Hey there readers of Evil Pineapples, this is a sort of special update that really has nothing to do with the story. But I hope it helps you understand Ted a bit more since I do such a terrible job of showing off his real thoughts and feelings in the actual story. Well, I hope you enjoy this little special.

"I talk big you know? About torture, and hurting others, or mentally scaring them, about being super cool, and not really having any deep thoughts or feelings for anything, but I guess I'm just like everyone else. I never saw anything dark or depressing when I was alive, b-but", I covered my eyes with my arm, and placed my free hand on my mouth to keep my sobs in.

"But I always thought I could handle it." Bach pulled me up, and moved my arms away from my face.

"You're crying." I blinked at him, and brought my hand to my cheek. My fingers were wet.

"I never would have thought that you would cry, but I suppose that's the human response to death." Bach pulled me into a hug and stroked my hair.

"You don't have to worry about it though, you didn't kill them, Ted." I gripped his shirt and shook my head.

"What the fuck are you talking about?! I just killed them! That was me, not someone else, right?" Bach pulled me tighter to his chest and sighed. He was radiating heat but I was freezing so I clung to him more than needed. Although at the time I wasn't thinking properly, all that mattered was that someone was holding me when I needed it, and I had never been held before. That and I was emotionally distraught. It was, it was nice. Being held by someone, warm, and I felt safe. It was a pleasure I never had in life, and the only reason why it was happening was because I had become a murderer.

"Hey, Ted. I want to take you somewhere until you calm down enough." I choked and tried to push away from him.

"Ted, Ted stop! You're causing this world to flux! As beings from another dimension we can make this place cave in from our powers." He sighed and pulled me back to his chest in a sort of constrictor hold.

"Our abilities, when used, could destroy entire planets, because we don't belong." I didn't say anything and Bach sighed.

"I'm taking you back to your world, just for a few days. I'll tell you all about this second life, clear things up so to say. That way things like this won't happen again." He walked me over to a tree and placed his palm against it. Now I don't particularly remember what happened, or what Bach did. Hell, I don't really remember anything that happened later that day. Everything after stepping through the door that Bach made in the tree is fuzzy. I think it's from all the crying I did afterwards and the change in dimensions. But I will sum it up for you. When we entered my world, Bach lead me to a hotel where we got a room, and then he sat me down on a bed and manipulated me into telling all my woes. Which started with growing up and never knowing my parents, to my grandparents who hated me, to my girlfriend dating me only to get close to my best friend, and then cheat on me with him, then dump me for him, then dying and ending up here. Then after I finished Bach gave me hot chocolate, helped me take a hot bath, and then tucked me into bed. About half an hour later, he crawled into bed next to me and let me cry myself to sleep in his arms.

Now as I look back, I realize that I totally played the girl here, and Bach the charming prince. But, but I don't mind. As someone who lived with nineteen years without skinship that night was, that, it was -is- important to me. It is the most important night of my life. It's the first night I ever felt truly appreciated, or cared for. It never acquired to me until that night with Bach that people crave the touch of others for a reason beyond that of hormones. It's what keeps us going, what gives us strength to go on. That's why that night in the hotel, the first time being back at my home, is the most important night I ever had. More important than my death, more important than when Kirito promised to be my friend, more important than anything that happened in my future or in my past and that's why I keep going on about it. Because it was the most important event I ever experienced, and I want to share this with you. This feeling of astoundment and joy, something I had never experienced before, something I didn't experience until I met a certain pineapple who killed me, and then met one of his minions, who was also a pineapple, but gave me this experience.

Anyway, enough of this sob story. When I woke up the next morning, I was lying over on one side of the bed, with barely any blankets and Bach was taking up every other inch in eagle spread, with the blankets around his knees and one hand tucked under his belly. I poked his ribs.

"Bach, Bach…...Bach…...Bach…" He groaned and slapped my hand away.

"I said stop it." I sighed and looked out the window. Mine as well let him sleep. He did go through all my drama last night, speaking of which, we're back on my home planet. Hah! That sounds funny. As you can see, my usual humour is back in place. I stood from the bed and stretched out my arms, then slowly made my way to the bathroom to make myself presentable. I do not know why I did this, and it wasn't from habit. Ok, maybe a little, but I really just wanted to see if I looked like myself, or like Prince. I looked like Prince. I wasn't too let down. If I looked like my normal self, then that would cause some major issues, I just sort of wanted to see my old face. Maybe if I could get photo or something while here. Oh, while I'm thinking about it. I wandered back into the bedroom and leaned against the window pane. We were in East Syracuse, near a ROCOR (Russian Orthodox Church Outside of Russia) church called Saint Peter's and Paul's. It was a beautiful cathedral with frescoed walls and a good sized yard around it. I went once or twice, but religion never really stuck with me. There was a Brooklyn Pickle walking distance away, and a pizzeria also walking distance. Brooklyn Pickle, real coffee, real snow. It was like a dream. And then Bach woke up.

"Ah, I'm awake, I'm awake." I turned to him with a slightly embarrassed expression.

"G-good to know." He stared at me for a few seconds before grinning. We stayed like that for a total of seven seconds before Bach shook his head and rolled off the bed and made his way towards the bathroom. At the door he stopped and glanced back at me.

"I was thinking of coffee. I heard you liked it?" I grinned back at him, and lifted up my thumb.

"I'll give you five minutes." Bach frowned then entered the bathroom and I went back to staring out the window. For me it's only been a few weeks, or maybe months, since I was haunting my grave but it's felt like years. On top of that, it was snowing outside. Just to clarify; I hate heat but I love the cold. I love how each snowflake is distinctly different and intricately detailed. I love how they fall from the the gray clouds, slowly stocking up to create a soft white blanket that covers everything in sight. The biting breeze, the sting of the sleet hitting your skin, the sharp smell in the air from the cold snow and the salt they use on the roads. The ice skating, the skiing, the snowboarding, sledding, hot chocolate, snow forts, snow wars, eating the snow and icicles, building snowmen, and my personal favourite thing to do, sit in my comfy armchair, covered in blankets with a cup of something hot in one hand and a real live book in the other. My heater never worked so I had to bundle up with socks, sweaters, and sometimes coats, and then I would sit in my chair and read, or just stare out my window and watch the snow fall….It always had a calming affect on me. Just the silent fall of snow, and my chair. As I stared out the window, it acquired to me how lost I actually felt.

A large hand brushing along the back of my neck startled me out of my nostalgia and back into the present. Bach was standing behind me with a pale looking hand raised and an annoyed look on his face.

"My hand is freezing, why did that not kill you?" I did the totem stance and grinned triumphantly at him.

"Hah! Like the cold could affect me!" Bach glared childishly at me and waved a hand in the air. Some clothes appeared out of nowhere and he handed me them. I eyed them before shrugging my shoulders and started pulling off my shirt.

"Whoa, whoa, Princess! I'm still in the room, don't you know anything about virtue?" I looked at him coolly, then tossed the boots that had magically shown up on the floor and hit him in the chest.

"You asshole, I'm a man. I have no issue with dressing in front of other guys. I'm not interested in other men, so I see no problem with undressing in front of a pineapple turned humanoid male. Besides, I am comfortable enough in my own sexuality that I don't feel the need to hide my body from other men." Bach opened his mouth, most likely to mention last night but I beat him to it.

"And last night doesn't count as a homosexual moment, and even if it did, that wouldn't and shouldn't bother us now." I patted my bare, flat, man chest, and snickered at him. And then I dressed very slowly. Very, very slowly. Although deep inside I not only felt a bit flustered, but also bone chilling embarrassed by what I was doing. Can you blame me? The last person to see me undressed was Kirito and he got a bloody nose from it. Ah, give me a moment of your time to talk about my nice clothing? Dark skinny jeans, dark gray fur boots that were far too feminine, a white fluffy and warm turtleneck sweater, a black pea coat. Well, it was more like a trench coat because it had a tie around the waist, but it had the lots of buttons part. And on top of that was a burgundy red knitted scarf, and a creamy white knitted hat/beanie with different shades of gray designs and a creamy pompom. I looked down at myself and then glared at Bach, who looked nothing short of proud. I stomped my way over to the mirror over the small dresser, and gasped in horror. I had, in a silly sort of delusioned state, believed that I could fully become a man again in this world. You know, wear actual men's clothing?

"In case you're wondering, those were all from the men's section. Come one, let's go." I sighed, and slowly followed the pineapple out of the room. No point in complaining. At least I would totally bang myself given the chance. I eyed Bach's wardrobe with a pout. He got himself a bomber jacket, black gloves, dark jeans, a dark green V-neck sweater with a dark grey long sleeve under that, and dark brown lace up boots. He looked like he popped out of those fashion magazines for Ralph Lauren, L.L Bean, or some other outdoorsy but still slick in the city companies. Whereas I looked like something out of Vogue, or a rich girl with way too much of a fashion sense. Especially with my long almost white hair and pale blue eyes, I looked like some Nordic super model. Bach glanced back at me with a grin.

"Stop pouting, Princess. I know that you're secretly enjoying the clothes. I picked it out from magazines found around your apartment that were circled. Obviously this is your choice in clothing for girls." I hissed.

"But I'm not a girl, Bach! I'm a fucking dude!" Bach snickered and stopped walking. The sudden stop on the rather unkempt stairs made me miss a step and I slipped forwards. Bach turned to me just in time, and I landed quite elegantly in his open arms. He chuckled.

"You could have just agreed with your words. No need to throw yourself at me, Princess." I glowered at him.

"Are we getting the fucking coffee or what, you barnicle?" He repeated my insult in astonishment, okay maybe it was more like amusement, and quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, know Freedom of Expresso? We're going there. Then I want to head over to the MOST, how does that sound?" I leaned away from the pineapple, and crossed my arms in thought.

"Humm, I don't think I've been to Freedom of Espresso, but it sounds good, and who am I to refuse a trip to the Museum of Science and Technology?" We grinned at each other silently before heading back down the stairs of the hotel we were in.

The rest of the day went rather nicely. Aside from some borderline weird moments like when Bach decided to grab my hand while walking to the cafe (I couldn't save no because my hand was cold and his wasn't) to when he insisted on taking all sorts of photos of us while we walked. I'm pretty sure we looked like a couple to everyone, but I just didn't have the mental energy to refuse him, besides, he went out of his way to make me happy. The least I could do was give him a few simple pleasures like holding my hand. Besides, it was like holding hands with a little kid… Anyway, we went to the cafe, which had some pretty bang up coffee and munchies, then we got a cabbie to the MOST, it was a little too far to walk after the three miles from our hotel to the cafe. It was just like I remember it, dark and filled with fun things. Like a black light maze that made me look like a purple alien, and the cool train set that went around in circles. We were in there for hours, just running around like kids. It was…. Fun… More fun than I ever had with Kyle, or even Kirito whenever I did manage to convince him that life did indeed exist. After awhile we got a bit tired and headed out of the building. It was still snowing outside, but that's not what grabbed my attention. It was a loud voice that anyone would recognize after 17 years. My evil ambassador of an aunt was walking down the street yelling, I repeat, yelling at my stone faced grandparents.

"I don't care if you guys hated him, the least you could-" She paused when she saw me. Her eyes went wide for a second before she shook her head. My grandparents were continuing along their walk as if Bach and I weren't standing right there in the middle of the sidewalk. My grandfather frowned at me, something I was all too familiar with.

"Excuse us, young miss." I silently stepped to the side with one hand holding onto Bach's sleeve. Artoria, my, my aunt gave me one more look before following them. Her voice too quiet for me to make out the words.

"Excuse me?" I stepped forward before I knew what I was doing. One hand reaching out to their backs.

"Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Prince? Are you Mr. and Mrs. Prince?" They turned slowly, polite disinterest sitting far too comfortably on their faces. It was a face they always wore when they had to mingle with those of lesser status. Something I grew used to at a very young age. Whenever we would go somewhere, whenever they had to talk to someone they deemed unworthy that was they face they made. Polite, because they must always keep up their public image, but uninterested so as to not encourage those that they didn't want around… Like, like me…

"Why yes, can I help you, young miss?" My grandfather's tone was as polite as his expression.

"So then, you are the grandparents of Ted, right? The one who died?" My grandmother raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow at me and my aunt frowned. My grandfather's smile became a bit strained.

"Yes, God bless his soul, did you know the lad?" I gulped and stepped towards them. Bach grabbed my arm.

"Hey…" I ignored him.

"So, can you umm. Can you tell me a bit about him then? Like his death? I didn't really get to know because it was so sudden and I was out of country." My grandparents looked me over, obviously only paying attention to the mention of traveling. Out of country traveling means money, they like money. My aunt on the other hand, her eyes swelled with tears and her frown crumpled a little bit. She looked away sadly. I got a strong urge to hold her, she cared about me. She was the only person who care about me enough to cry, she was my mother and I treated her like shit. I gulped again, guilt washing over me as my aunt cried silently.

"Well, the boy choked on some fruit. I'm afraid that's it to it." My aunt seemed to cave in on herself. I went to take another step forwards but Bach's hand stopped me. He gave me an encouraging squeeze before letting go.

"Is, is that all you have to say about your only grandson? That he just choked on some fruit?" My grandfather raised an arrogant eyebrow.

"Of course, now if that's all. Good day miss." My grandparents turned away from me, completely ignoring Artoria crying, she followed them silently. For some reason I felt very brave, at that moment I felt like I needed to say something. All my life I did nothing for her, nothing at all. I never even told the blasted woman that I loved her, or that I thought of her as my mom.

"Hold up, old man." My grandfather turned back at me with a glare.

"How da-"

"Don't even think about interrupting me. I have something to say, and you bet your dwindling bank accounts that you'll listen or so help me I will tell the city about what the Prince family's huge disgrace." That shut him up quick, even if it was just to listen to what I could be blackmailing him with just in case it was something he deemed worthy of an accidental car crash.

"Ted was amazing, got it? I barely knew the guy, and I could tell that much." Fuck, where was I planning on taking this? "He loved you, all he would talk about was his family. He wanted nothing more than to prove himself but because he was born out of wedlock and his dad was black you hated him. He had so much potential, but you never gave him the time of day! Every problem he had at school was always caused by someone picking on him because you did care! And then you would always act as though he was the one at fault, even when he wasn't. You buried your only grandchild in some run down graveyard out of town, why? To hide the shame of your mistakes? To make it seem like he never existed?" This wasn't really getting to what I wanted. I just want them to realize how much they're hurting people.

"Do you realize what you've been doing? Even if you didn't approve of his background persay, you could have raised him right and he could have been anything, you could have made him something to be proud of. You could have just shown him the tiniest bit of love and he would have flow to the moon for you. You're the fools here, not her. She cared for him even when you tossed her out for it. Ted was someone very dear to me, he was smart and charismatic, he loved science and books, hated conflict. He would have done anything to make you love him like you should have. But what, money got in the way? How can you be so conceited? What has money gotten you, huh?" I paused to look them over. They both looked uninterested in what I was saying, but seemed to be staying put out of politeness. My anger suddenly turned cold and all I could think about was how foolish I was to think I could speak some sense into them. All they were seeing was a good for nothing girl that was friends with their horrible grandson that made nothing but problems. Even my aunt seemed done with this.

"What has money got you? You almost lost your entire livelihood because you wanted more money, you lost both your daughters to kidnappers who wanted money you didn't have, you lost a daughter in childbirth because you refused to use your money to help her, your grandchild was left orphaned because you didn't want to spend money on helping his father get medical attention for his cancer. You kicked out your other daughter because she needed money to pay for Ted, you have no friends, you have no family, your life is empty. Meaningless. What will that money get you when you die? What will that money buy but some fancy coffin that won't even last ten years underground? What will your life long desire get you now huh? A stuffy home that neither of you actually enjoy? Traveling to places you don't care about or enjoy just because other rich people do it?" I smirked at them.

"What on earth made you so stupid? At your age, hogging money to yourself instead of paying attention to the one and only person left that will remember you? What was the point of that huh? She won't even remember you in good light. You're pathetic and foolish. You're lives have been nothing but a waste and the fact that you don't see how delusional you are is so amusing. I get why so many people never invited you to all those fancy parties. At least they have some resemblance of a family, you have none. Hah! Here I thought that maybe I could make sure that Ted's memory was at least being honored properly. Yet here you are, all you can say to me is that he choked on some fruit and died? Do you not see your daughter crying?" I laughed loudly. It finally hit me what kind of family I grew up in. The kind that are the stupidest. The worst. The kind that love only pieces of paper that won't ever make up for the things they dropped for said paper.

"You're both so pathetic, I just can't stop laughing!" I bent over, clutching at my stomach. My laughter slowly stopped and instead of just walking away like I wanted to, something cold and wet started running down my face. At this point I was getting a little too familiar with these, tear things.

"Look, I pity you so much it's making me cry. How can people be so sad to look at? I don't want to talk to you anymore, you've successfully ruined my day." I was about to turn around but paused when I saw my aunt. She was just standing there quietly, she looked like she would blow away at any minute. I walked over to her slowly and placed my hands on either side of her face.

"Artoria, you crazy crazy lego aunt. Ted, he, he never got the chance to tell you. But he would tell me all the time how much he loved you. You were more than just an aunt to him, you were his mother and his best friend. You were the most important person to him, and I know that if he had the chance he would have loved to stay with you forever. You did a great job raising him, and he was ever so proud of you. Even when you made him do the silliest of things, or when you'd get into huge fights he never hated you. He always loved you with all his heart, and I know for a fact that he would have wanted me to tell you this. Ted's okay now, he's okay. So now you be okay too, got it? Ted wants you to be happy now." I let the tears fall freely, no point in stopping them now. Not like I could, not when she was looking at me with such sadness.

"You're the best mom he could have possibly asked for, and…. I'd like to thank you… For raising him and for loving him just as much." I let go of her and whipped away the freezing water on my face. I smiled one more time at her and grabbed Bach's hand, quickly dragging him away from them.

"Wait!" I looked over my shoulder at my aunt. "Are you sure he's finally happy now? Is my boy finally happy?" I smiled as more tears bombarded my eyes.

"Yup! He's super happy now!" And with that, I walked away. Away from my old life, away from my home, away from my only family. I walked away from Ted.

Bach and I were silent as we walked the five miles to the hotel. The only way I knew he was still next to me was the large hand tightly grasping mine, something I am thankful for to this day. Something I will always be thankful for. When we got back to the room we didn't talk. Bach and I sat down on the bed silently and just stayed there. I don't know for how long, but by the time noise entered our lives again it was already very dark out.

"Ted…."

"No, Ted is gone now. He died, there is no more Ted. Okay? I can't be Ted anymore." Bach wrapped an arm around my shoulders in comfort.

"Alright then, Princess. I'm sorry your break got ruined, you deserve better than that." I shrugged.

"I don't think so, it wouldn't have been my challenge if I didn't deserve it. How would I be able to overcome it if it was too hard? It wouldn't have been placed in front of me if I couldn't deal with it." Bach sighed.

"But you don't."

"Bach, each problem we humans face in our lives are designed as challenges only we can face. Nobody has the same background, the same personality, the same previous challenges. Sure they get harder and harder as they go, but that's what makes us us. If I couldn't deal with this then how would I deserve to keep living a life I'm not fighting for? It wouldn't be my life anymore, would it?" He rested his head on mine with another sigh.

"I see your point. So like that one old guy you always talk about said, then." I gave him a small smile.

"Marcus Aurelius once said; Man is fitted to nature that which he can bare. Meaning every obstacle we face are our own tools to carve our paths with. He's a pretty cool guy, I wish he was still alive." Bach humph quietly next to me.

"You know, Princess. I think we should head back to your beloved Kirito after tonight. Neither of us are cut out for the real world." I closed my eyes/

"Right you are, pineapple. Let's head home tomorrow then."

"Goodnight, Princess."

"Goodnight, Bach." And with that, my return home ended. We left the next morning after changing back into our SAO clothes and paying the Hotel manager. Bach dropped me off at Kirito's and my apartment, where Kirito was sleeping soundly. Then with a small wave he left to go do some pineapple stuff. That was the last time I saw any of my family, or of my real world.

PLEASE READ:

A/N: I would firstly like to say sorry to all of you guys. It's been a really long fucking time since I last updated anything, also I am so sorry making you guys wait for a story like this. There are so many loopholes and weird plot ruining twists, not to mention grammar mistakes, misuse of the word -and- as well as commas, I am so sorry about the shit ton of commas I've dumped on you poor people. Not to mention I say the weirdest shit in my Author's Notes because I get too excited and don't end up following the skeleton of a storyline I did make for this monstrosity of a fanfiction. There is a reason as to why I dumped this, even if you try to tell me it's good -I am well aware of it's faults at this point- I know just how horrible it really is, which is why I dumped it. I would read through previous chapters to get inspiration only to see all the problems I started making after the second chapter. All I can see when I look at this is a poor attempt at hiding my inexperience by crude humour that doesn't even match up in places, is one huge sad story that Ted really doesn't deserve -that you guys don't deserve.

I am planning on finishing, it will not be how everyone wanted, it will not be how I wanted it to. It will be short, sad, and leave you all feeling very annoyed with me. But in all honesty this is the best I can do for Ted, this is the only thing I can do to make it up to him, and I understand that I did something similar to my only completed story so far. Yes, the reason that ended so is the same reason this is ending so. I just don't have the motivation (even with all you leaving me comments) to write chapters. The only times I will publish a story from now on is when I have already completed it.

Please forgive this stupid author for being so self-centered. I deeply hope you read the rest of Evil Pineapples with a smile on your face and a hop to your step.

Your's forever,

Geldidastulto