(This is dedicated to my new beta, suallen-parker, she's my German goddess.)
When I arrived at work; my nose was red, and my eyes were dark but I didn't care. I was wide awake, and my pulse was humming with a new and fresh stance.
Things have quieted down since the release of the last patient, the one that had Fatal Familial Insomnia, which unfortunately is untreatable. However, treating the symptoms would help her live a more normal life. Barely.
It unsettled me, for it brought up a similar occurrence. Insomnia, which I felt increasingly more apt to stay awake, and not dream. And insomnia was the same, no matter if there is a illness that follows or not. But, the patient was having panic attacks as well while being diagnosed here.
As well?
I don't have panic attacks...
Then what do you call this morning's little discrepancy?
In spite of the little argument inside of my head, I held my head up high, slipping my keys in my pocket as I went upstairs through the elevator, to my office.
Now, House was in clinic duty, so I could rest easy. For awhile.
--
"Hey Cuddy?"
I heard a soft, warm voice call out, almost like honey, and I knew immediately it was Wilson.
"Yeah?" I looked up and smiled at him, genuinely pleased to have a sort of distraction from these never ending thoughts ...
House.
Wilson smiled back and walked inside, a stray hand scratching the back of his head. He sat down.
"It's ... House." I didn't hear the desperate tone in his voice as I began to voice my sarcastic, stressed out response.
"Great! I really would love to, Wilson, but I think I'll go throw up now--" I should have bit my tongue after the first syllable, cause when I saw his face, agonizingly confused and despondent, I wanted to slap myself.
My lips stretched to a thin a line, and I looked at him, softly nodding my head for him to speak.
"He seems distracted. I think he really likes you, Cuddy. But I also know he's too stubborn to admit it." Wilson said slowly, almost as if saying those words brought instant heartbreak. Maybe it was just my imagination, that heartbreak. Maybe it was me trying to twist the situation. Maybe it was my heart--
"Oh?" All I could manage to say. Heat flowed into my cheeks, then his.
"I don't believe it." I said under my breath.
"Why? He's --"
"I have a question, Wilson." Something aching in the back my brain.
"Y-yes?" Wilson coughed out. He bit his lower lip so slightly.
I looked straight in his eyes, and it burned. "Why were you crying the other day? Did you two fight?"
Wilson seemed to wince as he looked at me, trying to find a way to not answer the questions. "That was two questions, Cuddy." Wilson tried to smile, but it faded away to a jumble of emotions.
"Ok, then listen to this, I don't need a matchmaker." I said shortly, in a huff. Just then, a warm range of fleeting scenes galloped into my sight, dreams... voices... touches... hot.. breath.
Wilson sighed. "I don't know if I can do it anymore. I can't..." Wilson leaned forward, his breath ragged suddenly and his pupils widened and frantic. Scared. "I can't be around him anymore... it's.. it's too hard." He said so softly, his voice cracked and dribbled to a sob.
My posture softened, knowing that he probably had different reasons for these thoughts, than compared to mine. I needed to solve this puzzle.
I needed to do this... now.
"Tell me why." I said tentatively.
"I'm scared that I'm falling for the one person I really can't begin to forgive or understand." He said slowly, "Our friendship has always been tested, and that's why I thought we were pretty much solid. It's worked. Until now." He seemed ok with that statement. He had other pressing issues withering away at his soul. "And I know he's been slowly pushing me away, and now he's always wondering why I want to be around him. He says I'm trying to overcompensate forgiving him by being desperate and... lonely."
Lonely. No one likes that word. No one likes to admit the implication.
He sighed in a frustrated huff. "I used to want to be around him, but now that I think about it, maybe I really am that lonely. Or maybe, we are too close." He let the idea slip past his mind, out of his conscious. I saw his body sigh as he said it. He let his eyes open and lips smile a little. It was a sad smile. "I still miss Amber. I'll always love her, and I'm letting House get in the way of the only truth I found in my life."
"Love is too precious. Life is too precious. I'll settle things with House when its meant to be."
"Now, I think, you and him are meant to be."