mouth kiss, swirling my tongue with his. Then he lied next to me as our breathing finally returned to normal.
"Wow…" was all I could produce.
"Wow, indeed," Logan seconded, while stroking my hair, which was drenched in sweat, I'm sure.
"Now I get what all the fuss make up sex is about."
"Yeah, we should get into fights more often," Logan joked.
"Yeah, seriously…"
"Only let's not," Logan added.
"Not have make up sex?" I asked baffled.
"No, let's always have great sex," he pleaded, "but let's not fight, okay?"
"You know I would never want to upset you, Logie," I promised, while caressing his face.
"I don't want to upset you either," he grinned.
"But…" I began cautiously. Logan frowned. "We're in a relationship, Logie. No relationship is perfect; not even ours, even though I got to admit it feels pretty damn perfect right now. But things will come up and they will test us. We've already faced lots of obstacles, but we've gotten through them… together," I declared. Logan looked at me with earnest eyes.
"You're pretty smart, you know that?" He whispered.
"Not as smart as you," I chuckled, wrapping my arms around him. I wanted to treasure Logan the way he was meant to be treasured.
"Well… yeah, not nearly as smart as me," he said arrogantly, before I pinched his side. "Okay, okay! You're almost as smart as me. Happy?"
"Close enough," I shrugged with a smile. I leaned in for a long kiss, until we heard—
"You two kissed and have make up sex yet?" James and Carlos provoked from the other side of our door.
I grabbed one of my shoes lying on the floor and threw it at the door. I heard them snicker as they ran off. Logan blushed, but at least he smiled. I wrapped my arms around him again, and we snuggled up to each other, and we both soon drifted off to sleep. My last thought, before I closed my eyes, was that we had jumped over another hurdle in our relationship. I was relieved of that much. But I still wanted to do something more for Logan; to really take his mind off the whole internship thing and put him at ease…
The next morning Logan got dressed to go to Rocque Records to record his solo parts on a few new tracks. Initially, it was supposed to be both Logan and me that were scheduled for recording, but I had called Kelly earlier that morning and pretended to have the flu. It was a rather bad attempt—I've always been a terrible liar—so Kelly caught on pretty quickly. So I just told her the truth, and that was that I was planning something for Logan and me. She sighed heavily, but eventually after much begging, she gave in. She was even generous enough to say that she would come up with a better excuse to tell Gustavo, since my excuse was "amateur, at best, and Gustavo will see right through it," as she put it.
"I can't believe Kelly said you could have the day off," Logan shook his head in disbelief.
"I know! Crazy, right?" I mentally told myself to dial it down. Every time I lie my voice would raise a few octaves and give away my bluff. Logan eyed my suspiciously, but I guess it wasn't enough to figure out I was lying. I didn't even attempt to pretend to have the flu in front of Logan, because he would call me out on my lie in an instant. I also asked Kelly to cover for me, in case Logan asked why I was given the day off. I wondered what she had come up with.
"You're lucky. You, Carlos and James all get today off, while I have to deal with Gustavo alone. Luckily, it's only for a few hours today. And hopefully, he's in a decent mood," Logan sighed.
"Well, you better get going. Don't want to keep the boss man waiting! Love you!" I said, before giving him a kiss.
"Bye, love you too. Enjoy your day off for the both of us," Logan said with envy, before tossing on his coat.
"Will do." And with that Logan left, and I barged into James and Carlos' room. Carlos was still dead asleep, snoring rather loudly, while James was simultaneously brushing his teeth and picking out his outfit for the day. "Carlos! Get up! I need your and James' help."
"No need to fear, miss. I, El Hombre del Flaming Space Rock Man, will save you…" Carlos mumbled in his sleep.
"Does he do that often?" I asked James.
"Oh yeah, dude. All the time… You just gotta kick him," James advised. "Here, like this," James demonstrated, kicking Carlos right out of his bed.
"Did I wet the bed again, mommy?" Carlos panicked. I looked at James for an answer, but he simply shrugged. Carlos shook his head to clear it. "James! Stop kicking me when I'm sleeping!"
"Sorry, Carlos. It's my fault," I confessed. "I asked him to wake you up."
"What's wrong?" Carlos asked, rubbing his eyes.
"I need your guys' help. I wanted to do something special for Logan."
"Ooh, was the make-up sex bad?" James inquired.
"What? No, of course not! In fact, it was amazing. I mean, like, really amazing," I bragged.
"Ew, gross, dude. Don't come into my room and parade your sex life," James squirmed.
"You're the one that asked!" I shook my head and got back on topic. "Nevermind. Look, I wanted to take a weekend with Logan and go snowboarding, but I need you guys to help me get everything from the sporting goods store. We only have a few hours before Logan gets back."
"I don't know, Kendall… I'm awfully busy…" James revealed, gargling water in his mouth. He always proved difficult when I needed his help.
"C'mon, James. Wasn't it just last night that you said to come to you guys if I needed anything?"
"Yeah, but I didn't think you'd really take me up on the offer!"
"James, please. For Logan?" I pleaded.
"Can't you just buy him a box of chocolate and an 'I'm sorry' card like the rest of us?" James asked.
"Yeah, 'cause that's real original, right?" I scoffed. "Carlos?" I looked over and Carlos had fallen back asleep. "Carlos!" I yelled, kicking him the same way James had.
"Would everyone please stop kicking me?"
"I'm sorry, buddy, but will you help me or not? I don't have a lot of time," I urged.
"Yeah, fine. But only if James is forced to come along, too," Carlos bargained.
"…James?" I rolled my eyes.
"Nope. Can't do," James stated coldly.
"Look, I just want to cheer him up since he didn't get accepted for the internship. You're his friend, too so I'm asking you to do this for him. And plus, I'll put in a good word for you to that blonde girl on the fourth floor that you like…" I baited.
James deliberated to himself for a moment and finally said, "Fine… I'll go with you to the stupid sporting goods store."
"Yes! Thank you, thank you!" I hugged James and Carlos. "I'll ask my mom if we can borrow her car!"
James and Carlos whined and argued the entire ride to the store. Maybe it was a bad idea to bring them after all. But, I wouldn't have been able to get everything done without their help. Or not as quickly, at least. I planned for Logan and me to leave the next day. I hoped to share the surprise with him that evening, so time was of the essence. Luckily, they stopped bickering when we stepped inside the store. Well, mostly…
"I still don't understand why you couldn't just have gone with James," Carlos groaned.
"Because, Carlos, James will end up flirting with some bimbos and get side-tracked like always," I reminded.
"Hey! I resent that!" James yelled.
"Yeah, you're right," Carlos agreed with me.
"Hello! Standing right here!" James hollered.
"Sorry," Carlos and I said in unison.
"Well if I'm so terrible then why did you bring me along, huh?" James countered.
"Because, I need you to be here and stop Carlos when he gets overly excited and starts suggesting that I buy things I don't need," I prompted. James nodded in agreement.
"Hey! When have I ever done that?"
"Uhh, all the time, dude. You're like a chimpanzee with ADD on a sugar rush when we're out in public," James said bluntly.
"Am not!" Carlos defended.
"Are too!" James yelled back.
"Am not! Ooh! Shiny fishing poles!" And just like that Carlos ran off, proving our point.
"Great. Looks like it's just you and me, James," I huffed. I looked to my left and James had disappeared. "James?" I rolled my eyes when I spotted him talking to a couple of girls a few aisles down. "Looks like it's just me," I said to myself.
After about half an hour of frantically loading the shopping cart with snowboarding gear and attire, James and Carlos finally decided to join me.
"Okay, we're back. So what else do you need?" James asked, a little too late.
"To checkout," I stated flatly.
"What? You're done already?" Carlos asked in awe.
"Yeah! Where were you when I needed you guys earlier?"
"I was busy chatting with some pretty girls over there," James motioned, smiling and waving to said-girls. "I got the brunette's number," James gloated.
"And what were you doing?" I asked Carlos.
"I got a set of flame-proof kitchen utensils. See, look!" Carlos squealed, proudly holding it up.
"It'll match your lovely sippy cup perfectly," James said sardonically.
"Oh! You're right!" Carlos exclaimed, clearly missing James' sarcastic comment.
"I was joking! You and your sippy cup are stupid!" James insulted.
"You're stupid!" Carlos yelled.
"You're stupider!" James countered.
"No, you're stupider!" Carlos remarked and then the two started slapping each other like little school girls.
"Geez, break it up, you two!" I refereed. "This is why I don't take either one of you anywhere," I admitted. "You two are like kids… Kids I never wanted. Now, can we go?"
"Fine," James grumbled.
"Fine," Carlos muttered, as well.
"And I don't want to hear a peep from either one of you on the way home, got it?" I warned.
"Yes, Kendall," Carlos and James moaned in unison. It really was like scolding children.
"Good," I said. Then I turned in the direction of the checkout lanes and as soon as I had my back facing Carlos and James, I heard them resume slapping and kicking each other. Of course, I thought to myself. I sighed and decided to just let the children duke it out.