"Cashile," Ibiki nodded, very calmly might I add.
"You were stalking me," I accused.
"And you thought I was about to attack you," Ibiki countered. "You didn't realize that it was me until you saw me. I would have expected you to sense my presence," he mused. "Or-" he continued, "you expected me to attack you although I doubt that's why you reacted in such a defensive manner,"
"Already criticizing me," I noted.
"You're still my student," Ibiki said, making it clear that he wouldn't accept my resignation even after all these years.
"I thought I was dead," I said, a playful coldness added to my tone.
Ibiki stopped bantering and a more serious expression crosses his face. Unreadable to the normal eye, but to my hawk eye, I could see every emotion he was currently feeling.
Regret, continual disbelief, anger, fear, sadness...
All the emotions were making me sick.
"Funny, I'm a teacher of my own now," I continued, in order to lighten the mood a degree.
"Shame, there's still so much you need to learn," Ibiki said. "Just so you know. I recommended that you were not promoted and did not become a sensei,
"Tell the hokage that," I muttered. "I didn't ask for the position, I assure you. And FYI, I could take you easy in a fight," I said, a brief memory of Ibiki beating the crap out of my a couple years ago, invading my mind.
"There's a bit of room for doubt in my mind about that," he said. "So what do you want to do about your training? Still want to be ANBU? Learn mind games?"
I shook my head," I don't know anymore Ibiki, I just don't know. I don't know what I want anymore. I have a team of my own now, that I'm being forced to teach, and I have a target on my back. I haven't decided what my main focus will be, yet," I said.
And I had Aiden and Aisa to think about. They would need to be protected when The Claw came after me.
Or maybe it was time to find my own place, so they wouldn't get caught up in the crossfire.
I turned on my heels and held my hand up, gesturing a farewell. "I'll see you around Ibiki," I said, ending our meeting.
"I have so much more to ask," Ibiki said in a wavering voice. Tch. Had he grown weaker since I'd last seen him? Since when did he let his emotions get the better of him?
"Soon. I can't stay out in one place too long," I said." Tomorrow at 4? I'll be waiting on the training grounds."
I took off into a run.
Maybe I should get away from Aiden and Aisa. The risk for them was minimal, though. The Claw would be assigned to kill me and only me. And when the Claw is given an assassination assignment, they kill the target and only the target.
If you don't cross the Rising Phoenix, you're safe.
But If Aiden knew about the target, then I doubt that he wouldn't cross the Phoenix.
And so, with that thought in mind, I continued to my apartment. I knocked on the door, and after a few moments Aiden let me in.
Self reminder: Get a copy of the key.
"What was that about?!" He demanded upon opening the door. I brushed past him, ignoring his outburst. "Answer me, Cashile! What was that?"
"I thought it might have been something, but it turned out I was wrong," I answered vaguely. If I told him the truth about people being after me, there was an 89 percent chance he would kick me out of the apartment to protect Aisa. It's not like I would allow him to kick me out of my apartment, but it was better to avoid confrontation.
"Oh, really? You think I'm honestly going to buy into that? How stupid do you think I am?" I opened my mouth to respond in a logical manner but he put a hand up, cutting me off. "Don't answer that."
"Cashhiiilllle, why did you tell us to run home?"
"Go to bed, Aisa!" Aiden and I snapped at the same time. Aisa raised a single eyebrow in a gesture that seemed oddly familiar to me before turning around and going to his bedroom- the storage space that Aiden had converted into a fairly homely bedroom.
Aiden let out an exhausted sigh before turning around and leaving me.
"That's it?" I asked, surprised.
"Well, if you're not going to tell me the truth, then what's the point?" He sighed, defeated.
My mouth opened and closed several times before I simply shrugged. Whatever, then. This was simpler for me.
"Do you know what it was like?" Aiden asked from the silence..
"What?" I questioned, for once not knowing where he was going with this topic of conversation.
"Do you know what it was like when you were gone?"
My shoulders drooped ever so slightly as irritation and annoyance filled me. Was he trying to guilt trip me?
"No," I responded snappishly. "Because I was gone, as in, not there. So I can't have known what it was like. Idiot."
Aiden turned his back to me, and I suddenly can't see what I've seen, but ignored; something terribly broken in his eyes- that made me pause and reconsider him.
He began to rant. "It's really hard to explain. Everything felt so... unrealistically realistic, at first. I know that doesn't make any sense. Everything was foggy and clear at the same time. Hot and cold. Kakashi's the one who told me."
"Yeah?" My throat felt oddly dry as I forced the word out. Aiden simply nodded.
"It was so strange. He just showed up and handed me this unbearable, unthinkable truth and I couldn't really wrap my head around it. I couldn't wrap my head around you no longer existing. I couldn't wrap my head around the thought of you being completely, irrevocably gone. You couldn't have just died, right? You couldn't be dead. You couldn't be gone. There's no way I would never see you again, never just be with you again. And now you're back. You're impossibly back. And my God am I happy. I can't believe it. I can't even wrap my head around this," he rambled.
"That's all very touching," I mumbled monotonously, trying to process his words. Words that I couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend.
If someone dies, they're just gone. They disappear. They're forgotten. It's the cycle of life.
So why did it mean so much to him? Why is he being so emotional? I was gone, yes. But now I'm back, that's the fact. It's illogical from his point of view, I could see that, but dwelling on the past created emotional turmoil which only blurred judgement.
"So can you understand why it hurts so badly to have you back, but not have you back at all?"
Somehow I knew exactly what he meant.
"We were never that close," I denied immediately, making an excuse that wasn't an excuse but a logical explanation to why he shouldn't take my situation so personally.
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "That's what I told Kakashi when he came to talk to me two and a half years ago."
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Yeah," he confirmed.
I sighed. "I don't know what to tell you, Aiden. What do you want to hear? People change. Take it or leave it."
He studied me for a moment before nodding. "I'II take it," He assured me. "I just wish you would tell me the truth."
"I am," I replied. "I thought it might have been something, but it turned out I was wrong. I didn't lie."
"This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man," Aiden replied softly.
"You do see the irony of that quote, right?" I checked. "Polonius wasn't exactly... practicing what he preached."
Aiden gave a smile that didn't do anything to hide that same broken look in his eyes, "I do."
"3:59 pm." I said, looking at nothing but sensing the presence behind me.
"I don't like to be late," Ibiki replied.
I turned around. "Well, that makes two of us. I sent my team home five minutes early."
Aisa had finally stopped complaining when I made him walk home without me, and his teammates, blah in particular, had finally stopped giving him bullshit about being 'sensei's pet'.
"So what did you want to talk about?" I asked, inquisitively tilting my head.
"You," he stated bluntly. "What happened while you were gone. Your plans for the future," he finished his list of invasive topics.
"Okay...let's walk," I invited.
We got into step and silently strode across the freshly cut grass.
After a slight hesitation, Ibiki spoke. "So how did this organization work? How did they maneuver about and get things done?"
I raised an eyebrow. He definitely wanted to ask something else, but was holding back, Unlike the Ibiki I know.
"The Rising Phoenix, as they called themselves, was run mainly by the head, a woman named Mai YaoLin. She's the puppeteer in the entire scheme of things, and her claws, her minions, are her puppets at her command. She has loyal followers who've gathered together to start the organization. They kidnap their victims, brainwash, torture, and train them, until they are nothing but weapons for Mai YaoLin's disposal. They become the claws, one by one, the best replacing the old, and so forth. Their purpose as a group is to achieve and accomplish their own selfish desires, to make a name for themselves, and to establish themselves as powerful and elite. That's really all that there is to it," I finished my long explanation.
A peaceful silence followed, which I was grateful for. But the question that followed was exactly what I had been secretly dreading.
"I know we extracted the necessary information at your interrogations.." My mind flashes back to the painful memory, "but you never gave us more information than necessary. As your sense I I would like to know how they trained you. Objectively, of course,"
A touchy subject. Ibiki was knowingly treading deep waters.
"They just trained me. They put me up against others and forced me to fight for hours. They made me do hours of cardio every day and group exercises. Exactly what you would expect. When I wasn't training I was.." A painful memory flashed in my mind, freezing my words.
I shook my head. "Don't worry about it," I said, hoping to avoid further discussion.
No such luck.
"What were you doing when you weren't training, Cashile?" He pressed.
I kept my silence.
Frustrated, Ibiki snapped, "Why can't you just tell me these things? I'm your sensei! For gods sake Cashile, I trained you, I was in charge of your future! I have your best intentions in mind. But I need to know what happened! Tell me, help me understand, what gave them the power to brainwash you? To take away your feelings, your morals, your memories..."
I stayed silent. He had no idea..
"Objectivity my ass," I muttered.
"Cashile-"
I snapped. "You want to know so bad Ibiki? How they brainwashed me? Missing fingers, torn nails, hours spent in a fucking cage burning in the snow, hours of teaching my body that it didn't need heat or sleep or food to survive. You want to know more Ibiki? You want to know how they stripped me of every fucking thing I had? My pride, my dignity? How they treated me like an animal to teach me 'manners'? You want to know how many broken bones, torn muscles, shattered ribs it took for me to finally succumb to what I thought was better than the constant excruciating pain? Why I found it better to turn myself into nothing rather than endure that?" My voice broke towards the end. "I get it, I was weak, but I endured."
"It was survival by any means. I did what I had to do. Well, there you go," I whispered the last sentence, and walked away from a man who would never understand. Who had pried the one thing that had and would ever be able to break me.
"Home!" Aiden called.
I'd been sulking on the couch, re-reading the Tale of Two Cities. I'm positive I wasn't expressing clear negative emotions, but Aiden sat down near my legs and asked, "what's wrong?"
I looked up from my book. "Nothing," I replied shortly. "Aisa's resting in his room and dinner is leftover rice and broth."
"Tea?" He asked.
"Please,"
Aiden put a pot on the stove. "So how was your day?" He asked, resting his arms on the counter.
"Boring," I responded evenly.
"You're lying," he stated. "Or you wouldn't be sulking on the couch,"
My spine straightened and I lied smoothly. "Was not,"
"Whatever you say, Cashile," he handed me my cup, tea bag still settled at the bottom. "Jasmine, my favorite."
"Ibiki was prying into my past," I said after two sips.
Aiden raised his eyebrows, surprised that I'd said anything about it at all.
Of course I don't blame him, I had slightly surprised myself too.
But not to my surprise, Aiden didn't ask any further questions. Instead he grabbed the blanket resting across the top of the couch and spread it over me.
"Get some rest, Cashile," he said. I nodded, sipping my tea.
Aiden went in to check on Aisa, leaving me to my spinning thoughts.
It wouldn't take long to prepare a good Claw. Find someone with potential and put them through the training necessary. Then they would deal with the rest. And they got fast results when they actually tried.
The risk for Aiden and Aisa were minimal, but looking at my side from an objective point of view, being around them may be clouding my judgement. Therefore not only was I putting them at risk, but also myself.
And that's where I drew the line.
Survival above all; even if it meant giving up those two. Logically, I i didn't even understand why I've allowed them to live here in the first place. Why didn't I demand my savings back?
I guess I just pitied them. I benefited from chess games with Aiden, and it would be terribly awkward to kick Aisa out and continue to be his sensei. Not that I would care. I guess I simply benefited from this strange relationship more than it cost me. It was the only clear explanation that made sense to me.
Sudden anger flared in my chest, the burning passion a feeling practically unknown to me. I had had my life set out for me. The portrait I was painting had finally been coming together. And it had been taken away from me in a heartbeat.
That one thought settled into my head, taking root deep in my core.
And I knew one thing; Whether I was being logical or illogical.
The Rising Phoenix was going to pay. And I would be the one to bring them down.
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