Alright, I've decided to cheat. This is Chapter 11A because when I write the rest of Chapter 11 I'm gonna add it to this and post it up. I just thought this was a nice temporary ending... I'll thank reviewers when Chapter 11 is complete, I promise! Enjoy...

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At quarter to nine in the morning, Jackie Tyler was awoken by a hammering on the door. Honestly, she thought. Did no-one ring the bell these days? She answered the door, carefully stepping over the three sleeping bags in the hallway that contained guests for the wedding, to reveal Theta and Rose, both looking amazingly disheveled with swollen lips, flushed and quite dazed, with dreamy smiles on their faces. Heaven only knew what they'd been doing...

Putting all unwanted thoughts firmly out of her head, Jackie waited expectantly.

Rose started, "Mum, we've decided to cancel the wedding -" Here, Theta clamped her hand over her mouth and ignored the muffled protests from Rose. He did NOT want another hysterical Jackie on his hands... he just hoped Rose hadn't done enough damage already...

Jackie began shaking and quickly muttered her mantra over and over, "I will not faint... I will not faint..." Eventually she stopped, calmed down and asked the first question that came into her head.

"Is this gonna happen every time you two knock at the door?" Glaring venomously at both of them.

Theta paled and shook his shook his head frantically. "N-no Jackie, we won't ever bother you again - ever ever ever!" Wiggling a finger for emphasis and stamping his foot on the ground with each "ever". Jackie gave him a strange look and Rose put her head in her hands in exasperation.

"That was NOT necessary..." she muttered to him down the link.

Theta decided, "Look, we can't talk here, let's go in the Tardis -"

"NO! I MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT! I'm not going in that... alien thing! God knows where it might take me! I have... or I did have - pointed glare at both of them - a wedding to arrange. There are 15 people crammed into this flat and another 200 in the nearest hotel. You know how much you mean to everyone, Rose. The first wedding in the family. And when they found out it was going to be this big... Why on earth have you changed your mind?"

"Mum... can we have a little... privacy?" She gestured to the sleeping bags in the corridor, the occupants of whom were beginning to stretch, yawn and rub their eyes.

Jackie looked around and finally nodded. "Alright... we'll find a cafe... just lemme get changed..."

She disappeared inside the flat, leaving Theta and Rose alone outside the flat.

"Do you think... she can take it? Please don't let Jackie faint in the cafe..." he pleaded with Rose.

"She'll have to take it... my mum's tough, you know. She's been through a lot. Aliens have invaded Earth SO many times and she's hung in there through it all being... well... Jackie, I suppose."

Theta smiled thoughtfully. "A true citizen of Earth... God himself would fear the wrath of Jackie Tyler... but I like her." The last part was muttered very quickly and almost inaudibly... but he had said it. He had said it! And he hadn't regretted it. Well... not too much.

And Rose was smiling her gratitude at him, turning his thought processes into incoherent mush and melting his heart before she said a single word...

Jackie led them into the town square ten minutes later and into a small cafe.

"Rodrigo's wife owns this place. Quite up market isn't it? They're replacing the chips with sautéed asparagus…"

At that moment, Theta reverted to his sugar rush phase, ran in, his arms spread wide, and announced loudly, "Yes! Very nice place! Excellent in fact!" Completely and utterly hyper.

Jackie stared at him, and gave Rose a withering look.

"Rose... why the hell are you marrying this man?"

"You asked me that before..."

"So I did... it won't convince me..."

Rose wondered if her mother would ever come round. At that point, Theta bounded back from his inspection of the cafe and Katie leaped out of his coat pocket, where she had been hiding, and perched on Rose's shoulder.

"Hello Katie!" Rose grinned at the squirrel, who chirruped happily.

At Jackie's questioning glare Rose stopped. "Oh - this is Katie. We met her in the park, and... changed her. She's a hybrid squirrel... Mum, Katie. Katie, Mum."

Katie stuck out a little paw for Jackie, who stared at her in disbelief.

"A... hybrid squirrel...?"

"Just shake her paw, go on Mum..."

So Jackie took the squirrel's little paw and shook it gently and Katie chirruped before leaning back into Rose and cleaning her whiskers like nothing had happened.

"Come on, let's find a table..." Jackie muttered, leading them to a small private corner.

Theta grabbed the menu, flashed through it and slumped in his chair.

"I can't believe it!"

"What?"

"They don't have banana milkshake!"

"Aww... you poor thing..." Her eyes sparkled with amusement and he grinned at her.

"Right!" Jackie announced. "What'll you have... please tell me you eat... food..."

Theta sighed. "Yes Jackie... I do eat food..."

"Not... safety pins? Grass? Hubcaps?" He gave her a very strange look then.

"... not hubcaps. Can Katie and I have chocolate biscuits please?" Katie nodded her approval.

Rose cut in, "Never mind the biscuits, they do brownies here don't they Mum?"

"Brownies?"

"You never had brownies before?"

"No... what are they? An Earth specialty?"

"Sort of..." He was gonna love this...

Jackie called over the waitress and ordered brownies and tea.

"Now," she began, "You are gonna tell me exactly what is going on... Oh Lord, how many times have I said this before?" She asked herself, shaking her head.

"What do I have to do... to remain sane? Am I destined to lead an abnormal life?"

Theta looked at her slowly. "You're not," he said. "But your daughter is..."

He looked at Rose. "It's complicated isn't it?" he asked her so Jackie could hear. And she smiled. And he felt like he was flying. Again. Wow.

He was brought out of his daze by the arrival of the brownies and tea. Theta and Katie both took one look at the brownies and began jumping up and down. Feeling Katie bouncing on her shoulder in anticipation, Rose picked her up with a grin and deposited her on the table, where she made a bee-line for the plate of brownies. Both of them grabbed them and stuffed their faces with enthusiasm.

Rose grabbed one brownie they hadn't demolished after five seconds and bit into it. She was amazed. The brownies were among the best she had ever tasted...

"Rose! Why didn't you tell me about these before?" It was a good job they were telepathic because his mouth was so stuffed with chocolate she doubted she'd have understood a word if he'd spoken aloud.

Theta and Katie ate the entire plate of brownies within seconds. Somehow, they had both managed to coat their faces in chocolate and brownie crumbs. Katie's stomach swelled to around twice its normal size as her hybrid squirrel digestive system tried to cope with the sudden chocolate rush. She fell flat on her back, her four little legs sticking straight up into the air, in a dead faint. Theta picked her up, laughing.

"No more chocolate for YOU..." He put her in his coat pocket, from which loud snoring began to emanate within minutes. Rose looked into his pocket in some amusement.

"Katie snores?"

He chuckled. So did you, you know. That time I took you to New Mars and you got hopelessly drunk on... what was it... the strongest alcoholic beverage on the planet... Aphrodisiac Whiskey! Now that WAS an experience..."

Rose scowled and blushed scarlet. "Don't even THINK about telling anyone!"

"Rose Tyler!" He pretended to be affronted. "As if I would!" The smirk on his face told her otherwise...

He gazed at the brownie in her hand before snatching it from her. Rose glared at him… and then he did something completely unexpected. He raised the brownie to her lips softly. Taken completely aback, Rose began to eat it automatically – and that was when she noticed quite what she was doing, and stared at him. Theta was blushing furiously. He hadn't meant to do that… but Rose thought there was something incredibly romantic about it. She grinned at him and he blinked and smiled sheepishly. His shy geekiness crept back on him again and Rose thought it was absoloutely irresistible. So she did what any girl would under the circumstances. She kissed him. He pulled away, and she saw his eyes darken with sudden desire. Slowly, he fed her the rest of the brownie… and let it suffice to say that things carried on from there.

After a few minutes Jackie couldn't take it any longer and cleared her throat loudly. Theta and Rose were abruptly awoken from their chocolate-kissing session and gazed at her stupidly. They were beginning to glow yellow again – Rose took Theta's hand and the sparks fizzled, attracting curious stares from the customers. She scowled at them and they all looked away hurriedly.

Jackie started again and asked in her politest tone, "OK. Doctor… would you kindly explain… what the HELL is going on here!" Snarling the last phrase at him.

"Jackie… we'd love to have a big Earth wedding, really we would… it's just that we're not human, we're alien. Hybrid alien. More than that… living gods. The only two in the past, present and future of the universe. I'm almost certain what Rose did is never going to happen again. Do you understand that?"

Jackie nodded. Rose thought she was taking it very well, considering. No shaking or weakness so far…

"Your Earth press – bless them, they never get anything remotely interesting to report on – well, if ANYTHING sub-human happens on the wedding day, they'll freak out. Go mad. Have a field day!"

Rose continued. "And we'll get taken away, dissected and put in cages… or worse. So… the Doctor has a plan. To save us. And that's why we need your help. To put this together. Now Mum – can you do this? For us?"

She looked at Jackie, as serious as she had ever been in her life.

Jackie sighed, resigned to her fate. Well, she had always been a good mother. She loved those two. Even the Doctor – although she would never admit it.

"Alright, let's hear it…"

"Over to you…"

Theta grinned and launched into his master plan.

"OK… well the basic idea is to create an event so big that the wedding has to be cancelled. Now the best way to do that would be if I faked my own death. I mean, you lot would all be distraught, the bride would be broken, everything would ground to a halt. And yes, it would make the press, but we don't have a choice. If ANYONE finds out we're gods, it'll make more than the press…"

"So how are you going… to kill yourself?"

"Hmm… now there's a thought. Well, it's gotta be on Earth… and it's gotta be big… you know me. I don't do ordinary."

He grinned at them both, then gazed at the huge building in the distance, across the square. "That's… the cathedral, isn't it?" He pointed.

Jackie followed his finger. "Yup. St. Thomas'. Just it's off-limits cos the gas mains are playing up… they're doing a quick maintenance job today, ready for tomorrow."

"That bell tower… it's quite high, isn't it?"

"Yup – it's quite a historical attraction, being medieval. You get people coming from across the town to see it. They'll send workmen in later, I reckon - that's where the gas problem was."

Theta gazed, deep in thought.

"Okay…" He said slowly, his wonderful manic grin spreading across his face. The grin he only got when he was planning something big.

"So… how about I'm new to this place, and I decide to check out this cathedral bell tower. When I was alone... buying Rose's wedding present. I didn't know no-one was allowed in. And I saw the cordon – but I didn't think the gas thing was anything serious. So I sneaked in. And when I was up there, I fiddled around with some of the piping while I was examining it, and… it blew."

He jumped out of his chair, ran his fingers through his hair frantically and began speaking faster and faster. "Giant, HUGE explosion that rocks the entire city. And I'm stuck in the middle of it. How do I get out of it? I see the pipe's about to explode, and I'm on the roof – I jump. And land on the ground unharmed, being a god. But if I carry a balloon full of red paint, I could burst it when I land. And fall to the floor covered in blood."

"And THAT, Jackie, is where you come in. Now you need to be so incredibly distraught at what's happened and whisk me away for the small private funeral under such dreadful circumstances… and while you're doing that… Rose and I are going to… elope. You know. Get married… et cetera." A tinge of red entered his cheeks.

Jackie was stunned. "It's one of the largest churches in London – and you want to blow it up? Fake your own death, fool the press and… elope? WITH MY DAUGHTER?"

"Told you he was good Mum…" Rose beamed at him.

"It could have been better…" Jackie muttered.

"Oi! I'm making this up as I go along here!"

"So that's the plan then?"

"That's the plan. Or at least…" He screwed up his eyes in thought. "Or at least, that's what the brilliant and talented author has planned for us…" He smiled softly.

The last bit was said so quietly no-one heard… but Rose and Jackie weren't paying attention anyway.

"You're my only daughter! You can't… elope… at the age of nineteen!"

"I've broken practically all the rules in my life anyway… I turned myself and the Doctor into gods! And that was only last week!"

"Yeah – if that's what she can do in a week, imagine what she can do in an eternity…"

"An eternity?" Jackie said weakly.

"Well, nearly an eternity. Being still in human form there's gotta be some sort of cut-off point but I wouldn't count on that for a long while yet… and when we die, we die together…"

"So Mum… are you with us?"

The trust radiated from Rose. Trust in this man, this alien, who turned up one day in a big blue box and whisked her away through time and space. Jackie Tyler would never understand the universe… but she wasn't stupid. She knew what she had to do.

So she nodded. And they both smiled and Theta ran up to Jackie and hugged her, then backed away in horror as he realized what he was doing. Rose laughed at him.

"The world really has changed… you just hugged my mother!"

"Don't remind me…" He scowled and got up from the table.

"Right! Well, there's no time like the present… Pay the bill Jackie!"

"What? You're gonna do this now? And why can't you pay for once?"

"Why ever not? There's plenty of people now in the square to see… and I for one do not want to wait to get married… and I can't pay, I'm skint at the minute."

He shrugged. "Sorry…"

Grumbling, Jackie called a waitress and paid the bill.

"What about… the explosives?"

"Oh, I've got those!" He rummaged in a pocket and pulled out… a bundle of carrots.

"Carrots?"

"These are not just carrots! They're… EXPLODING carrots!"

"Exploding carrots?"

He nodded. "Jackie, these are Exploding Carrots. Native to Flamasmufadgigagoria. Lovely planet, ooh, about 50 billion miles from Earth…"

At her blank expression he decided to get straight to the point.

"Now when I press the trigger button – he pulled a red button on a mini pad out of a pocket – the carrots are activated. They're pretty old technology, so they've got a 10-second fuse. Then they all... explode."

"If they're old technology, why have you got them?"

"I just liked them…I mean, exploding carrots, come on. You don't get to go to the supermarket for THOSE every day..." Rose shook her head in amusement.

"They're incredible things, you know. Powerful as dynamite... This lot'll be more than enough."

"Wait... you carry LIVE explosives on you?"

"Yeah! You never know when you might need an Exploding Carrot..." he retorted fiercely.

Jackie interrupted. "What about the red paint?"

"Ah... forgot about that."

"Where's the nearest D.I.Y shop?"

So they acquired some red paint and a large balloon, which Theta then prepared and secreted in his jacket pocket.

They made it back to the square and halted near the cathedral.

"How're you gonna get in without anyone noticing?"

"I'll need a distraction..." He took a box of matches out of his pocket.

"Now the minute I do this, you make sure she doesn't get burnt, and here - he shoved a bottle of water into her hand - put this on her head as SOON as everyone's looking at her. Okay?"

"What're you gonna do?"

"I'm... gonna set Jackie's hair on fire."

"Theta!"

"What? Your hair's too pretty to set on fire, and I need someone hysterical enough to cause a riot... like your mother..."

"Why d'you have to be such a..."

His eyes twinkled. "I warn you against finishing that sentence Rose Tyler!"

"Okay... I'll do it. Off you go then!"

"Wait... just..." He gathered her up and kissed her soundly. It was a magical last kiss. The kiss of a man who was about to blow up a cathedral. Who didn't have a clue what was going to happen next. Who was making it up as he went along... all out of the simplest, most ardent... love.

"Now you come out of this in one piece, you hear?" Rose kissed him back, ruffled his hair and he grinned.

"Yes ma'am!"

Quick as lightening, he lit a match, hid it behind his hand and ran past Jackie, streaking the match gently through her hair as he did so. Without looking back, he blew the match out and ran on towards the cathedral.

"Mum, your hair's on fire!"

"What?" Jackie yelled and looked around at her hair and the smoke it was giving off.

"OH MY GOD!" She ran around the town square screaming, swearing, trailing a plume of thick, dark smoke and generally drawing in the attention of absoloutely EVERYONE in the vicinity. Rose gaped at the effect he had created. Wow. Theta was absoloutely brilliant!

She ran in dramatically after half a minute and threw the water all over Jackie's head before she could get seriously burnt, then stepped back to view the result. There was a loud sizzling noise followed by complete silence in the square as everyone gazed at this woman, clothes ripped, in a panic, with large quantities of steam billowing from her totally blackened face and hair. Jackie stood there, listening to the water dripping from her head. You could've heard a pin drop. Then -

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?"

Jackie roared and everyone turned away hurriedly before pretending nothing had happened.

Meanwhile, Theta had had plenty of time to get inside the deserted cathedral without being noticed or stopped by anyone. Jackie had performed fantastically... there were times in life when being a hysterical mother came in handy... He saw the large sign on the front that said, "GAS REPAIRS - CHURCH OUT-OF-BOUNDS", took it down and chucked it in a bush before putting his sonic screwdriver to the door lock and slipping in.

Inside, he stopped as his mouth fell open. He'd always been fanatical about architecture, and this... this was fantastic! Gothic arches, the Edwardian organ... and the stained glass windows! He pulled his glasses out, put them on and ran around looking at everything in delight.

It was all so beautiful... and he gonna destroy it. He felt a sudden sadness that he must've felt a thousand times before. But he told himself that he had to do it. And so he ran up the steep flight of stairs to the bell tower, before he could change his mind.

The bell tower was as exquisite as the cathedral itself, with a huge glass window overlooking the square. He put a hand on the huge metal bell.

"I'm sorry." He said it so softly no-one would have heard it even if there had been anyone there. But, like everything else in the Doctor's life, he had said it. And that was what was important.

He got out the bundle of Exploding Carrots and scattered them around the bell tower, for maximum effect. Then he got out the little red button on a mini-pad. And he looked at it for a second, his finger hovering over the button. Then - he pressed it.

And everything happened very quickly. A 10-second fuse! He looked at the glass window and hurled his body out of it, leaping to the tiled roof in an explosion of different-coloured glass. Everyone in the square was staring at him... He stood there on the roof, counting the seconds, staring back. 8 seconds to go... He heard incoherent screams from the ground. He yelled,

"The cathedral... it's gonna blow!"

Watching the reaction from the crowd. They assumed he was too scared to jump. 5 seconds to go... he jumped.

Soaring down to the ground. But suddenely a terrified expression appeared on his face. Because the moment his feet left the rooftop, he realised something crucial. He remembered going into that supermarket on Flamasmufadgigagoria. Remembered buying a bunch of Exploding Carrots. Then another voice,

"Would you like a spare, sir?"

And he'd bought a spare, curse it. He'd bought another one. One he'd forgotten all about. Another bunch of little ticking time-bombs which was on a five second fuse in his pocket. Because when he pressed the little red button... they ALL blew up. Oh holy shit. He was gonna explode into a million pieces in five seconds... he couldn't throw the coat off because then they would know it was his idea to blow up the cathedral. So instead he yelled down the link,

"ROSE! GET HERE NOW!"

And although his eyes were closed, he felt her obey. He was still hurtling towards the ground - his billowing coat had slowed his speed considerably... 2 seconds to go... People were running away now - they realised they were about to blow up. He reached the ground, threw both his arms around Rose and hugged her tight as there was a blinding explosion and everything around them slipped into blackness.

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Now review and Mr. Tennant will PERSONALLY feed you chocolate brownies... ;D